Title: Voldemort's Brownie
Author: Roof Hacker
Summary: When you think that brownies can only be a good thing, you are very wrong. Here's why you should always leave a brownie for Voldemort.
Rating: K
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter in any way
A/N: I hope you enjoy, just a quick one shot that's slightly crack-y. :)
Voldemort sighed as he walked through the front door of the Malfoy manor. He had a long day, killing muggles, torturing a wizard for information about the order, negotiating with the British vampire clan; trying to better the world could be very draining.
He threw his cloak at the house elf, and stalked down the foyer. He stopped, something was off… His red eyes darted around trying to spot something out of the ordinary. Nope, nothing seemed off, the preserved heads of those who met their unfortunate end in the manor were still stuck to the wall, the stone snakes were still slithering, the portraits of all the old guys, sorry, past Lord Malfoys, were still snoring. Voldemort's brow furrowed, what was he missing? Something in the air, he could sense it, he could smell it. It was… Chocolate? Specifically brownies. How odd, he hadn't had a brownie in well, decades. Not being corporeal kinda sucked when it meant that you couldn't have a dessert.
He turned the corner and went into the huge dining hall where he expected his followers to be. They sat surrounding the table, leaning forward talking softly, an empty brownie pan in the middle. They had yet to notice Voldemort's presence.
Voldemort coughed, and all of their heads snapped to the entrance where he was standing.
"My Lord…" Malfoy spoke in a guilty shock way when somebody comes in and there aren't any brownies left for them.
"Save it, Malfoy." Voldemort waved his hand and glued the man's mouth shut.
All of his so called followers recoiled, staring at him in fear.
"I spend all day doing hard work, making this world a better place, for all of us, and you're what? Sitting around baking brownies, and don't have the decency to leave one for your Lord? The one who makes all of your lives possible? What were you gonna do, hide the pan before I got in? You know, just because I don't have a nose doesn't mean I can smell."
Bellatrix took a breath like she was going to speak. Before she could, red eyes were on her, burning a hole through her. Literally, she started to catch on fire. She yelped and patted out the flame.
Voldemort turned back to face his traitors,
"This is despicable, and I will have none of it, just like how I will have none of those brownies."
The Death Eaters started glancing around, they knew where this was going…
"Wands, now."
The clatter of wood on wood was heard as twelve wands were placed on the table. But before the Dark Lord could speak once more, all heads turned to a sound right behind him.
There stood one Severus Snape, with a confused look on his face.
"My Lord?"
Voldemort turned, a more murderous look on his face than normal,
"Did you know about this?"
"About what, my Lord?"
Voldemort gestured to the empty brownie pan.
Snape shook his head, he thought it would be the safe answer since he still had no idea what the Dark Lord meant.
"They didn't leave a brownie for who they call a leader." Voldemort hissed.
Snape's eyes widened in understanding, "Well there's only one thing we can do."
Turning back to the scared Death Eaters, "Out"
"My Lord?" Said Malfoy, well it was more like 'mmord' seeing as his current situation kept him from actually speaking.
"You heard me, out."
"bmtymmvemyre"
"What?" Red eyes glared at the blonde haired man,
"Oh right, your mouth" Voldemort waved his hand once more, ungluing the man's mouth.
"But I live here, my Lord."
Voldemort laughed a cold laugh,
"I am no longer your Lord, just like how you no longer live here. You all are lucky that I am sparing you your lives, so do not push me any further. Leave and never come back, if I ever see your faces again, I will not be so merciful."
A mess of black robes scrambled out of the manor, leaving only two members in the room.
Voldemort sat down at the head of the table. His shoulders slumping, letting out a soft sigh.
"What are we gonna do now?"
The Dark Lord looked up at the softly spoken words,
"What?"
"What are we going to do now?" Severus looked up meeting eyes with the powerful wizard.
"I don't know." Voldemort admitted, sighing once more.
"Well I know a way to get you all the brownies you want…"
Voldemort looked up, seeing Severus's slight grin.
Voldemort stood at the head of the table surrounded by his new followers. He looked around at the group made up of seven to ten year old girls, all looking at him with anticipation.
"As you know I am your Brown Owl, and you are my brownies. Girlguiding will be from this point on, will be more than just a group, you will change the world."
Voldemort spoke to his Brownie Guides as Snape in the corner looked on with a smile on his face. Hopefully these girls will remember always to leave a treat for their leader.
A/N: Thank you for reading! :) Feel free to rate and review, it's always great to hear feedback