Disclaimer:

I don't own Harry Potter obviously blah blah blah,

Bri is a character I made up (kind of), however this is very loosely based on a true story

Just before you start reading.. I wanna tell you.. this is only the 2nd story I've ever written and in my opinion at least, the beginning is kinda boring.. but ahh whatever to each his own! Enjoy!

KEEP IN MIND: That this is sort of a parody of Legally Blonde..I was originally going to name her Ariel because that rhymes with Elle and someone told me to. But oh well. Too bad. I'm keeping her name as Bri. MWAHAHAHHA okayyyy I will SHUT UP NOW AND YOU CAN READ!

UPDATE A/N: I know this story is rated M because of sex and stuff, so you may be disappointed that I haven't gotten to all the action yet. I guarantee you things will start heating up, but, unlike other "Mary Sue" stories or whatever they're called, I'm not just gonna have people start banging each other left and right haha. Bri's new at the school, and she's not THAT slutty. And, Draco may be a bad boy.. but SHEESH he's not a man whore! Give the boy a break!

Bri finished packing the last of her shoes. Oh my God. Why are they doing this to me? I'm perfectly fine here at home. This is going to SUCK!

Today was her last day in the United States. In a few hours, she'd be on a plane to precisely the middle of NOWHERE some place in jolly old England.

What the hell am I gonna do. They HATE Americans over there. Not to mention they have bad teeth. OhmyGod! Shit. I forgot to pack my Crest Whitestrips.. gotta remember that..

"Hoonnneeyy we neeed to go NOW!"

"Yeah yeah hold on I'm almost ready." She grabbed her last Louis Vuitton suitcase and ran down the stairs.

"What's that?" Her dad said with an exasperated look on his face.

"Uh… just the rest of my shoes.."

"You already have a suitcase full of shoes!"

"I know daddy, but come on, what if they changed the color of the uniforms this year and then I wouldn't fit in because they wouldn't match and I'd be a total outcast and I'd be so depressed and they would hate me and think that ALL Americans have bad style and that's TOTALLY not true because New York is like the number one place for the fashion industry and they'd be wrong in thinking that…"

"OKAY OKAY OKAY I get the point just get in the car!"

"Thank you daddy!" She kissed him on the cheek and handed over her 50 pound suitcase.

"Chhees. You always give her her way. You gonna spoil that girl chu know that?" said Roberto, the (only partially illegal Mexican butler)

"HAHA I think it's wayyy to late for that."

The limo ride to the airport seemed to go way too fast. They were already at the gate, waiting for the first class seats to begin boarding.

"Welcome, passengers of Northwest flight 347 departing from Los Angeles International Airport, USA, to London Heathrow, United Kingdom. Passengers in first class, passengers with wheelchairs or children under 2 years of age, and all persons seated in emergency exit rows: boarding will begin momentarily."

"Well, we'll see you at Christmas, honey. Be good and don't forget to email us!"

"Uh mom.. I don't think they have electricity…"

"Okay well then write to us."

"Mom they don't have mail either."

"Really? Well then call us or something I don't know!"

"OMG mom you are soo blonde! I'll write to you! Bye!" She kissed her parents goodbye and finally boarded the plane.

"I thought she said they had no paper. How can am I supposed to write her?"

"No dear, she was kidding."

"Oh."

Well, at least I'm in first class, She thought, as she finally got to relax in her oversized seat. Just as she was about to put on the earphones to her pink iPod mini, the stewardess approached her saying:

"Ma'am, we have a passenger in coach with a disability that restricts them of comfort in their seat. Would you mind switching with him? The airline will reimburse you with twice the cost of your ticket as a gratitude for your cooperation."

Oh my God.. you've GOT to be kidding me. I can't sit in coach.. they don't even have personal DVD players and the flight is like 9 hours long. I'll be so bored! And what if th..

"Um, ma'am, are you willing to take up our offer?"

"Uh.. what? Oh yeah. Sorry. Oh.. yeah sure whatever."

"Thank you for your cooperation. At the end of the flight we will repay you with.."

"Don't worry about the money, I really don't care." She got up, grabbed her luggage, and proceded to the very last seat in the whole plane. It didn't even lean back because the bathroom was right behind it.

No wonder he was uncomfortable. This is gonna suck.

Walking past the newsstands in Heathrow Airport, she came across a shocking image. She grabbed the magazine, threw it on the cash register's counter, and almost screamed "I HAVE TO BUY THIS MAGAZINE!"

"Alright… that will be £3.99." The cashier said with a frightened look on her face

"Uhh.. I only have American money right now.. but I need this magazine!"

