"Can I just borrow it?"

"For the last time, James, no!" I wanted to take my textbook and smack him in the head with it, but I settled for slamming it shut dramatically. James had been annoying me all day long asking if he could ride my new broom, and I wasn't about to let that happen. I'd barely had a chance to try it out (mostly because I was on a week ban from the pitch for slugging the Slytherin Quidditch Captain last Monday) much less ride around on it enough that I was willing to let James Potter steal it. Let's be real, I knew that's what would happen if he 'borrowed' it. I would never see that thing again because James would abscond with it. Probably marry the thing if he could.

"Please." James batted his eyelashes at me. Now, the boy has obnoxiously long eyelashes and I made the mistake once of telling him how effective this method could be for him. To this day he bats his eyelashes at me when he wants something and I am completely powerless to refuse.

"Not gonna happen."

Well, powerless until today apparently. I wondered briefly where I had finally found that vein of resolve. I hadn't been able to say no to James in over a year, which was probably why he kept doing it. He'd wrangled homemade cookies out of me, not to mention spare quills and parchment, all with that one look. And now he wanted to use the same look, the one that I taught him, to steal my brand new broomstick. Not going to happen, Potter.

Crap. He's adding the pouting lip. I am such a gonner. Why in the world, after teaching him the eyes, did I ever teach him the lip? Oh Merlin. It's quivering. Stop it. Just stop it. I really am going to hit him with that book.

"Please, Lily? We can ride it together."

"Nope." I said, but I paused first. He looked like a kid on Christmas. That pause clearly told him a little more pressure and I would burst like a niffler around too much shiny wrapping paper on Christmas morning.

James leaned in toward me, like he was telling me a secret. I automatically leaned toward him and he grinned like a cat with its paw in the cream. "I won't tickle you when we're sleeping together next time."

"You're awful." I really did smack him with the book this time.

"Okay, okay!" James fended off my attack and caught my chin. He pressed his lips to mine in apology.

"Quit kissing girls in the Common Room." I scowled at him, considering hitting him another time with the book. It had proved quite effective the first time; maybe a second blow would cause James to forget that he had me on the run about borrowing the broom.

"I'm not kissing girls, it's only you."

My scowl grew deeper. He definitely wasn't borrowing my broom after that little comment. "Wow. Don't I feel good about myself then? You do wonders for one's self esteem, Potter."

"I just meant that we're sleeping together, so it's not like it's any surprise that I'm kissing you."

"Maybe not to me, but that kid sure looks like he's gone into shock." I pointed to a third year that was looking particularly surprised. The kid actually looked unhealthily invested in this with that look on his face.

James' eyebrows knit together while he was trying to figure the kid out. "No, he's just scorched his eyebrows off in Potions."

"Bummer." I opened my textbook back up and started to find the page I'd been looking at a minute ago. James slammed it shut. "Hey!"

"Look, you're my girlfriend-"

"Am not." That comment earned a glare. I wasn't positive if it was because of what I said or because I had interrupted him. Probably option two.

"-and I can kiss you in the Common Room if I want to kiss you in the Common Room."

"I'm not your girlfriend."

"We're having sex on a regular basis."

"That's not the same thing." I told him.

"Fine, wanna be my girlfriend, then?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess that'd be okay." I kept my voice casual, but on the inside I was shouting for joy. I'd been waiting for this for ages, nearly a year now.

James stared at me, looking rather like he was trying really hard not to smack me. "Well, good. Want to celebrate by letting your boyfriend ride your broom?"

"Uhm. I'd rather ride his broom if you know what I mean." I smacked James' hand and he snatched it back from my book, which I promptly opened back up and settled in, fully prepared to ignore him.

"Oh come on! Sirius said that asking you out would work for sure."

I felt my stomach plummet. He'd only asked me out because he thought that it'd get me to let him borrow the broom. I should have known that nothing good would come from casually sleeping with James Potter and hoping he'd get over whatever aversion to commitment he'd developed. In fact, I had told myself it was a stupid idea, as had all of my friends. "I thought you'd stopped taking Sirius' advice, Potter. You know, after what happened the last time."

