AN: Helllllo! I'm Jess, that wasn't all that necessary, but okay! This story is Rinharu and will contain gay smut, no avoiding it, however this story is founded on a plot and therefore you may have to wait a bit, but I promise lots of fluff to keep you going :D But okay here's the deal and if you decided not to read this hopefully you will,

PAY ATTENTION NOW BECAUSE CAPS AND WOW THIS IS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE READING

In this story, Rin has never met Makoto or Nagisa. Haru doesn't know Nagisa, but had been good friends with Makoto for quite sometime. They were on the same swim team. Nagisa and Rei are a thing already, and they know each other...duh? And Nitori is just a cute little baby as always. Gou is in this quite a lot as well, the other characters and ships are listed up there so go see.

ps This work will possibly contain homophobic slurs in some way or another because of plot.

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If you like this you can make things or write reviews or whatever I tract the tag: oswwinoswald fic, oswwinoswald, and fic: alienation

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We'll start updating this fic every Sunday at least if not before.

The notes in the future will be quite a bit shorter, I'm sorry.

Chapter 1: Mackerel

Prologue

The logic behind it was flawed. That much I knew for sure, and at the time that was about the only thing I knew for sure. Everything else was blurry, like putting on glasses that aren't your prescription, I could see what was happening well enough to know I should be afraid of it, but not well enough to know why or for it to make since. It was like one day Haru and I are splashing around the pool joking, or coming as close to joking as Haru can, and the next day I can't look at him without my heart beating a hundred miles an hour. What was that about? I'd never felt like that before, and then all of the sudden here's this new feeling telling me to kiss him when before the thought wouldn't have even crossed my mind. And I hated it because I could tell that he didn't look at me the way I looked at him, and he didn't smile for me the way I smiled for him, and I didn't make him happy the way he made me happy. And although I knew it shouldn't…it hurt. It hurt like hell. Because he didn't like me how I liked him and he probably never would.

It wasn't natural after all. For a boy to like other boys…I'd heard my mother shout about it a hundred times, nearly every day… "Homosexuality is a sin!" she'd shout to no one in particular or maybe to everyone at once, I couldn't tell, but either way she said it…over and over and over again and I heard it over and over and over again until it was drilled into my head: I couldn't like Haruka, because if I liked Haruka I'd be gay. And being gay was bad. I wouldn't let myself be gay. Not if I wanted to keep my family…and I did. I wanted to keep my family more than anything, I'd already lost my father, I couldn't afford to lose my mother and my sister too. So I did what I thought was necessary, I pushed him away, got some big scholarship to some big swimming school in Australia where I could train for the Olympics on my own. Without Haru, without complicated feelings, just me, a pool, and a bunch of people I didn't know. A bunch of people I didn't care to know, because regardless of what I did, regardless of how hard I tried to push him away, to keep him out of my head, he just kept coming back. Every time I thought I was over it his face would pop into my head and remind me who I was…what I was…remind me that no matter how hard I tried the pretty girls on the sidelines asking for my number would never interest me. Nor would anyone else…all I wanted was Haru, and he was the one thing I could never have.

I lived behind a wall no one could see through. A wall no one could penetrate. I shut everyone out, I was alone and I was content with being alone. Alone meant no disappointing people that loved you (how could you when there was no one to disappoint?), no one to fight with (not that alone didn't come with its share of fist fights), and last, but (regrettably) not least, no Haruka Nanase to make me feel things I didn't want to feel, alone was keeping me safe, was being the optimal word there, it had been keeping me safe, up until six months before the 2016 Summer Olympics, when my family moved back to Japan and I became a full time resident at the Olympic Training center, little did I know the person in the room next to me was the very person I'd been trying to keep out and here he was asking if I had any mackerel. Haruka.

Chapter 1

Mackerel

"Rin!" Gou shouted loud enough to get my attention, she stood hands on her hips, waiting impatiently for me by the opened trunk of my car, "Come get your bags, gosh you're either really nervous or crazy excited because you haven't heard a word that's come out of my mouth this entire trip." Mild concern laced her tone.

"A little bit of both I guess." I said grabbing my duffle bag from the trunk and throwing it over my shoulder carelessly, I was definitely a little bit of both with a pinch of fear thrown into the mix. The Olympics? When the hell had that happened?

