Disclaimer: I do not own GI Joe or any affiliated franchise. Alas, I am also not a Time Lord. Not that the second part pertains to this story, but a girl can dream.
This story started out as a one shot, but has now extended into two chapters. This first chapter caused me plenty of headaches to write, so thanks to Karama9 and willwrite4fics for helping me through the muddled mess it started out in.
For those of you waiting for updates to Silence and Sleepers, I promise that those are next on the list.
Fighting Demons
Chapter 1
In his mind's eye, he envisioned a falling leaf. A gentle breeze of crisp, autumn air caused the tiny leaf to swirl as it drifted to the ground. His mind slowly slowed down to utter stillness as distracting thoughts began to melt away. Erase all thoughts and distractions, remove all illusion and the barriers would drift away…that was the "Zen" mind.
He raised a sharp, imaginary sword in his hands and prepared to strike. Just as he swung down his blade, a hissing voice suddenly mocked him in his mind.
"The son of Cobra Commander will never achieve peace of mind…he is destined to bring chaos and destruction."
His aim slipped slightly and the force of air from the cutting katana pushed the frail leaf out of the way, rather than slicing it down the middle. It floated to the ground, unharmed by the ninja apprentice's attempt at dissecting it.
Billy opened his eye and looked down. A leaf lay harmlessly in his hand. Uncut and unblemished, it mocked him with its complete lack of even a scratch. Irritated and impatient with what he considered to be a bullshit exercise, the young man crumbled the leaf up in a sudden fist.
"That's cheating," his master told him. Billy sighed and looked up. There was no tree or crisp, autumn wind…just the GI Joe dojo and the penetrating gaze of the Young Master. Rather than trying to cut a falling leaf, Storm Shadow had simply given his student a leaf since there were no trees inside the Pit. The young man avoided his master's gaze. He'd failed in the exercise. The purpose of it was supposedly to help him order his mind and remove all doubts and barriers. Instead, allowing his mind to become as still as a pond had only allowed his hidden fears greater room to move about.
"This is impossible, why are you having me do this?" Billy blurted out. His sensei raised an amused eyebrow and the ninja apprentice struggled a moment to reword his next thoughts more politely.
"I don't get how you can cut a leaf with your mind," the young man continued instead, "Let alone be expected to remove all inner distractions. How can you make the mind silent? I mean…" Billy trailed off a moment for asking tentatively, "Are you able to do it, sensei?" The young man honestly wanted to know the answer; he wasn't trying to be rude to his mentor. After all, Storm Shadow must have some of the biggest distractions and monsters lurking about in his mind, threatening to suck him down at any moment. After being blamed for his uncle's murder, joining Cobra, and being brainwashed…how could Thomas Arashikage not have any inner demons?
Billy didn't say anything else, for the moment. He knew better, especially since his father in some way or another, was the cause of most of those inner demons. Guilt lashed him, as deep as any sword cut. It cut him to the bone.
Storm Shadow's gaze cut him nearly as deep, though in a different way. The young man wondered if his sensei saw the guilt and the pain whirling underneath his eyes. They'd spoken of it a little, but Billy tended to avoid the topic. After all, there were some things that were difficult to discuss with anyone, let alone your mentor and almost foster father.
The Young Master looked away. There was a contemplative expression on his normally mischievous face. Perhaps he was pondering the question that Billy had dared to ask: "Are YOU able to do it, sensei?"
"The key to mastering the ninja arts, or any martial arts for that matter, is not physical prowess," Thomas Arashikage finally said. "It is achieving a still mind, in harmony with the world and free from distractions. You should have confidence in yourself and not be weighed down by things out of your control. Conquering and defeating the invisible foes of your soul is much more difficult, and much more important, than any physical enemy you could ever face."
"Unfortunately," the Young Master muttered quietly, more to himself, "I haven't quite mastered this yet." More loudly, Storm Shadow added, "Even if I'm still struggling with it, I want you to learn it…even if it means having someone else help you master the Zen mind."
Billy bowed deeply. He somewhat understood what his sensei was saying, but didn't think he would ever be able to achieve such a feat. The son of Cobra Commander had no idea how he was supposed to drop all the baggage he was carrying around, or how to heal from all the wounds his soul carried.
Perhaps he would never be a ninja or a ninja master. Perhaps he was fated to just be a ninja apprentice his whole life, never able to get past the threshold that was necessary to fully join the ranks of the Arashikage.
And honestly, did he deserve that right and privilege? A small voice in the corner of his mind told him no.
"Spend the next half hour doing kata," Storm Shadow told him. "Then I suggest you drop by the infirmary. I think you're due for a checkup from Lifeline."
Billy rolled his eyes when his master turned his back. He wasn't due for any kind of checkup, which meant Storm Shadow was sending him to the pacifistic medic for another reason. The young man suspected why, as he'd heard rumors that Edwin Steen had his own father problems, but he highly doubted that a heart to heart conversation would happen…let alone help him.
Besides, it wasn't as if Lifeline would understand or be able to advise him on his problems. However, the Young Master had "suggested" that Billy visit the medic, which meant that the young man had more or less been ordered to the infirmary. As the young man automatically had his body run through kata exercises, he reflected that a talk with Lifeline was preferable to a talk with Psyche Out.
After some searching, Billy finally found the pacifist on the obstacle course, of all things. The young man watched as Lifeline supervised Stretcher and some greenshirt medics in some exercises. Beach Head wasn't on the course, but Billy doubted that the medics would be on there without his permission. A jeep was parked three hundred meters from the course, with an amused Cover Girl loitering in the driver's seat.
"Alright, let's do this again," Lifeline's patient voice rose above the gathered medics. Billy suddenly noted that several Joes were perched in hiding along the obstacle course and armed with paint guns. There also appeared to be fake mines crisscrossing the open space between the obstacle course and Cover Girl's jeep.
"Remember, this is a CASEVAC drill," Sgt. Edwin Steen continued, eyeing the other medics. "You have casualties that need to be moved to a different area of the battlefield, as this zone is no longer safe. One patient has severe abdominal injuries, one is suffering from chemical burns, and the third, who has just been brought in and still requires treatment, has two gunshot wounds."
