I have been wanting to write this for ages. I always thought the aftermath of Fred's death needed to be explored more. I would really appreciate all reviews to let me know what you think. I will try and update this as reguarly as possible.

Disclaimer

I don't own anything.

Chapter 1:

They say as you get older that you drift apart from your childhood friends. They also say that as you get older you grow closer to your family. I want to meet these people and ask them what makes them so certain this is true. As usual it seems Freddie and I are an exception to the rule. We never drifted apart and we have always been close. I'm not saying he was perfect or that we never argued. What I am saying is, I miss him. I miss him all the time...

I don't really know how to function without him. If I am totally honest I don't know how to exist without him because I've never had to.

Some twins say they wish they had some time alone so they could discover who they were outside of being a twin. They should be careful what they wish for. Freddie and I have never wanted that, we knew who we were. We functioned best together, the only time anything bad has happened to us was when we were apart.

I know the rest of my family miss him too but it's not the same. When Fre...he first died mum couldn't even stand to look at me or be anywhere near me. All she saw every time she looked at me was her dead son. I was a constant reminder of what she could never have back. She worked hard to never let me see it but it was obvious. That has passed now but sometimes I still catch flickers of those thoughts in her eyes.

I suppose I need to go down and eat mum doesn't like us being out her sight too long. I often wonder if its for me or so she can sometimes pretend like he's still here.

I heaved myself off the bed and moved towards the kitchen. The smell of food makes my stomach churn slightly. I feel a strong searing pain in my ear, well the space where my ear used to be. It started hurting like this when Freddie died. It serves as a constant reminder of what I've lost , a constant reminder of the part of me that isn't there anymore. I wonder if dark curses can work that way. I suppose they can given all that stuff with Harry and Voldemort. I don't see the point in calling him You Know Who anymore I've nothing to fear now, it has already happened.

I stand and watch my family for a moment. In that moment they look normal, like nothing has happened. Sometimes it seems like they are starting to move on. I think I even heard mum laughing the other day.

I do want my family to be happy I just don't know how things can ever be even okay again never mind fine.

"Ah George dear about time sit yourself down dinner is almost ready," mum said when she saw me lingering at the door.

I nodded slightly sitting down. I hardly even notice as mum sets a plate of food in front of me. "There you are dear. You really need to eat love. I never thought I'd need to say that to you boys," she said with a mix of teasing and concern.

I offer her a tired smile. I try to eat but I just I can't...I go to speak several times throughout the meal but stop myself because he's not here to hear what I have to say. The intensity of it slams into me again with a terrifying force. I run from the table getting to the toilet just in time. I groan as I bring up nothing but bile there's not enough food in my stomach for anything else. I sit on the floor a moment listening to the voices coming from the kitchen.

"Bloody hell..."

"Should we go check on him?"

"No dear best leave him be for now"

"This is the third time this week we need to do something he can't go on like this. He looks awful. He hardly sleeps.."

"When he does he wakes up screaming...I hear him at night but dunno if I should go in or not"

"He never eats either."

"We need to do something."

"What can we do? There isn't much we can do is there? We know what's wrong. We know what would make this right. We just we can't give him that...he's gone we need to try and accept it"

Hearing those words forced another round of agonizing dry heaves.

"He needs help running the store. He can't keep trying to run it himself. He simply cannot carry on like this. I am going to speak to him."

I run into mum on my way back into the kitchen. "I think we need to talk dear," she said passing me a glass of water which I took eagerly from her taking a long drink and tried to stop my hands shaking too much.

"We don't need to talk alright. There is nothing to talk about. I'm sorry to ruin the dinner but I'm not hungry okay," I yelled turning to leave the room.

"F...George get back here this instant!" My mother yelled barley missing a beat,

The silence in the kitchen spoke volumes. Everyone knew what she had been about to say. The silence screamed deafeningly in their ears. Nobody knew what to do or say...

I could hardly speak lots of different answers exploded inside my head but I couldn't find the energy to voice them. I suddenly felt just too tired. "That isn't going to happen," I said coldly fighting back the tears as I got out the kitchen. I ignored my mother's pleading and apologies I had to get out of there. I couldn't stand to be around them anymore. I couldn't talk to any of them. The only person I wanted to talk to wasn't here anymore.

As I ran back up into our room, yes it is still our room! It nearly killed me when mum and dad moved his stuff out our room. I couldn't stand it, it just didn't seem right. It seemed so terrifyingly final...he really wasn't coming back. I lay on my bed staring at the spot in the room where his bed used to be and glanced round the room at where all his things used to be.

"We need to do this now he will be home soon."

"I...I know, I just oh Arthur I just can't bear myself to do this. He just, he just can't be gone,"

"I know. I miss him all the time. There are so many things I see things that remind me of him or things that I want to tell him that I remember I can't because he's not here. Sometimes it feels like I lose him all over again."