"Well don't be!" A smile suddenly spread across her face, she grabbed onto his arm enthusiastically, "This is a huge step. I mean look where we are? The Olympic Training Center, you made the team Rin! You're going to be competing, that's like, all you ever wanted, right?"

"Yeah," I forced a smile, "Yeah, I guess you're right. This is what I've been training for forever."

"And to think, I actually got that internship at the same time you're gonna be here! We get to spend time together for once Rin!" she bounced up and down barely able to contain her excitement, I snickered, the brat was a good sister and I was looking forward to spending the next six months with her well I trained, but I'd never tell her that. Duh.

"So, do you have any idea where we're supposed to be going?" I asked after a moment, remembering the heavy duffle on my shoulder.

"Did you read that paper I gave you about rooming?" I shot her a look that stated clearly I hadn't, she gave an exasperated sigh, "Do you have it at least?"

"Uh…" I rummaged around in my jean pockets with no luck, moving to the pockets of my old training jacket that I wore everywhere, pulling out a faded pink slip of paper and handing it to her.

She glared up at me and unfolded it, "Dammit Rin, did you get this wet?"

My jacket never left my side, I always wore it, and when I was swimming it usually wasn't far away, not to mention I usually didn't bother to use a towel either so, yeah, the possibility it'd gotten wet wasn't exactly slim. I was a professional swimmer for crying out loud, what did she expect? I just shrugged and muttered, "Probably."

"Ugh, okay, let me try to make this out…" she studied the paper intently, "So it looks like you're in building F, which is where most of the swimmers stay, dorm E11, room B."

I cocked an eyebrow, "What the hell is this? Alphabet soup?"

"If you bothered to actually read the guide book you'd know, there are seven residential dorms, the different sports are put in buildings alphabetically, each sport has its own floor, also depending on where it falls in the alphabet, there are around twenty dorms on each floor, for both the Olympic team members and the trainees, dorms are six people to each, two in each of the separate rooms, they include a small kitchen and living area, there's a communal bathroom at the end of each hall. And before you ask," she paused to look at me, "there's an exactly mirrored resident for the girls across campus."

I don't know why she thinks I'd ask that, I had little to no interest in where the girls dorm was located, I wasn't planning on making any trips there. I wasn't a girl, but instead of arguing my innocence I decided to call her out on her math, "So technically here are fourteen residential dorms then?"

"What?"

"Seven for boys, seven for girls?"

"Yes…"

"So fourteen."

"Oh my god Rin, just go find your dorm, smartass."

I smiled at her, "Just pointing it out." Then I remembered, "So…since you're not an athlete where are you staying?"

"There's a faculty dorm as well, I'll be staying there. With the girls swimming coach actually, Sensei Amakata."

"How do you know who you're rooming with?" I asked curiously.

"Because my paper didn't get so soaked I couldn't make out the names." She said matter-of-factly.

"Well then." The sarcasm evident in my tone.

She laughed, "Just go settle in, meet everyone, call me when you finish unpacking and we'll meet for dinner or something kay?"

"Kay." I said non-chalantly.

She placed a chaste kiss on my cheek, "Be good, don't get thrown out of here before you can compete."

"Yeah yeah." I waved her off, she smirked knowingly and pointed behind me, 'That way' she mouthed before skipping off in the opposite direction.

I rolled my eyes and started off the way I'd been directed, there were signs to help me find my way and after about a thirty minute walk I arrived at my dorm. It was exactly where Gou had said it would be, and looked exactly how she'd described, a tiny kitchen, and living area that consisted of nothing but a couch and plain wooden coffee table. Nothing special, but nice, there were three rooms extending off the living area, each labeled with more god damn letters. I found B easily noticing as I passed the open door of room A that there was already stuff inside, the two beds were made, one neater than the other by a few degrees, the neat one was covered by a fluffy white comforter, a white and blue jacket that I assumed had belonged to the persons previous swim team was draped over the headboard, and a stuffed killer whale was snuggled up against the fluffy white pillow. I noted the occupant's cleanliness and respected it immediately. The other bed was also made, neat enough though not quite to my standards, it was clad with a navy blue comforter, and mixed match yellow pillow stood out vibrantly against the dark color, a jacket identical to the one at on the other beds head board was strewn across the foot of the bed along with a neatly folded pile of swimsuits. All the exact same I noticed immediately, black with purple accents. There were at least twelve of them there, and it made me wonder who the hell could possibly need or use twelve identical swim suites, like seriously what the hell? I sighed before noticing a dolphin plushie that matched the whale in design and size pretty well. Weird. I thought, did these guys have matching stuffed animals and jackets for a reason?

