I don't own the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Invader Zim, a movie studio, or
Jell-O. Don't sue me, cuz I put the disclaimer here and you would lose.
Please review!
[Scene starts at a wedding chapel. A very lovely woman and a strong young man came down the steps. As the bride gets ready to throw the bouquet, the groom comes to talk to one of his friends.]
Groom: Don't worry, Brad, I'm sure the fact that you're not human won't keep you from getting a girlfriend soon.
Brad: Yeah, I'm counting on that! *flashes a thumbs up*
Director: Cut! Red, that's not in the script! Please, guys, this is a classic. Try not to ruin it.
[A noisy commotion in drew Gally's attention away from her erring actors. Johnny stormed out of his dressing room, clutching his script and a shimmery garment in his shaking hands.]
Nny: There is no f**king way in HELL I'm going to wear this! I am NOT going to be this perverted alien freak!! F**k! Whoever wrote this story is going to rot in HELL!!
Gally: Please, Nny, our author can't think of anyone else to play the part. We can edit it out, if ya like-
But like it or not, you're gonna wear it, or worse things will happen.
Nny: Who the hell said that?!
I'm the Author! Fear me!
Nny: And what exactly would you do to me?
I would rewrite you as Janet.
[A long pause from Nny.]
Thank you.
Nny: *unintelligible mumbles*
Gally: If we could please continue.where's Janet? Devi, c'mon. We've got Nny under control.
[Devi grudgingly walks onto the set, wearing that weird pink dress. Red whistles.]
Red: Ouch! Dammit, Janet!
Devi: Don't make me kill you, green boy.
Red: She digs me. *wink*
Gally: Wake up, everyone! Let's go to the song scene with Janet and Brad. Places people! And.action!
[Red and Devi go to stand in the cemetery.]
Red: Hey, Janet.
Devi: (monotonous) Yes Brad?
Red: I've got something to say.
Devi: Uh-huh?
Red: I really love the.skillful way.you beat the other girls.to the bride's bouquet.
[Music starts]
Red: The river was deep and I swam it! ((Janet.)) The future is ours so let's plan it. ((Janet.)) So please, don't tell me to can it. ((Janet.)) There's one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet! I love you!
The road was long and I ran it. ((Janet.)) There's a fire in my heart and you fan it! ((Janet.)) If there's one fool for you than I am it. ((Janet.)) I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet! I love you!
[He kneels down before her on the steps, but nearly trips on his pants. He's not used to pants, you know.]
Red: Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker! There's three ways that love can go. And that's good, bad, or mediocre. Whoo! J-A-N-E-T, I love you so!
[Janet runs into the church waving her hand around.]
Devi: Oh! It's nicer than Betty Monroe had! ((Oh Brad.)) Now we're engaged and I'm so glad! ((Oh Brad.)) That you'll meet Mom and you'll know Dad. ((Oh Brad.)) There's one thing to say and that's Brad-I'm mad- for you too!
Devi: Ooh, Brad!
Red: Oh.Janet..
Devi: I'm maaad..
Red: Ohhh.Janet!
Devi: Ohhh.
Red: I love you too..
Both: There's one thing left to do, ah-ooo!
Red: And that's go see the man who began it! ((Janet.)) When we met in his science exam-it! ((Janet.)) Made me give you the eyes, and then, panic. ((Janet.)) There's one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet, I love you!
Red: Janet, Janet..
Devi: Oh Brad, I'm mad..
Red: Janet, Janet!
Both: I.love.youuuuu..
Gally: And cut! Very nice. Now, since the author doesn't like the next song, we're gonna so straight to the Time Warp.
[Devi ran to the bathroom to scrub the foul words from her mouth.]
Red: Hey, Gally, I have a question regarding the song I just sang; how could I have swum through a human river?
Gally: Red. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about this earlier, I truly am, but one scene requires you to walk through the rain to the castle.
[It takes a moment for this to sink into Red's mind. His confident grin slowly fades as he realizes what pain he'll be in. He makes a break for the doors suddenly.]
Gally: Stop that Tallest!
