Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries nor am I making any profit from this. Characters, etc. all belong to their respective owners.
A/N: So, the song I used in this fic is "The End of Time" by the Band Perry. The song doesn't fit the situation in this fic to an exact T (which, if you listen to the whole song, you'll realize that because I left out some of the lyrics), but it's a great song that beautifully captures the feeling of missing someone you love so much that it feels like the world is coming to an end.
I wrote this for day 6 of Bamon week. It's very AU and just a collection of connecting non-linear vignettes, separated by the song lyrics. Bamon is in an established relationship by the events of 4x23. Certain things like the sirebond and Jeremy's death aren't mentioned because I simply did not wanna touch those messes. I'm just keeping this totally Bamon.
Enjoy!
Here I am,
Standing firm as the ground shakes beneath me
There's a Southern kind of tragic blowing in
Oh, it feels like the beginning of the end
Most of the time he's numb. He doesn't want to believe it. He can't. He won't.
After everything he's watched her survive, after all the plans he's watched her make…she can't just be gone.
The denial doesn't make it any easier, though.
It doesn't make the side of his bed that she'd share any less empty. It doesn't make the phantom pains of her sweet kisses or the sound of her laughter ringing in his ears go away.
She's gone and nothing makes it hurt any less.
Well the Alabama moon fell from the sky
And the sweet tea wells ran dry
Back home it's the end of time
Sometimes the numbness goes away and it's replaced with anger.
With all her stubbornness and take no prisoners attitude, she made him fall in love with her. And, despite everything he had done to her, she found it in her to fall for him too.
For the first time, someone actually loved him back.
And then she just left.
As much as he tries to forget, their last moment plays through his head over and over again like a broken record.
"Before I put the veil up, there's something you need to know," she tells him.
He has no idea what to expect when she leads him to the cave where the Expression triangle was centered. At first he doesn't understand.
He sees her tiny body lying on the floor and it's like the world goes completely white.
"I'm sorry," she tells him tearfully. "I tried bringing Grams back even though she begged me not to and—" she breaks off. "I'm sorry," she says again.
"No," he says. "No."
Something had been wrong all day. He had known the minute he had seen her. Every time he looked at her, she seemed as if she was about to burst into tears. He had known something was wrong, but he never thought—he couldn't have ever thought—
"There's not enough time," she says, more tears falling from those pretty green eyes he always got lost in. "The veil needs to go back up soon, but I need to let you know that I'll be okay. Grams is here and so is nearly all my family. And there's something I need to ask you and I know it's not a fair thing to ask, but I need to ask you to be okay. That you'll at least try. For me."
He knows what he wants to say, but he can't get the words out. His tongue feels like cotton. His whole mouth feels like it's full of cotton and he's about to choke.
The veil goes up and she's gone.
And he never got to ask her: "Please don't leave me."
When he thinks about it, anger permeates through his entire being like the worst white-hot pain he's ever felt in his life.
He doesn't try to be okay like she asked him and sometimes he does it just to spite her.
Sometimes he screams and breaks everything and anything he can get his hands on.
He treats everyone around him like dirt, yet it's not enough to make Stefan or Elena leave him the hell alone. And that sometimes makes him angry.
He loved her and she loved him and they were happy and now she's gone and he sometimes hates her for it.
I'm scared to death
Outside I hear the bells ringing, bringing ruin to all we have ever known
Come home and call off disaster 'cause I fear tonight our cotton land might fall
Oh, I'm cracking like the plaster on the wall
He doesn't attend her funeral.
He can't. It would make things too permanent, too real. It would mean that she's really not coming back.
He doesn't need to see everyone else grieving. He doesn't need to see her beautiful corpse laying in a casket. He doesn't need to see her being lowered in the ground, knowing her body will decay into nothing.
He remembers the accusing look from her father when he found out his only daughter was dead, but he can't bring himself to care because she's gone and nothing else matters.
He hears a church bell ring in the distance, signaling the hour and the beginning of the funeral as well as the end of his world.
He wishes he was being buried six feet under with her.
Well the Alabama moon fell from the sky
And the sweet tea wells ran dry
Back home it's the end of time
He leaves town without telling Stefan. He's sure that his younger brother won't be entirely surprised by that.
He doesn't want to stay in Mystic Falls where everything reminds him of her.
Yet, leaving that hell hole still reminds him of her too. He remembers how much she looked forward to finally leaving Mystic Falls.
He had convinced her to spend the summer before college traveling the world with him.
The first place he planned on taking her had been Florence, where his ancestors originated from. Then he would have taken her to Paris and kissed her in front of the Eiffel Tower under a starry sky.
Instead, he's sitting in a dirty bar in some non-descript hole of a town in Alabama. He contemplates whether feeding would be worth it or not.
There's a pretty young woman sitting alone in a booth who shares a passing resemblance to his little witch. He finds himself half tempted to go over there and pretend for a few moments that he really is with Bonnie.
He doesn't, though. He knows it wouldn't do any good because no one could ever replace his little bird or fill the gaping hole where his heart used to be.
It's the end of time
Is it the end of all time?
Or just the end of mine?
Sometimes he thinks he sees her.
It's usually out of the corner of his eye, a ghostly apparition that disappears immediately the second he tries to take a closer look.
Every time it happens, he hopes against hope that it really is her, that she somehow found a way to come back to him.
It never is, though, so he digs his fingers into his eyes, ignoring the pain. He claws them out. wishing that they wouldn't end up healing, not wanting to see that same mirage over and over again.
An image of her is still burned into his brain and he knows it will never fade away.
Well all of the cotton, it died in the fields
The little babies cried the blue from their eyes
Come home before the end
Life goes on without here even if he doesn't want it to.
Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and the next thing he knows, it's been years since she's been gone even though it feels just like yesterday.
Stefan tracks him down and informs him that he's going to be the best man at his and Elena's wedding.
He doesn't want to go, but he does anyway.
He stands there like a zombie, staring at Caroline much to the blonde's displeasure. Bonnie should be standing there next to her.
He knew she'd be smiling and crying the whole time and give the sweetest, most heartfelt wedding toast of the night.
He wonders if they would have ever gotten married.
He never once imagine settling down and marrying.
He would have with her, though.
The Alabama moon fell from the sky
And the sweet tea wells ran dry
Back home it's the end of time
He carries around this one necklace of hers. It's a small gold bird hanging on a thin gold chain. He knew it was her favorite because she wore it more than any of the others. Sometimes he wonders if it came from someone important like her Grams. He wishes he would have asked.
Sometimes he thinks about getting rid of it, not wanting the constant reminder that his little bird is gone forever, but he knows he never will.
Other times, he finds himself clutching it tightly until the wings and the beak make bloody cuts in the palm of his hand.
Come home
Come home and be mine
Come home
Come home
He talks to her sometimes, acting as if she's there to hear and he likes to think that maybe she is.
He likes to think that despite being reunited with his Grams, she still thinks about him and checks up on him.
He likes to think that maybe she sees how he can no longer function and that it makes her hellbent on finding a way to come back to him.
Whenever he talks to her, he always ends it the same exact way.
"Please come back. I don't know how to live without you."
A/N: Thanks for reading and, as always, reviews are very much appreciated!