"We only take British currency here. You'll have to exchange your money at the nearest cashpoint."

"No no no no you don't understand! I feel like the world is turning UPSIDE DOWN! Lindsay Lohan went blonde and Britney Spears is PREGNANT!" She threw a $50 bill on the counter and scrambled out of there as fast as she could.

She spent the limo-taxi ride reading the remainder of it. God, this is soo not true. Lindsay would never make such a bad move like that. And Britney.. oh please!

"Here we are. Now I'm not sure how we're going to get all of your luggage up to your main lodgings, but I am sure your headmaster will sort it all out for you. I've best be going now, good luck this term! Cheerio."

"What, Cheerios? The word rang in her ears. NOOOO I can't have Cheerios! Too many carbs. Carbs are evil. Carbs are the enemy! Is that all they serve here!"

The limo drove off into the darkness. Woah. This place is crreeepy… All of a sudden, a very large figure appeared a few feet away. As it got closer and closer, Ariel started getting worried.

"Who the hell are you! Don't come any closer! I've got pepper spray!" But the figure kept walking. Finally, it came close enough to her to resemble an extremely large man.

"Why 'ello there. Name's Hagrid. I'm 'ere ter take you across the lake ter 'ogwarts Castle."

Where the hell am I?

"Dude, I'm serious, take one step closer and I'm gonna spray this shit in your eyes."

"No need ter be alarmed, I'm just 'ere ter escort you ter school. I promise I won't be hurtin' yer, there's no need ter worry."

Living in Los Angeles, her street instincts had told her to not trust this guy. But looking into his huge but innocent face she finally decided that he wasn't a threat.

"Okay fine, my luggage is over there." She pointed to about 9 suitcases, each with orange "Heavy" labels the airport had stuck on them.

"Looks like we're going ter need a bigger boat.." said the huge hairy man.

She walked up the steps of the huge fortress in front of her. This place is incredible.. it must be at least 400 years old..

"Oh it's well over a thousand, dear." A strangely dressed woman stepped out of the door.

"Where did you.. how did you know what I was.."

Professor McGonagall smiled. "Please take a seat in the Great Hall, I'm sure you'll fit in fine, there's no need to worry."

"But I wasn't worried about that.. what are you.."

The teacher just winked. "Hurry on in, the festivities will begin shortly."

Bri walked through the huge oak doors. Before climbing the stairs up to the entrance of the Great Hall, she adjusted her already short enough skirt, ran a hand through her platinum blonde hair, and unfastened the last two buttons of her shirt. Hmm. Well at least English guys are hot. This should be fun.

She stepped through the wooden doors to what was originally a room full of lively chatter. All went silent. She just stood there, not knowing exactly what to do in this strange place.

"Er.. hi… I'm Bri.. from A-mer-I-ca." No one said a word.

"You know.. er.. Hollywood? Brad Pitt? Britney Spears? Do you people speak English?" Still there was silence.

"Okay you KNOW WHAT? If you're just going to ignore me then fine, whatever. I've had a shitty day, I was supposed to sit in first class and instead because I was NICE I got moved to the very last seat, my mom forgot to call for a hair appointment because my stylist is in Hawaii and so now my roots are discolored, I haven't slept in a day and I'm getting dark circles under my eyes and I DON'T HAVE ANY PREPERATION H TO GET RID OF THEM SO NOW I LOOK LIKE SHIT!" she said that whole sentenced without one breath, so that by the time she was done, she was huffing and puffing."

A handsome guy around her age with messy dark brown hair got up from the table in front of her and strolled over calmly. "It seems like you've had a rough day. Why don't you come sit with us?" His piercing green eyes looked at her with an innocent expression. Wow.. what a hottie.

"Oooh thank you hun, jeese these people here arelike.. frigid.Where is it you're sitting?" He showed her to the nearest table where a group of his friends are sitting. Hun? What am I doing..

"Guys, this is- er..." he gave her a puzzled look

"Bri... just call me Bri..The group mumbled versions of "Nice to meet you." and "I'm so and so."

The green-eyed boy finished his introduction. "She's the American transfer student everyone's been talking about."

The group finally came alive. "OHH now I know who you are! You're that girl from America right?" said another cute guy with bright orange hair

"Err.. yeah.. but I already said.."

"Yeah! Everyone's been talking about an American girl coming over here for a while. We've never had an American transfer student before."

"Uhh.. what did you say your name was again?" She turned and looked at the guy brave enough to take her under his wing

"Harry, Harry Potter."

"Nice to meet you, Harry." She said with a wink. A girl with long, curlyish mouse brown hair shot her a disapproving glance. Jeese.. what's her prob?