OS compilation

by Sevryna

OS compilation from citations. Translation of "Recueil".

1. Chapter 1

Summary: OS compilation from citations.

Disclaimer: The Stargate SG-1 universe and the characters do not belong to me: they belong to the MGM / AU and their authors. I do not intend to discredit the actors, authors or other person involved in the Stargate universe.

This is a fiction for which I do not receive any remuneration for writing.

Genre: A bit of everything, but especially Angst, Romance, Friendship. Sam & Jack, of course, but others too.

Summary At dawn of the lake: Sam has just buried her father. Jack offers a fishing spot.

At dawn of the lake

"There is no love without fear of love." Françoise Sagan ("Il n'y a pas d'amour sans peur de l'amour")

- "So we're going to fish?"

Jack O'Neill's question in the office of his best friend and colleague Daniel Jackson broke the silence that reigned there.

- "Your cabin O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

- "Of course T. I don't know a better place in the world to go fishing."

- "Why not, it may be restful." Daniel replied.

- "Ah I like this state of mind Daniel. Rest and nothing else than rest. Carter?"

The three men watched Samantha Carter. Of course, Jack knew her answer in advance. But she had just lost her father, had broken her engagement with Pete. He really hoped that this time she would take a week off with them, with him.

- "I..." She began to say.

She lowered her head, unsure of her answer. One week with the guys, that was exactly what she needed, after all. But a week with him, in his cabin... It was just a little play with fire.

- "Don't worry, Carter, I understand. Naquadah's reactor has all your attention. We'll send you a postcard." Jack gently and amusingly said.

He was very good at hiding the disappointment in his voice. All her refusals, all the years ... He was used to what Sam looks at him, leaving the base, a smile on her lips and a "Have fun Sir."

- "To be honest, it would really please me, Sir." Sam replied.

All the alarms of her brain were activated and sounded from all sides. She closed her eyes gently, the words "DANGER" and "ALERT" written in red letters in her mind. What the hell had she said? Teal'c raised an eyebrow. Daniel opened wide round eyes. Jack had his mouth open, not knowing what to answer. They stood there for several seconds, until Sam spoke again.

- "When do we leave?"

- "Six o'clock tomorrow morning, is that okay?" Jack asked as he picked up his wits.

She had accepted. His favorite astrophysicist, the woman who occupied her mind night and day, had accepted his invitation to come and fish at his cabin. For a moment he wondered if he had not dreamed of this answer, or whether he was not in a parallel reality. The amused look of his 2IC nevertheless warmed his heart.

- "I think you can leave now. Go to rest, we'll have a long road." Jack said to his team.

Daniel and Teal'c came out of the office as Sam sat, lost in thoughts.

- "Carter?"

- "Yes sir?" She asked without looking at him.

- "You're not leaving?" He questioned her softly.

She raised her azure eyes towards him and plunged into his chocolate eyes. Her pulse increased slightly.

- "And you?" She breathed softly, realizing that she had held her breath as she turned her head towards him.

- "I still have some paperwork to finalize before leaving. So that Reynolds will not have bad surprise and he will not call me in the middle of the holidays."

- "It would be annoying if the phone ringed the fish." She said in a smile.

He smiled back and slowly approached her, making her hold her breath again. He put a hand on her shoulder.

- "Go home. And call if you need anything."

- "Thank you, General. It should be fine."

She got up from her chair and walked over to the door as Jack pulled away from her.

- "See you tomorrow, sir."

- "I'll pick you up at quarter to six. See you tomorrow."