As if on cue, Tunnel Rat, who was the one with "gunshot wounds", began to moan and wail dramatically. The other two Joes who had been finagled into "casualty" duty, Rock n Roll and Short Fuze, also began to put on a show.
"How're we doing, Lifeline?" Rock n Roll asked, pausing long enough in his moans.
"You're dying from abdominal injuries, so stop talking," the medic replied. The blonde Joe grinned and went back to wailing.
Billy listened as the slim man gave more instructions before making his students run through evacuation drills again. The group of medics hustled to tend to their patients and get through the fire zone to the safety of Cover Girl's jeep. Four non-medic greenshirts covered the medics' backs as they struggled through the obstacle course and across the "mine" field with their immobile patients and heavy medic packs.
The ninja apprentice decided to do more kata while he waited for the medics to finish. By the time the exercise was completed an hour later, all of the greenshirts were panting and covered with paint. Lifeline himself sported a single, bright yellow paint spot on his chest, but that was mainly because Low Light had decided to amuse himself at the pacifist's expense.
"That's good for today," Lifeline called out as they prepared to disperse. "I want all of you to meet me here at 0900 tomorrow. You're going to run timed sprints with full gear. Beach Head will be helping me supervise." One of the medics made the mistake of groaning, which resulted in Edwin Steen lecturing the woman on the need for combat medics who wouldn't die instead of helping their patients, just because they hadn't wanted to take the time to train and build up their endurance.
Billy silently fell into step behind the pacifist, hoping to get a scare out of him. The ninja apprentice, however, was disappointed when the unflappable man only turned his head to raise an amused eyebrow and politely asked the young man if he'd been waiting for him.
"Yes," Billy replied, half-sulkingly. "Storm Shadow sent me." He'd wanted to make the man jump. The young man figured that sudden appearances by the Arashikage masters had probably made the man nearly immune to an apprentice trying the same trick. That, or Lifeline had simply noticed him watching and doing katas before and had been expecting a "ninja hello".
Lifeline raised another eyebrow, but beckoned the ninja apprentice to follow him without asking why Storm Shadow had sent the young man to him. Billy fumed silently while he followed after the pacifist. He had no idea what he was supposed to talk with the man about.
"What did Storm Shadow say, exactly?" the medic asked finally after they entered the first level of the base.
"I think you're due for a checkup from Lifeline," Billy quoted sarcastically. "And I'm not, by the way."
"Uh huh," Lifeline replied, completely unaffected by the younger man's obvious irritation. "And what were you doing before he said this?" Billy blew out a puff of air, but reluctantly told the man about the meditation. While he mentioned the fact that he was struggling with it, the young man left out both why he was struggling with it and that Storm Shadow had admitted to being unable to do it. There was no need to potentially embarrass his master by revealing his weakness to an outsider.
"Too many distracting thoughts, I take it?" Edwin Steen asked politely, however, Billy noticed how the man was attempting to study him covertly. The young man nearly rolled his eye again.
"That is a difficult meditation," the medic admitted. "I wasn't able to do it the first time either. Snake Eyes had said that Storm Shadow is struggling with it, which is why he probably sent you to me."
Billy felt as if someone had dumped cold water on him. Completely stunned, he gaped at the medic, who waited patiently for the young man to get over his shock.
"You….you can do?" the young man stammered. "And…I mean….Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow actually taught it to you?" The incredulous tone in his voice was apparent. "But….you're….you're not…."
"Not a ninja?" Lifeline finished. The man seemed mildly amused by Billy's reaction.
"Uh, yeah," the ninja apprentice replied, as if that were obvious.
"Ah. As for the meditation, Snake Eyes taught it to me about ten years ago. He's taught me a few other, non-secret Arashikage meditations since then. They've been very helpful for me."
The medic didn't say anything else, but Billy followed after him with renewed energy. If nothing else, he was curious as to why the medic had been taught the meditation and the fact that he could do it while the Young Master could not. Internal demons or not, Thomas Arashikage was a ninja master while Lifeline was….Lifeline.
Also…Snakes Eyes was teaching him meditations?
"Have a seat," Lifeline told him when they finally arrived in the privacy of his office. The medic dug out a plastic container and offered it to Billy. The ninja apprentice felt saliva rise in his mouth at the sight of homemade chocolate chip cookies. His sensei never allowed him to indulge in junk food. Never.
"Storm Shadow won't let me," he found himself reluctantly saying. Billy unconsciously eyed the ceiling, as if expecting the ninja master to pop out at any moment. Edwin Steen, however, brushed off his concern.
"He sent you to me, therefore…my office….my rules," the medic told him. "I'll take whatever blame he sends your way…and please stop looking at the ceiling. If Storm Shadow was going to pop out of it, I doubt he'd choose this moment to do so."
Billy's hands shook ever so slightly when he finally took a cookie. Regardless of what the medic had said, he couldn't help but cast glances up at the ceiling and in hidden corners in the room. Was his sensei testing him? Perhaps he should refuse the cookie; after all, it wasn't worth…
He bit into it. He would deal with the consequences later. Billy's eye closed in contentment once he tasted the treat. Chocolate chip cookies had never tasted so good. The fact that it was a forbidden fruit sure to earn him extra training made it even more delicious.
Lifeline chuckled to himself, which Billy pointedly ignored. The man could laugh all he wanted; the ninja apprentice was going to enjoy the cookie for all it was worth. Billy suddenly heard water boiling, as well as the distinctive sound of cups being set on a hard surface. He finally opened his good eye to see that the combat medic was preparing tea for the two of them.
"My sister sent those to me," Lifeline said, indicating the cookies. "She's been my lifeline, so to speak. I'm not sure how I would have survived childhood without her." The seriousness in the man's voice made Billy take notice. The young man waited a moment for the medic to continue, but Lifeline seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment. Billy fidgeted slightly before blurting out a question.
"You had a bad father too, didn't you?" It wasn't subtle in the slightest, but Billy had never been good at subtle. Blame it on Storm Shadow, perhaps, or his own brash personality, but the young man didn't know how else to word it.
Lifeline gave him a sad smile before nodding his head.
