The Memory
Regina stood in front of the full body mirror in only her bra and underwear. She turned to the side and slowly ran her hand down her flat stomach. Letting out a sneaky breath she bit her lip trying to hold the tears in. The painful memories of her past would always and forever haunt her. Feeling a warm hard rest on her shoulder she snapped out of her sorrow. "Hey." She could hear the smile in the woman's voice.
"Hello," she answered masking her pain.
"What are you doing?" Emma asked slipping in a pair of earrings.
"Nothing... Just standing."
"Ok well you better get dressed or you'll be late for work. I gotta go," she said kissing her on the cheek. "I'll see you when I get home."
"Mmhh," she responded as she watched Emma walk out of the bedroom. Her half smile faded as she glanced back at her reflection. She had to get this out of her head. Walking into the closet she pulled out a black dress, it was indeed time for 'work'.
Regina stood in front of the mirror staring. Both hands rested on her stomach as the tears streamed down her face. This couldn't be happening to her not now, not ever... But it was only because of him. "Uhhh what are you doing?" She spun around quickly wiping away the tears. Rumplestiltskin was standing behind her with his finger pointed.
"Nothing,"
"Well it didn't look like 'nothing' and you called me here, so what do you want?" He asked with his face scrunched and finger still spinning around.
Her lips quivered as she tried to hold back the water works. "I-I'm late..."
"Late to what? He asked confused. He took a second and observed her upset features and the way she cradled her stomach. "Oh," he realized slightly disgusted.
"I'm pregnant!" she cried. Regina walked over to her bed and slowly sat on it's edge. Rumple slowly walked over and sat next to her crossing his legs. "A baby, hmm how exciting," he squealed throwing his hands up.
"Exciting?! You think I'm excited about this?"
"I'm going to take that as a no."
"This isn't how it was supposed to happen. I've ways wanted to be a mother but this is bad," she exclaimed standing up.
"I'm sorry I don't see the problem here. You want to be a mother and your pregnant but your not happy, why?"
She glared at him through the tears. "Why do you think?"
"Oh right right right right you don't love him. Well I'm sorry dearie but you're married and this is usually what happens."
"We've been married for four years and this, what I've been afraid of, has finally happened."
"So do you want to keep it?" He asked becoming quite interested. "Cause' if you don't I won't mind taking it off your hands."
"You want my baby?"
"Well after it's been born of course."
"No if I'm having this baby I'm keeping it!"
He rolled his eyes. "Well do you want it or not? Cause' I can take care of it right now for you, if that's what you want."
"You mean kill it?"
"Well I don't mean to ship it off somewhere else."
She was silent, deeply considering his offer. "All I want is to be a mom."
"Yes well we all don't get what we want, and besides you have the kings daughter to mother."
"Please! She is not worthy of my time, besides I want a child that is apart of me..." She sighed. "You know what I think I'm going to keep it, no matter the father, I'll have a child, I'll have someone to love," she smiled.
Looking disappointed he clapped his hands together. "Well I'm glad we've gotten this settled," he snickered sarcastically. "I'm just going to leave you with your little life here, I have other places to be."
"Oh wait, you can't tell the king, I don't want him to know just yet."
"Wouldn't dream of it dearie." With that he snapped his fingers and was gone.
Regina opened the door the Gold's shop and marched up to the counter. "Regina, how lovely it is to see you so early in the morning," he said polishing a golden vase. "What can I do for you?" He asked looking up pretending to care.
She leaned on the show case and shook the hair out of her face. "I need you to erase a memory of mine."
"And what memory is that?"
She opened her mouth to answer but saw Belle standing in the doorway of his office. Giving her the death stare Gold sighed. "Belle if you won't mind giving me and the Mayor a moment alone."
"I'm not going to hurt him," Regina snapped. Belle uncrossed her arms and slipped behind the curtain. "What is she, your new guard dog?" She snorted.
"Get on with it Regina."
She stared at him and swallowed hard.
The two of them poofed back into her bedroom, returning from their magic lesson. "We're almost done with these lessons y'know," Rumple informed her.
"I know," but that doesn't mean you still can't come and see me," she mocked.
"What, it's not like I'm going to miss you," he defended throwing his hands out.
"Right," she smiled. Her smile quickly vanished feeling a sharp pain in her lower abdomen. "Mmm-" she moaned placing a hand over the throbbing area. Then the pain hit again but with much more force. She stumbled to the side gripping her bedpost.
"Everything alright?" He asked raising a brow.
"I don't - know," she answered through gritted teeth. Then the pain came again. "No! No I'm not ok," she squeaked. She felt a warm sensation spread throughout her inner thigh. With her free hand she felt that area of her pant. Pulling it back up to her face she stared at her red stained fingers. "What's happening?!" She panicked. Then the pain came again and again worse with each pang. More and more blood pooled before she collapsed.