She left the office, her cheeks rosy. Her heartbeat returned to its normal pace as she made her way to the locker room. The fresh air caressed her skin as she entered her car to go home. Her brain was running at full speed and she wondered if she would get to rest that night. She was missing her father. Terribly. She knew she had been lucky to win those four more years with him, even if they could not see themselves as much as they wanted. In spite of all that she had been able to say to reassure her friends, she had not been prepared for his death. When he had told her that, at the SGC, in that infirmary bed, it'd been a shock. She had sought solutions in her mind, but her father's explanation was without appeal. He was going to die and she hadn't had time to prepare herself. In fact, since he was the host of Selmak she had thought him invincible. She knew it was a mistake to think such a thing, but he was her father, he was strong, intelligent, loving. And now she found herself naked in a flood of emotions that crossed her on her way home. Being strong at the SGC was almost easy, usual. There was always an airman in a corridor or a member of the scientific team who was there, so she couldn't afford to collapse. She pushed to open the door of her house after turning the key in the lock and let herself be wrapped by the soft warmth of the inside. She left her jacket after locking the front door and headed upstairs. A warm bath would certainly help her to relax. She put the foam bath in the tub while the hot water flowed. She looked at her face in a mirror. She was surrounded, a little pale. She sighed and shut the tap. She settled into the bath and let the hot water relax one by one her muscles. The light music she had thrown up broke the heavy silence of the solitude that surrounded her. God! She felt so alone at that moment. The immense void she felt intensified when the next melody invaded the room. Her father loved this music. She loved this music. She felt like a lost, forsaken child. A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it quickly. She didn't want to cry because she was afraid that she would not be able to get up if she let herself go to her trouble. She took a deep breath and began to wash her. She finally left her bath and put on her pajamas. Then she wrapped herself in her dressing gown and went downstairs to prepare a rough meal with what was left in her cupboards. She was not good at cooking, so she took out a meal already ready from her freezer and thought it would be fine. She walked to her living room and turned on the television, thinking to find an interesting show to watch. Finally, the romantic film on which she fell gave her nausea and she preferred to turn off the device. She found herself pathetic, on her sofa, her meal barely opened. Staying at the base would almost have been simpler than finding herself in this environment, alone. But she knew Jack would not let her stay in her lab. Jack... Her thoughts turn inexorably towards her commanding officer. He had been so sweet and considerate these last few days that she wondered how Kerry had not already made him a domestic dispute. Kerry. Suddenly it jumped in her face. Would she be there the next day too? After all, he might have wanted her to come too. She felt a lump in her throat at this thought. She should have refused to go. What the hell was she thinking at the time of answering?! She quickly went up to her room to prepare her luggage. She could not go back now. Her tearful eyes were methodically seeking every thing she needed. She finally closed her bag and collapsed on her bed. A few tears escaped her eyes and she wiped them with rage. "Not. Cry." She said to herself. She watched the hours go by until five in the morning. She decided to get up and get ready, the General had to arrive forty-five minutes later. She spent the night thinking about the week ahead and remembering her father's memories. Inevitably, her sleepless night did not go unnoticed on her face. The coffee she drank gave her a boost and she quickly passed in the shower. Half an hour later she was waiting for Jack in front of her house. When he arrived, he immediately noticed her tired face.

- "You didn't sleep." He said to her.

It wasn't a question, he said that softly and she looked at him, sheepish.

- "You should have called." He continued, taking her luggage and putting it in the trunk of his 4x4. Sam didn't answer, not knowing what to say. She watched the inside of the car. He was alone.

- "Are you alone, sir?" She asked suddenly.

He raised the head of the trunk to look at her.

- "Well I had said six o'clock to Daniel and Teal'c. You are the first I have pick up."

- "Oh." She replied simply.

- "Were you expecting to see someone else?" He asked him.

Sam bit her cheek inside. He had stuck her.

- "That's possible, General." She said in a breath.

He approached her and looked into her eyes.

- "It's only us, Carter. And it's much better like that don't you think?"

Sam's cheeks suddenly ignited because of the proximity of her CO. Was he insinuating that Agent Johnson was no longer part of his daily life and that it was better that way? "You speculate, poor girl. She's just not part of the holiday week. He never said she was no longer part of his life." She thought, settling into the front passenger seat. Jack started the car and they were at Daniel's house a few minutes later. Teal'c and he walked over to the car with smiles on their lips.

- "Sam, Jack. Are you ok?" Daniel asked.

- "Perfectly. Are you ready?" Jack replied.

- "Yes O'Neill we are ready." Teal'c said.

Daniel noticed that Sam had not answered his question and watched her from the corner of his eye. She gave him a shy smile and he noticed her tired face.

- "You didn't sleep." He whispered in her ear.

She shook her head slowly.

- "You should have called."

Sam smiled back at him and went back into the car. For once Daniel and Jack had the same thoughts.