"My mother died when I was very young, so neither my sister nor I remember her very well," he explained. "Maybe my father had been different before she died, I don't know." The medic paused a moment to pour the boiling water into the cups. Once the tea began steeping, he continued.
"He was a workaholic and drank a bit too much," the medic said. "He was also a preacher and to the community, he probably appeared to a virtuous man of God. At home, however…" Here he trailed off a moment before continuing. "I was his target. Physical or verbal, it didn't matter. I got treated worse than Stephanie did. We've never figured out why, though it could be that she reminded him of our mother."
Billy looked down at his hands. As bad as his father was, the man had never physically assaulted him…at least in the early days. Emotional trauma and forced brainwashing had more than made up for that. His eye paused a moment on his fake leg and remembered that, for just a brief moment of time, Cobra Commander had felt empathy and regret towards his son. That brief moment had fuelled days of hope that his father could change, but those hopes had since been completely dashed.
"How bad was it?" Billy asked. He figured that it had probably been really bad. Even though he hadn't been in the Pit long, he already knew that the medic had a tendency to understate things in regard to himself. The young man now wondered how much was out of humility and not wanting people to worry…and how much had been learned as a defense mechanism when Lifeline had been a child.
"I was really closed up, emotionally," the medic answered, taking a sip of his tea. "I didn't know how to tell anyone, or even that I should. After all, I was a preacher's son. Things like that weren't supposed to happen to me. I covered up the bruises and barely talked at school." He swirled his finger in his tea for a moment before setting down the cup. As regretful as the man seemed, Billy was surprised by how relaxed the medic's body language was while he was talking about his past.
"Like I said," Lifeline said quietly. "My sister was my lifeline. Sure, she got some occasional verbal abuse and our father micromanaged her life, but she was never treated the same way I was."
"How do you deal with it?" the ninja apprentice asked quietly, gripping his tea tightly. "My monster of a father won't leave me alone, even when he's not here physically." There, he'd admitted to it. It probably wasn't much of a secret anyway, but Billy still felt surprised that he'd actually opened up to the medic. Psyche Out had been struggling to get the young man to even somewhat acknowledge his issues, while Lifeline had somehow drawn it out of him with ease.
He waited for the medic to say something. Instead, he heard the medic set down his tea with a soft clink and get out of his chair. Lifeline knelt next to the young man and forced Billy to look at him.
"The Cobra Commander that exists in your mind is only a ghost," the medic told him quietly. "He's an open wound that the real Cobra Commander left. You may not be able to do anything about the real man…but the one that exists in your mind is just an illusion. It's in your mind…which means that it exists in your sphere of power. You have the ability to tell the fake one to leave."
Billy thought about that. He knew that what the medic said was logically true, but it still didn't make the issue any easier to deal with. The ninja apprentice wasn't sure how to deal with his inner demons, honestly. He'd tried ignoring them and he'd tried attacking them, but nothing seemed to work. No matter how much he tried to deny them power, they still lurked in the back of his mind.
"I understand what you're saying," Billy told the man. "But I don't know how to go about it. I've tried to get rid of them…I know they're not real." Since Lifeline seemed to be pretty confident in himself, the young man asked how he dealt with his issues. The medic returned to his seat, quiet for a moment. He handed Billy another cookie while he turned the question over in his mind. The young man nibbled on the cookie slightly while he waited impatiently for Lifeline to continue.
"I still struggle with them," the medic finally admitted. "That's why I use meditations. It's taken me a while to realize that my demons don't have to have power over me and that I can deny them that power." Lifeline still hadn't answered his question about how to go about getting rid of them. The medic gave him a faint smile before asking Billy what he knew about the law of the conservation of energy
Billy shrugged before replying that according to the law, energy was neither created nor destroyed, but instead was transformed into new forms of energy.
"Exactly," Lifeline confirmed. "Now think of your inner demons as negative energy. Ignore them and they still exist, attack them and you just add negative energy and make them more powerful. However…" He paused a moment to collect his thoughts. Billy leaned closer, already following the medic's train of thoughts.
"However…" Billy finished. "If I apply the conservation of energy….you're saying that I can change the negative energy to positive energy?" It did make sense. If it was impossible to destroy one's inner fears…as you couldn't completely eradicate something since energy and matter didn't disappear…then transforming it into something else was an idea that hadn't previously occurred to Billy.
"Yes," Lifeline replied. He stood up and beckoned the young man to follow him out into an open section of the infirmary. As they walked, the medic told him that aikido followed similar principles. Rather than attack an enemy, the aikido practitioner instead chose to confront the negative energy of the attack, blend with it, instead of trying to destroy it, and then push it away.
Again, Billy's mind made the connection. However, he snorted softly at the thought of trying to apply aikido principles to his own situation. He was a ninja, albeit an apprentice yet, but still a ninja. Aikido might be somewhat useful for defense, but it was worthless in a combat situation.
Though…now that he thought about it, while the ninja masters and Scarlett had pointed out the flaws in aikido, they had never derided it as a martial art. Scarlett had gone so far as to note that most aikido practitioners practice a form that was unrealistic and unreliable if they ever actually had to use it to defend themselves. However…now that Billy thought about it…Scarlett hadn't stated that aikido was completely useless or that all practitioners practiced an unrealistic form.
"You're thinking that aikido is useless," the medic observed, somehow seeing Billy's unspoken thoughts. Billy shrugged and admitted to it. Rather than be upset by the ninja apprentice's lack of reverence, Lifeline merely offered a wry smile.
"To be truthful, I've only taken up aikido out of necessity," the medic admitted. "Even though it's a non-offensive and non-violent form of martial arts, it's still a fighting form. If I could get away with not using it, I would."
Lifeline stopped walking when they were in an open section of the infirmary. The medical staff paid them no heed, though a couple of patients gave them curious looks. Lifeline ignored them as he turned to Billy. The medic stood in a relaxed position.
