Before you say anything, I'll have you know that this is a story that has been completed. It's all the way written and only six short chapters long, so you can't be angry at me for starting another story when this story has been finished.

Now. For this story I demand a warning. IF YOU ARE SQEAMISH: DO NOT READ THIS!!! This is a very unforgiving tale. It's raw and disturbing at times, but, sadly enough, every character is based off of real-life people. Sorry. I'm going into the minds of the warped and twisted. "Cruel Intentions" style. There is cursing. There is lewd sexual conduct. But most of all, there is high school. A hell of a lot of high school. The part of High School that we keep hidden from our parents.

Read on, but BE WARNED

Confessions of the Vain and Superficial

Chapter 1: Nick

When I first saw Sam I'm pretty sure that my jaw hit the ground. I was at the girls' volleyball game watching the varsity team stretch in those god-given spandex.

Well Sam walks in with that one awkward girl she's friends with and smiles up at the crowd of guys (for only guys pay to attend volleyball games, hence the genius of the spandex) and settles right next to Ryan Something-or-other. Oh man. She had one of those shocking smiles. And a great hair-flip. And, more than anything, an amazing ass.

I was suddenly in love. OK, well not in love, but I was determined to feel her up in the back seat of my car. I bet that ass would look great in one of those pairs of spandex.

Anyway she and her awkward friend were sitting there with Ryan and Bobby and neither of the guys seemed to understand the goddess that was sitting beside them. There was something about Sam. She looked innocent. Innocent is hardly an adjective applicable to senior girls anymore. I wanted desperately to corrupt her.

I was sitting there rifling through my mental list of pick-up lines to help me pick up that ass, when suddenly one just hit me over the head like a stripper that just fell off her pole.

"Hey baby, how'd you get into those pants? Don't you think it'd be easier to take them off?"

Ryan and the awkward friend (Kayla? I can't remember her name) laughed at me. Sam just turned up her nose.

"Ew Nick. What do you want?" she asked snottily. I liked them feisty. I liked them innocent. Sam was obviously the perfect girl for me.

"What's up, Nick?" Ryan asked. Normal kids would have sounded exasperated, but not Ryan. Ryan was too nice to ever sound anything but friendly.

"To take this lovely girl out on a date." I responded to Ryan without even looking at him. As far as the four of them knew, I only had eyes for Sam. Or at least Sam's butt. Unfortunately, she was sitting on it. (Yeah right. Like I'd actually said "lovely girl.")

"Uh, ye-ah, right." Sam's snottiness only seemed to strengthen my drive. No matter what she said, it would only be a matter of time until she was mine and that precious ass was bare and pressed against my rear window. I'm not going to lie; it wouldn't be the first ass to do so.

"Why don't you just take yourself out on a date?" that Kiely girl asked. "In the end you're the only person that would even think about touching your nasty ass." Wow. I was not expecting that from the awkward friend. Most awkward friends just bite their tongues and wish it was them I was asking out. Kirsten was obviously more than your average awkward friend.

"Au contraire. I have plenty of girls that could claim their place on my wall of conquests," I replied, but I still only had eyes for Sam. That's how you woo a girl. It's all about the eye contact.

"Yes, I'm sure plenty could claim such a feat, but how many would?"

Ahg, this awkward friend was harder to shake than an STD. I chose to let that last comment lie as Ryan and Bobby tittered. I didn't care what Ryan and Bobby thought. I cared what Sam thought, and at the moment Sam had one eyebrow seductively quirked and was meeting my husky eye contact head-on. If life was a game of hide and seek, this Sam girl would play very well. And she'd probably play naked. I've always felt that hide and seek should be played naked. Think of the joy you'd feel when you found people.

Bobby was eyeing me over Sam's shoulder. "Nick? Are you thinking about naked hide and seek again? You know that that game would only be fun if you-" Oh yes! Bobby finally realized that no one cared what he had to say and shut up. Oh wait, never mind. It was just Dana.

"Hel-lo losers." Dana sat on the end of the bleacher, right next to Ryan, her twin brother. "I can't believe that Coach Drier tried to charge me to get into this stupid game. I had to flash him a little nipple just to get in."

Ryan seemed horrified by such a confession. Sam and I were still locked in a sexy staring contest. Bobby was still choking on his own words due to the presence of his secret love. Awkward Friend pulled out a book and began to read.

…I have really good peripheral vision.

"Why would you tell me that?" Ryan asked as he slapped Bobby on his back to help him regain his composure and ability to breathe. I was estimating another five seconds before Sam jumped me right here in the middle of the school gym.

Suddenly a great crash signified a kill made by the giant girl in the middle of the court and the awkward friend gave a great cheer. Odd. I'd forgotten she was there.

"Sor-ry Ryan. I just, like, wasn't going to pay that much to watch slutty girls run around in tiny shorts." Dana licked her puckered lips and began making eyes with the football quarterback across the gym. Twenty seconds later and she'd disappeared. Thirty seconds later the quarterback had too.

"Won't pay for it, and yet she forces us to witness it," Awkward Friend muttered as Dana left. Ryan shrugged and made a disapproving look at her. Awkward Friend blushed and hid behind her book.

Finally it was my chance. I quirked my own eyebrow at Sam. Sam licked her lips and my eyes rolled back in anticipation. Suddenly, just when I thought a trip out to my car was imminent, Sam smiled half-way and shook her head ever so slightly. Tonight was not going to be my night. That little tease.

But tomorrow would be a whole other story.