The first part of the journey was relatively silent. Daniel, lulled by the car, had fallen asleep after the first few kilometers. Teal'c had plunged into Kel'no'reem - at least Jack thought that given the stoic attitude of his friend for nearly two hours. - At his side Sam was mute and looked out the window. The music Jack had decided to spend was calm. He had secretly hoped it would lull Sam, but she was still awake. After all, it was Carter, and she had an incredible resistance to sleep when she wished. A new music began. He hummed softly, tapping rhythmically with his fingers on the steering wheel. Sam's hand was as fast as lightning when she pressed the button to move on to the next song. Jack quickly turned his head towards her.

- "Carter?" He asked quietly.

He noticed some tears in the eyes of his second in command, but were quickly swallowed by Sam.

- "You didn't like this song last month?" He said looking at her more intensely.

- "You should look at the road, sir." She answered softly.

- "You should rest Carter." He said in turn, his eyes again concentrating on the road.

- "Maybe later." She breathed.

Jack pulled his right hand off the wheel and grabbed Sam's hand, which he gently squeezed. Sam was electrified by the contact that made her jump. This was definitely against the settlement. Jack didn't seem to care, and she left his warm hand in hers for many minutes. About an hour later Jack stopped the car on a rest area. Daniel was now awake and reading quietly while Teal'c was out of his state of meditation.

- "Little break guys. I need a coffee." Jack said as he opened his door.

They all got out of the car to stretch their legs and Sam walked into the small shop to find the toilet. Her face almost scared her in the mirror. She passed water on her face and dried it before joining her friends to the car. They all took their place again and Jack restarted. When noon approached they again took a break in a small restaurant that Jack knew well. Teal'c took the wheel instead of Jack. The latter slept for two hours, but looked quite frequently at Sam. She spoke quietly with Daniel. In the middle of the afternoon it was Daniel who took the wheel, Jack wanting to drive the last part of the journey. Sam had asked to be able to drive too but none of the men had accepted, judging her state of fatigue incompatible with driving. She was now in the back of the car behind Teal'c, Jack behind Daniel, who spoke enthusiastically about the latest discovery he had made. Jack would have been rather annoyed by the monologue if it hadn't had the effect of a sleeping pill on Carter. Jack smiled at his drowsy 2IC, and unbuckled his seat belt to gently approach her.

- "Jack, what the hell are you doing? I drive over 100km/h!" Daniel whispered after seeing that Sam was drowsy.

- "No comment Daniel." Jack replied.

He slipped his polar jacket between Sam's head and the glass on which she was resting. But as a good soldier, Sam immediately opened her eyes and met these of her commanding officer. The closeness with Jack took her breath away.

- "Have rest, Sam." He whispered.

The use of her first name in Jack's mouth troubled her, but not as much as the hand he had slipped into hers, stroking her gently. Since when did they allow this contact? Sam let go of her head against Jack's fleece, his scent filling her nostrils. His commanding officer retired to rest in his place. Sam let herself be overcome by the smell of Jack and the sweetness of the fleece. Obviously, General O'Neill had a brilliant idea: Sam fell asleep about an hour. The last pause allowed them to eat quietly before Jack returned to the wheel. Three and half hours later, they were at the cabin. Night prevented them from observing the beauty of the place, but Sam still admired the lake, bathed in lunar light. She finally entered the cabin with luggage in her hand. Everything was nicely arranged. The fireplace sat in the middle of the main room, while the kitchen was open to the living room/dining room. One room was located on the ground floor as well as a bathroom. Upstairs the corridor dumped four other rooms and another bathroom. Jack suggested taking the lower room, as it was the smallest. He pointed to Sam's first room, the closest to the bathroom. The room had a balcony, and he knew she would enjoy watching the sky. Daniel took the room next to Sam's while Teal'c went into the opposite room. Jack then told his friends to go and rest. They would go to the mall the next morning. They all wished each other good night. Daniel and Teal'c entered their rooms while Sam stayed in the corridor.

- "A problem Carter?" Jack asked.

- "I…"

He watched her lower her head, seeing her find her words. Definitely not Carter.

- "Thank you sir, to grant us this week." She finally said.

Jack felt that it was not really what she wanted to say.

- "The pleasure is mine. Go to rest now, you need it."

- "Good night, General."

- "Good night." He answered softly, turning to go down the stairs.

