Hi guys! I am super excited and a little nervous to be posting the first chapter of my first multi-chapter story for Burn Notice! Oneshots are my comfort zone, so I'm trying something new here. A few lovely people have occasionally asked about this story, so thank you so much for the encouragement. I hope you enjoy this.
This story came from my feelings towards season 7. When I first watched the first episode of the last season, I hated it. The more of the season that I watched, the less I felt that way. While I eventually realised it is well written and amazingly delivered, particularly by Jeffrey Donovan, it is still not my favourite season. I don't enjoy the missing dynamic of the team being separated, particularly the absence of Michael and Fiona's relationship. I obviously don't like the addition of Carlos and Sonya. This story is an attempt at rewriting the last season, picking up immediately from the season 6 finale. The first couple of chapters will be setting the groundwork, but I promise that it will pick up quickly. I would really love to hear your thoughts, and I appreciate reviews. The more reviews I get, the more motivation there is to update ;) As always, I do not own anything to do with Burn Notice, and the lines that I have used from the show itself are not mine.
The title of this story comes from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, which can be found at . The term 'Énouement' is credited to John Koenig.
Chapter One:
ÉNOUEMENT
The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.
/
"Michael, what have you done?"
"Fi!"
Michael Westen awoke suddenly, his body jolting into an upright position as he frantically took in his surroundings, gun in hand. It took him a few moments to realise where he was, and another few to realise he was alone. The bed beside him was empty, as Fiona was not where she usually was. She was gone.
His gun slipped from his hand to the mattress as he lowered his head in despair. She was gone and it was his fault. The sound of her gut wrenching sobs still haunted him, how she had used her arms to practically hold herself together in front of him as he disappointed her yet again. The way she had jerked away as he reached for her, dissolving into tears in a way he had seen her only a few times in all the years they'd known each other. His mom, Jesse and Sam had looked on in confusion, and although he'd kept glancing at them, he couldn't meet their eyes.
His nightmares had returned, no doubt a result of the last few months and the absence of Fiona's comforting presence. His year in general had been shit. His girlfriend had gone to jail, his brother had been killed, he'd been targeted by his own company and former mentor, his best friend had been shot, he'd had to burn down his home, he'd put his mother and all his friend's lives at risk, and now he was alone.
How had he ever done this after leaving Fiona in Ireland all those years ago? How had he pushed her away so many times before? How had he held her at arm's length when all he'd wanted to do was hold her close? He'd only seen her that morning and he was already beginning to lose his mind.
He reached across the bed to grab his cell phone, dialling the number he knew off by heart. He wasn't sure why though, considering it had already gone to voicemail six times that day.
"It's Fi. Leave a message."
That damn message that she'd never changed, even after all these years. Hearing it took him back to the time he'd thought she'd died in that fire, after driving all over Miami searching for her. At least then he'd gone back to the loft and she had been there. This time, there was no chance of that.
For years he had practically lived in isolation, consumed by his work and unable to handle meaningful relationships. Then, what he'd considered as the worst thing possible had happened, and it had lead to the best things in his life; friendship, relationships with his family, and love. Helping people who needed it, and doing good things. His friends who had become family had all stuck by him, especially Fi. Now he was alone, something he would've given everything for six years ago, but it felt horribly wrong.
"You do enough bad things, you become the bad guy. You're heading down a dark path, brother."
Sam's words from weeks ago ran through his mind. He'd put all of his friend's lives in danger the moment he pulled the trigger on Tom Card. They'd all been in serious situations before, but nothing as severe as pretending to be dead and trying to flee the country. He hadn't meant to do so many bad things, he'd just wanted to find the person who'd killed his brother and make them pay. That simple goal had turned into something much bigger, and he'd spent weeks trying to make up for the mistake he'd made. He'd promised his best friend that he would make things right, but it had been so much harder than he anticipated. Now everything was wrong.
He'd accepted the CIA's offer because he'd basically had no choice. They weren't ready to forgive and forget everything he and his team had done in the last few months, and had made the terms of his release very clear. They had a special case that was in the works and they needed Michael Westen, or as his new handler had put it, "the old Michael Westen". He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Failure to accept the Agency's "offer" would have resulted in he, his mother, Sam, Jesse and Fiona spending the rest of their lives in an undisclosed prison. He could never do that to them when it was his mistakes that had landed them all in trouble. At least the Agency had been so kind as to give a few weeks off as a breather after the chaos of the last few months. Spending life on the run really takes it out of you.
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like actually getting to enjoy an afternoon like this?"
"I'm sorry, who are you? I came here with my boyfriend Michael Westen."
"I need a rest as much as you do, Fi. Believe me."
"I'm glad to hear you say that. You've been getting about as much sleep as a POW lately. Admitting there's a problem is the first step."
"After we take Card down, what do you say we go …"
He knew his friends thought he'd accepted because he wanted back in, but it was far from the truth. He'd promised Fi he'd get out back when they were in Panama, and he had meant it, but fate had decided he didn't deserve his happy ending with the girl. He'd finally chosen her, and the choice had been taken away from him. He knew Fi was disappointed in him, but it was for her own good. Even if she couldn't understand, wouldn't listen, at least she would be safe. Yet the knowledge that he was keeping her safe wasn't enough to fill the hole in his chest.
The tiniest part of him was somewhat happy to have his job back, since he'd spent so many years wishing for it to happen. He was good at his job, and it was a part of who he was. But that tiny ray of happiness was overshadowed by the actions of his company. These were the people who had killed his brother, hunted and planned to kill him and his friends, threatened his mother and were now black mailing him to work for them. Everything he'd stood for in his professional life seemed like a lie now.
He'd never imagined this would be how his life turned out. Years ago, being burned had never seemed a possibility to him. He'd been good at his job, and had done all that was expected of him, regardless of how he felt about the mission. He'd never expected the experiences that being burned had lead to; working for little money, associating with drug dealers and scam artists on a regular basis, relying on his team of best friends to keep him honest, living in the same place for years. Over the last few years, he'd found it increasingly difficult to imagine his life without his dysfunctional family, yet it was now feeling like his new reality. This was what he'd wanted from the moment he'd been burned, yet he suddenly wished he could go back in time and tell himself to forget about it all. Maybe if he hadn't been so persistent with the mystery of his burn notice, Nate wouldn't be dead, and Fiona wouldn't have left him.
He took his phone and hurled it at the wall in frustration, watching as it shattered into little pieces. He then climbed out of bed and headed over to the balcony of his hotel room. He stared out at the water, wondering what she was doing at that very moment.
I'm sorry Fi, I'm so sorry.