"Even so…aikido is what helps me to deal with my inner demons," the pacifist told him. "It still is a form of fighting and I use it reluctantly because of that…but its philosophy has helped me a great deal. However…I know that an explanation isn't as good as a physical demonstration, so…"
The medic beckoned to himself and asked the ninja apprentice to attack him. Billy shook his head no, as he had no intention of even accidentally injuring the man. However, Lifeline insisted again, so the young man threw a hand strike at him, purposefully at half speed. To his surprise, the medic leaned back with the attack before easily pushing it away from him. Billy found himself backing up a few steps as the man effortlessly pushed him away.
"That was sure half-hearted," the medic mused wryly. "I think that Storm Shadow would be rather disappointed in that attack." That, perhaps more than Lifeline's ease at deflecting the hand strike, spurred on the ninja apprentice to take the spar more seriously.
The medic moved with swift, fluid grace. Billy was surprised by that fact, as well as when it became increasingly obvious that the man knew how to control and manipulate his ki. For someone who claimed to only reluctantly practice aikido and train in it, Lifeline had a natural talent that even a mere apprentice recognized.
"Morihei Ueshiba was the founder of aikido," the medic stated, ducking around a strike to his heart. He folded a hand around Billy's arm and redirected the action away from himself. "He once stated that we must be willing to receive ninety-nine percent of an opponent's attack and stare death in the face if we are to properly execute techniques without hesitation."
Billy thought about that as he searched for an opening. He supposed that it did take a lot of courage to face an enemy that you had no intention of killing or harming. However, he still had difficulty envisioning how such a discipline could be effective in practice. The ninja apprentice dropped to his feet and swept out a leg. Lifeline nimbly sidestepped it and moved just out of range.
The young man quickly broke the distance between them. Lifeline dropped his hips slightly and used Billy's momentum to flip the young man harmlessly onto his back. The ninja apprentice rolled to his feet and studied the medic. He was surprised that the man seemed to be keeping up with him. Billy suddenly realized that it was to be expected, as Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were training the man to be able to defend himself. The most recent hip throw that Lifeline had thrown was itself a modification of a ninja throw. One of the Arashikage masters had probably adapted it to fit aikido principles.
"Change your negative energy to positive energy," the medic told him while Billy rolled to his feet. "Just like I channel your attacks away into harmless, positive energy…I channel my negative thoughts to positive ends."
He quickly ducked another swipe from Billy. The ninja apprentice felt somewhat irritated that he couldn't lay a hand on the medic. True, the man hadn't once attacked him or harmed him in any way. It was still a bit grating though.
"How…do you channel negative thoughts positively?" Billy grunted, again being flipped onto his back. The medic was skilled, he'd give him that. For the first time, he suddenly realized how much hidden potential the man had. It was well known in the Pit that Lifeline was a natural shot with a gun, as his boot camp records and his skill with a tranq gun demonstrated. Low Light had made it his life's mission to convince the unyielding medic to give up his pacifist ways.
Apparently his naturally high level of hand-eye coordination extended to hand to hand combat as well.
"If my mind tells me….you can't do this…" Lifeline answered him, pushing away another attack. "I say…I'll prove you wrong. If it says that my father can still hurt me, I reply that he's my father in name only…and that he's not here to try it…"
"But your father can still hurt you," Billy replied. "Just like mine can still hurt me."
"Maybe," the other man replied. "But learning to deal with the fake monsters in our mind helps prepare us to deal with the real ones. We can't gain the courage to deal with them if we can't even deal with the illusions that our fears created."
Billy tried another attack, but the agile medic twisted around it before folding his hand across the young man's shoulder and locking the shoulder joint. The ninja apprentice felt a pulse of ki from the other man as he pushed the young man effortlessly away again.
"Do you…" the ninja apprentice asked, hooking his ankle around the medic and pushing him down. "Ever fear becoming like your father?" Lifeline quickly regained his balance. A slim hand shot out and wrapped itself around Billy's ankle and pressed a pressure point. The young man grimaced and backed off. He was pretty sure that was a modified ninja technique as well.
Lifeline held up a hand to stop him when Billy swung around. The young man paused and used the opportunity to catch his breath. He waited for the medic to answer his question.
"Yes," the medic admitted quietly. "That's one of my biggest fears. I worry constantly that if I step over the line, even slightly…that I'll take another step and then another…and before I know it, I'll be acting like him."
"But you're not him," Billy told him. The medic should realize that. "You've got his blood…but you're not him. You're a better man." Lifeline gave him a faint smile before responding.
"The same applies to you."
Billy was quiet for a long time. It was true, he wasn't his father. That didn't mean, however, that the fear that he could become like Cobra Commander wasn't still there. After all, the terrorist leader hadn't started out the way he was. He'd been caring at one point and had been a decent enough father and husband, before he went off the deep end. Perhaps the warning signs that he could become something more sinister had always been there, but Billy had been too young at the time to notice or understand them.
His eye flicked over the medic and studied him quietly. Lifeline stood silently with calm patience while he waited for the ninja apprentice to respond to his rebuttal. He'd never really taken the opportunity to really look at Edwin Steen before. In fact, they had barely spoken before outside of what was necessary.
Lifeline was small and lithe, which in Billy's already ninja trained mind, the young man realized was an asset. Such a person was easily underestimated, despite the hard muscles that were visible underneath the bright red "shoot me" uniform. That, of course, was to be expected from a GI Joe, even if he was a pacifist. In addition to that, Lifeline had displayed a creative craftiness on more than one occasion, which was also to be expected. When you had rangers and ninjas as your patients, but were a pacifist, you had to come up with sneaky solutions to try keeping them in line.
He could admire cleverness. In fact, Billy knew that his master fully appreciated and admired that quality in Lifeline. What was it that Storm Shadow had said once? "For a pacifist, he's cunning enough to be a ninja. Just think what he could be like if he didn't hate violence."
Billy also recognized that he wasn't just facing a pacifist or a medic, but a skilled martial artist in his own right…one who easily had the potential to be more than he was, even if he didn't feel the need to unlock it. That, probably more than anything, was what constantly gave Snake Eyes and Low Light fits of irritation.
"It will be a long struggle for you," Lifeline finally said. "I know…I've been through it. Maybe my father isn't a terrorist leader and maybe I was never subjected to the brainwave scanner…but I understand what it's like to suffer from a parent's actions."
