A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first fan fiction on here and I've decided to write one about Soul Calibur as it's one of my favourite games. This idea occurred to me not so long ago and I thought wouldn't it be interesting if the Soul Calibur characters aired their problems on a talk show. Hope you'll enjoy it and reviews are most welcomed – whether they are good, bad or some helpful criticism. Criticism would help me improve my writing. No flames please :)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Soul Calibur characters as they belong to Namco. Though I do own my own character Jay. (No copying please.)

A Problem Aired is A Problem Shared

By AngelEyes87

Chapter 1: A Father's Plea To His Daughter.

"Hello, and welcome to A Problem Aired Is A Problem Shared," Jay greeted brightly, smiling widely "I am your host Jay and boy, do we have a good show for you today!"

"Take your shirt off baby!" screamed a girl who was holding up a sign saying I Love Jay. Her husband gave her a harsh look. She grumbled something that sounded like "sorry". Jay scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously. 'Why do I get this ALL the time?' he thought, sighing to himself.

"Uh...moving on," he said, regaining his composure. "today's show is about a touching story about a father trying to make things right with his estranged daughter." The audience made noises of "aww" in response. "He claims that he hasn't seen his daughter ever since she was born as he was too busy ripping everyone to shreds with Soul Edge for two decades. Would you please welcome on stage the Immortal Pirate, Captain Cervantes De Leon!"

Cervantes walked onto the stage as the crowd cheered him. 'Oh, my dear God!' Jay thought as he gaped at the sight of the purple skinned pirate. He nearly fainted in shock as he noticed his eyes were the colour of blood – not to mention the two strange swords he normally carried around with him. Jay gulped worriedly.

"Uh, Cervantes?" Jay cautiously approached the pirate as he sat down on one of the chairs.

"Aye, me heartie?" he asked, looking at Jay.

"You do know that you're not meant to have those with you," Jay told him, gesturing to his swords.

"Oh, I won't be doing any harm with them laddie!" Cervantes laughed. "If anyone just bothers me then I would just take their soul."

'Man, this guy freaks me out!' Jay thought, taking a few steps back. 'He's like the living dead, only worse...'

"So please tell us why you are here Cervantes."

"Yargh, well it's like this," he began. "After spending many countless years of spreading terror across every land and sea and just feeding people's souls to my terrifying blades, I suddenly had a change of heart."

"A change of heart?" Jay repeated, looking impressed. "Well, good for you."

"Thanks," Cervantes proudly said. "Anyway I want to prove I'm a changed man and the thing I want most of all is to see me daughter." Cervantes wiped away a few tears from his eyes, sniffing. "She is the only thing that I have left and I want her in my life again. We...we haven't been all that close throughout the years!"

Upon saying that, Cervantes burst out crying, which caused the audience to sob too. Jay pulled out a hanky from his pocket and kindly offered the pirate it. Cervantes snatched the hanky from his hands and rapidly start to blow his nose with it. A few minutes later Cervantes handed the hanky back to Jay in a rolled up ball.

"Eww!" Jay exclaimed as he threw the offending item to the ground. He shuddered, not wanting to think what was exactly in the hankie.

"So your daughter's name is Isabella Valentine, better known as Ivy?" he asked Cervantes nodded. "Well, what exactly do you want to say to her then?"

"Jay, I want to say to her that I want her to come with me to Spain," Cervantes explained. "Yargh , me and her will have a proper father-daughter relationship finally."

"Well we have her backstage right now so let's bring her out! Please give it up for...Ivy!"

Ivy stormed on stage with fire in her eyes, directly looking at the smiling Cervantes. All the men in the audience was wolf-whistling her as she was dressed in that purple outfit that left nothing to the imagination. Ivy glared fiercely at the audience as her Ivy Blade turned into a whip, hitting the floor with it.

"SILENCE!!"

All the men shut their mouths up while Jay discreetly checked for drool that was coming out from the side of his mouth. 'How does she wear that outfit in Winter?!' Jay thought, his eyes widening like saucers.