[Red is subdued. Gally slowly walks up to him and whispers something in his ear. Red nods happily and walks to his dressing room to get pasted up.]
[Gally's sister Phoenix walks up and looks at her grin.]
Phoenix: What did you tell him?
Gally: I just said that Zim has to lay in a tub of Jell-O, and he couldn't see it if he ran off.
Phoenix: Thou art truly devious.
[Runs off to help with makeup. She's the head makeup artist.]
Gally: Okay! Bring out Dib, Gaz, and the dancing freak-show!
[A strange procession lines up in front of the director's chair. Gally moves down the line, inspection the extras chosen to dance in the Time Warp scene. Here and there she adds random comments to her clipboard, until she gets to Dib and Gaz.]
Dib: I think this bump on my back is bigger than my head.
Gaz: Then it's pretty big, isn't it?
Gally: It's supposed to be really big, but I don't think it should be.moving.
Phoenix: *over Gally's shoulder* Or.squealing.
[Gally pulls off the coat to reveal Gir, all bespangled in is sequined vest thing.]
Gir: I'm a shiny lady!
[Phoenix gaped.]
Phoenix: You made GIR Columbia?!
Gally: I couldn't really see anyone doing it, so..places, people!
[The clacker thing opens the scene, which has a water-resistant Red and Devi approaching the porch. Red tried to be sneaky and snuck his arm around Devi's shoulder. She shuddered, but managed to refrain from smacking him. Red knocked smartly on the heavy wooden door.]
Devi: They're certainly taking their time, aren't they?
Red: We've go time to spare..
[A fist came flying at his face so fast he didn't have time to duck.]
Gally: Cut! Devi, we can't have our Brad be bruised. No more smacking. Red, keep your distance. And, action!
[Slowly the great door swung open. Dib stuck his head out menacingly.]
Red: Hey, could we, uh, use your phone?
Dib: You're wet.
Devi: Yes. It's raining.
Dib: I think perhaps you'd better both.come inside.
Both: Thanks.
[Dib disappears momentarily.]
Devi: Brad. I'm frightened.
Red: There's nothing to be afraid of. This is probably a hunting lodge for rich weirdoes.
[Dib slams the doors, startling them both. Red hied behind Devi.]
Dib: This way.
Devi: Sounds like you're having a party.
Dib: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the Master's affairs.
Devi: Whoop-tee freakin' do for him.
[Red elbows her.]
Devi: I mean, lucky him.
[A long pause.]
Devi: LUCKY HIM!
Gally: Gaz! Wake up!
[Gaz looks up from her GameSlave II.]
Gaz: Shut up!
Gally: *sigh* Bring in the understudy for Magenta..
[Tenna ran onto the set, wearing the maid's outfit.]
Tenna: Yay! I was really hoping this would work out for me!
Gally: Yeah. I had a feeling it would turn out like this. Tenna, please take your place on the staircase. We're going right into the Time Warp.
Tenna: All right!
Gally: And action!
Devi: Lucky him.
Tenna: He's lucky, I'm lucky, WE'RE ALL LUCKY!!
[ She slides down the banister and joins her 'brother' next to the 'frightened' couple. A catchy beat begins to play. Dib slides over to a chiming clock.]
Dib: It's astounding..time is fleeting. Madness..takes its toll.
Tenna: Not for very much longer..
Dib: I've got to.keep control.
[Red and Devi are backing up from the scary people now.]
Dib: *screeching* I remember, doin' the Time Warp! Drinking those moments when-the blackness would hit me-
Dib and Magenta: The void would be calling!
[The 'frightened' couple burst through a pair of double doors into a party, just reaching full swing.]
Party of Weirdoes: Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Scene cuts to Ms. Bitters in her classroom.]
Ms. Bitters: It's just a jump to the left. Into DOOM!
[Cut back to the PoWs.]
PoWs: And then a step to the riiiight!
[Cut to Bitters.]
Ms. Bitters: Put your DOOMED hands on your hips.
[Back to PoWs.]