Regina's heavy eyes fluttered opened. She blinked a few times trying to focus in in her surroundings. She looked down seeing she was dressed in one of her night gowns. Rubbing her eyes she attempted to sit up but immediately lied back down feeling her sore muscles. "Please stay down you majesty." Regina turned her head and saw Helena, one of her servants, by her side. Helena gently placed a cool washcloth on her forehead.
"What happened?" Her voice horse. She could see that Helena was holding back. "Helena?"
"The doctor just left, he said he won't tell the king. But he is telling him you're on bed rest because of the flu," she said nervously.
"What?" She asked getting scared. "Helena what's wrong with me?"
She continued the press the cloth to Regina's head. "You lost a lot of blood... I'm sorry you're majesty-"
"Well spit it out!" She yelled getting angry.
"You lost the baby... You're majesty I'm sorry."
"Wha- no, no please say it isn't true." She turned her head and saw Rumplestiltskin standing at her side. She swore she could see sadness swirling in his hollow eyes. He shook his head and vanished.
She looked up at the ceiling feeling the warm tears pool in her eyes. "No..."
"Regina, what memory?" Gold asked again.
"My miscarriage," she said sternly, trying to put on a good face. "I don't like remembering it and I want it removed."
"After some thirty odd years you're just now asking me this?"
"Will you do it or not?"
"Since it happened so long ago you're at risk for... For collateral damage."
"Collateral damage?"
"I may be able to erase it but I may end up erasing much more then that and not on purpose." Regina sated silent considering her options. "Regina why? Why now, and out of all the painful memories?..."
"What if I wanted another child?"
"Then you have one."
"But-"
"Have you and Ms. Swan been considering?"
"No we haven't discussed it but since she had Henry I thought I could have the next one."
"What does this had to do with you remembering or not?"
"Because it's a constant reminder that I failed! That my baby didn't even want to stay with me and I thought maybe since I've 'changed' for the better I'd have a better chance."
"You think your baby died because you were evil?" He asked baffled.
"I don't know! But what I do know is that it hurts and I want it gone!"
"But if it was erased, you wouldn't know why you'd want a baby right?"
"I don't want a baby just for the satisfaction of knowing its possible for me to do so, I want one because it's what I want."
"Listen Regina I know we have had a rough past and don't agree on a lot of things but what happened to you wasn't fair. I truly am sorry, but I don't think this is the answer. Why don't you take the rest of the day to think about it and if you still want to go through with it I'll do it."
"I never told Emma and I know if I did she'd tell me to keep the memory."
"That woman truly cares about you and somehow excepts all of you the way Belle excepts me. It's something I'll never fully understand."
"So you're giving me till the end of the day?"
"Yes. And I'd suggest you talk to someone."
She held her hand up to knock but a little voice in the back of her head was stopping her. 'Just knock it's no bit deal,' she told her self. 'Its a huge deal!' The voice yelled. Bringing knuckle to wood she knocked three times and then took a step back. She couldn't believe she was doing this. After a moment if silence she hear the clicking sound of locks becoming unlocked. The door swung open and she stared at the man in front of her.
"Regina?"
"Hello David is your wife home," she asked as nicely as possible.
"Err- ya."
"May I speak with her, or am I going to have to stare at you all day?"
He sighed, "No yeah, come in." He stepped to the side and pushed the door wide open. Marry Margret was standing in the kitchen washing the plates that were in the sink.
"Regina? Hi, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you about something... In private," she added glancing over at David who was still by the door.
"I'm going to the station, don't worry about me," he said grabbing his coat. He was slightly concerned for the safety of his wife but her and Regina hadn't had a fight in a while so he trusted them. "See you later," he waved shutting the door behind him.
"So what is it you wanted to talk about," she asked drying off the plate in her hand.
Regina chewed on her lip debating weather or not the leave immediately or continue. "When I married your father, when I joined your family, did you like me?"
Mary Margaret stopped all movement and slowly looked up at the women in front of her. "Of course I liked you."
"Why?"
Raising her brow she set the plate down and leaned against the counter. "You were going to be my new mom. I thought you were so pretty and I was jealous that you were so good horses. I wanted to be just like you, a woman who knew what love was."
The last part stung a little but she kept a straight face. "You wanted to be just like me?"
"Oh yeah! But that was before I knew you wanted to kill me," she joked.
"Hmm," she halfheartedly smiled. "How old were you when you started to hate me?"
This time her brow furrowed. "Hate you? I never hated you."
"You didn't," she asked shocked. "Why not?"
"Regina, no offense but this is weird. What is this about?" she asked tilting her head.
