(Trigger Warnings; Massive Head cannon; Semi-AU; Warnings; Suicide attempt)

((Feymos / Fey Shinra=Lilith's Husband, Rufus's father), deceased, killed when Rufus was about three weeks old. This piece is a bit about Lilith and Feymos Shinra-They are characters from Angelic Demon, my other fan fiction.))

"Fey..." she whispered, burrowing into her couch. The study was quiet, the house quiet; her four year old slept calmly above and two rooms over from her position, sleeping blissfully to his dreams. "Fey...my Feymos..." She cried silently into her knees which she had drawn close to her body. She cried harder, nails biting into the soft skin of her legs. Her hands drifted to her neck, to hisnecklace. She pulled it off gently from her neck and stood up, looking at it numbly in the dim light of the study. She gripped it and cried harder.

"WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME?" she screamed into the air, drawing the necklace close to her chest and sinking to the floor. She choked on her sobs, but forced herself to quiet when something stirred above her. She listened; no more noise. She sighed.

"Silly Lily..." she murmured, looking up, "that's what you would have said to me there. 'Silly Lily, don't wake our Ruri...'" She sighed, returning his necklace to her neck and running her hand through her hair. She stood up and looked in the mirror on the wall of the study. She placed her hand on it's cool surface.

"It wasn't your fault..." she muttered into the glass, "you were killed. You were taken from me..." She pressed her head into the glass, tears dripping onto the reflective surface.

"Buck up, you'd say," she said, pulling away from the glass, "'we'll see each other again in paradise,' you'd say." She walked over to her desk, once his too. She had long ago emptied it; his things in boxes, hidden away to keep her from feeling. But it wasn't good enough. She still felt, she still remembered. She longed to be beside him once more.

Feymos Shinra; her perfect match. He had been everything to her, and the world took him away. He was gone; her lover, her equal. Gone.

She opened the middle drawer and sat down in her chair, his old leather thing. He had been fascinated by it's color, the chair. It was an off brown, beat up thing. She had hated it the minute he had wheeled it through the front door with his silly smile on her face. Now, she couldn't live without it.

Her hand wandered into the open drawer and pulled out a small unloaded pistol and one bullet. She set the bullet on the desk and looked at the gun. She sighed and tapped it on the desk in a slow rhythem.

"You said you'd be by me forever..." she murmured, leaning back as she tapped. "But where are you now?" She sighed again, and stopped tapping. She leaned forward and picked up the bullet. She loaded it into the pistol and leaned back, looking at the gun.

"I can't be alone, Fey..." she whispered, looking at the weapon, "I can't wait...I want to be beside you again. You were everything..." She stood up and walked to the window, her back to the door of the study. She looked out into the darkness that had engulfed her world. Tears ran silently down her face, but her expression was calm. She raised the gun, and placed it to her temple, closing her eyes.

"I hope you'll forgive me...but I will hold your promise. I will die with a smile on my face..." she murmured, smiling calmly. Her trigger finger tensed and the bullet-

"Mama?" Lilith's eyes shot open. She looked at the gun placed at her temple. She lowered it slowly and turned around.

"Mama...I'm thirsty...the sink it too high..."a tired voice told to her, followed by soft knocking on the study door. "The door handle is too high too..."

She choked back a sob, all but throwing the loaded gun at the wall. She re-engaged the safety and placed it back in the drawer, locking it before rushing to the study door. She opened it slowly and looked down at her son. She knelt down to him.

"Rufus," she whispered, as he rubbed his eyes sleepily. He pointed to the kitchen with his free hand, his other hand was wrapped about a toy that he slept with. "Oh yes, water." She took him into her arm and cuddled him as they made their way to the kitchen.

"Mama..." he said, touching her face, "you have water on your face." She smiled down at him.

"Yes, Ruri, I do," she said, and said know more. She set him on the counter and pulled down is cup. She filled it partially with some water and handed it to him. He smiled and sipped the water.

Fey...She shook her head an looked at her, no, their, son.

"Thank you, mama," he said, passing the cup back to her. She set it on the counter and picked him back up.

"Back to bed for you," she murmured, rubbing his head. He snuggled against her as she climbed the stairs. She walking into his room and set him down on his bed and kissed his forehead.

"Love you, mama," he said, curling up into his covers an drifting off. She listened to him breath before she stood and left him again. She closed his door almost all the way and began to walk down the hall, to the stairs, to study, to the gun, to her escape...

The door opening behind her stopped her again. She turned around to see her son's head sticking out of his room and looking at her with his frightened eyes. He pushed the door open the rest of the way and ran down the hall toward her. She knelt again and opened her arms to her son.

"Mama," he whispered, "I'm scared." She looked at him and rubbed his head again.

"A night terror," she asked. He nodded his head. She sighed.

"Want to talk about it, little one?" she asked. Again, he nodded. He inhaled and looked at her with scared, sad eyes.

"Mama...it was dark..." he said quietly, "and I heard these loud noises, these loud banging sounds. They hurt my ears...and there was all this yelling. I was scared, and I called for you...but you didn't come, so I went looking for you..." He began to cry a little. "And when I found you, you were lying on the ground and were covered in the red stuff. It was yucky. I pushed you. I tried to get you to wake up, but you didn't. The noise came back and I was so scared." He cried harder now. "You wouldn't wake up."

Lilith felt the tears fall from her eyes. She pulled her son, nuzzling him. He wrapped his small arms around her and clung to her.

"It's okay, Rufus," she said, "I'm here now."

"Don't leave me!" he yelled suddenly, his grip tightening. She looked down at him, her face softening.

Fey...you did this...you told him...

She looked up at the ceiling for a moment and then picked up her son.

"I'm not going anywhere, Rufus," she told. She walked into his room and lay down with him. He snuggled closed to her and drifted off again. She rubbed his head.

"Mama isn't going anywhere..."

I promise.