Title: We're Doing It This Way
Disclaimer: No legal claim on Oaks, no money being made.
This is Stendan(gasp) written for my lovely reviewer tvfiend87. Hope you like it!
If you read this, like it and want to read more of my bottom!Brendan fics, then take a look at my completed fic called Insane Like The Wolf for Brendan/Doug, the third chapter of The Dominance Pact for Brendan/Walker, or chapter two of my incomplete fic called Once More(With Feeling) also pairing Brendan/Walker. All star Brendan as the bottom, although in different ways!
Ste snagged Brendan's collar with his fingers, pulling the man closer. He hadn't been able to stop thinking of Brendan all day, Doug's concern at how distracted Ste was in the deli had made him blush over the panini he was making- he could hardly tell Doug the real reason could he? Ste had instead blurted out the first excuse he could think of, feigning illness and Doug had offered to look after the kids for the night while Ste "got better."
"All night," Ste smiled up at Brendan from his place perched on the end of his bed. He let his hands fall from Brendan's shirt to his grey slacks, allowing the older man to straighten up. "No school run in the morning, Doug's gonna handle that, no story-reading or making 'em brush their teeth," he hooked his fingers in Brendan's belt loops and heard an intake of breath. "Just you and me." he finished this sentence by unfastening the flies that were tantalising him.
"Steven," he heard Brendan sigh. Ste looked up, confused.
"Steven, I saw my da today." Those six words had the effect of a bucket of icy cold water being thrown on the younger man. He hurriedly withdrew his hands from his lover's clothes and patted the space beside him, encouraging Brendan to sit down. Brendan didn't, although his tense posture eased marginally.
Steven, I know I said I wouldn't let what he did rule the man I am anymore. And I won't. But seeing him today, Christ, I-" Brendan rubbed his face tiredly. He was usually so composed and confident to see him like this, diminished and small in his stilted speech, Ste wanted to wrap his arms around him and never let go. To whisper soothing things in his ear, to caress his face until those harsh lines of misery and desolation would be smoothed away. But he couldn't. Brendan would never allow himself to show his weaknesses and no matter how much he had changed, he still had a long way to go. "I worry, sometimes…" Brendan trailed off, his eyes glassy, staring blindly ahead at the wall. Ste gripped Brendan's arm as if trying to force some of his own life and strength into it through touch alone.
"I worry that I'm like him. That I'm becoming him." Brendan's voice was hoarse and ragged but seemed stronger now. Ste was already shaking his head to say that no, Brendan was nothing like his father but Brendan put a hand up to Ste's face, cupping the side of his cheek with gently. That tenderness almost undid Ste, he could feel a heat behind his eyes that indicated tears, but he refused to let them fall. He had to be strong for Brendan now.
"He did things…stuff I didn't tell you. But it doesn't matter, I want to let it just rest. But this…" Brendan let his hand leave Ste's cheek; he began to unbutton his shirt. The sight of Brendan's bare chest was something Ste had seen many times, but he still felt a shiver of anticipation as the buttons came free, a minute sliver of flesh revealed with each pause. "I want to do this." Brendan whispered, his Irish accent thick, when his shirt was off and thrown away.
Ste couldn't help himself from placing his hands on Brendan's chest, marvelling at the contrast between their skin tones. He scrambled to his feet, arching into Brendan's embrace, firm hands on his back.
Brendan pushed him and Ste fell, caught between a gasp and a laugh, falling helplessly onto the bed behind him, still entwined with the other man. When his back hit the covers and the warm weight of Brendan Brady was pressing down on him, Ste craned up for a kiss, feeling their bodies shift together, even the friction of their mostly-clothed bodies making him hard. Brendan must have felt Ste's growing erection because for a moment, an emotion Ste couldn't even describe flickered across Brendan's face. It may have been indecision, possibly even fear. But before Ste could even say anything, Brendan was pulling at Ste's clothes. Forcing his tracksuit bottoms roughly down to bunch at his ankles, and yanking Ste's top over his head.
"Brendan, just- slow down- we have all night!" Ste managed to say, in between breathless laughter. He'd witnessed Brendan's passion before but there was a determination to Brendan's movements now, all impatience.
"If the world ended tomorrow," Brendan murmured, low and dangerous as he bit down on Ste's neck and then soothed it with his tongue. "What would you regret?"
"Um- morbid tonight, aren't we? I don't know- too much-"
"Care to be specific?" Brendan lowered his head and licked at Ste's shoulder. Brendan was ruthless, Ste thought giddily, all that power and hunger, attention paid to many areas of his body…
"I-all the trouble I caused for Amy, my crime- I got too many regrets, Brendan," Ste caught Brendan's eye. "But I don't regret us. Not for a second, like."
Brendan's look softened and he momentarily stopped in his actions. "Same."
"Oh yeah?" Ste was curious although he didn't think this was the time to be discussing it, when there were…more important things they could be doing. "What do you regret?"
"How long you got, Steven? Even the shrinks can't help me. I was asking because…tonight, we're doing it differently. Tonight I'm gonna get over something that's- that's had me…scared."
Ste got pushed back into the mattress as Brendan leant over him-their bodies were so close that Brendan's necklace thumped on Ste's chest. The thick black lines of Brendan's cross tattoo stretched as Brendan reached into the bedside drawer, retrieving something. Brendan dumped the items on Ste's chest- condoms and lubricant.
"Alright, Brendan, that's more like it! How do you want me? I think-"
"It's not for you, Steven." Brendan gave Ste a baleful stare. "It's for me."