"It's nothing," she shook her head. "It was a mistake coming here." She turned around and headed towards the door when she felt her hand grab he wrist.
"Wait. I feel like there's something serious going on here. You can tell me or ask me whatever it is. I promise I won't judge." Regina spun around with two tears rolling down her cheeks. Mary Margaret took a step back seeing the emotional state she was in.
"What, do my tears scare you?"
"No no it's just I've never seen you-"
"Weak?!" She snapped.
"No, I was going to say vulnerable which, isn't a bad thing. Obviously something's bothering you. Is everything ok with you and Emma?"
"Emma's fine, this doesn't concern her," she said wiping the tears away.
"Come here," she grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the couch. Her and Regina had been mending their relationship, mostly for Emma and Henry's sake, but it was nice to have her as a friend or whatever this was. She wanted Regina to know that she could come to her with anything, but she wasn't sure if they were at that point in there relationship yet.
"I can't believe I'm telling you this," Regina nervously laughed. "Ok. Remember for your eleventh birthday you got a new horse? He was beautiful," she smiled.
She smiled too hearing Regina admire the animal. "Yes it was one of my favorite gifts."
"You came to me the next day asking if I'd come ride with you. You told me that you knew how much I loved horses and thought it would be good mother daughter binding time."
"I remember. We didn't do much together and thought you'd like teaching me."
"But I said no-"
"Yeah but you were sick. You had the ... The... You know I don't remember."
"Flu?"
"Yes," she snapped her fingers "The flu."
"Snow... I wasn't sick," she confessed.
"So you pretended to be sick just to get out of going riding with me?" She asked a little hurt.
"No!" Regina exclaimed. Seeing her flinch she took a deep breath and settled back down. "No. When you came to me I was happy. You don't know how much I wanted to say yes, and try to put all my hate for you away."
"So why didn't you... Say yes?"
The tears started to pool in her eyes again. "I- I was pregnant.. emphasis in the was," she whispered.
Snow's jaw dropped but she quickly picked it back up. What? Oh no her father had gotten her pregnant and then had a miscarriage?! "Regina I'm- I'm so sorry," she placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I never told your father about the pregnancy I wanted to keep it to myself for awhile. I was already forced to sleep with that man, I thought I had the right too. No offense."
"Non taken," she said softly. "You didn't love him." She had never thought about that. Regina sleeping with her dad and how awful and painful it must have been for her.
"Don't get me wrong your dad was a kind man but I just couldn't take it."
"No I understand."
"I was one month in when I lost it. Even though I didn't love the king the baby was still mine and I wanted it, but I guess it didn't want me..." She choked. The tears were coming faster then her hands could move.
Snow couldn't resist. She pulled Regina in and hugged her tightly. This was heartbreaking, and seeing Regina cry like this...
At first Regina was stiff but after a few moments Snow felt the women reflex and rest her head on her shoulder.
"I went to Gold this morning asking him to erase the memory and he said he'd do it. But first I had to take the rest of the day to think about it and go talk to someone. The next thing I know I'm outside your door, out of all people," she sniffled.
"Why did you come?"
"Convince me that erasing it is the wrong choice."
"Regina I have told you this before, you do don't just feel things with your heart you feel with your whole soul. Your memories, the things that have happened to you have made you who you are. Personally I think that it you take any one of those memories away your whole person could change. So no I don't think you erase it but it's up to you in the end."
Emma eagerly tapped her pen on the desk. It was nearly seven and she was still at work. She was swamped with paper work and was about to throw all the files on the floor in frustration. She had texted Regina about two hours ago saying she wouldn't be home for dinner but she never responded. She was slightly worried that something had happened but told herself it was nothing to worry about.
Thankfully Henry had called asking if he could stay the night at a friend's so she didn't have to worry about him getting fed.
Signing her name on one more document she threw the pen down and stood up. It was time to leave. Grabbing her coat she turned off the lights as she headed for the door. As she approached her car she felt the soft vibrations of her phone. Pulling it from her pocket she read the text.
'Come over now it's important,' -MMEmma sighed. All she wanted to do was go home and have a night alone with Regina. 'On my way.'- Em, she texted back.
Emma knocked on her parent's door not surprised to have Mary Margret open the door almost immediately. "What is was so important that I had to come over now? Cause' god forbid there's another town crisis, I don't know what I'll do!" She exclaimed stomping in.
"Could you be any louder?" She asked hushing her.
"What?" Emma asked confused. Mary Margret turned around and pointed to a sleeping Regina on the couch. Emma's expression changed to surprise. "What!"
"Shhh! I don't want to wake her," she stressed.
Emma grabbed her hand and walked them over to her bed. "What is Regina doing here? And why is she asleep on your couch?"
