Title: Psychosis
Author: Aerith Queen of Cetra
Chapters: 1/1
Summary: .:SasukexNaruto and references to drug abuse:. Naruto didn't know why he started, all he knew was the reason he kept going.
Genre: Angst / Hurt / Comfort
Beta'd: Nu-uh!
Warnings: Shonen-ai (malexmale), drug abuse (which I do NOT endorse), violence and masochism, blood and death. So... generally not a very happy fic. XD;;
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, never have, never will! Hinata is not going to die! She can't! We've already lost Kakashi (maybe) and Shizune and Jiraiya and Itachi and all! We can't lose Hinata! XD
Author's Comments: I dunno... I wanted to write a story about drugs, weird huh? The plot wrote itself!
Psychosis
Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am the hallucinogenic.
- Salvador Dali -
He was a drug-addict. A selfish, bitter drug addict. And Naruto just refused to quit.
Simple as that? Maybe. Not for Naruto though.
For him, there was a reason for it, a good reason. Someone was there, someone in his mind. Someone who wanted to make him perfect, to complete him. Someone who told him to go on, with words and gestures so great, so grand, so-
Naruto plunged the needle into the crook of his elbow, hand shaking feverishly and breaths shallow. The skin broke and cool warmth exploded underneath. He sighed blissfully. Soon now, any minute...
Misleading moments passed and the world turned into a fierce buzz, shaking and distorting into a wild euphoria of delicious colours. The sight would have been quite inspiring to the modern day Da Vinci's and Bosch's, but it was nothing compared to what Naruto had in mind. He wanted his inspiration back, where was he?
He panted, head lolling side to side against the wall.
"....-ssske.... sassss-......kkkkkeeeee...."
His eyes reached upwards, past the waves of anguished and dizzy colours when warmth filled his cheek. He smiled.
"Sas-...Sasuke..."
The figure smiled at him and nodded, fingers caressing the skin delicately. "Yes Naruto. I'm here for you, I'm always here for you."
"Always... here... my Sasuke... mine mine mine..."
Naruto's bleary eyes closed and he nuzzled the hand on his cheek desperately but the boy, raven haired and darkly dressed, kept smiling as he knelt down to Naruto's eye level.
The blonde laughed and his hands reached out, the apparition obediently fell into his arms with a warm sigh.
"Yours yours yours."
Naruto allowed his head to fall, he inhaled every scent that belonged to the one before him. He smelt... like black sunshine and white despair.
Naruto's hand fell into the dark locks, brighter than the night, and stroked their fabricated goodness.
That head tilted upwards and the grin on his face dimmed ever so slightly as he leaned in and kissed Naruto with incredible neediness, passion and comfort and Naruto plunged through everything Sasuke gave him, everything he had ever wanted and ever needed.
He pulled back and nuzzled Naruto's jawline.
"Tell me... what do you think I am...?"
"Sasuke..."
The words were ignored in the midst of his hunger, his desire. Naruto wanted to pull him closer, pull that body into his own, merge together with those limbs, those organs, those veins- But that moment. So tender. So fragile. So perfect. A single touch could ruin it. And it did.
Naruto growled and pressed further, hands reaching into Sasuke's skull as he ravaged the other male for all he was worth.
And Sasuke pulled away. Shock evident on his face and he stood up and stepped backwards. Naruto followed and shock turned into rage.
Sasuke lunged forward with animalistic fury and clawed at his face, slicing across the skin and no matter how hard Naruto himself clawed at those hands, he couldn't stop the waves of blood that flooded down his cheeks.
"What do you think I am? WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM!?"
The hands retracted ever so slightly and he fell down, down down down. And Sasuke leapt onto him, straddling his waist and wrenching hands around Naruto's throat.
The world morphed around him. "Naruto! Naruto! NARUTO!!"
"Sasuke...-Stop!"
"WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?!"
"Sasuke! Sasuke!"
Naruto's head bounced against the ground with the force of those hands, the force of the insanity coursing through Sasuke's bewildered origins.
"You're-" He choked on the words, spun in the cataclysm of light reds and pale greens and dyed with the pain of nineteen generations of darkness.
"TELL ME!!"
"THE ONE I LOVE!!"
Sasuke stopped. Froze.
Naruto looked at him, head waving with the force of gravity. "I love you. I love you."
And those hands, light and elegant, stroked the crescent shaped marks on his neck apologetically. Sasuke frowned, leaned down and kissed those marks with the grace of his previous self.
"Love... love... love..."
Naruto reeled at the touches and breaths exploded volcanically in his throat.
Better, better, good. Yes, good. The pain was even good.
And then it wasn't. It was gone. The pleasure was gone and the pain was a numb throb in his lungs.
It took an eternity for him to finally roll around. Naruto's eyes encircled the room.
"Sasuke?"
He was completely alone. His eyes watered and he curled into a ball as the world crashed back into place.
"I don't want to be alone."
Clinical whites. He hated them. The man, who had chosen from the moment he opened his first medical book and decided to garb himself in these same clinical whites, was another person he hated. That man, that doctor, acted as compassionately as a snake in an apple tree as he flicked through his pad.