What happened the last time was that I'd stomped on his foot, broken it, and refused to speak with him for a week and a half, which was rather tricky as he was the Quidditch Captain and we were both Chasers. I had managed it though, even if I'd finally started talking to him again so we wouldn't completely bomb out in our match against Hufflepuff.

I saw James wince in response to my use of his surname. He clearly knew he was in the shithole; unfortunately he never had any clear idea of how to get out of it without digging it twice as deep first. Sure enough, "It's not like I wasn't going to ask you anyway. This just seemed like a good reason to do it now. I mean, well, it isn't every day you get the chance to fly on a broom that isn't even on the full market yet."

"Oh, brilliant." I shoved all of my belongings into my bag and left the table. James hopped up and followed me, looking horrified at how he'd ruined the situation so quickly and thoroughly. I knew, really truly knew, what he was trying to explain, but that didn't make the whole bloody thing hurt any less. Because he had actually said what he said, and meant it in some way. Merlin, being a girl was wretched. I rather despised the whole thing.

"Lily." James caught my arm and swung me around toward him, floundering to remember what he was planning to say when he caught sight of my face. "Merlin, I always say the complete wrong thing to you. I don't want to date you just because of the broom."

"Good to know I've got other redeeming qualities." I said unhelpfully. "I'd hate to think you'd been fucking me for months just to get my broomstick."

"It's not just about the broom. Sirius was just joking. I'm not- you're not just someone to screw. It's- Lily, you're way more than that. I was just teasing you about the broom anyway."

"Really?" I asked. I could tell he was being honest about me meaning more to him than just someone to fool around with.

"Way more." James slipped his hand up to cradle my face and wiped away a tear that I didn't even realize had crept out. "I screw everything up, don't I?"

"Pretty much."

"I think you're not supposed to agree with me, but I am new to this whole 'meaningful relationship' deal."

I shrugged. It was true; he had screwed nearly everything up.

"So, will you still go out with me?"

"Even if I don't let you steal the broom?" I teased.

James hesitated. It wasn't a playful hesitation either, he had spotted someone across the Common Room, and his tongue had frozen. I didn't even have to look to realize Baillie Heyward had just walked into the Common Room, the reason that I'd been posturing for this moment for a year instead of us celebrating our one-year anniversary right now. Baillie had stomped all over James' heart, then taken it back and ripped it out a second time. James snapped his gaze back towards me and I saw the panic clearly written in his eyes. He patted my cheek awkwardly and let his hand drop.

"I'll take that as a retraction of your question." I said quietly. I thrust the broom into his hands. "You can just have that. I don't want it. I'm not allowed on the pitch anyway, and you can take this as my resignation from the team. See you in class."

"Evans."

I might have stopped if he'd called me by my Christian name, but that surname just added to the pain that I was feeling and I strode right out of the Common Room without looking back.

"Evans, wait!"

I could only act understanding for so long. This second plea earned him the finger and I disappeared down a side passage. The two of us had a pretty equal knowledge of the strange passageways in the castle, but there were so many and our knowledge was so thorough that it'd be nearly impossible for him to track me. Unless he got that infernal map, but I knew he'd be too frazzled to think of that. I'd just go camp out in the Room of Requirement until it was safe for me to head to bed.

"You've lost your mind." James' voice floated into my head and woke me up some time later. I'd apparently cried myself to sleep, which meant my eyes were red and puffy and my nose was drippy. "I taught you how to find this place last week."

"Oh, go away." I started to get up and leave, but he literally came and sat on me. "Merlin, Potter. Get off! You're easily twice my size."

"Dunno, you've been eating a lot of cookies lately." He told me. "Now listen. I don't want your stupid broom."

"Well I meant what I said. I'm done playing Quidditch. Also you're squishing my spleen. Get the fuck off."

