Dedicated to: A friend whom I can never thank enough for his support. I hope you have a wonderful and meaningful Valentines Day.
Simple Questions:
Shy maybe the first word to say,
when it pertains to my personality
But is it shyness that plays my mask,
or am i trying to preserve what's left of a shattered heart?
Should I expect more hurt from your side?
Can I truly be myself around you,
or am I hiding behind my shell,
scared you'll see inside the oyster
only to find a black pearl.
I don't open up easily-
you've observed me long enough to know this-
and you ask me to trust you
I do, or at least I truly want to
But experience has played a cruel guide
and though your actions may suggest my heart does not love in vain
my mind reminds me of another much like you,
who broke my heart thrice.
And then I thought...I had another chance
when heart pointed to another
I promise,
I was more cautious
He swore he loved me
and once again I fell into the heart's endless trap
Turned his face to another,
he never truly adored me
I thought I could recover.
But...
it's a constant reminder.
When it comes to love,
I will always be second to another
Always.
It was then the downward spiral began,
losing what I coveted,
a chance to truly love outside familial bonds
I never forgave my heart
ignored it,
shunned the company of bittersweet love,
never measuring up,
never placing faith in hope
And then you came,
honest,
caring,
and genuinely seeming to care about me
But, I remind myself it's my heart telling me this
So tell me, mellon,
as much as it pains me to ask,
and much as I feel horrible for placing you in this situation...
why should I not expect the same from you?
Why should I not expect anything but disappointment and anguish?
Why should I renew faith in the hopes that I'll be...
so much as remembered?
I love you as a friend and as a fellow,
and even more as a companion.
I was not lying,
nor was I being fickle when I said I loved you.
Forgive me if I seem demanding but...
is it possible..
in even the slightest sense...
that you love me too?
If you don't..
and believe you never will...
please...
tell me.
I can live with that knowledge,
and hope to have the privilege
of loving someone like you again.
I'm sorry if I am asking too much of you,
melmë endanyo
With sincerest apologies for my irate and gloomy behaviour as of recent and with love,
Jade