Alec Lightwood pounded his head into his bedroom wall. The pain was soothing; it provided momentary relief from his tormenting thoughts. Jace. Flashes of memories, fantasies and vivid dreams meshed into one, and he couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't anymore.
"Your head is not a hammer, Alec." Jace drawled from his room on the other side of the wall.
Alec ignored this. Sometimes ignoring Jace or saying things he knew would get to him was Alec's own little revenge. Although Jace had no idea of Alec's feelings towards him, and couldn't be held accountable for the moments that Alec replayed over and over alone in his room, Alec still resented him for it. Perhaps somehow he did know and was torturing Alec just for kicks. Well it felt like that sometimes, anyway. He pounded his head against the wall again, trying to clear his mind.
"I'm seriously beginning to think that you have an extra personality of the tool variety." Jace continued.
"Well we all know you do, Jace!" Isabelle shouted from her room across the hall.
No reply from Jace. Alec laughed softly. He threw himself down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Directly above his bed was a small collage of photographs blue-tacked to the ceiling. A photo of him as a 3 year-old, holding his new baby sister, beaming at the camera. Another one when he was 8 years old, scowling at a miniature table with a pink plastic cup and saucer, Isabelle a glowing 5 year old beside him. His eyes passed over the photo furthest to the left and remembered that day with a smile.
.x.X.x.
"Alec, Isabelle, This is Jonathan Wayland. Your new brother!" Alec's eyes glazed over the boy, a mop of blonde hair and distant eyes.
"Hi Jonathan!" Isabelle ran forward and hugged the boy.
Jonathan seemed confused at the gesture, like this had never happened to him before. He uncertainly placed a stiff arm on her back. When she pulled away, she was rewarded with the smallest of smiles. His eyes ran over Alec. A shiver went up Alec's spine, he was nervous for some reason. But he liked it. He liked that this boy's eyes were on him.
"Jonathan Christopher Wayland." He said, extending his arm.
"Um- Alec Lightwood." Alec stammered, mentally cursing himself. He grasped Jonathan's hand in his own and felt his stomach drop to the floor. What was wrong with him today? Was he sick?
"Jonathan Christopher! That's a mouthful." Said Isabelle.
"Sometimes I just write J.C. when I don't want to write my whole name." Jonathan explained.
"Jay-Cee. Sounds like Jace. How do you like that for a nickname, Jonathan?" Maryse smiled.
"I like it." Jace turned to look at Alec. "Guess we have to do that handshake again."
"Guess we do."
"Jace Wayland." He extended his hand again, this time with a slight smile on his face.
"Still Alec Lightwood." And their hands met for the second time, Alec's stomach still on a roller coaster ride.
"Photo time! Smile!" Isabelle had just enough time to throw an arm over each boy before the shutter clicked and the moment was captured in time forever. Both boys smiling at each other, hands clasped with Isabelle grinning between them.
.x.X.x.
Alec sighed at the photo, and with a pang realised that the very first day he met Jace he had felt something. He remembered how he had agonised over the next year, trying to come to terms with what he was feeling. It wasn't until he was nearly 14 that he had finally understood feelings for Jace. Which brought his eyes over to the next photo.
.x.X.x.
It wasn't as if Alec didn't like his strength sessions, it was just that it took away time from his double combat lessons with Jace. Jace and Alec had separate strength sessions, because Jace was too young to go to the intensity that Alec's training required. Alec could see himself turning into a shadowhunter more and more every day. Muscles becoming more defined, bearing stronger marks… and it made him happy that he was normal in that respect. He pushed his affections for Jace deep down and hoped they would disappear. Because they were definitely not normal. Then, he could be the best shadowhunter of his generation. He walked over to the water cooler and poured himself a cup of water. Taking off his shirt, which was drenched with sweat, he poured the cup of water over his head.
"You should do shampoo commercials." A voice sarcastically said from the door.
"Jace."
"Who else?"
This was a fair question. Nobody but Jace had the ability to come up with a sarcastic remark in any situation, appropriate or inappropriate. He turned to face Jace and caught him staring at him.
"What? Is there something on me?"
"Since when have you had a 6-pack?"
Alec flushed and looked away. The fact that Jace had noticed gave him a warm feeling spreading out from his stomach. It was sickening, but in a good way.
"Um- I dunno."
Jace gripped the hem of his own shirt and pulled it over his head in a fluid motion. He looked down and frowned.
