Thresholds of Heartbeat
When you die, it feels like falling from a great height. Everything is swishing around you; the past, the present and what could've been. Sounds erupt in your ears and your heartbeat echoes in your head loudly, and then it dies away. Frantically placing your hands on your chest, desperately wishing to feel it thump defiantly, it's not there. There is nothing. Then all revolves around you, it collides into a blur of colors your eyes never registered before. The world becomes muted and such lightness overcomes you there's hardly any gravity. All this happens in a fraction of a second, and then you just go, softly, as if falling asleep, only to wake and realize that all you clung to was not gone, but forever out of your reach.
Lily's eyes snapped open and she drew in a long, deep breath. Silence enveloped her and light was streaming into her eyes, temporarily blinding her. Raising a hand to shield her eyes, she tried to sit up. Oddly, it was as if she had no body to support her, as if she were merely floating on the surface of a never-ending ocean, a notion conceived by something higher.
"Finally," she heard a soft voice say, and though it sounded vaguely familiar, she could not quite recall what it meant to her or who it belonged to. Nevertheless, upon hearing it, Lily felt warmth spreading to the tips of her fingers. Letting her hand fall limply beside her body, she peered for the source of the voice. A shadow moved forward to her, only a silhouette at first, but taking shape and form with every step.
Standing before her was a man of no suave nature, but still gracious and debonair in his own way, his black hair a tangled mess and eyes the color of a chocolate frog behind round glasses. Taking his extended hand, Lily was lifted to her feet. She had to find balance for a few moments, as if she stood on her legs for the first time, like a newborn child, but he was there to support her weight.
"James," she breathed, only now recognizing his scent and dizzy eyes that engulfed her being.
"I was waiting," he murmured softly into her hair. "I'm so proud of you, Lily."
Confused, Lily looked up at him, her mind reeling. A hint of panic, misunderstanding and heartbreak was etched in both her face and voice as she spoke, "I don't understand. What is this?"
And suddenly, hit by a sensation no Mother can ignore, Lily's eyes widened. "Harry."
Grinning at her from the corner of his lips, though the smile didn't quite reach his eyes, James embraced her tightly. "He's perfectly alright."
Memories of what has happened poured into Lily's mind, all the images, vivid and flamboyant, mirrored in her eyes. Shutting them, tears trickled down her cheeks that turned to tiny whips of white, almost transparent smoke and evaporated.
Finally taking in her surroundings, they were in their house, but it was unusually still and quiet, untouched, despite the tragedy that has happened within those walls.
Pressing her head to her husband's chest, Lily gasped. There was no heartbeat, only infinite hollowness. It was like putting her ear to a sea shell. Backing away, eyeing James, horrorstruck, she realized the truth she knew ever since opening her eyes. Nodding gravely, James reached out to touch her, but she pulled away, pressing her own hands between her breasts.
Nothing.
Collapsing down onto the hardwood floor, Lily hugged herself, desperation in her eyes. Crouching down beside her, James removed a strand of hair from her eyes, caressing her cheek, drinking in her dainty beauty. He didn't expect her to take it so badly. They say the dead have always a hard time letting go of life if loving too deeply. Once you die, you know many things just like that, as if with Death all the truths were poured into you.
"We're dead." It was a statement, not a question, not a doubt. James could see eternity in her eyes, and he was more than willing to spend it with her, waiting for the others patiently, but how to make it less painful for her?
Lily was quivering like a leaf left alone in a breeze, numb to James' loving touch and dazzling eyes. All her life she had been so brave, until the very end, only to end up being a whiny little coward, desperate and afraid of leaving behind a child, friends, the world, her heartbeat and life.
Let go.
She couldn't. More and more tears poured from her emerald eyes, shining more brightly than her entire being, creating a soft mist circling around their heads.
People think staying and holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.
"I want to see my son," she sobbed, staggering as she stood up, holding tight onto James' hands. As if witnessing someone's memories in a Pensieve, the stagnant scene changed abruptly. Both of them were standing in an unknown street with houses of the same size and shape lining the neighborhood, most of the lights down. Time has already gone by and Lily knew where and with whom was her little boy.
"Only one of us can go," James spoke, as Lily pulled him toward the house, from which she could hear the slow, defiant thump, thump that had lived with her for so long. Turning to face him, there was a question in her eyes.
"I already had my visit," he smiled. "I chose to see Sirius."
Sirius. The name made Lily take in another breath, thinking of his now ruptured life, unjustly imprisoned, haunted for the rest of his life.
Lily understood, stood on tip-toe to kiss James briefly, and ran off toward the house, her strides quick and light, like that of a doe. Getting through the door was the easiest thing. Like a ghost, she just walked through it. The Hall, clean and doctrinaire just like her sister, was empty and silent, but Lily knew where she was going, she didn't even have to search. Getting inside the cupboard swiftly, if Lily had a beating heart, it would break.
Harry was soundly sleeping, his little hands curling over the sheets, and Lily reached a transparent hand to stroke his cheek. Despite knowing what she was about to lose, Lily's lips broke into a gorgeous smile as Harry let out a sigh from his slumber. Physically she was no longer close to him, but so faraway, but on that silent night, he could feel something. Tilting his head upwards toward what he might feel like a soft breeze passing over his skin, he stirred, reaching out his little hand.
Knowing, for some odd reason, that her time for the night was spent, Lily bent down to plant a tender kiss between his eyes, feeling a rush of pride of what he was about to become. Backing out of the tiny cupboard, her glowing eyes never leaving him, Lily left and Harry was alone.
Though he will never be alone, Lily knew, as she met James outside under the starry sky.
A meeting with her son gave her courage. How hard it was still…to let go, but pushed by the universe and her own knowledge of the course of life, Lily took James' hand and together they headed down the street, their surroundings changing once again.
She was not alone either. Leaning into him, two transparent figures haunting the world in its silent crumble, there was something radiantly alive about both of them – their eyes.
"Where do we go now?" she asked as she leaned into him, the only real thing in her new world.
"No idea."
"Are you scared?"
"I'm with you."
That settled it.
Before taking the last and final steps, James stopped and turned Lily to face him.
"I loved you so much, always, that I wished we would die together one day, so we would never miss each other too much. This is not how I imagined it. Know that if I could, I'd do anything to have you alive, with Harry, able to live on."
Smiling, kissing him and wiping off his concerned noble expression, Lily whispered, "I love you. Death didn't part us, the journey hasn't ended, our story goes on…beyond the thresholds of heartbeat."
Together they walked off, into a world others could not follow to, but they were never too far.
I wanted to write this fic for ages, and it's a very odd genre and style, and I'm not sure about it. Just felt like writing what I think happened after their deaths, with them, not the aftermath for the living. I guess it can't be all that easy and clear from the beginning. Please let me know what you think, I appreciate every review. Thanks in advance.