I brushed it off, guessing I'd probably meet them soon enough anyway so there was no point in lingering. I twisted the nob of my own room, finding, much to my surprise, a feminine looking boy with close cropped violet hair and of soft face, resting on his bed back pushed up against the wall tapping away at his phone. His bed was a little disheveled looking, though I couldn't tell if it was because he'd been sitting on it or if he'd made it carelessly, he noticed me upon my entering and his face was suddenly lit up with a bright smile that was so full of innocence it put four year old singing in church choirs to shame.

He slid off the bed and approached me immediately extending a polite hand, "Hello there! You must be Matsouka-senpai?"

I took it with a small smile, "That's me, just Rin though no need for honorifics…"

"No, I mean, I'm…I've seen you race, senpai. You're amazing…Nitori by the way."

"Er…thanks, that's uh nice of you." I said not exactly sure how I should react.

"You're time is amazing!" Nitori said excitedly, "Six seconds from beating Phelps' record, right? That's insane!"

I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks, but I played down my flattery, "Uh yeah on my good days, I mean I'm hoping to beat his time, but it takes a lotta work," I was going to tell him how much, but then I remembered he was a swimmer as well, he already knew, so I stated the obvious, "but you know that."

"Yeah, takes a lot of conditioning to get that good huh? I practice all the time, but my times not even half that, you're like, amazing senpai!" the enthusiasm in his voice shocked Rin a little, he shook his head.

"Just Rin."

"Sorry senpai—I mean sorry…Rin." He looked uncomfortable saying it, like he's just tasted something awful, and I decided I wouldn't correct him if he called me senpai again, the look on his face was enough to tell me he liked it better than my actual name.

"It's alright, so have you met anyone else in the dorm yet? I noticed there were things unpacked next door."

"Oh! Um, I met one of them, his name was Matoko, he's nice, he said his roommate went to the pool as soon he unpacked, getting in some last minute practice I suppose," Hmph, reminds me of someone I used to know, he internally hit himself for thinking about said person and continued to listen to the violet haired boy, "anyway the other ones either haven't gotten here yet or I haven't seen them, but they're all swimmers so that's good!"

"Yeah I guess we won't have to worry about different schedules or anything."

He nodded, "I'm guessing that's why they group us this way, so there aren't like, gymnasts disturbing the swimmers they room with during their down time and vice versa. Rest is important for athletes after all." he smiled, "Anyway, I'm gonna make a quick trip to the supermarket and stock the fridge a little so we don't starve, do you want anything?" the kid was too nice for his own good.

"No I think I'm good, thanks though." The boy blushed, but said nothing, leaving with a quick wave.

The little homosexual devil inside me managed to remind me that the boy I was rooming with was cute, before I pushed the thoughts back down and went about unpacking my things, trying to think as little as possible well doing it.

After an hour I had everything where it ought to be, put neatly away, and I was happy with my progress, I'd also straightened the comforter on Nitori's bed, and I sincerely hoped the kid didn't notice. He still wasn't back from the market when their other roommates arrived, he introduced himself politely, noting by the boxes and suit cases they probably weren't the ones whose stuff was in room A.

"Rin-san!" the shorter of the two said happily he was blond with a smile that lit up the room and bubbly pink eyes, "I'm Nagisa Hazuki! This is my boyfriend Rei!" he motioned to the taller male who was wearing thick rimmed red glasses and now a noticeable blush on his cheeks, though Nagisa didn't seem to notice, "We all have something in common Rin-san, all of us are boys with girl names! What a coincidence, this must mean we'll be the best of friends Rin-Rin!"

I managed a laugh, it was hard for me to keep up with people as energetic as Nagisa, not that I didn't have energy, but just that Nagisa was one of those people whose presence filled up an entire room and I wasn't used to that.

Rei saved me from having to answer by extending a hand, "Rei Ryugazak, it's nice to meet you Rin-san. Sorry about Nagisa, he can be a bit much."

Nagisa laughed and reached up on his tiptoes to kiss Rei on the cheek, "Maybe but you love me anyway."

Rei's arm wrapped around Nagisa's tiny waist and he kissed his hair, "Obviously," he laughed before adding, "idiot."

