Lily sighed and put her fork down as she caught sight of James Potter taking a seat at the other end of the table. She'd actually begun to think of him as a friend, and when she was being completely honest with herself she even admitted she might care for him as more than a friend. But she'd ruined all of that last week by forgetting that they had made plans for Hogsmeade and accepting a date with Richie Turner instead. She'd apologized profusely, but James had obviously been less than thrilled. She'd offered to cancel her date, but James had told her to go on her stupid date. Things had spiraled out of control from there and an easily forgiven mistake had turned into a giant and not-so-easily forgiven row.
"Just talk to him." Nancy suggested, helping herself to the sausage on Lily's plate. Her friend clearly wasn't going to eat it now. "He'll forgive you. This isn't the first time you two have fought over nothing."
"It's different." Lily picked her fork up again as if to continue eating, but she started pushing things around her plate with it instead. She had been starving two minutes previously, but at the sight of James her stomach had tied in knots and she felt like eating even a single bite was a wretched idea.
"Different how?" Nancy asked gently, encouraged by the fact that Lily was now acknowledging that something was wrong. Previously, she had denied any such thing with gusto.
"The things he said," Lily glanced down the table and then looked up at Nancy. "Nancy, they were all things he's said to me before, but they never hurt. Not like this. It's like, I'll have forgotten the fight for a second and suddenly I see him or be reminded of him and I remember the things he said to me, and they settle in my stomach, almost like a physical blow."
"You were never friends before." Nancy said carefully. "So it didn't matter if he called you a frigid bitch or whatever, because he didn't really know you."
"Exactly. But now-" Lily shrugged and set her fork down. "If that wasn't bad enough, I feel guilty for the things I said to him as well. Not to mention forgetting our plans in the first place."
"Congratulations, Lily Evans, I believe you've grown up." Nancy looked down the table pointedly. "Now, grow up a little more. Put on your big girl panties and go talk to the boy. You're both clearly unhappy."
Lily sighed and swung her legs over the bench, knowing her friend was right. She stood up and took a deep breath. "Wish me luck." She told Nancy before striding off towards James.
"Hey." Lily dropped into the open seat beside James. His friends stared at her for a second and then quickly made themselves scarce. "Look, I'm an idiot. I forgot we'd made plans, and that's bad enough, but then I said all those wretched things that I didn't mean. And it really was awful, some of it. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry, James."
He raised an eyebrow. "You're apologizing for calling me an arrogant, stuck-up chauvinistic pig? Or was it the part where you called me the scum of the earth and the bane of your existence that wasn't worth your time? You've used both before, so you can see why I'd need to clarify which one you're apologizing for."
Lily winced. "Er. Both."
"Well, don't bother apologizing for saying what you've always thought of me. Just because you feel bad for actually saying it doesn't mean it isn't your opinion." James scowled at his plate of food.
"But it isn't my opinion." Lily said quietly. She looked at the table and traced the grain of the wood as she continued to talk, her face slightly pink. "I just said what I said because I knew it'd get under your skin. Like it always does. I don't know why I'd say any of those things, I guess I was just being defensive, but it's not what I think of you at all. You're kind and smart, funny, loyal, and the complete opposite of any of the things I said about you. James, you're one of my best friends and favorite people. I don't think any of those stupid things about you at all."
"Don't let the guilt for what you said make you apologize, Evans. I know you just don't like conflict."
"That's not it!" Lily felt tears prickling at the back of her eyes. She ducked her head to hide it. "I really don't feel that way about you. Why don't you believe me?"
"I'm just finally believing what you've been telling me for the last six years. I thought you'd be happy."
"Well I'm not!" Lily blinked quickly, trying desperately to stop the tears.
"Lily, just wanted to check that you hadn't changed your mind about missing Hogsmeade this weekend?" Richie asked from behind her.