"You…you?" Ste winced a little at the accusatory tone he'd accidentally adopted but Brendan didn't seem affected. "You never…"
"The sentence that sums up a lifetime." Brendan sighed, pushing his own trousers down his hips. Ste was relieved to see Brendan was half-hard, but he still wasn't comfortable with this.
"Are you sure you want this?"
"I want you. Anything this might make me feel after, good or bad, won't change the way I feel about you." Brendan eyed the bottle of lubricant with apprehension.
Ste realised he had to stop this- whatever Brendan was thinking, that maybe he had to do this to keep Ste, or to make their relationship more equal- it was nonsense. "I don't want you doing this 'cause you think you have to," Seeing Brendan roll his eyes, Ste felt a flicker of annoyance that quickly faded. "Ok, we'll do it but one- no, listen to me Brendan, this is important- we'll have one condition. If you wanna stop at all, any reason, then tell me. We'll use, like, a safety word…"
"You're not Christian Grey, Steven, we won't do that bollocks. Trust me, if I don't like what we're doing, you'll be the first to know. Ah shit, I've thought about this and now the moment's actually here- who's to say it won't hurt like before?" The second Brendan spoke those words he looked like he wished he hadn't said them. Ste didn't want to pry but he had to know.
"You've done it like this before?"
"Yeah…yeah. I think he enjoyed it more though." Brendan cleared his throat, a guttural noise and he flipped the lid off the bottle. Ste propped himself up on his elbows as Brendan took a deep breath and poured a large amount onto his palm.
"Jesus, that's cold. Does you drawer double up as a min-fridge or what?"
"On my wages, I wish! It's winter, Brendan! Just warm it up in your hands, yeah, like that."
Brendan frowned, kneeling between Ste's spread legs.
"I'm going to enjoy this," Brendan said, and Ste wasn't sure which one of them Brendan was trying to convince.
The Irishman put on hand on Ste and the other behind himself. One point in Brendan's favour- he never hesitated. So as soon as Brendan had found his entrance, he stuck his finger inside. Ste could pinpoint the exact moment because Brendan tensed and his Adam's apple bulged with the huge breath he took in.
"Relax, Brendan. It's ok, but you have to relax." Ste grabbed Brendan's shoulder reassuringly.
Brendan was too worried, he had to calm down. Ste smiled and kissed his lover softly on the jaw, then let the hand on Brendan's shoulder drift down to his pectoral, where he rubbed at it until he felt the nipple harden. Ste amused himself by tracing Brendan's tattoos with his finger, or rubbing the back of his hand along Brendan's chest to feel the wiry chest hair tickle his knuckles. It worked because as Brendan slowly worked himself open, he wasn't as edgy, his cock didn't go limp although it failed to get fully-hard.
Ste reached behind Brendan to seize his wrist, ignoring Brendan's surprised grunt. He could feel which two of Brendan's fingers were inside, and he angled Brendan's wrist, until-
"That felt…" Brendan didn't finish that thought but Ste knew what he meant. It had felt good, he'd managed to hit Brendan's prostate. Brendan withdrew his fingers and gave Ste a meaningful look.
Ste was about to ask Brendan what position he wanted for this, but Brendan surprised him again- he grabbed Ste's hips, and angled himself down to become impaled on the younger man's cock. When Brendan had been preparing himself, Ste had slipped a condom on, and good thing too because Brendan had taken him by surprise! His eyes closed when his cock was encased in the hot tightness and he let out a gasp, falling limp on the bed. Willing to let Brendan set the pace.
Brendan patted Ste's face irritably until he opened his eyes. "Look at me." The Irishman did, so Ste obliged. Brendan kept his hands on Ste's hips, gripping them tightly as he brought himself off Ste's cock. The muscles in his toned arms were prominent as he strained, raising his while body for each thrust. Ste had never admitted this to Brendan but sometimes he had wondered what it would be like to fuck Brendan. To know Brendan as Brendan knew him. And now he was inside Brendan, seeing the surprised sounds of pleasure, low grunts and cries Brendan made as he rode Ste, and Ste could barely believe this had happened.
Ste moaned, his hips jerking up wildly, he was close and Brendan had to be as well, there was a desperation in Brendan's movements, as he violently rode Ste's dick. It was more full-on than even Ste had been with Brendan, but Brendan approached everything in life with a recklessness. Ste let his hand wrap around Brendan's cock, pumping it in hard tugs like he knew Brendan liked, wanting them to come together.
"Steven, St-" Brendan came, his semen spilling into Ste's hand and running down his fingers, Brendan collapsed onto Ste moments later. Ste was still inside him so he bucked up, feeling Brendan's muscles clamp around his throbbing member and soon, he was following him into ecstasy. Ste cried out Brendan's name, his eyes wet with unshed tears, he hadn't believed this would happen, that Brendan would let him do this.
When he felt strong enough and Brendan had let the softening erection slip out of him, Ste sat up, panting. He frowned, noticing Brendan had left the room. Immediately, doubts began to set in, perhaps Brendan was regretting allowing Ste to take him? Oh God, Ste thought, what if I've ruined everything?
"Brendan?"
"Just a second!" Brendan called, sounding completely unbothered, and Ste released the breath he'd been holding and fell back against the sheets. Brendan entered the room a couple of minutes later with a damp flannel which he chucked to Ste.
"Do you…because I thought it was good?" Ste had no idea how to say it, wasn't even sure what he was saying, but Brendan apparently got it.
"It was fine, Steven," Brendan climbed into bed next to him and slung an arm over Ste's chest. "Let's not overthink it. Go to sleep."
"Ok," Ste grinned, and flicked the bedside lamp off.