PoWs: And bring your knees in tiiiight! Put it's the Pelvic Thrust that really drives you insaaaane! Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
Tenna: *dancing around seductively, in a slightly macabre kind of way* It's so dreamy. Oh, fantasy, free me! So you can't see me, oh, not at all. In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention, well secluded, I see all.
[By now she's under the stairs. As Dib starts to sing she begins dancing on the table.]
Dib: With a bit of a mind flip..
Tenna: *from the table* You're into the time slip!
Dib: And nothing.can ever be the same.
Tenna: You're spaced out on sensation!
Dib: *screeching* Like you're under sedation!
PoWs: Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Dib and Tenna dance across the floor to the jukebox, where Gir sits in all his spangly glory.]
Gir: Tacos!
Gally: Cut! Someone activate the Rocky Horror chip I made for Gir!
[One of the camera men walked up to the SIR and took him off the jukebox. He delivered a swift kick to his head, and put him back on the jukebox.]
Gally: Action!
Gir: Well, I was walkin' down the street, just-a havin' a think, when a snake of a guy gave me an *evil* wink! He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise, he had a pickup truck and *devil's* eyes! He stared at me, an' I felt a change; time meant nothin', never would again!
PoWs: Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Cut to Bitters.]
Ms. Bitters: It's just a jump to the left.
[Cut back to the PoWs.]
PoWs: And then a step to the riiiight!
[Cut to Bitters.]
Ms. Bitters: Put your hands on your hips.
[Back to PoWs.]
PoWs: And bring your knees in tiiiight! Put it's the Pelvic Thrust that really drives you insaaaane!
[Cut to Bitter dancing on her desk.]
Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Red and Devi are supposed to be backing up the stairs, but Red keeps trying to join the dance. Finally, Devi kicks the back of his knees and drags him up the steps. Gir leaps off the jukebox and proceeds to tap- dance spectacularly across the floor.]
Gir: Whoo!
[Finishes his dance with a dramatic sprawl over the steps.]
Gally: And cut! Excellent job, everyone! Very nice! Take a break, go home, get some sleep, stock up on body armor. Tomorrow.Enter the Doctor!
[Scene starts at a wedding chapel. A very lovely woman and a strong young man came down the steps. As the bride gets ready to throw the bouquet, the groom comes to talk to one of his friends.]
Groom: Don't worry, Brad, I'm sure the fact that you're not human won't keep you from getting a girlfriend soon.
Brad: Yeah, I'm counting on that! *flashes a thumbs up*
Director: Cut! Red, that's not in the script! Please, guys, this is a classic. Try not to ruin it.
[A noisy commotion in drew Gally's attention away from her erring actors. Johnny stormed out of his dressing room, clutching his script and a shimmery garment in his shaking hands.]
Nny: There is no f**king way in HELL I'm going to wear this! I am NOT going to be this perverted alien freak!! F**k! Whoever wrote this story is going to rot in HELL!!
Gally: Please, Nny, our author can't think of anyone else to play the part. We can edit it out, if ya like-
But like it or not, you're gonna wear it, or worse things will happen.
Nny: Who the hell said that?!
I'm the Author! Fear me!
Nny: And what exactly would you do to me?
I would rewrite you as Janet.
[A long pause from Nny.]
Thank you.
Nny: *unintelligible mumbles*
Gally: If we could please continue.where's Janet? Devi, c'mon. We've got Nny under control.
[Devi grudgingly walks onto the set, wearing that weird pink dress. Red whistles.]
Red: Ouch! Dammit, Janet!
Devi: Don't make me kill you, green boy.
Red: She digs me. *wink*
Gally: Wake up, everyone! Let's go to the song scene with Janet and Brad. Places people! And.action!
[Red and Devi go to stand in the cemetery.]
Red: Hey, Janet.
Devi: (monotonous) Yes Brad?
Red: I've got something to say.
Devi: Uh-huh?
Red: I really love the.skillful way.you beat the other girls.to the bride's bouquet.
[Music starts]
Red: The river was deep and I swam it! ((Janet.)) The future is ours so let's plan it. ((Janet.)) So please, don't tell me to can it. ((Janet.)) There's one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet! I love you!
