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Pain...Morph
He spotted the empty vials after he regained conciousness.
They were tagged 'Morphline'.
He knew this this drug, heard of it before.
Analgesic, something that eases pain.
Pain, what a small powerful word it is.
He trudged after her on the snow cobblestone alleys
"if, it wasn't you who brought the morph,who did?"
"why don't you drop it off,Gale?"
"Why won't you tell me?"
"Fine, it was Haymitch, happy now?"
"No"
"that is all I have to say"
Damn Katniss and her adamant head.
For a few weeks, it was an incessant obsession of his,
The morph and its anonymous bestower.
Peeta, Greasy sae, a couple of townie girls who were 'into' him...
Damn, he never knew he could be so rusty.
Days after days, it faded into the background.
He didn't pounder or linger on it anymore.
Their home was bombed,
It is fire everywhere.
'home' he ironically thought.
He never thought that he loved the painfilled wretched district 12, yet now he feels the anguish of its devastation as though he loved it since forever.
"We don't love things or people because they are most conveniant or most comfortable or most beautiful, we simply love them because they are them, we simply love them because that is love: inexplicable, unreasonable, unconditional. It just creeps upon us without knowing very swiftly, very quickly that we may not realise it" He over heard Madge undersee telling Katniss once.
He just looked judgingly and desdainfully at her, they were starving for god's sake and she was talking about bull and love yet when she locked eyes with him, she held this look of longing and melancholy and pain that made his soften before he dodged her gaze.
He couldn't decipher that look.
He never thought it was engraved that deep in his mind.
'Great now I am quoting undersee'
His eyes widen,
It hit him quite hard
'The morph'
Midway towards town,
"The mayor's house is down"
He was too late.
He breaks the news to Katniss.
She seemed pretty disturbed and engrieved by the news.
He doesn't seem to feel anything, he gives away nothing.
He keeps telling himself that maybe it wasn't her.
He doesn't want her to, maybe if she wasn't, then he wouldn't feel indebted, then he wouldn't feel this guilty.
Because It can't be something more than guilt, something deeper than debt.
He keeps telling himself that she didn't ... No she couldn't, she is a townie, they look down on them... It wasn't possible.
He kept pushing it, repressing the thought till Haymitch causally brought it up.
"So, you settled down"
"No"
"What? You couldn't find a girl yet, how about the blond girl, Maysilee's niece, the girl who brought you the Morph"
It only takes these words to send his mental shields and waining excuses tumbling down
He closes his eyes.
"She didn't make it" he whispers
Haymitch gives a one pointed look, then talks no more.
The district is back to life.
He inspects the old places, his former house and school, even the mines.
He was the heroic veteran, a symbol of national pride for the district.
At night, he gathers the mettle to march to the strawberry field, formerly the mayor's mansion.
He finally lets it go.
He finally mourns.
He finally grieves.
Maybe, it would get better, just a little less painful.
He never thought he could be as thick.
He never thought he could be so slow, so lagging.
He knows now it is no guilt, no debt.
It is simpler.
It is Sharper.
It is the epitome of Pain.
It is Love.
It sinks deeper than ever now, it tears through him, mingles with his particles, soaks his core.
he was always pain,
upon him,
upon Katniss,
upon her.
she was always morph,
upon Katniss,
upon him,
the mere thought of her is strangely soothing.
He confesses, for Maybe the hefty weight would get a little lighter,
Maybe the knot would get a little looser.
It is dawn.
Time to bury all things back in the well.
Time for young Gale to subdue, whilst the new one resurfaces, the charming, strong, heroic womanising Gale.
It shall always remain a one sided, painful secret all the way.
It was destined to be a heavy burden for one at a time.
Only One.