"How come I don't have one?" Jace demanded.
Alec had to laugh at this. The looks of an angel, up to his ears in charm and he still wasn't happy unless he was the best.
"Give it another year, Jace."
"How does it feel?" Jace asked.
"To touch?"
"Yeah."
Alec ran his hand over his stomach. He tried not to feel awkward, but Jace was watching him with attention that he never usually gave anybody. He decided on a word.
"Strong." Alec answered.
And before he could say anything, Jace's hand was on his abdomen, tracing the lines between the defined sections. Alec bit down on his bottom lip, and tried to act like this didn't affect him in any way.
"Alexander? I've got the camera. I want to take a picture of you with your new marks!" Robert Lightwood called down the corridor.
Alec opened his mouth to reply but no sound came out. He tried to cover this up by yawning.
"We're in here!" Jace called, hands still on Alec's stomach.
As soon as the door swung open, Jace snatched his hands back.
"You two were both doing strength in here?" Robert inquired.
"Yes-" Jace replied.
"No-" Alec answered simultaneously.
Jace and Alec looked at each other and smiled.
"Well we were a bit." Alec said sheepishly.
"Still, I would want a photo! Jace come in the picture, too." Robert instructed, moving the camera back and forth to get the right angle.
Jace threw his arm around Alec's neck grinned for the camera. Alec beamed genuinely. *Click* the moment was captured in time forever. Two best friends with their arms around each other, bare from the waist up.
When Robert had left the room, Jace slid his palm across Alec's stomach one more time.
"Keep working on that. You'll be a hit with the babes." Jace winked and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
Alec groaned. He was never going to be able to push down these feelings. And he didn't think they would ever go away either.
.x.X.x.
Alec knew Jace wouldn't have thought twice about that day. Was it bad that Alec held on to that memory as proof that there was a possibility for them to be together? But Alec's favourite memory would have to be the last photo. The only chance something could have possibly happened…
.x.X.x.
It was the week before Christmas and Alec was sitting at an overly decorated table at Taki's with an elf hat on his head. Isabelle had dragged him and Jace out for "Christmas festivities". He didn't really know what this entailed, but so far Jace was wearing antlers and Izzy had a Santa hat on.
"I want to do something interesting tonight." Jace stated.
"No! Tonight is for Christmas fun only. Kaelie. Kaelie!" Isabelle called, trying to get the waitresses attention.
She slinked her way over, giving Jace a kiss on the cheek, smiling at Isabelle and ignoring Alec altogether.
"Could you take a photo of us?" Isabelle asked, handing over a camera.
"Sure. Smile!" Kaelie said.
Isabelle pulled her brothers close to her and gave a dazzling smile. The shutter clicked and the moment was captured in time forever. But this was a night that none of them would forget.
"Thank you." Isabelle said, and took back the camera.
"Do you want to order something?"
"I would like a faerie plum." Jace said with grandeur, narrowly missing a wreathe as he spread his hands out either side of him.
Alec rolled his eyes. "Jace you know that will send you crazy."
"Seems like fun. Bring one for me Kaelie!" Jace insisted.
"Well I'm not looking after you when you're running naked down the street. I'll have a soda." Isabelle said.
"Guess that leaves you to look after crazy, naked me." Jace smirked at Alec.
"As always." Alec cast his eyes towards the ground and smiled. "I'll just stick to water." He continued.
Soon enough, Kaelie was back with Isabelle's drink and Jace's faerie plum. Jace carefully took a bite.
"It tastes like a normal plum." He said, chewing.
"Don't have more than one bite your first time!" Kaelie warned.
Jace just looked her in the eyes and took three big bites out of the plum.
"You'll regret that." She said and walked away.
"I feel exactly the-" Jace began before collapsing into hysterics.
"What is so funny, Jace Wayland?" Isabelle said, annoyed.
"Alec- is wearing- elf hat-" He gasped before doubling over again.
"I've been wearing the hat for ten minutes." Alec said, grudgingly smiling at being able to make Jace laugh.
"Wasn't- funny- then-" Jace choked, tears streaming down his face.
"Stupid faerie plum. I'm going to kill Jace for ruining tonight. He's in no state to go anywhere. Come on! We're going home!" Isabelle said grumpily.
"No, no, no. I refuse to go home." Jace turned away in a huff. He then caught sight of himself in a mirror.
"By the angel!" He exclaimed.
"What?"