"Welcome to-" Jay trailed off when Ivy immediately interrupted him. She was more concerned with having a go at Cervantes.

"You!" she shrieked in anger, standing over a now covering Cervantes. "After all these years of not seeing me, WHY the hell do you want to act the concerned father now?!"

"Well Ivy, me dear-"

"Don't give me any more of your damn excuses!" Ivy growled viciously.

"Oooooo!" the crowd chorused in unison. Jay laughed nervously and placed a hand on Ivy's arm to calm her down.

"Come on Ivy, don't be that mad at him," advised Jay. "After all he's your-"

Before the word "father" left his mouth Ivy whirled around, aiming to cut off his head with her sword. Just in time Jay quickly ducked with a distinct "Eek!" and he heard something fluttering to the ground. He gasped in horror as he saw that seven or eight strands of his golden hair were scattered around on the floor. 'My hair!' he thought, cursing under his breath.

"All my life I thought my real father was deceased until my adoptive parents, on their death bed, told me the bloody truth!" Ivy raged. Even beneath his purple skin Cervantes was turning pale. "And sometime afterwards THIS female ninja called me 'Child of the Evil Blade'. How the hell do you think I FELT all these years, huh?!"

"Urm...er..." Cervantes stuttered, thinking his thirty two year old daughter scared him more than anything in the world. He was the most feared pirate who sailed the Seven Seas for God's sake! And now he was breaking out in a cold sweat when Ivy was practically acting homicidal! So much for being the Immortal Pirate...

"See, I knew you wouldn't care!" Ivy exclaimed, gripping her Ivy Blade tightly.

"Geez, I wouldn't like to be in Cervantes' shoes right now," Jay murmured lowly in absolute terror.

"You rarely...no, NEVER seen me when I was growing up," she argued, her face turning red from anger. "Now tell me that – is that WHAT a normal father would do?! Please, do you ever think I would forgive you for what you've done over the years!"

"Say, Cervantes – is Ivy's biological mother still alive do you know?" Jay added. The pirate in question was completely silent, only with a sheepish look on his face.

"Well?" Ivy demanded impatiently. "Answer him, you cold-hearted bastard!"

"Uh, she's dead," came Cervantes' quiet reply. A vein was throbbing noticeably on his forehead.

"She's what?" Jay questioned him. "Speak up louder please – I didn't quite catch that."

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHE'S DEAD!" Cervantes shouted at the top of his voice. The audience gasped in surprise as they heard this startling revelation. Jay stood rotted to the spot, hoping his bowels hadn't released yet. Ivy planted both hands on her hips, tapping her foot in frustration.

Jay cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "So...what exactly did happen to her then Cervantes?"

"Aye, well...mostly I would go to this inn which served as a secret hideout for me," he explained slowly. "and Ivy's mother was the daughter of the innkeeper. One night I was influenced by Soul Edge's immense power as it wanted me to take a spare host. Yargh, to cut a long story short I did the most unthinkable thing...I-I raped her and then she died when Ivy was born."

At this point Ivy was beyond pissed off and she was looking at Cervantes as if any minute she would kill him given the chance. 'Talk about having a dysfunctional family' Jay thought to himself. Cervantes uncomfortably wriggled in his chair under Ivy's menacing glare. Now this was going to turn ugly.

"My intentions were to keep Ivy alive so that she would act as a spare host for the sword," Cervantes added sheepisly.

Pausing for a few moment or so Cervantes had the nerve to look up at his fuming daughter and smiled warmly. "So how about it, me daughter? Now will you come to Spain with me and start afresh?"

"DIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!"

Ivy was choking Cervantes to death with the whip wrapped tightly around his neck. Jay watched on in horror as the audience grimaced in pain.

"Uh, that's all that we have today folks! Tune in for another edition of A Problem Aired is A Problem Shared!" Jay announced hurriedly. "SECURITY!!"