"So, Naruto... According to Doctor Tsunade, your drug of choice was.... LSD?"
Naruto's hands wrung around each other from behind the desk but he still managed a nod. "Yeah... I think so..."
The man arched an eyebrow and Naruto quickly changed his tone. "Yes! I mean, yes. LSD. Sorry."
The man nodded and stated, "That's alright. And... how have you been doing since your last appointment?"
"Good, pretty good. Sai's been taking very good care of me and my friend Sakura has been really supportive so... yeah. Not too bad, really."
"Good, good. And how long has it been since you've last taken LSD or any other types of drugs?"
Naruto thought for a moment, spurred by memories of strawberry tinted hair and a passive smile to tell the truth. But then they weren't there. It was just Naruto. And Sasuke. Naruto and Sasuke. The raven haired boy in his memory smiled, placed a finger on his lips and hushed him. Naruto bit his lip.
No no no, not telling. No telling. Never, ever tell... Sasuke would be disappointed, angry, vengeful. No telling. "Two weeks... I think, maybe just a little less than that."
His thoughts ranged around him from annoyance at his lies, to fear at being discovered and eventually a wanton desire to see his Sasuke again, yes, Sasuke. Sasuke could make it better for him, hold him, touch him, kiss him. Naruto nodded. The doctor seemed rather pleased and wrote something feverishly upon his page.
"You're doing very well, Naruto. I'm pleased with your progress."
Naruto nodded again, shaking as he did so and his heart dropped as the doctor finished, "Of course, we will need to take a urine sample to verify this. Are you alright for us to do so?"
He nodded but it was shaky and unsure. The doctor noticed, "Are you alright?"
"I'm... not sure..."
"Is there anything you need? Or want?"
Naruto lied again but his mind answered him honestly.
"I want comfort."
"How did it go today, Naruto?"
Hands in his pockets and face buried in a long beige scarf, Naruto mumbled that "it went well."
Sakura frowned as they walked down the frostbitten pavement of the winter afternoon. "Well, you certainly seem to be doing better. Maybe, you'll be able to come back to class soon?"
"Maybe..."
University life had become a distant memory for him since he'd began counselling for his drug addiction, when was the last time he actually completed an assignment?
He groaned and thought of Professor Hatake's face, the disappointment and aggravation there at his prolonged absence.
Naruto shivered in guilt and held his arms close to himself. Sakura's hand went onto his shoulder and gave a light squeeze.
"Take your time, there's no need to rush."
Naruto nodded and smiled. "Yeah, but I think I'll be ready soon."
She stopped suddenly and stared into his frowning face. "Then... can you... are you ready to tell me why you started... it?"
Those blue eyes, rotund in a tired sigh took her form in. He shook his head and kept walking.
He wanted to tell her, wanted to break down and cry his story onto her shoulder but he couldn't.
Because... Naruto didn't know why he had started, it was so long ago and time seemed to become a little distorted to him, all he knew was the reason he kept going. So he said all he could manage to her, an answer that caused her to narrow her eyes in suspicion.
"I want love."
"Sasuke...." The said boy continued to kiss the bare expanse of skin underneath Naruto's unbuttoned shirt, lips roaming his chest and each of his abs carefully. For some reason the large square of blotter paper, once covered in swirling flowers, leaves and crosses, just beside Sasuke's opal hand didn't bother him at all. Naruto would have wondered why if not for the silent worship of this god before him. This incredible, perfect, elusive... elusive...
"Sasuke, don't leave me."
Sasuke hardly seemed fazed by this redundant comment and reached his head upwards, smiling, and he kissed him with all there was within his white world.
Naruto grinned into the kiss and allowed Sasuke to take control, to give him what he needed. This dominance was incredible, the power he held over him was so comforting, so protecting. Ahhh... nice...
Why give up something so good? Why? Why did anyone want to take this incredible thing away from him? This deific being...
"Don't leave me..."
"Don't leave me."
The words were instantly mirrored by Sasuke, but these ones held no shaky doubts within them. They were crushingly defiant against such things. Naruto quickly changed his mind to wishing he could be so strong.
"Yes, yes..."
"What..."
"Promise me."
"do you..."
"I promise."
"think I am...?"
"Show me."
"How?"
Sasuke trailed his finger back and forth against each of Naruto's cheeks with a sweet look in his eyes. A feeling of nostalgia, of a previous meeting, hit him and he realised what those strokes meant as they trailed over now healed wounds.
Both sets of eyes went towards the table, to a letter opener.
They moved in unison, mirroring each others thoughts and hearts, eyes connected and never leaving.
At once, the brusque, tanned hand and the slim, silky hand both reached for the letter opener, holding it tenderly in-between their joint hands.
Sasuke manoeuvred Naruto's hand around and pointed the tip of the letter opener to Naruto's cheek, where the imprint of the six marks traced on his face by the raven's hand still stung in his mind.
The feeling of the cold gold against his cheek sent a tingle down his spine, though not as much as Sasuke's inconceivable grin and his eyes, glowing red as the eyes of Lucifer himself, as he whispered.
