Accustomed to Her Face

"That's it, Bats, harder! Aw, c'mon, harder, baby!" laughed Joker, bleeding and battered, as Batman punched him mercilessly. "You know I love the way it hurts!"

Batman seized him around the throat, holding him against the wall, eyes narrowed in hatred. "C'mon, Batsy, do it!" hissed Joker, eyes gleaming. "Kill me! You know you want to! And I want to be your first! Been saving myself for you, cutie, and you've been playing with me for so long! Ain't you ready for it by now?"

For an instant, Batman's hand tightened around Joker's neck. It was so tempting to choke the life out of him, but something held him back. Something always held him back. With a growl, he dropped him to the ground.

Joker laughed again. "Aw, Batsy, you're such a tease!" he giggled. "When are you finally going to take that big step and become a man? I want to make it memorable for you – I want you to never forget your first time. But I guess you need a little more foreplay to get you in the mood!"

He ripped out a knife from his jacket and stabbed it into Batman's leg, cackling. Batman roared, ripping out the blade and striking Joker in the face, knocking his skull against the wall. He grabbed him around the throat again. "I will never let you win!" he hissed. "Never!"

"I get it, Bats, I get it," gasped Joker, still laughing although he struggled to breathe. "You ain't a traditional kinda guy. Maybe I can interest you in a threesome?"

At that moment, something slammed into Batman's skull, making him drop Joker and reel back in agony. There was another blow as something collided with chest, shooting ropes around his body and making him fall to the ground. His vision cleared enough to see Harley Quinn, holding her hammer in one hand and a smoking gun in the other, smiling at him. "Sorry, Bats, but I'm the jealous type!" she laughed. "Don't like anyone threatening puddin' but me."

"And I'm a one woman loon, really," said Joker as Harley helped him to his feet. He kissed her cheek and then they both came over to Batman, smiling.

"Well now, pooh, Bats looks to be all tied up," said Joker, grinning at her. "That should put him in the mood if anything will. It always does the trick for you."

"You think we should be gentle with him for his first time, Mr. J?" asked Harley, grinning back.

"Nah, Bats likes it rough," retorted Joker, smiling. "He's that kinda guy. I can tell."

"Good thing we both do too, huh, Mr. J?" asked Harley, beaming. "Wouldn't want to disappoint him."

"Oh, no fear of that, pumpkin!" laughed Joker. "Batsy's gonna remember this. He's gonna hurt for days afterward!"

He laughed hysterically as Harley began beating Batman with her hammer. His eyes were alight and beaming as he watched Harley inflict blow after blow, chuckling madly. He held up his hand at last, indicating that Harley stop, then picked up his knife, crouching down in front of Batman. "Now let's see if we can't turn that frown upside down!" he giggled, holding the knife against Batman's cheek and leaning into his face. "C'mon Bats, give me a nice, big smile!"

Batman headbutted him suddenly, making him drop the knife. He had managed to get one of his hands free during the beating and now grabbed the fallen knife, slicing it down his ropes and freeing himself. He leapt to his feet, punching Joker in the face again, and kicked out as Harley rushed toward them, knocking her into the wall. He kicked Joker down and then dragged him up by his collar to face him. "It's over, Joker," he hissed.

Joker grinned at him through bloodied teeth. "Over? Why my dear delusional Dark Knight, it hasn't even begun!"

With a chuckle he pressed a button in his pocket, and the building around them suddenly exploded. Batman and Joker were thrown to opposite ends of the room, Joker landing next to Harley. He seized her hand. "C'mon," he snapped, rushing for the exit.

The wooden floor of the building had caught fire quickly, and it was spreading fast. Harley's foot suddenly went through a floorboard and she fell, shrieking, into the burning hole. Joker, holding her hand, was dragged backwards and turned to see her struggling to pull herself up, panic in her eyes.

He rushed over to her, grabbing her other hand and shouting, "You stupid, clumsy girl! Can't you do anything right, you useless waste of space?!"

She was terrified, clutching his hands tightly as she glanced at the burning pit of fire below her. "Mr. J…" she gasped.

"C'mon," he interrupted, struggling to pull her up. "Jesus Christ, when did you get so heavy?! You're going on a diet the moment we get home, you hear me, you worthless dame?!"

At that moment, Batman leapt on top of him, causing the floorboard supporting Joker and Harley to crack. The floor shuddered and split, and the force of Batman knocking against Joker made him lose his grip on Harley. He recovered immediately and shot his hand out to grab hold of her again, at the same moment Batman dove to catch her.

They were both too late. With a scream, Harley disappeared from sight into the blazing inferno. "Harley!" shouted Joker, in a mixture of fury and shock. Batman too gazed at where she had disappeared in surprise – he had never been too late before.

But there was no time to think about that now. He tried to seize Joker, but his reflexes were good, and he had scrambled away from him. The roof was collapsing in flames, and Batman barely had time to burst through a window and get outside before the building fell in on itself. He turned back to stare at the burning pile of rubble, wondering if the Joker had got out in time, or if the two of them were buried together under there. Whatever had happened to Joker, Batman thought, with more pain than he should have felt at the death of a homicidal maniac, that rubble marked the final resting place of Harley Quinn.