"That's why you're a pacifist, isn't it?" Billy asked. It made sense to him now. Lifeline had seen his share of violence as a child and feared that even participating in violence, even slightly, would put him on the road to becoming a man like his father. Even though the young man still didn't agree that pacifism was a realistic philosophy in their violent world, he now had a greater respect for the man who tried to practice it.
Despite all that, however, Billy wondered if the medic ever felt the temptation to hurt someone or to fight back. Surely he did. The young man didn't understand how someone could not, unless they were a saint or a bodhisattva. After a moment of hesitation, he decided to ask Lifeline his question. There was a long pause before Billy received an answer.
"Sometimes," the medic finally admitted. There was shame on Lifeline's face as he said it. "I'd like to say that I don't ever feel the inclination or the temptation…but that would be a lie. I'm a pacifist and a medic…but I'm not a saint." As chagrined as the medic looked, Billy felt oddly better about the fact that the man wasn't a saint. The fact that he still struggled with the temptations and his inner demons, yet somehow still managed to prevail against them, gave the young man hope.
"Did you learn anything from the spar itself?" Lifeline asked, switching subjects suddenly. "I wasn't exactly looking for a 'spar', but you seem to be the type that needs to see and do things to figure them out."
"That I underestimated you," Billy admitted. That was true enough. He'd rolled his eye earlier at the thought of coming to Lifeline. He hadn't expected to get a deep discussion and a spar out of the man.
"Not quite the lesson I was going for," the medic rolled his eyes. "I do train with Snake Eyes, Scarlett, and Storm Shadow, you know. Didn't you learn anything else?" Lifeline leaned back against the wall and waited patiently for the ninja apprentice to try to figure out the 'lesson.'
Billy tried to find the answer, but he was too busy turning that over in his mind. The medic was probably leagues ahead of other aikido black belts. After all, they didn't get training from Arashikage ninja masters, or have to be able to defend against Cobra and other terrorists while tending to wounded soldiers.
"That your sister makes good cookies?" Billy asked, stalling for time. He hadn't really given much thought yet to what the medic had been trying to teach him. Lifeline raised an eyebrow before pointing his thumb to the ground.
"Nnn, wrong answer," the medic replied. "Try again. How did I neutralize your attacks?"
"Umm…." Billy replayed the short spar in his mind. While he thought about it, he couldn't help but notice that the infirmary staff was still largely ignoring the two of them. The young man would have thought that they'd have drawn attention, if not for the fact that the pacifist was sparring with a ninja apprentice, but he dismissed it after a moment. It was the GI Joe Pit…stranger things had happened in the infirmary.
Billy realized that he was getting distracted again. He turned his attention back to the recent, impromptu spar. Each time that he had attacked, Lifeline had embraced his movements, rather than trying to fight against them. The medic had harmonized his own movement with that of Billy's, before using the apprentice's attacks against him.
"You didn't actually fight against me," the young man finally observed. "You acknowledged the attacks, but you accepted them rather than tried to stop them. You then changed the direction of the attacks." Now that Billy thought about it, he did see a link between the conservation of energy and aikido. Even if aikido wouldn't work for him in an actual combat situation, perhaps its philosophy might help with some of his inner struggles. It was worth a shot, at least.
"Accept that the enemy exists," Lifeline instructed him. "Allow him…or her…movement. When you are in the enemy's sphere, you have no power. However, when they are in yours, you have the power to dictate what they do. Thinking that illusions have the power to harm you is what gives them power. Once you acknowledge that the struggles in your mind are just illusions and aren't the real threat, you can dismiss them."
"That's very Zen of you," Billy remarked. A realization suddenly struck him. Earlier, Storm Shadow had stated that because he himself struggled with acquiring the "Zen mind", he would have someone else teach it to his apprentice. Shit. He'd been talking about Lifeline.
The pieces were starting to fall into place. Storm Shadow hadn't just sent him to the medic to talk out his "feelings." No, the ninja master had sent him to learn a lesson from the man, one that Thomas Arashikage was still struggling to learn…let alone to teach.
"I suppose," Lifeline shrugged. "Even though I'm a Christian, I've read a lot on Buddhist…particularly Zen, philosophy. I suppose I incorporated some of that in with my own beliefs. I like meditating…it helps me to focus my mind and deal with things."
Storm Shadow, on the other hand, had once admitted to Billy that meditations bored him and often gave him a headache. It was little wonder that Lifeline might be more skilled than the ninja master at doing them.
Billy forced himself to reevaluate his views of the medic. Not only was the man skilled at his martial art, even if reluctantly and not to the level of the Silent Master and the Young Master, the medic had still displayed both a physical and mental understanding of his art. Lifeline had also just displayed the stillness of mind that Storm Shadow had told him was necessary for a martial arts master, even though he himself still struggled to attain it.
The thing that amazed Billy was that the medic had managed the stillness of mind, despite still struggling with his own inner demons. If Lifeline could conquer and deflect his negative thoughts, then surely Billy could deal with his own internal monsters.
"Now that we've solved the answer to the lesson," Lifeline said, interrupting the young man's thoughts once again. "How can you apply that to the leaf meditation?"
Billy thought again. While he did so, the medic went back to his office to retrieve their tea. The ninja apprentice barely noticed that while the infirmary staff was ignoring the "lesson," a couple of greenshirts were listening with curiosity. How could he apply this to the meditation?
"You said you can do the meditation?" Billy asked once the medic returned. "That means you cut the leaf?" He asked, somewhat in disbelief. "Doesn't that, I don't know, contradict what you just said about redirecting energy instead of trying to attack it?"
Again, Lifeline shook his head. The man set down his tea and disappeared into part of the infirmary. He came back less than a minute later with a small, potted plant in his hands. He handed it over the Billy.
"Leaves are just a part of the tree…or whatever plant it is," the medic told him. Lifeline plucked a small leaf off of the plant. "It's like a skin cell in the body. It ensures that the plant itself stays alive. Once it comes off the body, it's dead." He held up the leaf in his hands.
"Do you see how fragile it is?" Edwin Steen asked. Billy nodded his head.
"It doesn't take much to destroy it," the apprentice answered. Lifeline nodded his head again.