Lily turned around on the bench and smiled at Richie. Inside she felt hollow, James would think she'd orchestrated the whole thing for his benefit. Could Richie Turner have any worse timing? "Sorry, but I'd forgotten that I'd made other plans with a friend. I really hate to cancel, but my other plans are important."
"Of course. Maybe next time?" Richie asked with a grin.
"Yeah, maybe." Lily smiled as Richie headed off to class. At least the distraction had stopped her from crying in front of James.
"Forgot about other plans?" James asked sullenly. "What'd you do, make plans with Nancy too?"
Lily felt like a complete idiot. "No. I told you I'd cancel, so I did. Even though you clearly want nothing to do with me. Which I completely understand; I wouldn't want anything to do with me either."
"You canceled your plans with Turner when I haven't talked to you all week and called you an ice princess and a know-it-all?"
"Yes. I said I would." Lily stood up. "I really am sorry, and I didn't mean a word of it."
Lily waited a second, but James didn't say anything. He didn't even look at her. Instead he stared at his plate like she wasn't even there. Lily felt the tears prickling in her eyes again. "See you in class, James."
"Feel better?" Nancy asked. She looped her arm through Lily's as the two girls walked to class.
"Now I feel worse. Before I had a hope he might forgive me, now I know he won't." Lily said sadly.
"You fancy him." Nancy said. It wasn't a question, and Lily didn't feel the need to answer. Nancy squeezed her friend's arm comfortingly. "He fancies you too; he'll come around. James Potter always forgives you eventually."
"Maybe." Lily said, but not even Lily herself thought she sounded hopeful.
"So?" Sirius asked pointedly as James sat down beside him in Charms. When James didn't immediately volunteer information, Sirius prompted him to continue. "Did you trip all over yourself apologizing to Lily for being a prat?"
"No." James said sullenly.
"Then did you stick your foot in your mouth and get into another argument?" Remus asked from in front of the pair.
"No." James said again.
"Did you finally just snog and get it over with?" Peter asked what the three thought the final likely scenario, rather thinking James would look a smidge happier if this was what had happened.
"No."
Remus, Peter, and Sirius shared a look. None of the three things they had thought would happen appeared to have come true. They looked back at James and then back at each other, having a silent conversation as to who would push him for more information. Sirius, as official best friend, came out with the short stick.
"So, Prongs, if you didn't apologize, argue more, or snog, what exactly did happen?" Sirius leaned away from James and screwed his eyes up as if expecting a blow.
"She apologized. I told her don't apologize for saying what she meant. She said she didn't mean it. Turner showed up and asked if she really wanted to cancel their date. She told him she did. Then she apologized again and left."
"That's it?" Sirius asked tentatively.
"Oh, and I think I made her cry." James sounded hollow.
"Why do you think she really meant what she said to you? You certainly didn't think any of the things you said about her were true." Remus said carefully.
James shrugged in response. "She's been saying them for six years. Must be true."
"So have you." Peter pointed out, wincing as he realized how blunt he had been. Thankfully, James didn't snap at him like he'd been doing to them all week when they were less than sensitive. Even better, James looked thoughtful at what Peter had so bluntly pointed out.
"Good one, Wormtail." Remus whispered to his friend as class started. "Maybe he'll stop being an idiot now."
Saturday rolled around without a single word being exchanged between Lily Evans and James Potter. Lily was determined to enjoy her Hogsmeade trip, and if she happened to be sitting with Nancy in the Three Broomsticks at the time she had planned to meet James, it was purely by coincidence. She felt her stomach drop out when it was fifteen minutes past the originally agreed upon time. Lily was a romantic at heart, and she'd been holding onto one last hope that James would show up today and everything would be forgiven. Clearly, that was not the case.
"-want to go back to the school." Nancy was saying. She paused, as if waiting for a response from Lily.
"Sorry!" Lily said quickly. "What were you saying?"
"I was saying that I would understand if you want to go back to the school." Nancy sighed. "I know you were still hoping James would show up."
