Treacherous Misinformation, Chapter One: Leitmotif

I was patrolling the perimetre of my camp on the outskirts of Iwagakure when I ran into an old friend.

Shikamaru walked out of the shadows behind me, and looked at me with a smug expression. "Naruto. You are listed as deceased in the shinobi registry, I'm hoping that there is a very good reason why you have yet to correct this oversight."

There was of course nothing I could say that Shikamaru couldn't see through, and if I tried to run or attack then I'd find myself in the bingo books by morning. If I know Shikamaru, and I like to think I do, then he already sent word back to Konoha. I took a look down and sure enough Shikamaru's shadow had mine in its grasp. "I believe that this is where you explain yourself, and it had better be good. My Genin are training to be an interrogation squad, and you'd make for a very good advanced demonstration."

I nodded. "There's a scroll in my pack, it should answer all your questions." Shikamaru retrieved the scroll, and carefully scanned it for traps. He then read the scroll, and released the jutsu holding me in place.

The scroll detailed the mission Tsunade gave me nearly twelve years ago, it was to be my last mission before I died from the effects of the Kyuubi's chakra. She made it open ended so I could see the world in the few months I had left. As you might have guessed, that prognosis was... A little bit off. "This could very well be a forgery, but a quick trip to the mission registry to find its counterpart will be all the evidence you need to prove I'm not a missing nin." He gave me a stern look. "It does not explain why you have not sent a mission report, or told anyone that you are still alive!"

I scratched the back of my head sheepishly. "To be honest I was going to return, but when I tried to contact Tsunade to ask her why I wasn't dead yet I got the bad news. Her death was... Just too much to handle."

I sighed, then continued. "By the time got my stuff together I found out that I was a dead man and that people had already gotten over it. As far as I knew I could keel over at any minute, returning would just put the people I care about through more pain. I only found out a few years ago that my... chakra problem just sort of... corrected itself." I didn't tell him exactly how I made it correct itself, though I wouldn't be surprised if he could eventually figure it out.

Shikamaru thought for a bit. "You'll have to report to the Hokage about this, according to this scroll you are still an active shinobi working for Konoha. However you are also listed as dead, and any such contradiction must be brought before the Hokage for consideration no matter how troublesome it is." I nodded, and we made our way to his camp. We sort of came to the wordless understanding that he would lead me back to Konoha, I'm a little nervous about what measures he took that made him so sure that I wouldn't run away or cause any trouble. It was at about that moment I noticed that my shadow had a noose around its neck.

It turns out that he and his Genin squad were on a scouting mission, and were on their way back when he caught wind of me. I didn't need to ask how, as this whole forest practically stinks of my chakra signature. As we walk back to my camp so I can get my supplies, I make sure to get to know the Genin.

Shikamaru watched me the whole time, I could almost hear the gears turning in his head. I saw him looking me over more closely, probably making note of my physical changes. The bags under my eyes, my pallid complexion, and most of all my greying hair. I'm just barely pushing thirty and yet I look like an old man, shooting up with demon blood will do that to you. Luckily he seemed to attribute the changes to my mysterious chakra disease, or the effects of the Kyuubi if he's privy to that information. I'd bet anything he read my file the moment it was declassified.

After I gathered my belongings Shikamaru told his team to scout ahead. "I need to know a few things before we continue. First: Are you a threat to my team, Konoha, or anyone who lives in fire country? Second: What do you intend to do in Konoha? Are you hoping to return to active duty?"

I composed myself, and replied as best I could. "I haven't changed so much that I would even consider hurting my friends, and I have no intention of harming the village or its people. I may have been gone for a while, but that place is still my home and I'll fight for it if the Hokage allows me to."

Shikamaru nodded grimly, and sent up a small fire jutsu to call his team back. We regrouped and began our trip back to Konoha, the noose was around my shadow's neck the whole time but Shikamaru didn't seem too suspicious of me. The jutsu was probably more of a formality than anything else, though with him it's hard to tell.

By the time we got to the border of Fire Country Shikamaru was beginning to show signs of chakra exhaustion, but luckily for him an ANBU squad took over. I couldn't quite hear what they said, but I got enough to know that Shikamaru did indeed send a report about me back. Probably by summon, deer contract I'd bet.

The ANBU captain forced some chakra restricting gloves on my, and hogtied me with ninja rope. Not exactly a comfortable way to travel but it's better than being hauled in a body bag. They escorted me the rest of the way back to Konoha. The bastards didn't even give me a chance to take in the sights before the tossed me in an interrogation cell.

I do hope Ibiki is still around. Mostly because he rightfully considers torture to be a punishment rather than an effective interrogation method. I would later find out that Ibiki had retired from active service to become an instructor at the Ninja Academy.

After about an hour or so, I found myself being glared at in the office of Ino Yamanaka. "Naruto you big jerk, I mourned you!" I told her what I told Shikamaru, and she seemed to understand somewhat. Tsunade's death effected her a great deal as well.

After we were through with the official interrogation We got to talking. She asked me about what I got up to during my travels, and I asked her about any interesting developments that occurred during my ten years I was gone.

I learned that Hinata became clan head, that Neji is now an ANBU captain, Kurenai's daughter became a Chuunin recently, Hanabi died leaving Konohamaru to take care of their kids, Shizune is running the hospital, Tenten became a Special Jonin, Gai is in a coma, Lee is the new Taijutsu instructor at the academy, Shino and Kiba joined ANBU, and that most of the rest of my old friends are leading Genin squads.

Of all the things she said, one stuck out to me in particular. "How did they manage to force Kakashi to be Hokage? They've been trying to get him under that damn hat since the Fourth died!" Ino looked mildly annoyed. "For your information, he volunteered to be Hokage. The fact that as far as he knew his squad consisted of himself, four dead people, a weirdo hermit, and a traitor might have had something to do with it!"

I frowned at that, while true, it was a bit harsh. "How is Sasuke holding up anyway? Is he out on parole yet?" She scowled at me, she must not be as... forgiving as I am. "If it were up to me he'd rot in that cell, but he'll be eligible for parole starting after the upcoming Chuunin exams. He has been behaving himself, and word on the street is that he'll be released... I just don't know if I can ever forgive him for what he did, I still don't see how you of all people could forgive him."

As always, I didn't answer he implied question. I'm not even sure if I understand it myself. She signed some papers, handed them to me, then told me to head directly to Kakashi's office. I nodded, and made my way there. Making sure to take a route that was as scenic as possible.

Once I arrived I found Kakashi looking much the same as he always did, except with a profoundly disappointed look in his eye. After about four hours of talking, arguing, explanations, and one long lecture I left with a renewed shinobi license and my first assignment. The fact that I turned in ten years worth of intelligence on every hidden village probably had something to do with that.

Of course now I have the very serious problem of not having a place to stay. I might be able to convince Ino to let me stay at her place, but it would be better for everyone if I just stay at a motel until I can find a new apartment.

On top of that I'm going to be assigned a freaking Genin squad... Less than a day ago my biggest worry was bears getting into my food!