"I'm a reindeer!" He began stroking his antlers, eyes wide with disbelief.
"Ho, ho, ho!" Somebody called from outside. Jace's head snapped up.
"I'm coming, Santa!" He called and bolted for the door.
Isabelle cursed and slapped at $20 bill on the table before running out the door. Alec followed after her. Jace was nowhere to be seen.
"Jace Wayland! When I find you I'm going to kill you!" Isabelle screeched down the street, but it was lost under the sound of New York City traffic.
"Izzy, you go left, I'll go right. We'll call each other if we find him." said Alec.
"Okay. Call me right away!"
Alec sprinted down the street and turned a corner. There was Jace surrounded by 5 year olds, all stroking his hair and back. They looked at him with eyes the size of dinner plates, holding on to every word.
"Well we reindeers go through a vigorous training routine. We do 3 hours of air galloping a day! Just like this!" And with this comment, Jace got up and begun to gallop down the street away from the kids. They ran after him, calling out things such as "Reindeer boy!" and "Rudolph!"
"Shoo children, shoo! Santa is waiting for me! Do you want your presents or not?" Jace bellowed at them. They stopped chasing him immediately.
"Jace!" Alec called down the street and ran after him. While he was running he dialled Isabelle's cell. Turning into Madison Avenue, he ran straight into Jace and grabbed him by the antlers.
"Jace. You are not a reindeer. You are a shadowhunter. You fight demons, not evil snowmen." Alec reminded him.
"I am too a reindeer! I have antlers, Alec! Find one reason to prove to me that I'm not a reindeer." Jace insisted.
"For starters, reindeers do not wear clothes." Alec pointed out.
"That" Jace smirked "is easily taken care off." He started with his shirt, peeling it off.
"Jace put your clothes back on." Alec sighed, putting a hand to his forehead in frustration.
"Reindeers don't wear clothes!" He pulled off his shoes, his pants.
"By the angel, at least leave your boxers on, Jace." Alec cried.
"For now!" He beamed and took off down the street.
Alec ran after him. Dashing down Maddison Avenue isn't a pleasant experience in any condition, but chasing after your practically naked Parabatai at night is particularly difficult. Not to mention that a tiny part of you is happy that he is almost naked. Suddenly, a pair of boxers hit him directly in the face.
"JACE!" Alec bellowed.
Crazy laughter was the only reply. Alec followed the antlers sticking out from the crowd, boxers in one hand the other clenched into a fist. Finally he caught up to him and dragged him into an alleyway.
"Can you please put your pants back on?" Alec was determined to keep his eyes on Jace's face and not let them drift anywhere but.
"But you don't want me to." Jace replied.
"You- what?" Alec let go of Jace like an electric shock.
Jace smiled smugly. This was the final straw for Alec. Watching the corners of Jace's mouth upturn like he didn't care about anything or anyone. He was sick of it. Sick of running after him, sick of looking out for him, sick of being in love with him for as long as he could remember. He grabbed Jace by the shoulders and pushed him up against the wall, hard.
"I am so sick of you acting so damn smug all the time. Doesn't anybody else matter to you?" Alec hissed.
"You matter to me." Jace said softly and leaned forward, so close to Alec that he could feel his breath on his lips.
"Jace-" Alec whispered and Jace wrapped a hand around Alec's lower back.
Jace pulled Alec a millimetre closer, their noses were touching. Alec tilted his head slightly to the left and-
"Here you are! I've been looking for you everywhere- Oh" Isabelle stopped short.
Alec leapt back from Jace and tripped over his own feet. Isabelle gave Alec a sad look before realising that Jace naked with a start.
"JACE WHAT THE HELL WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON? I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE! YOU ARE BANNED FROM FAERIE PLUMS. FOREVER. I CAN'T EVEN…"
.x.X.x.
Alec closed his eyes and tried not to think of what could have happened if Izzy didn't find them at that exact moment. He was certain Jace would have kissed him. Don't dwell on the could haves Alec he told himself.
"I see you're done with your "I-use-my-body-parts-as-hardware" phase." Jace said, leaning against the doorframe.
Alec didn't respond. He couldn't at this moment.
"Looking at your collage?" Jace asked.
"Yeah."
Jace plopped himself down on the bed and laid flat on his back to see the photos.
"Oh God, that night." He said, pointing at the photo of the three of them at Taki's.
"You remember it?" Alec asked, surprised.
"Every second."