Boredom
Fandom: HP
Genre: Humour, general
Ratings PG-13
Pairings: none
Warning: OotP.
A/N: Pointless, meaningless, plot less.
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Black Mansion, 12, Grimmauld Place, afternoon. All is quiet in the house. A fire crackles in one of the room. In the same room, steps and the occasional turning of the pages of a book are heard. Suddenly, the pacing stops.
"Remus?"
"Yes?"
"I've got an idea."
"I'm not doing it."
"You don't even know what I'm going to say!"
"Do I look stupid?"
"Mr Padfoot is of the opinion Mr Moony looks very distinguished. Mr Padfoot admires the way grey hair gives Mr Moony a venerable, although slightly decrepit, air."
"Mr Moony thanks Mr Padfoot for his insightful opinion and adds that Mr Padfoot is good-looking himself, if one likes grinning madly untrustworthy scoundrels. Mr Moony would also like to warn Mr Padfoot that his hair is about to become as greasy as Snape's."
"Ouch. Bitchy, today. Full moon near, isn't it?"
"Ah, ah, ah."
"And scoundrel?"
"… Rascal?"
A moment's pause. A slight scuffle of cloth as someone shrugs.
"So, Moony..."
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"One syllable, two letters. In English, this word is usually used to mark the negation."
"For Merlin's sake!"
Brisk steps are heard.
"Liven up a little, Remus. Let your hair down for once, be crazy! You, my friend, have been all work and no play for weeks. Absolutely. No. Fun."
"Watch that finger. I bite."
"Oooh, is that an invitation? I didn't know you swung that way."
Snort. A book is closed and set on the side. "Fine, you win. What's you brilliant idea, genius?"
"Nice to know my superior intelligence is acknowledged. Stubby Boardman. I could be him."
"And?"
"I take over the world. Well, not take over Voldemort-style but I win over the public opinion and love. Once that's done, they'll give me popular support in my crusade to clear my name."
"How can you be sure it'll work?"
"Have you read the Quibbler? Some people already think I'm Boardman. I play on this, become a much more famed singer than Stubby ever was then I give a full confession. People will be disappointed I've deceived them at first but after some time they'll be captivated by the tragic story of my life. They'll just love it."
"The most disturbing in these words is that they made sense."
"Of course they did. Questions?"
Silence.
"Moony, aren't you going to ask me where you're fitting in this?"
Silence.
"Moooonnnnyyyyy..."
"Where am I fitting in this?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson. With the Hobgoblins, just between Moody and Dung. So, what do you reckon?"
"Frightening."
"That's what I'm here for. The fangirls will fall for my good looks at first sight and they'll ignore your ugly troll faces."
"Arrogant git. No, I mean, have you ever heard one of us sing?"
"…Point taken. Damn. That means the whole plan is worth squat."
Heavy sigh. The pacing sound resumes and pages are being shuffled for a moment. A log crumbles in the chimney.
A few minutes later, a faint humming sound is heard.
A few more minutes later, a sigh is heard. The pacing stops again.
"Remus?"
"Yes?"
"I'm bored."
Pause. Laughter as the book is set aside for the second time.
"Have a seat and a biscuit, Sirius. Did you know Shacklebolt had an excellent bass?"
End.