Snow sighed, "She came over earlier today to talk and we did for a really long time and then we watched a movie. She fell asleep towards the end so I just let her sleep." Emma squinted her eyes still holding her mothers' hand. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because you're acting as if this is normal. Like what the hell?!" She whispered fiercely.
"I thought you'd be happy that your mom and girlfriend spent some quality time together that didn't involve the thought of killing."
"No I am, I am thrilled but... What'd y'all talk about?"
"Now that is a secret. If you want to know then you'll have to get Regina to tell you, it's not my place," she stated holding her head up high.
Emma raised a brow. "Ok... Well I just wish you would have told me she was here. I've been texting her all day, I was worried when she never responded."
"Sorry."
"Well dinner will be ready in a few minutes; the two of you are welcome to stay."
Emma considered. If they went home Regina would probably be too tired to make something and her skills with food were limited. "Sure, I'll ask her if she wants to stay." Emma quietly walked over to the couch and crouched down. She rested her hand on Regina's shoulder and gently rubbed her back. "Regina wake up," she whispered. Regina moaned but still confined to sleep. "Regina sweetie wake up," she said a little louder. Regina crinkled her noses and slowly opened her eyes. "Hey," Emma greeted.
"What time is it?" She mumbled.
"A little after seven," Regina moaned and smushed her face into the cushion. "Have you been here all day?" Regina nodded. "So I'm going to guess you never made it to work." She nodded again. Emma chuckled, "Ok then. If you want to we can go home but Mary Margret's offered to let us stay for dinner. So do you want to stay or go?"
"Stay... I'm hungry."
"Alright," she smiled helping her sit up. Regina ran her fingers through her hair hoping she still looked presentable.
"Where's Henry?"
"He's staying over at a friend's house. I hope it's ok, I told him he could go."
"No it's fine," she said still a bit groggy. She rested her head on Emma's shoulder and intertwined their fingers. "How was your day?"
"Lame, and boring."
"When we get home can we go to bed?"
"Absolutely."
When they finished their late dinner Emma helped take everyone's plate while Regina gathered her things.
"Thanks so much for dinner and thanks for taking care of this one while I was at work," Emma gestured towards Regina jokingly.
"Very funny," she glared.
"You're welcome," Mary Margret replied with a hug. David walked Emma to the door as they watched the two women say good bye.
"Thank you for today," Regina cleared her throat.
"It was my pleasure, and it was nice. Maybe we could do it again sometime... Under different circumstances of course."
"Maybe," she smiled. Mary Margret threw out her arms signaling she wanted a hug. Regina gave in and hugged the woman. "But tell anyone of this and I'll have to kill you," she whispered.
"Oh trust me I know," she smiled.
"I will never understand what went on today," David said crossing his arms.
"You and me both."
When they got home Emma and Regina climbed the long stairs up to their bedroom. Regina immediately pulled the zipper on the back of her dress down and climb into bed. Emma too shed her clothes before joining her. She turned all the lights off except for the one small lamp on the bedside table. Emma snuggled up under the covers and wrapped her arms around Regina's waist.
Regina turned around so she was facing her. Their faces were inches away from touching but their bodies were flush against one another. "What's up with you today?" Emma asked.
"Nothing's up," she answered quickly but calmly.
"Regina, instead if going to work you spent the day with my mom," she laughed.
"Well I just had a few things I wanted to... Discuss with her."
"Yeah, she wouldn't tell me what those things were, will you?"
"Sorry dear," she half smiled.
Emma sighed. "Ok whatever. You ready for me to turn the light out?"
"Yeah...no wait." Emma was in mid stretch over to the lamp when she stopped.
"What is it?"
"I have something I want to tell you. And ask you I guess."
"Ok, is it something serious?" She asked judging her tone of voice.
Regina pressed her lips together and swallowed hard. "I want to have another baby."
Emma eyes widened and she just blinked a few times. "You want to have a baby?"
"Yes," she said as the tears began to pool in her eyes.
Emma saw the tears and quickly rushed them away as they fell. "Hey now," she soothed. "I didn't say no."
"I know but this is a big thing to ask and I'm afraid that you will say no."
"This is a big decision are you sure want this? Sure you want this with me?"
"I don't know who else I'd have it with," she admitted.
Emma smiled blushing. "Do you want to adopt again or...?"
"No I want to have the baby. Since Henry is yours-"
"Ours," she interrupted.
"Yours biologically," she corrected. "And so I want that too."
Emma nodded, "Ok."
"What?"
"Ok. Let's do it."
"Really?!" She asked as her whole face lit up.
"Really," she laughed. "Kid is getting old and I'd love to raise one from the beginning with you."
Regina quickly leaned in capturing her lips pulling Emma closer. "Thank you," she breathed.