"Exactly. It's fragile and it's dead. It's funny, isn't it, how we find such beauty in dead, fragile leaves in the fall?" the medic wondered, almost rhetorically. Billy didn't answer, figuring that he wasn't expected to say anything yet.
"Why should I want to harm something that causes no threat to me?" the medic asked him, still holding the leaf in his hand. Billy felt confused now. Hadn't Lifeline stated that he could do the exercise? Didn't that include cutting the leaf?
"Are you telling me that you didn't cut the leaf?" Billy asked. "I thought you said you did?"
"I said I completed the meditation," Lifeline corrected him. "And the point of the meditation is not to cut the leaf, you can do that now." To demonstrate, he gently ripped the leaf into two pieces. "You see? I've just torn it into two pieces…what did it accomplish? It's still here, but now it's torn, rather than being in one piece. It's broken, rather than whole. Remember…conservation of energy. I didn't destroy the leaf, it still exists." Lifeline ran his fingers over the destroyed piece of plant before continuing on.
"The point of the meditation is to clear your mind of all distractions so that you can remove any obstacles that prevent you from affecting the leaf. Cutting the leaf is just one possible outcome from it, except in this case, it's an unnecessary physical scar that you've left on the world. I chose not to cut it because it would violate my philosophy."
"Meaning…?" Billy asked. The medic smiled at him.
"Meaning…become the leaf and therefore the tree. Feel the energy that exists and recognize that it exists. Understand that the leaf is, in a way, suffering from its separation from the tree. It's alone in the world with no support. You should pity the leaf and try to protect it, not harm it. By trying to harm it, you are playing the role of the destructive forces in your mind."
Lifeline handed him the now dissected leaf. Billy set down the house plant and took the fragile pieces of dead plant. He stared down at it a moment before looking back up at the medic.
"What did you do to the leaf, then?" the young man asked him.
"I became the leaf," the medic explained patiently. "I acknowledged it, recognized that it wasn't a threat and recognized its suffering. After that, I simply redirected its movement. Let me show you."
The medic plucked another leaf from the plant. He held the tiny leaf gently in his hands and closed his eyes. Billy blinked when the leaf suddenly blew out of the medic's hands a few moments later, as if a small gust of wind had pushed it out. However, there had been no such gust of wind in the infirmary. Billy had, however, sensed a small burst of ki. Lifeline had moved the leaf with his own will. For something that had appeared so simple, Billy understood just how much control and skill had been needed to do that. He doubted that anyone else in the Pit, other than Snake Eyes, and possibly Scarlett, could do that at the moment.
Now faced with proof that the meditation actually was possible and that there was no one way to do it, Billy felt more at ease with himself. It would take him a while to absorb and understand everything this man, nearly a master in his own right, had taught him. The ninja apprentice bowed deeply to the healer.
"I will meditate on this, sensei. Thank you. You truly do possess the mind of a master." Even though the rest of Lifeline was only reluctantly following along, it was true. He already had the necessary prerequisite that Storm Shadow had told Billy about earlier.
Shock was evident in the medic's face and body language as the ninja apprentice left. Even if Lifeline had been expecting thanks, being praised and called sensei had unbalanced him. Billy grinned to himself. Apprentice or not, as a ninja he took pride in being able to deliver an "attack" that had left the medic unbalanced…even though it had been high praise for the man.
Billy quietly retreated into the privacy of his rooms. Just as he'd told Lifeline, he spent the next couple of hours in quiet meditation.
Storm Shadow was waiting for the medic when he showed up. Lifeline paused in the entrance to the Pit dojo and seemed puzzled that Snake Eyes wasn't there. Tommy grinned to himself. His sword brother should have been there. After all, the Silent Master had been working with the pacifist to help him learn a new technique. Tommy, however, had seen this as an opportune time for him to speak with the medic and to train the man himself.
"Where's Snake Eyes?" Lifeline asked once he spotted Tommy. The ninja master nonchalantly flipped a shuriken up into the air and caught it. He covertly eyed the medic, who had tensed up slightly.
"He couldn't make it," Storm Shadow lied. "So I'm covering for him. You're working on the sword catch, right?" He didn't need to ask, as Tommy knew full well what technique that the man was learning. Aikido allowed its practitioners to learn how to catch a sword and how to disarm their opponent by taking a sword. However, the techniques that were taught currently in the aikido system were largely useless in an actual combat situation…particularly against Cobra or anti-Arashikage ninja that might target a bright red medic on the battlefield.
The medic hid a sigh. Edwin Steen didn't seem very pleased by this change in plans.
"I'm insulted," Storm Shadow jested, not actually feeling insulted. "I'm just as capable of teaching you as Snake Eyes." He was trying to get the medic riled, of course. Lifeline was more fun when he was irked. The medic, however, didn't rise to the verbal bait. That was okay though, Storm Shadow knew from experience that it would take a few jabs to get the medic going.
"I know you're a capable teacher," the medic replied instead. Lifeline appeared calm, but his left eyebrow twitched slightly. That was a visible sign that the medic trying his best not to get annoyed. Lifeline looked at the ninja master for a moment before frowning.
"Where are the bokken?" he asked, referring to the wooden Japanese swords. Snake Eyes had been using them so far for the medic's training. Storm Shadow, however, gave the man an innocent look.
"I have swords already, we don't need to use bokken," he replied. Lifeline's eyes widened comically. Ah, but the 'You must be kidding me' expression on his face was priceless. The ninja wished that he'd had a camera to record it.
"What?" Lifeline asked. The medic was less than pleased with this turn of events. "You're joking, right? I'm not ready for real swords."
"Sure you are," Storm Shadow countered cheerfully. He allowed his expression and tone of voice to grow more serious as he fixed a stern gaze on the pacifist. "People like Firefly or Zartan aren't going to have the courtesy to come after you with bokken on the battlefield, you know. You need to be able to defend against real swords."
"Yeah, but…" the medic replied. Tommy let the man argue a bit more before firmly shutting him down. Regardless of what Edwin Steen thought, he was ready to begin practicing against real swords….and needed to. Storm Shadow wasn't about to have the idiot pacifist get himself killed just because he hadn't learned the necessary skills to defend himself. A live medic was more useful than a dead medic. Besides…Tommy kinda liked the man. He'd rather not see him dead.