I felt a sharp stab of jealousy for them. Why couldn't I have that? Why did I have to hide how I was? It wasn't fair.

"Oh! Rin-san!" Nagisa said suddenly, "You don't mind do you? I mean, you don't mind…us."It was the most serious ton I would ever hear the blond boy use.

"No," I said calmly though I was anything, but calm, the jealousy was literally eating away at me even though I knew it shouldn't be, "No, not at all."

Nagisa's smile returned and he threw his arms around my neck, "Yay!" he squealed, "That's fantastic Rin-san!"

"No," I said after a moment of thought, "that's just not being an asshole."

Nagisa laughed and Rei raised an eyebrow and gave him a slight smile before saying, "We're going to go unpack."

The two headed in the direction of their room before Nagisa turned around and said with a smile, "Maybe when the others get here we can all go to dinner or something?"

I thought momentarily of Gou, though they surely wouldn't mind her coming along, and the nodded, when I returned to my room I felt like screaming. They seemed nice enough, actually they seemed really fucking nice which is why I hated the jealousy. I just wanted what they had, but I knew, I fucking knew I could never have it and it drove me crazy. I didn't even let myself look at boys, let alone touch them like that, not that I didn't want to, but I just couldn't…my mother would hate me, my sister would...I actually had no idea what she would do, but I didn't let not knowing turn into hope. I took a deep breath, I would be fine, Haru was miles away from here. There was nothing to worry about. He was still the only person I'd actually felt actual feelings for anyway. I could suppress sex drives, but feelings? I wasn't so sure about feelings…I was the type of person whose felt with everything they were…suppressing feelings wouldn't be easy for me.

I laid down on my bed and rolled over, I could hear quite laughter coming from Rei and Nagisa's room, I squeezed my eyes shut deciding to take a long awaited nap, sleep came quickly, and I was grateful for the peace that it brought.

…

It must have been an hour later when I woke up. I could hear muffled voiced through the door, though I didn't pay them much attention, I glanced over at Nitori's bed finding it unchanged aside from a set of keys and his wallet, I guessed the kid must have gotten home from the store.

I set up in bed and swung my legs over the side, pushing a few stray maroon locks out of my eyes, I grabbed my phone off the dresser where I'd tossed it earlier, three missed calls and six texts, all from Gou. I read the texts.

Gou (3:10): hey! did u finish unpacking? who r ur dorm mates? wanna meet for dinner l8r?

Gou (4:31): heyyyyy answer ur phone! it's like 4:30, now wanna meet at 5:45?

Gou (4:45) : u okay?

Gou (5:02): rin pick up ur phone or im coming over there

Gou (5:19): helllllllllo?

Gou (5:25): dammit rin!

The last text had arrived six minutes ago, I decided to call her, she answered on the first ring.

"Rin! Why haven't you been answering me?"

"Fell asleep…" I said with a yawn.

"Dorm mates that boring?"

"No actually, they're nice, I mean the ones I've met anyway." I thought back to meeting Nagisa, Rei, and Nitori. Yeah they were nice.

"Oh okay well that's good, do you wanna meet for dinner or no?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice. 5:45 right?"

"Yep!" she chirped, "There's a cute little diner on campus, serves all of that super healthy no-trans-fat athlete food you like, it's by the gymnastics gym and the indoor pool, the one for all students not for swimmers. I'm sure one of your roommates can tell you where to go."

"I hope so because I'm not about to get lost as hell trying to—" a knock on the door interrupted me.

"Hello? Rin you still there?"

"Yeah, hold on one second Gou." I covered the speaker with my hand and shouted, "One second!" while I made my way to the door quickly, I wasn't paying much attention when I opened it, I was too busy telling Gou again to be quiet, before I looked up to see who'd graced me with their presence, my mouth fell opened upon seeing them, oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit, my head screamed at me, the phone fell out of my hand, he hadn't looked at me yet. He bent down to pick up my phone, "There's mackerel in the fridge," he said before he ever even looked at me, "can I eat it?" finally he held the phone out to me and his eyes widened as noticed me, I could see it click in his mind, I could feel it fitting together like puzzle pieces, "Rin?"

I didn't need to phrase his name like a question, I knew who I was looking at, the face I'd never been able to forget, "Haru." Haruka Nanase stood before me, black hair damp, blue eyes shining with memories I'd buried years ago, and my phone in the palm of his outstretched hand.

Holy fucking shit. Was the only thing I could think.