"Dumb of me." Lily drained the last of her butterbeer. "I am going to head back, but you should stay and enjoy yourself. Take advantage of me ditching you to go hang out with Blake."
"Good idea!" Nancy grinned. "You sure you want to walk back by yourself?"
"No problem." Lily made a face. "I'm wretched company anyway. A real Debbie-downer."
"Well tonight we'll get you a huge slice of chocolate cake." Nancy promised. "See you at dinner?"
"Perfect." Lily said, pulling on her coat and watching for a second as Nancy approached Blake Turnkey and his friends at a nearby table. Blake quickly got Nancy a chair to sit in and Nancy winked at Lily before sitting down. Lily waved to her friend and headed out the door, only to come face to face with James and his three friends.
"Hey Lily!" Sirius greeted her enthusiastically. "Fancy seeing you here right now!"
"It is a Hogsmeade weekend." Lily muttered, along with something unclear about where she was headed and the speed at which she needed to get there.
"Well, we're headed in for a drink, but Prongs was going to head back to Hogwarts now, weren't you Prongs?" Sirius said, just as enthusiastic despite Lily's obvious discomfort. Sirius pushed James roughly in Lily's direction before dragging Peter and Remus inside the Three Broomsticks.
"Want to walk back together?" James asked, carefully not looking at Lily.
"Not really." Lily shoved her hands in her pockets and looked around the village, really she looked anywhere but at James.
"I'm sorry. I screwed up." James said, which got Lily's attention immediately. She focused her green eyes on James' face and found she couldn't look anywhere else. "You were going on a date with Turner instead of coming to lunch with me and I was jealous. It wasn't a date with me, but I was kind of hoping it would lead to one. So I said something I knew would make you angry, like I was feeling."
"I said I would cancel."
"I didn't want you to be obligated to do something with me. I wanted you to want to go to lunch with me instead."
"I did. Why do you think I wanted to cancel with Richie?"
"Because you had already agreed to lunch with a friend."
"More because it's tacky to go on two dates in one day." Lily was suddenly very interested in an imaginary hangnail on her left ring finger. James was shocked silent for a minute, and when Lily finally did look up, he looked rather like a goldfish with his mouth hanging open. Lily shifted uncomfortably, "Could you, uh, say something? Maybe?"
"T-two dates?" James stuttered slightly, blinking at Lily blankly.
"Yeah. One with you, the second with Richie." Lily blushed, "I was pretending lunch was a real date anyway. I was really excited, only I forgot what the date was for the Hogsmeade weekend. You said lunch in Hogsmeade. Richie only said go out on the 20th. Basically, you were right. I really am an idiot."
"Don't say that." James frowned. "I didn't mean that at all. You're the smartest person that I know. I'm the idiot."
"No, you're not. Look, can we just forget this happened and go back to before?" Lily eyed James nervously.
"I don't want to go back to before." James replied.
"Oh." Lily bit her lip, trying hard not to cry. "I- uh- I'm just going to- to go back to the castle."
"Lily, that's not what I meant." James grabbed her arm and spun her around before she could walk away. He grinned at her. "I only meant that before I didn't realize you wanted to date me, and now we could actually go on a real date. Is it too late for lunch?"
"Well." Lily pretended to think it over. She looped her arm through James' arm, "You're in luck. I am a little hungry."
"Brilliant. It's a date." James opened the door to the Three Broomsticks and gestured for Lily to go inside. The pair sat down at small table and ordered drinks and food, ignoring the fact that all of their friends were blatantly spying on their date. Their date was far from perfect, in fact it hit a rough patch about twenty minutes in when Lily told James that Quidditch was a stupid sport. However, the next date was a little bit better, and the one after that even better, until, eventually, Lily found herself refusing a date with Richie Turner the next Hogsmeade weekend because she was seeing someone. James, of course, misheard what Lily said and threatened to knock Turner's block off, but that is a fight for another story.