"I'll use a slower speed than Snake Eyes has been using to start out with, since we are using real blades today," Storm Shadow told him. "Also, we're just going to practice the sword catch. I don't want you trying to take the sword from me yet."
Lifeline sighed with resignation, but finally accepted that there was no chance of him getting out of this exercise. Storm Shadow nearly sighed as well. The man had so much potential that he was wasting. If only there was a way to get him interested in training and in improving his skills. However, Tommy knew that the other man had only adopted aikido reluctantly, as he had needed some way to defend himself.
They began to drill on the sword catch, though Lifeline was wary to actually practice with a real blade. Tommy purposefully went extra slow the first few times so that the man could get more confidence in himself. After that, the ninja master sped up.
For about the next twenty minutes, neither man spoke much while they drilled, save the occasional bit of instructions from Storm Shadow. The ninja master took the opportunity to turn the medic's recent conversation with Billy over in his mind. It seemed to have done Billy some good, as the young man acted more relaxed after the discussion. As for what Lifeline had said, Tommy was still sifting through it himself.
Thomas Arashikage definitely suffered from his own demons. Nearly all attempts at meditation so far had failed because of it. Storm Shadow had just about given up on it, despite how important he knew it was. For him, physical exercise and running his mouth let off much needed steam while trying to make amends for his past sins helped somewhat in dealing with the demons.
Somewhat.
He hid a shiver as one of those demons peered at him from the corner of the dojo. Tommy sometimes had hallucinations of demons and ghosts. He knew they weren't real…probably, though he sometimes wondered if they were waiting to claim his soul after death.
Fingers caught a sharp blade, causing Tommy to nod his head in approval. It had also taken Lifeline a little while to get over his misgivings and devote full attention to learning. Now that Lifeline was working hard, there was noticeable improvement. Because of that, Storm Shadow was reluctant to break that concentration.
However, a battlefield was full of distractions. It was better to have Lifeline learn to do the technique while being distracted now, rather than later.
"Gave him cookies, did you?" Storm Shadow suddenly asked. "What…was Billy's blood sugar low?" Lifeline's concentration slipped, which could have resulted in a cut hand, if the ninja hadn't been prepared for that possibility. The medic stared at him for a moment before frowning.
"That was a private conversation. I know you sent him to me, so maybe you thought you could eavesdrop, but it was still private," the medic chastised him. Storm Shadow shrugged. He'd had reasons for sending Billy to Lifeline. One was simply that they both had somewhat similar issues and the second was that the medic was good with meditations.
Another was that Storm Shadow had decided to test both Billy and Lifeline. For Billy, it was simply a test of whether or not he would follow his sensei's instructions and if he could humble himself enough to realize that not all worthwhile lessons had to come from a ninja master. For Lifeline, it had simply been a test of how the man would handle Billy. Storm Shadow knew that the man was a good teacher, based off of the medical classes he sometimes helped teach for other personnel. The test had been how he would come off as a counselor and a martial arts instructor.
Tommy wouldn't lie; he hadn't expected that the medic would actually have Billy engage him in a spar in order to teach him. The fact that he had pleased the ninja immensely.
Lifeline grumbled a bit, but refocused his attention back on the exercise. Storm Shadow sliced his katana at the man with about a third of his normal speed. The other man stepped back and turned his body to get it out of the sword's path, before reaching out with his hands to catch the blade between them.
"Good," Storm Shadow told him. He was a firm believer in using a combination of praise and tough love in his training. Students should know when they did well and be praised for it; otherwise they would get discouraged and become sloppier.
After Lifeline correctly caught the sword ten more times, the ninja slightly increased the speed. Sweat dripped down the medic's face, but he managed to catch the sword again. Good. For all that the stubborn pacifist would drag his feet when it came to learning anything that he deemed too violent, he learned quickly once he actually set his mind to it. Again, Storm Shadow sighed internally.
Such wasted potential. Storm Shadow shared his sword brother's frustration at teaching the medic. When Snake Eyes had declared privately to him once that Lifeline was his most difficult student, he hadn't been lying.
"Have you ever thought about teaching?" Storm Shadow asked abruptly. He halted his sword instantly once Lifeline once again lost his concentration. That wasn't good. The man shouldn't allow himself to get off balance so easily. Zartan would have used that instant to kill the medic.
"What?" Lifeline asked in surprise. "No, why?"
Storm Shadow allowed the training to temporarily come to a halt. The medic needed a break to catch his breath anyway and the ninja wanted to use the moment to talk some sense into him.
"The best way to learn is to teach," the Young Master explained. "You have plenty of potential to grow as a martial artist and you've got the patience and mentality to be a teacher. You should think about it. The more you grow as a martial artist, the more you would be able to help and protect other people." It seemed like a totally rational thought to him. However, Lifeline stubbornly shook his head and shot down the idea.
"I'm flattered that you think that, but I'm not interested," the medic replied. "You know I'm only learning aikido as a way to protect myself. And…"
"Yeah, I know, you're a reluctant practitioner….blah, blah, blah…" Storm Shadow interrupted him. He had no interest in hearing the same arguments from the medic once again. Lifeline had talent and he already possessed a mindset that could make him a formidable martial arts master. As much as the man stubbornly dragged his feet when it came to hand to hand training, he was remarkably skilled despite that. Tommy wasn't about to give up and allow that to go to waste.
"You know what I believe," Lifeline frowned. He crossed his arms across his chest and fixed an irritated glare on the ninja. "Everyone from my drill instructors from boot camp to Beach Head, Low Light, and Snake Eyes have all attempted and failed to get me to give up my beliefs."
Storm Shadow snorted and waved his hand to dismiss the medic's argument. The man certainly was hard headed. Making him see reason was going to be difficult. However, Thomas Arashikage had never been a man to step down from a challenge.
"I'm not trying to get you to learn anything that isn't 'aikido,'" Storm Shadow told him. "I've pretty much given up on that, actually." No he hadn't, but he wouldn't tell the medic that. "I'm just trying to show you some options. Aren't you the least bit interested in teaching aikido to a student or two? Haven't you wanted other people to embrace your philosophy more? If anything, some of the other medical personnel could benefit from it."
