M.T.Y.L. – Link's Tale throughout the Third Age of Stardom
Bowser's Final keep had just fallen. Great. La-de-fuckin'-da. I guess that puts good ol' M.T.Y.L. in the lead with winning the first age of stardom by no more than fucking luck, loosing the second because of Ash having some hot sex and not fighting and winning this one because the enemy caught us, and their plan back-fired. I'm not saying we suck at fighting. We are the greatest force in the world. But no one has seen my full strength, I promise you that. When you look at it, I've lived more than I've wanted to. My most exhilarating experience was probably the second age of stardom, saving Hyrule with the Ocarina of Time was a close second. But now this being the third age of Stardom, I've been spending too much time overseas at the Ancient Mushroom Kingdom. Yeah, not even the current day Mushroom Kingdom. The last time I was in Hyrule was during the Ninwarcraft battles. I and Illidan Stormrage (the only man that understands my thirst for magic) were leaving to finally destroy those damned Animations (animated dead). Not long after that, the first age of stardom began when after the Animations died out, Ganondorf, Bowser and Giovanni created B.B.G.G. I really love Hyrule. Hyrule loves me. Especially the denizens. I haven't got stoned with Kafki that Termanian fool for some time. Too busy making babies with his wife Anju I reckon. Hold up. That isn't even Hyrule. Now I'm remembering Termania when I saved them from the Moon falling. Hyrule... ah yes, Darunia and I have had many good drinks, and Malon's always good for a roll in the hay. God, I fucking love that farm girl. Eh- but what do I know? Three ages of Stardom are a long time. Has Malon made it through all 3? Will they remember me? These questions had been bothering me for some time anyways, so I went and traveled to New Shroom Harbor at age 21, right after Bowser's Final Keep fell. They got me a nice-ass boat and I sailed all the way to the port in back of the Hyrule Castle. Fuck Zora's Fountain. I don't want the world to come on me. Has it thawed out yet...? Anyways, I was greeted by none other than Princess Zelda herself, and after a quick embrace, she got to what mattered (to her of course).
"Is the War of B.B.G.G. over?" she asked. Humorously I said "For the Third time, yes!" We both laughed (There had been two B.B.G.G. wars before, one in each age of stardom). After resting there for the night, as it had been a tiresome journey on the ship, I set out into the Market. Before leaving I asked the Princess if Lon Lon Ranch was still around. "Of Course! Where would we be without it?" Her fake reassurance bothered me. I kissed her goodbye and left.
Being the person I was, I was instantly recognized by everyone. Everyone said hellow to me, and I felt obliged to wave back. What else could I do? Anyways, I stopped by the Happy Mask store. The store owner had aged hideously as his piercing red eyes were no longer blocked by his squinting- his muscles had all relaxed making for a disturbing visit. The Potion Store and the Bazaar had not changed- though the Bazaar's owner's hairs were graying. It seemed just Hyrule was older. But there was no reason for that. This was a new age in Nintendo. Everything was reborn 21 years ago with the exception of the Kokiri and the Sages, who nurtured everyone until they were old enough to fend for themselves. Graying hairs at age 21...? There had to have been an explanation, because everyone else seemed to be the same.
Another thing that truly bothered me about the ages- people remembered things as they grew. Eventually wouldn't you have lived so many ages, that your mind would have to just forget some of the past ages in your mind? Since these thoughts have bothered me so much, I have written down my adventures in M.T.Y.L.'s vanguard haven so that the book wouldn't vanish with each coming age.
I walked the back allies, had a drink, and then got to visiting the Temple of Time. As soon as I entered the great temple, I was hit by memories of my Ocarina adventure. Killing the hideous witch Twinrova, riding Epona over the fence in Lon Lon Ranch... Lon Lon Ranch! Too may memories there. From first learning Epona's song to gently rocking in a chair with Malon's soft delicate body in my arms before riding off to war against the Mushroom Kingdom during the Ninwarcraft age. That was the last I saw of Malon. Still more memories hit me. Killing Bongo Bongo. Nearly drowning in the water temple before being given life by the Zora Princess Ruto. Getting drunk as fuck wih Darunia. Darunia. I would then go to visit him first.