Sam walked into her room and found her pajamas in her bag. A quick turn in the bathroom and she was ready to lie down. In spite of the accumulated fatigue, Sam had difficulty falling asleep. Her father's thoughts haunted her and she was struggling to get rid of Jack's image with Kerry. It's with heavy heart that she felt asleep. About five in the morning Sam opened one eye. A dim light passed through the curtains of the window leading to the balcony. Knowing that she would not go back to sleep, Sam got up and dressed in jeans and a sweater. She carefully descended the steps to avoid waking her friends and headed for the kitchen. There she found a mug and tea, which she deemed perfect. Once she had filled her cup, she left the cabin, and admired the view in front of her. The trees surrounded the cabin, their greenery resplendent in the dim light of the morning. She advanced on the dock to admire the lake. The dawn gave a particular hue to the environment, and its reflection on the surface of the lake gave a rather magical side to the place. Sam sat cross-legged on the dock her cup warmed her hands. She let her mind wander, thinking that her father would have loved this place very much. Her throat tightened, and as if to untie it she took a sip of her tea. A light breeze caressed her face, twirling the few locks around her face. She now understood why Jack loved this haven so much. She told herself that there should be no better place to recharge his batteries after the difficult missions they could all cross. Once again she let her mind focus on her CO. She could no longer hide that she loved him. It was irrevocable and she knew it very well. Her father knew it, and it was thanks to him that she had finally left Pete. But too late... Jack had put his life aside. To love this man was rough, painful. She did not know how to define it otherwise. That love made her suffer, assuredly. She would have liked to make her life with another man, with whom it would have been easier, more normal. But the fiasco this had given Pete had made her understand that she could not forget or replace Jack O'Neill. She was totally in love with him. Viscerally, deeply, totally in love. And she was hurting. Solitude invaded her heart and she wished her father to be near her to comfort her. She missed him so much that every hour of the day and night tore her heart.

Suddenly she heard footsteps. His steps, to be more precise. She did not move, still watching the lake burning her eyes. She felt a plaid on her shoulders and Jack sat down beside her, without a word. She thanked him mentally for not speaking at the moment. They remained silent for about thirty minutes, until a tear escaped from Sam's eyes. She wiped it very quickly and Jack watched her.

- "You know you have the right to cry." He said softly.

Sam closed her eyes and lowered her head as the sun rose a little higher up in the sky, illuminating her short blond hair with its rays.

- "I cannot." She answered simply.

She looked at her jeans and tried to tear out the little sons who were passing. Jack grabbed her hand and stroked her tenderly, causing a flaw in her heartbeat. Decidedly it became a habit to take her hand.

- "Okay." Jack simply told her.

They stayed on the dock until 6:30 am, finally deciding to go for a real substantial breakfast. Daniel and Teal'c were awake and waited in the living room. They had a good breakfast before heading to the nearest mall. On their return they arranged their gloceries and went outside to fish. Their day went in a good mood, Sam smiling at the jokes of her friends. The evening Teal'c decided to put on a hilarious sci-fi comedy called "Space Milkshake"1 in front of which they all laughed heartily. So it was that the following four days took place: Sam woke up very early, had a tea and took advantage of the silence of dawn to admire the lake. Jack joined her shortly afterwards and they remained silent, next to each other, holding hands. On the morning of the fifth day, however, Sam began the conversation.

- "How do you know that I'm here so early, sir?" She asked as Jack stroked her hand tenderly.

- "Tea." He replied.

- "Tea?"

- "I hear the kettle in the morning. And I know that the lake is peaceful to admire at dawn, especially when your heart is sick."

- "Oh. I'm sorry sir." She told him.

- "Sorry? Why?"

- "To wake you up every morning."

- "It doesn't bother me. But I know you wake up in the middle of the night too. You know I'm here Carter?"

She wondered how he could know that every night she awoke at the worst about two in the morning. The questioning had to be read on her face as Jack answered her inner question.

- "I hear you open the window-door which leads to the balcony."

- "Oh."

Then silence returned. The day unfolded as usual, Sam enjoying being with her friends without having to save the planet from any invasion. However Jack received a phone call during the evening and he walked away to answer it after seeing the correspondent. Sam's heart broke, knowing that Kerry Johnson was surely the person speaking to Jack at that moment. She apologized to Daniel and Teal'c and climbed the stairs to the bathroom. She tried to catch her breath, tears threatening to ravage her face. She ran away from the water and breathed deeply, her hands resting on either side of the sink. Jack's stifled voice reached her behind the door.

- "Carter? Are you ok? The guys told me you were rushing here." He asked.

- "Yes. Yes, General."