Lifeline shook his head adamantly, steadfastly refusing to agree with the ninja's perfectly reasonable argument. Tommy resisted the urge to throttle the man. It wouldn't help his cause and it would make himself look bad.
"I don't have time to teach," the medic denied. "I've seen how many hours you and Snake Eyes put into it. Besides, I'm hardly qualified to be an aikido instructor…plus that would require me to actually use offensive moves against students to help them learn how to defend against them."
Well, there was flaw number one in Storm Shadow's argument. He hadn't expected that the medic would refuse to teach simply because he would have to "attack" a student to help them learn. Not to be deterred in his mission, however, the ninja pressed gamely on.
"Okay, forget about teaching for a moment," the ninja said, switching topics. "Your aikido can be much better." Though, to be fair, it was already excellent. Regardless of whatever aikido school that Lifeline had started out in, he practiced his own personal style now. Snake Eyes had realized early on that the medic's previous aikido training was inadequate for dealing with ninjas and whoever else Cobra had in its ranks. The aikido that the man practiced now was a combination of traditional aikido, modified ninja techniques-albeit not secret ones, and innovations that Snake Eyes or even Lifeline had made.
"Isn't that why we're training," Lifeline shot back. "So I can get 'better'?" Ooo….but the man was starting to get mad. Storm Shadow would have to watch it. Even though an angry, feisty Lifeline was fun to pick on, it wouldn't help bring the already stubborn man over to his side of the fence.
"Yes," Storm Shadow replied patiently. "All I'm saying is that there's always room for improvement. There are perfectly qualified aikido masters in Japan. I could use Arashikage contacts to help set you up as a student at the main dojo during leave sometime." Surely the medic would be interested in that. However, Lifeline shook his head once again and politely shot it down. Tommy gritted his teeth a moment before wiping away any sign of frustration. He opened his mouth to further argue his point.
"Room for improvement?" the medic countered, clearly irritated now. "Such as your meditation skills?" Storm Shadow gaped a moment, not expecting the pacifist to turn the table on him. The ninja swallowed his next argument to turn his attention to defending himself.
"That's not the issue at the moment," Storm Shadow denied. Okay, so his meditation skills did need work. He knew that. Snake Eyes and Obake Obaasan had each pointed that out to him on more than one occasion. It wasn't that Tommy didn't try, but he just found meditation to be boring and ineffective. More than not, he got a headache from it.
"Then what is the issue?" Lifeline asked. "You're harping on me for not training or taking steps to be better…yet you don't want to discuss the fact that you're having problems too." The medic's face softened a bit as he forced himself to calm down. Lifeline's eyes closed a few moments before opening them. Storm Shadow knew that the medic was using a different meditation skill to clear his head and emotions.
"I don't want to argue with you," Edwin Steen said when he was calmer. "Look, I know you're struggling with your own issues and that's why you're struggling with the leaf meditation. I'm not sure why exactly you sent Billy to me, but obviously you thought well enough of me and my "philosophy" to send him my way. I'm willing to listen if you need to talk as well."
Storm Shadow looked away, unable to meet the medic's penetrating eyes. The other man was correct, of course. The ninja did have issues. However, he didn't want to discuss them. Tommy barely managed to talk with Snake Eyes about them, let alone Psyche Out. He wasn't talking to Lifeline.
"Can't take your own medicine?" Lifeline asked, not unkindly. "Billy didn't want to talk about his issues either, yet you sent him to me for that purpose. Shouldn't the master lead by example?"
"I…" Storm Shadow felt his arguments die in his throat. He was normally good at talking, as it was his special talent. Beach Head had even declared once that the ninja could talk the bark off of a tree. However, his gift of gab and silver tongue left Tommy as he was forced to acknowledge that the medic had a point. Trying to disagree and argue against the man would only make the ninja a hypocrite.
"Perhaps we should finish the training," the medic suggested, dropping the subject. Storm Shadow gratefully turned his attention back to the sword catch exercise. Lifeline could have pursued the argument further, but had taken pity on the ninja and dropped it. Tommy didn't like that. He was the teacher; he was supposed to be in control.
His mind and his fears were supposed to be under control.
Storm Shadow pushed away a gnawing sense of uncertainty in the back of his mind. He tried to ignore the fact that Mindbender and Cobra Commander were laughing at him from the corner of his mind, or that the ghost of the Hard Master was staring at him with silent, accusing eyes in the corner of the dojo.
The Hard Master bothered him the most. Tommy didn't know if it was because he had failed to prevent the man's death, or because he had used his death as an excuse to fall into a deep cycle of revenge and blood, both of which had ended with him trapped in Cobra. Either way, his uncle's ghost had every reason to stare at him with accusing eyes.
Storm Shadow had single handedly ripped apart the Arashikage clan with his actions. The clan had already been declining a bit. The Hard Master's death had only made the internal wounds even worse.
No, he wasn't going to think about that at the moment. His little demons weren't going to distract him from the task at hand.
"The next drill will be to catch the sword when it attacks you as a higher to lower thrust to the side," Storm Shadow instructed, quickly changing subjects. "We will practice this drill fifty times. After that, you will work on speed training."
Lifeline silently caught the cold steel of the katana blade between his hands. Neither man spoke for the rest of the training session, except for the purposes of training. Both knew, however, that this likely wouldn't be the end of the argument.
Their predictions were proven correct, as the argument itself escalated into a mini feud for the next ten days.
Author notes: The leaf meditation was inspired by a meditation that Storm Shadow and Alcazar Salud did in #7 of the Storm Shadow miniseries…at least until Obake Obaasan interrupts them and tells them off for being lazy. Also, ki is apparently an essential part of aikido practice, which is why I will have Lifeline being able to sense and control it in this story. Between that, having ninja force him into training, and his meditation skills, I didn't see a way that he wouldn't have that ability.
Also, I need to credit Karama9 for being the originator of the 'Storm Shadow is a health nut' characterization and willwrite4fics for coming up with the idea that Lifeline is a natural shot with a gun (something that drives people crazy).