Disclaimer: Scott Summers owns the movieVan Helsing and stuff.

A/N: I actually LIKE Van Helsing. I think it was a very cool movie. Scott Summers should be congratulated, not slammed. I just thought I'd write this, you know, because it came to methat while Anna may have looked stunning in that dress, Dracula should not have been hitting on her. So... comedy. How bad am I?

It was a dark and spooky night… after all, it was All Hallows Eve. In the heart of Budapest, in Dracula's summer palace, a masquerade ball is being performed for all of Dracula's blood-sucking relatives. And the vampires too.

Anna Valerious, princess of the gypsies, is hypnotised. You can tell because normally she'd be trying to stab the man she's dancing with through the heart with a stake. Instead, she's dancing with him. It's Dracula. He obviously gets sick of the masquerade part of his party because he rips his mask off. He then decides to rip off Anna's mask. Anna, still being hypnotised, has no idea what is going on. Until he kisses her.

Anna freaks out.

Dracula smiles, all suave and cool and sexy in an undead kind of way. "How does it feel to be a puppet on my string?" He says, with his awesome English-as-a-second-language European accent.

Anna, who, though hypnotised, is very aware of the situation that her -coughcough- boyfriend -coughcough- Van Helsing is in, declares boldly: "I won't let you trade me, Count." However, her words don't have much of an effect because she's still dancing with Dracula. Who is, by the way, the reason why her family is damned to Hell. Just so you know.

"I have no intention of trading you," Dracula says, still dancing away like that suave and slightly irresistible villain that he is. "And if I know Van Helsing - which I do - he is not planning on making a trade either. Neither of us has ever settled for half." He then spins Anna around and drools all over her neck.

"You make my skin crawl." Anna gives this shiver, like she really really REALLY wants to get away from him, but she can't fight Dracula now because
a: she has no weapons; and
b: because she's still under Dracula's hypnotic mind-control powers. Or something.

Dracula keeps drooling all over Anna's neck. "This is not all I could do with your skin." And as if that isn't threatening enough to Anna, he spins her around and shows her a really big mirror.

Anna looks like she's dancing with herself.

"Don't we make a lovely couple?" Dracula quips.

Anna obviously doesn't get the joke because she just freaks right out.

Dracula dances on with Anna still in his arms. "I am looking for a new bride, Anna. Someone strong and beautiful."

Anna just looks at Dracula like he's some kind of nut-job. Which he is, admittedly.

Dracula grins, clearly thinking he's about to score with the princess. "One brief moment of pain… and we can be together forever!" He turns his dance with Anna into some kind of bizarre make-out session.

Anna freaks out again. "You have no heartbeat!"

Which would be kinda freaky, I mean, if you were dancing with some guy and he turned out to be dead, you know…

"Perhaps it just needs… to be rekindled." Dracula reaches for the part of Anna's dress where her cleavage starts…

Anna slaps Dracula upside the head.

"Okay, cut that out."

Dracula blinks. "What?" They keep dancing so no-one gets suspicious that Dracula's date has just dumped him.

"Don't 'what' me," Anna says. She's pretty mad right now. And she looks pretty grossed out too. "It was probably funny for the first four seconds, but it's getting old real fast."

Dracula frowns. "What are you talking about?"

Anna stands up. "Oh, come on. Like you don't know."

Dracual actually looks perplexed. "I don't know what?"

Anna sighs and face-palms. "Alright," she says, "I'll use small words. I can't marry you because that would be so wrong."

"Why?" Dracula grins, "Because you just want to kill me?"

"No." Anna gives him that 'you're a complete nut-job' look again. "Four hundred years ago, Valerious the Elder was your father. And he's my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather."

Dracula stops dancing for a minute. It's starting to sink in.

"That means, I'm like…" Anna shudders. "Your granddaughter, or you cousin, or your sister, or something."

Dracula thinks about this for a moment. Finally, he sees Anna's point, and totally agrees with her.

"Eew."

A/N: Was I right, or was I right?