The road was long and I ran it. ((Janet.)) There's a fire in my heart and you fan it! ((Janet.)) If there's one fool for you than I am it. ((Janet.)) I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet! I love you!
[He kneels down before her on the steps, but nearly trips on his pants. He's not used to pants, you know.]
Red: Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker! There's three ways that love can go. And that's good, bad, or mediocre. Whoo! J-A-N-E-T, I love you so!
[Janet runs into the church waving her hand around.]
Devi: Oh! It's nicer than Betty Monroe had! ((Oh Brad.)) Now we're engaged and I'm so glad! ((Oh Brad.)) That you'll meet Mom and you'll know Dad. ((Oh Brad.)) There's one thing to say and that's Brad-I'm mad- for you too!
Devi: Ooh, Brad!
Red: Oh.Janet..
Devi: I'm maaad..
Red: Ohhh.Janet!
Devi: Ohhh.
Red: I love you too..
Both: There's one thing left to do, ah-ooo!
Red: And that's go see the man who began it! ((Janet.)) When we met in his science exam-it! ((Janet.)) Made me give you the eyes, and then, panic. ((Janet.)) There's one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet, I love you!
Red: Janet, Janet..
Devi: Oh Brad, I'm mad..
Red: Janet, Janet!
Both: I.love.youuuuu..
Gally: And cut! Very nice. Now, since the author doesn't like the next song, we're gonna so straight to the Time Warp.
[Devi ran to the bathroom to scrub the foul words from her mouth.]
Red: Hey, Gally, I have a question regarding the song I just sang; how could I have swum through a human river?
Gally: Red. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about this earlier, I truly am, but one scene requires you to walk through the rain to the castle.
[It takes a moment for this to sink into Red's mind. His confident grin slowly fades as he realizes what pain he'll be in. He makes a break for the doors suddenly.]
Gally: Stop that Tallest!
[Red is subdued. Gally slowly walks up to him and whispers something in his ear. Red nods happily and walks to his dressing room to get pasted up.]
[Gally's sister Phoenix walks up and looks at her grin.]
Phoenix: What did you tell him?
Gally: I just said that Zim has to lay in a tub of Jell-O, and he couldn't see it if he ran off.
Phoenix: Thou art truly devious.
[Runs off to help with makeup. She's the head makeup artist.]
Gally: Okay! Bring out Dib, Gaz, and the dancing freak-show!
[A strange procession lines up in front of the director's chair. Gally moves down the line, inspection the extras chosen to dance in the Time Warp scene. Here and there she adds random comments to her clipboard, until she gets to Dib and Gaz.]
Dib: I think this bump on my back is bigger than my head.
Gaz: Then it's pretty big, isn't it?
Gally: It's supposed to be really big, but I don't think it should be.moving.
Phoenix: *over Gally's shoulder* Or.squealing.
[Gally pulls off the coat to reveal Gir, all bespangled in is sequined vest thing.]
Gir: I'm a shiny lady!
[Phoenix gaped.]
Phoenix: You made GIR Columbia?!
Gally: I couldn't really see anyone doing it, so..places, people!
[The clacker thing opens the scene, which has a water-resistant Red and Devi approaching the porch. Red tried to be sneaky and snuck his arm around Devi's shoulder. She shuddered, but managed to refrain from smacking him. Red knocked smartly on the heavy wooden door.]
Devi: They're certainly taking their time, aren't they?
Red: We've go time to spare..
[A fist came flying at his face so fast he didn't have time to duck.]
Gally: Cut! Devi, we can't have our Brad be bruised. No more smacking. Red, keep your distance. And, action!
[Slowly the great door swung open. Dib stuck his head out menacingly.]
Red: Hey, could we, uh, use your phone?
Dib: You're wet.
Devi: Yes. It's raining.
Dib: I think perhaps you'd better both.come inside.
Both: Thanks.
[Dib disappears momentarily.]
Devi: Brad. I'm frightened.
