Title: A Study in Pastiche
Pairing: Various-piece by piece, non-explicit, most gen
Rating: G
Genre: Humor (maybe a teeny bit of odd angst)
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Possibly very tiny for all three
Summary: Just what it says, a collection of pastiches with Sherlock!BBC including Shakespeare, Eliot, Poe, Dickenson and more!
Author's Note: archea2 asked me to native-English-speaker beta her pastiches. I proceeded to fall in love with the idea, become completely obsessed and went mad. Archea's are brilliant. So much love to her for letting me run away with the idea. And if I paste them badly, all fault is mine. Special love and thanks to stardust_made who gave me Sherlock's path through London. All liberties taken with the actual method are mine. If you like these, there will be more! Sorry for length-LJ would not let me create cuts last night. I will attempt to rectify soon. Also, the two last ones are links to a different format that makes them easier to read. And I realize that it's odd to use Americans (besides Eliot) but go with me here.
Archea2
1. John/Sherlock. John has discovered slash Fan Art. (Shakespeare)
My lover's eyes are nothing like a star,
(And I'm not his « little blond satellite ». Honestly, people !)
His phone is far more pink than his lips are,
And his skin, however pale, is not alabaster.
His soft black hair, when ruffled – his hair – er –
(All right, his hair's rather nice)
I have seen the hearts on your pics, red and white,
But near his face ? I'd have to be real tight.
And if you must choose a fragrance for him
(I thought I was the one puting things on my hair ?)
Patchouli oil won't do – though it might suit Jim.
I love to hear him speak, yet well I know
That music has a far more pleasing sound
(By which I do NOT mean his violin, God forbid)
Granted, you worship him as a young Pagan god,
But others would tell you : here goes a sorry sod.
And yet , damnit, I think him as stunning
As the image you delight in painting.
Source : Shakespeare's Sonnet 130
2. Lestrade/Sherlock. Greg wishes Sherlock would stop talking at some point. (John Donne)
For God's sake shut your gob and let me love,
Or mock my IQ, or my team,
My full grey hair or ruin'd self-esteem,
The impossible state, tell me that you'll improve,
Go get a job, or get a wife,
Observe your brother, reform your life,
Say whatever you will, and, Jesus, I'll approve
So you will let me love.
Source : John Donne, The Canonization
3. Sherlock, John, Jim. Three delightful young men. (Edward Lear)
There was a young man at St. Bart's
Who loved to pummel dead farts.
He wed a crime scene
To assuage his spleen,
That curious young man at St. Bart's.
Said a doctor back from Kabul
(Who had a soft spot for lambswool)
« Larking about with a Sig,
Proves that I am not a prig »
Then went on to buy a nice puppy Bull.
There was a young man from Ulster
Who designed Semtex underwear.
He dabbled in dye,
Yet spelt it with i,
That excentric young man from Ulster.
Source : Edward Lear's Limericks
4. Sherlock, John. Springtime always makes Sherlock happy. (T. S. Eliot)
April is the coolest month, breeding
Maniacs to be caught dead-bang (1), mixing
Felony and desire, spurring
Dull cops with a sprinkle of brain.
... There I see one I know and stop him crying 'Watson !
You who are with me in the shippers' pairings !
That corpse I planted last week in our oven,
Has it begun to sprout? Will it fume next week ?'
... What am I thinking of ? What thinking ? What ?
You never know what I am thinking. Think.
... Some hot tea at ten,
And, if he rants, a shot cabbie at four.
And we shall play a game of stress
Processing endless clues and waiting for a knock upon the head.
(1) « dead-bang » : according to , synonymous with « red-handed » in cops' slang.
Source : T. S. Eliot, The Waste Land, excerpts from Cantos I and II.
Shouldboverthis
1. Mycroft, Sherlock. Mycroft throws his weight around. (Lewis Carroll)
"You are fat, brother Mycroft," young Sherlock said,
"And your suit has become very tight;
And yet you incessently sit on my head-
Do you think, with your weight, it is right?"
"In your youth," brother Mycroft said in good fun,
"I feared it might injure your brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure you have none,
I shall do it again and again."
Source: Lewis Carroll, "You are old, father William"
2. Sherlock Holmes!Canon-BBC. Holmes muses on his lasting appeal. (Emily Dickinson)
Because I always stopped for death,
Scotland Yard called on me;
I did it for the puzzle and
Found Immortality.
From the past to the present day,
All through the century,
Will I still fascinate
Throughout eternity?
Source: Emily Dickinson, "Because I could not stop for Death"
3. John. John tells the story of the blind banker. (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)Follow, my readers, and you shall hear
Of Sherlock Holmes and the blind banker.
On the twenty-eighth of March I wrote it up
(And no, I do not have a pup)
About some old jade hairpin that cost most dear.
Source: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Paul Revere's Ride
4. Sherlock and Holmes. Sherlock muses on his childhood, his present and his future and his constant companion. (Edgar Allan Poe)
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others are, for I have seen
More than they saw and could not bring
Myself to lie just to fit in.
From studies I have undertaken,
My deductions are mistaken
For mere magic tricks. Learned by none,
My skills belong to me alone.
My curiosity is drawn
By dark places where few have gone.
My hard drive I will only fill
With mysteries that drive me still.
To a waterfall, a fountain,
The precipice of a mountain
My nemesis and I would go.
But not yet the fatal blow.
A fleet of Moriartys
Cannot keep me from my bees.
And I was never alone
For by my side my Watson,
My dearest, loyal friend and true,
Companion in all I do.
Source: Edgar Allan Poe, Alone
5. Sherlock, John. In which John attempts to interest Sherlock in a new case. (Jane Austen) (Available at my LJ shouldboverthis dot livejournal dot com)
6. Sherlock. I am Sherlock. They say I act like I am six. (Kay Thompson, Drawings by Hilary Knight) (Available at my LJ shouldboverthis dot livejournal dot com - must view there for illustrations)