"So... show me..."
"Why?"
The hospital room never felt as small as it did when Sakura and, Naruto's personal guidance counsellor, Sai, questioned him for his actions.
"You were completely out of it Naruto, look at what you did to yourself!"
His fingers automatically reached to his face and tickled across his cheeks. He winced as the pain filtered through the bandages upon them.
"I know, but it's alright I can expla-"
"Forty-eight stitches. You needed forty-eight stitches, Naruto! So don't you dare try to say it's alright because your little addiction has gone completely out of control!"
Sai released a disappointed breath as Sakura raged on and he walked towards the door, speaking sullenly as he reached for the handle.
"I'm afraid, Naruto, that we can't allow you to continue in this manner. I thought there was no need for this before but now I have no choice. I'm going to refer you to an overnight rehabilitation centre, you'll be staying there for a long time. I'm sorry."
"No! S-Sai! Please don't!"
The boy's pale eyes shot back towards the one in the bed. "I have no choice Naruto. I'll make sure you're admitted as soon as you get out of here. It's for the best."
He was gone.
Panic.
"Sakura!"
"Don't, Naruto! Don't! You're destroying yourself by continuing this. I've tried my best to support you through it all but I don't know if I can anymore, you need to listen to Sai and go to that place."
"No! I don't need that! I need you to-! I need your-!"
"Don't say it to me, Naruto! I just... I can't take it anymore!"
Sakura, dear, sweet, understanding Sakura, snapped. Tears flowed and she covered her mouth, storming out of the room with the kind of power and despair that said she wouldn't return to him again.
He attempted to leap from the bed, but wires and drips and other such things held him from the door. He sighed sadly and walked back towards his bed, stopping at the sink, at the mirror above the sink, along the way. Ruby eyes stared grievously back at him. And something else snapped.
Disgusting bandages... disgusting, disgusting bandages! So horrible! They were blocking it! The proof, the PROOF! It was needed.
He ripped them off, gasping sharply and hissing into his shoulder at the hideous pain from the tears and the tears. The delicious stitches, some had torn off, he counted them.
"Thirty... two left..."
He looked back at the mirror, at the blood curling from the whisker shaped marks across his cheeks. He thought of Sasuke, of the boy who loved him, the boy he loved. Oh God... he'd never see him again... if they take him away from this... if he was locked away... oh no, no no no, he wouldn't let it happen... because...
"Because I also need..."
He snuck away... How had he managed such a thing? Tearing through the hospital corridors with all the discretion of a buffalo. But then again, at night, who would notice?
Not the patients who lay curled in their own individual little hells, nor the nurse whose main duties involved the "significant" events happening to the characters in her novel, that was for sure.
Naruto's wounds, restitched and itchy, were annoying him as he wandered down the hallways, absent-mindedly guided by fate. He wanted those bandages off again, Sasuke wanted them off. Yes, Sasuke, beloved Sasuke. He wanted Naruto to show him them.
But how... His veins ached now with a similar, profound itch. He snarled and scratched across the old needlework on his arms, both the ones by him and the ones by the IV's and other instruments he'd now removed.
"Sasuke... More... more... more..."
"Looking for something?"
Naruto turned to his left, an orderly stood there. Alone at this time of night? In this place? Peculiar...
"What are you-...?"
"What do you need?"
The man had him figured out quickly, he pulled out a bag from his pocket. Oh... that's why an orderly was here, at this time, in this place.
"LSD?" The orderly's eyes twitched and he shrugged and nodded. Naruto didn't notice. He was still plagued by that itch. That itchy, itchy, itch. Sasuke... "But I don't have any money with me."
The orderly stared at the name on Naruto's wristband, "Give me your room number, I'll get it from you later. Naruto Uzumaki."
"I've got some good stuff here, you want them?"
The bag of pills dangled swiftly from the orderly's hand and Naruto snatched them up. "Room 413."
Rushing back to his room with demonic speed, he sat on the bed and emptied the entire bag in his hand. He threw all that he could into his mouth, several bounced off his lips and rolled across the floor. But they didn't matter. Neither did the odd and unfamiliar taste and buzz from these tablets.
"I need..."
"What do you think I am?"
Naruto blinked in his unfamiliar, sweat drizzled haze, hand still wrapped around Sasuke's own as he lay on the hospital bed, surrounded by the decay he had made and wrapped in the perfection he craved.
He whispered.
The hand fell away, bouncing on the mattress and sending a few prodigal pills plummeting to the floor to join their brothers and sisters. And Sasuke leant down and kissed those lips, sapphire tears fell down his face and down across the insane amount of blood on Naruto's whiskered cheeks.
The tears soon vanished into a sea of red.
The final breath was stolen away.
The apparition gone.
"You're Help."
"I don't want be alone. I want comfort, I want love. So show me, because I also need... I need... your help."
O_O;; Eek.... ghost Sasuke... or well, hallucinated Sasuke XD;;
This was quite interesting to write, one of my not so rare breaks from my usual style. And if anyone didn't get what was going on, uh... tell me and I'll try to explain!
So, reviews if you please! ^^