Red: There's nothing to be afraid of. This is probably a hunting lodge for rich weirdoes.
[Dib slams the doors, startling them both. Red hied behind Devi.]
Dib: This way.
Devi: Sounds like you're having a party.
Dib: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the Master's affairs.
Devi: Whoop-tee freakin' do for him.
[Red elbows her.]
Devi: I mean, lucky him.
[A long pause.]
Devi: LUCKY HIM!
Gally: Gaz! Wake up!
[Gaz looks up from her GameSlave II.]
Gaz: Shut up!
Gally: *sigh* Bring in the understudy for Magenta..
[Tenna ran onto the set, wearing the maid's outfit.]
Tenna: Yay! I was really hoping this would work out for me!
Gally: Yeah. I had a feeling it would turn out like this. Tenna, please take your place on the staircase. We're going right into the Time Warp.
Tenna: All right!
Gally: And action!
Devi: Lucky him.
Tenna: He's lucky, I'm lucky, WE'RE ALL LUCKY!!
[ She slides down the banister and joins her 'brother' next to the 'frightened' couple. A catchy beat begins to play. Dib slides over to a chiming clock.]
Dib: It's astounding..time is fleeting. Madness..takes its toll.
Tenna: Not for very much longer..
Dib: I've got to.keep control.
[Red and Devi are backing up from the scary people now.]
Dib: *screeching* I remember, doin' the Time Warp! Drinking those moments when-the blackness would hit me-
Dib and Magenta: The void would be calling!
[The 'frightened' couple burst through a pair of double doors into a party, just reaching full swing.]
Party of Weirdoes: Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Scene cuts to Ms. Bitters in her classroom.]
Ms. Bitters: It's just a jump to the left. Into DOOM!
[Cut back to the PoWs.]
PoWs: And then a step to the riiiight!
[Cut to Bitters.]
Ms. Bitters: Put your DOOMED hands on your hips.
[Back to PoWs.]
PoWs: And bring your knees in tiiiight! Put it's the Pelvic Thrust that really drives you insaaaane! Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
Tenna: *dancing around seductively, in a slightly macabre kind of way* It's so dreamy. Oh, fantasy, free me! So you can't see me, oh, not at all. In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention, well secluded, I see all.
[By now she's under the stairs. As Dib starts to sing she begins dancing on the table.]
Dib: With a bit of a mind flip..
Tenna: *from the table* You're into the time slip!
Dib: And nothing.can ever be the same.
Tenna: You're spaced out on sensation!
Dib: *screeching* Like you're under sedation!
PoWs: Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Dib and Tenna dance across the floor to the jukebox, where Gir sits in all his spangly glory.]
Gir: Tacos!
Gally: Cut! Someone activate the Rocky Horror chip I made for Gir!
[One of the camera men walked up to the SIR and took him off the jukebox. He delivered a swift kick to his head, and put him back on the jukebox.]
Gally: Action!
Gir: Well, I was walkin' down the street, just-a havin' a think, when a snake of a guy gave me an *evil* wink! He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise, he had a pickup truck and *devil's* eyes! He stared at me, an' I felt a change; time meant nothin', never would again!
PoWs: Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Cut to Bitters.]
Ms. Bitters: It's just a jump to the left.
[Cut back to the PoWs.]
PoWs: And then a step to the riiiight!
[Cut to Bitters.]
Ms. Bitters: Put your hands on your hips.
[Back to PoWs.]
PoWs: And bring your knees in tiiiight! Put it's the Pelvic Thrust that really drives you insaaaane!
[Cut to Bitter dancing on her desk.]
Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!
[Red and Devi are supposed to be backing up the stairs, but Red keeps trying to join the dance. Finally, Devi kicks the back of his knees and drags him up the steps. Gir leaps off the jukebox and proceeds to tap- dance spectacularly across the floor.]
Gir: Whoo!
[Finishes his dance with a dramatic sprawl over the steps.]
Gally: And cut! Excellent job, everyone! Very nice! Take a break, go home, get some sleep, stock up on body armor. Tomorrow.Enter the Doctor!