"No!" James put his hand over my mouth to keep me from interrupting him again. I licked his hand, which only earned a raised eyebrow in my direction. Clearly we'd swapped enough spit that he was unconcerned by this action. "I don't know any other way to force you to listen while I get all of this out. Because I'm probably going to stick my foot in my mouth another dozen times."

"Mmmmph."

"Brilliant. See, I was a mess when you first really waltzed into my life last year. You'd always been fun to mess with, asking you out all those times in fifth year and never meaning it. Hysterical, or so I thought. But I'd thought Baillie was the real deal, like we were going to be together forever. And now that she'd done all of that to me, well, I was determined not to let someone in again."

I shot him a look that I thought was clear, meaning get on with it. Because I knew all of this, probably better than he did.

"Now, though, I know you're the real deal. Baillie was nothing, but look at all the hurt she caused. You- Lily, you're- I'm, well, I think I could be with you- really be with you, well, forever."

At this point I was having a really difficult time catching my breath. I pushed at James, who promptly hopped off me. "Are you having a panic attack?"

"No!" I gasped, grabbing his arm and pulling him back because he was trying to run away. Likely because he thought I was panicking at the thought of dating him or something. No, I was having an allergic reaction because stupid me slept through my dinner medicine and James had eaten a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. I put my head between my knees and pointed my wand at my throat, gasping a quick spell to reverse the swelling in my throat. James had grasped what was happening now and was sitting on the floor in front of me, trying to talk me through everything.

"Are you alright?" He asked, pulling my forehead to rest against his.

"You had to eat peanut butter at lunch, didn't you?" I kissed him so that he knew I was teasing and he pulled me off the couch and into his lap. Bless the wonders of magic and dealing with serious allergies. "Are you positive that you want to date me?"

"One-hundred percent." James told me. "Just please don't go into shock like that again, yeah? Scared the shit out of me."

"Why'd you shut down like that earlier?" I blurted. I asked even knowing he'd likely shut me out again and push me off his lap. Knowing it'd probably ruin everything and we would be back on the outs again. We didn't sleep together when we were on the outs, and that really sucked.

"Baillie." James closed his eyes for a second, but then he continued, "She just- she was giving me a look like 'are you stupid? That girl hated you for years.' And I just, doubted for a minute."

"Course I hated you. You dated her when you'd asked me out as a joke a thousand times. I thought you were making fun of me because I fancied you. Then I realized you didn't know. So I took advantage of the mess she left. I figured if I was patient enough, you'd realize I was worthwhile."

"Don't freak out."

"Merlin, you're not dating someone else, are you?"

"Course not." James rolled his eyes. "But I am in love with you."

I looked at him carefully, trying to decide what the best way to respond would be right now. I was beyond in love with him. Had been for ages. Now, well, now I just wasn't sure if he was ready for that just yet. So I decided to try the cocky approach, "Well, yeah. I realized that ages ago, Potter."

"Then why were you so prepared to waltz off earlier?"

"Didn't think you realized it." I told him smugly.

He matched my smug tone perfectly, "Yeah, well you're in love with me as well."

"Oh, really? What gave it away?"

He kissed me, really kissed me. I responded eagerly. He laughed, "Besides that? Probably the fact that you've been sleeping with me for nearly six months. You've never been with anyone else; it's not a casual thing for you."

"No; it's not." I kissed him again and pulled him on top of me. "You can keep that broom though."

"Is this some sort of test?" He didn't sound too concerned. I guess he liked sex more than borrowing a brand new broom after all. Not that I blamed him. He kissed along my neck and I lost my train of thought for a moment.

"Not really, but I realized I handed you my old broom earlier." I pulled his mouth back to mine and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. "So it's all yours if you want. You didn't even notice, which earns you bonus points."

"What can I cash those in for?" He gasped, his hand pushing up under my skirt and the other fumbling at my blouse.

"Clearly we aren't doing this right." I said. "If you can still think." And I proceeded to show him exactly what those bonus points got him.