- "I have something to tell you, go down when you get better."

He had something to tell to them? Sam worried. Would he tell them that his relationship with Johnson had become so serious that he became engaged? Sam squirmed and clung to the sink a little more. She finally came downstairs a few minutes later.

- "Is everything okay Sam? You're pale suddenly." Daniel asked.

- "Everything's fine. Then, General, what must you tell us?" Sam asked trying to control the tremors in her voice.

- "Hammond retires. I take his post in Washington."

His announcement was the effect of a bomb in Sam's heart and mind. He was leaving. Jack O'Neill was leaving the SGC. He left her alone. He abandoned his team. Kerry Johnson was in Washington.

- "Well... What a surprise Jack! You're going to have all the bureaucrats on your back." Daniel said to him.

- "Yes, but it's better to have someone who knows the reality of the land there." Jack replied.

Sam kept her head down, trying to regain her spirits.

- "Carter? Are you sure you're okay?"

Sam looked up and looked into his yes.

- "Yes. Congratulation Sir, this is a great promotion for you." She calmly said.

She had lost it. Definitely. And it hurt.

- "I hope you will come to visit me. Do not let me languish over there." Jack said in the tone of the joke.

- "You will not be alone there General." Sam replied quickly.

She bit the inside of the lip immediately, wondering why she said that. Jack understood the allusion and decided to be clearer with his 2IC - who was now no longer as directly under his command as before. -

- "Oh I do. After all, who would want an old General like me?" He said with a smile.

This time she could not deny the obvious: Jack clearly insinuated to be alone. No more Kerry, then?

- "We will come to see you O'Neill, I would love to discover this city of which you all speak a lot." Teal'c said.

- "Well you know Teal'c, it's the big city. Lots of buildings, lots of bureaucrats."

- "We're going to miss you, Sir." Sam said.

The evening ended a little more lightly after Daniel started another conversation. They went to bed, and as usual Sam awoke at two o'clock. She got up from her bed, her heart heavy, and the dull pain of the loss of her father squeezing her heart. And Jack was going to Washington. She was hurting and tears threatened to sink more. She opened the curtains to reach the balcony but the rain fell to torrent. She drew back to watch the drops slide down the glass door. Her throat tightened more and more, the anguish growing in her. She was terribly alone. She hurried out of her room and down the stairs. She found herself in front of Jack's bedroom door and tried to resume her breathlessly. She was there. She had waited so long that this moment threatened to arrive since her father's last breath. She could no longer fight the pain. A first sob rose to her throat, then a second, as she stood against the wall in front of Jack's room. The door opened quickly and she was pressed against Jack's chest. Then she laid down her arms. She stopped fighting the dull pain that shattered her heart and was overwhelmed by her pain. Her legs dropped as she clung to Jack's t-shirt with all her strength. He squeezed her as hard as possible, and finally carried her to his bed, closing the door of his foot. Sam wept for several hours, Jack took her in his arms without a word. When the tears finally stopped, the dawn had dawned. The rain had stopped.

- "Do you feel better?" He delicately asked.

Sam nodded a little, still clinging to him.

- "Come on, we're going to prepare your tea."

They got out of Jack's bed, and headed for the kitchen. Jack prepared Sam's tea, and they went to the dock on which they sat. Jack placed the plaid on the astrophysicist's shoulders, keeping his arms around her. With all the gentleness he could show, he put a kiss on her temple. He didn't need to talk. She knew what it meant, and neither needed to express it. She looked away, admiring the colors of dawn on the lake.

- "I'm scared." She finally said.

- "Of what?" He asked.

- "To love you." She replied.

Jack released his embrace to take her mug from her hands. He placed it behind them and grabbed Sam's hands, stayed in front of her. They looked at each other intensely.

- "I would not leave Sam, but I think there is no love without fear of love. I'm afraid too. But if you're here, then it'll be fine. Do you want to go that way with me?"

Sam looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. The words of Jack were so beautiful, so sweet, and so true. And it was destined to her.

- "Yes." She replied, tears running down her cheeks.

He wiped the drops of salt water with one hand and leaned towards her. Their lips sealed their words, at the dawn of the lake.

THE END

1: "Space milkshake": movie by Armen Evrensel released in 2012 with Amanda Tapping, Robin Dunne, Kristin Kreuk, Billy Boyd and George Takei.