"Your AP exam is in exactly two weeks." Why the hell was I taking AP classes again? Oh right. I'm a fucking genius. "So to prep you guys for the exams I'm splitting you into pairs. 'Study Buddies' if you will." No. I will not. I laughed under my breath. Mrs. Blink, my AP Lit teacher, glared at me. "Nick, I'll take it that you'd like to go first."

I smiled. "Sure, why the hell not?" I scanned over the room of nerds and dorks, although it was all for show. I knew exactly who I was going to pick. "I'll take Sam."

Sam had that sexy eyebrow up again and with a legendary hair-flip; I was pretty sure I was in.

"Mr. Murdoch, I think you're confused." Mrs. Blink came over to me and towered above me, smiling wickedly. What an evil slut. Yeah "slut." I'm not going to lie. I'd probably do Mrs. Blink. "I'm the one that chooses your partners."

Oh Mrs. Blink so wanted me.

I grinned and held out my hands in surrender. "Be my guest."

Mrs. Blink scanned over her roster for the class and her eye lit on a particular name that I couldn't read. "Kelly," she sighed with wicked fury. "Meet your new partner."

I looked around. Kelly? Who the hell was Kelly? We didn't have a Kelly in this class.

The awkward friend stood up and hid her murderous glare behind her hair. I sensed that she wasn't too fond of Mrs. Blink. How could anyone not like Mrs. Blink? She had amazing cleavage.

"Hello," Kelly (not Keily) sighed as she plopped down heavily into the desk beside where I was standing still staring hopefully at Sam. She threw all her books onto her desk and I saw the legs of the chair bending from the stress of the weight. It wasn't that Kelly was particularly fat, although she did have some extra softness around the waist; it was that her boobs were so huge they probably weighed forty pounds each. They were almost drool-worthy. How did I not notice them before?

Mrs. Blink announced the rest of the pairs. I was mad to see that Sam was partnered with Ryan Hutch who was the only threat to the plans I had in store for her. I did notice a couple of satisfactory hair-flips in my direction and a constant stream of eye fucking. I was pretty pissed that she was partnered with Ryan. He's basically my only competition. AP kids? They're about as attractive as my mother's saggy breasts.

Speaking of breasts, Kelly: the talking boobs, did not seem too excited by the prospect of being partnered with me. "So have you looked at chapter four yet?" she asked blandly. I think she was just making small talk. Secretly I could see the way she kept her hands clutched over her Steinbeck novel and that she was merely itching to go back to the literary world.

I coughed. Chapter four? I don't even have a text book. "Um, no I haven't gotten to chapter four."

Kelly sighed. "I thought as much."

I didn't strictly appreciate the assumption, but it was true so I decided not to protest. Plus, Sam had just shot me a particularly sultry look and I was consumed with trying to return her ferocity. I'd assumed Sam was innocent. Holy shit was I wrong.

"So do you want to study together? Or just sit there and have eye sex with Sam all day?"

My head snapped back to Big Boobs McGee. "Huh?" Did she just say what I think she said? Or is my head so full of Sam that I'm imagining things?

"Listen," she commanded, turning in her desk so that she was facing me straight on. I briefly glimpsed down her shirt. Not bad. Not bad at all. "I'm not going to fuck around with you. I plan on passing this exam, so if you're just going to fuck off and make googly eyes with Princess Easy, I'd prefer you to tell me now so that I don't even bother trying."

I chuckled. Holy shit. She wasn't kidding. There's obviously more to this Kelly girl than meets the eye. I would have told her so, but Sam had just given me a wink and a finger lick. My attention wandered away from Kelly, who rolled her eyes and shoved her face back into Steinbeck. "Fine with me," she muttered as she found her page in the book. "She's not going to give you any, anyway."

Well, at least we found a balance.

I was sitting in the cafeteria, watching Bobby drool over Dana as she tried to seduce Clint Black. Little did she know that Clint Black was a "no seduction required" kind of guy… It wasn't long before Bobby was drooling over a Dana who was no longer sitting beside him in the cafeteria, but probably unzipping Clint's pants in the dressing room behind the auditorium. I know this, because I'd once been in Clint's shoes- so excited that this amazing girl was going to fool around with me. But Dana's like a robot, only programmed for one thing and one thing only. Bobby was drooling over a girl that didn't even exist.

I turned my attention to the other people at Bobby's table. Ryan was drumming out a beat against the table-top, while the surprising Kelly hummed along and bobbed her head. They were such dorks. Where was my bootilicious little fuck-buddy? Where the hell was Sam?!

"Meet me in the girl's gym bathroom in three minutes," I heard a voice whisper in my ear. It made the hairs on the back of my neck, and other anatomy, stand up in anticipation. That wasn't who I think it was… was it? I whirled around to see the round bottom of the illustrious Sam swaying as she walked away with only one hasty wink to keep me preoccupied for the next three minutes.

Hell yeah. It was on.

I hastily jumped out of my seat and raced across the cafeteria. "Hey Kelly," I said as soon as I got to her table in the cafeteria. Ryan stopped drumming and Kelly ceased all movement. "Looks like you were wrong. Someone's lips are about to get a little action."

"Kissing? Big deal," Bobby growled. He was obviously very perturbed by the mysterious disappearance of Dana.

"Oh." I quirked a smile. "I didn't mean those kinds of lips."

I turned away, heading directly for the gym bathrooms, but not before I heard a satisfactory disgusted grunt from Kelly. Yep, that was so worth it.

Now for Sam. Let's put that amazing ass to work.

This is Mansfield Park... only twisted. I think by the end, if you see if yet, you'll realize which characters are which.

And I expect mildly horrified reviews. A whole new voice comes through in this story.

Sneak Peek: The next chapter will be told through Sam. Really want to read it? Review. At least ten reviews, I should think, before an update...