"I know sometimes I...I shouldn't even be saying this but..."

"No, I know what you are going to say but do not say it, do not!"

Ron jumped up the second I came in. I looked carefully at him he looked chalk white and his eyes were watering. "Hey George. You want to hangout a while maybe fly our broomsticks about outside a bit, or, or maybe go out for a few drinks, you know butterbeers I mean. Or maybe.."

I stared at him a moment. Ron was always terrible at thinking on the spot when he got caught doing something he shouldn't. Freddie and I stopped using him as our look out or involving him in our pranks years ago. We worked better when it was just us, we just never realised just how true that was.

"What is going on Ron?" I asked suspiciously.

"No...nothing why would something be going on?" he demanded. I watched the tips of his ears going bright red. I swear he really is the worst liar.

"Ron! What is going on, tell me right now!" I retorted anger seeping into my voice. I felt so angry all the time now it was hard to keep it all down.

Before Ron has the chance to stutter some more and make it even clearer he was hiding something I heard voices coming from upstairs. I quickly pulled my wand out.

"George!" Ron bellowed heading towards me trying to tackle my wand off me to stop me apparating into my room. I was too fast for him the idiot had left his wand in his room again. Even if he did have his wand he didn't stand a chance.

"What are you doing?" I yelled. I was greeted with the sight of my parents in tears as they waved their wants to remove the remainder of Freddie's stuff from our room.

"George dear, we have to do this. It's not healthy to be around his stuff. It needed to be done." My mother said through her tears.

I raised my wand not even sure what I was planning to do but I had to do something. I had to stop them doing this. The empty space where his bed was and the empty spaces where his things used to be hurt too much. This was wrong I had to do something to stop this.

"Expelliarmus!" my father cried. Before I even had the chance to think of a spell to make this stop my wand flew out my hand. If I had known my parents would have been as cruel as to remove his things I would have used a permanent sticking charm on his things. I just never thought I'd need it.

"No!" I bellowed as my mother continued to move the last of my brother's things from our room. I tried to get back to my wand to stop my mother from doing this. I fell suddenly to the floor as my father's Jelly-Legs Jinx hit me full force rendering me immobile. It didn't stop me yelling at them to stop this. Tears steamed down my face soaking my hair and carpet as the last of Freddie's possessions were removed from our room.

"I'm sorry son," my father whispered tears falling as he preformed the counter-jinx on me allowing me to get up again. Although at the moment I wasn't confident I could.

My mother tried to come towards me to hug me. "No leave me alone just leave me alone!" I yelled through my tears I just couldn't be round them.

"George please you need to understand," my mother sobbed.

"Perhaps it's best if we leave him be for now Molly," my dad said gently as he put a trembling arm around my mum leading her from the room. I knew this was hard for them too but they just didn't understand.

"I've never seen him so aggressive Arthur What do we do?" my mother's voice reached my ears as they went downstairs.

"I know. I think we just need to give him some time. It's a big adjustment for him, for all of us. He just needs some time," he said quietly to her.

Time? What difference was time going to make? Time wasn't going to make this change.

He wasn't coming back. The space where his stuff used to be was a glaring symbol of that. The pain in the space where my ear used to be reached searing levels as I lay on the floor unable to move.

Where was he? How could he leave me like this? I needed him...

I eventually raise my wand towards the door and mutter "Colloportus," hearing the slightly slight click as the door locked itself.

I sighed as I heard someone outside my door trying to get in. "Come on George please let me in," Ginny pleaded.

I sighed forcing myself not to take this out on her. "Just leave me alone Ginny please," I said evenly.

There was silence for a moment. I thought she had taken the hint and gone but she spoke again. "Look mum is devastated. She never meant to, oh George it's horrible we all miss him too. I know it must be harder for you. We all want to help you, help each other through this. Please let us face this as a family. We need to be a family now more than ever," Ginny pleaded her voice catching many times throughout her speech.

I knew what she was saying was true. I just I couldn't take this just now. "Please just leave me alone just now Ginny. I'm sorry,"

"Come back soon George, please. We need you," Ginny said tearfully before running downstairs.

There is a way I could make this stop. It seemed the perfect solution. The only thing stopping me from doing it was I didn't know if I could bring myself to totally forget him. It seemed a horrible betrayal to him. He would understand wouldn't he? Freddie always understood me.

"You would understand wouldn't you Freddie? You know it's nothing personal. I just...I miss you too much. I'm sorry Freddie. I love you," I whispered to him.

Even although I am pretty sure he would understand I still can't bring myself to do it quite yet. I can't say bye to him again. Not yet. I can't bring myself to forget everything just yet.

I grip my wand tightly in my hand but eventually threw it across the room. I couldn't, not yet.

One word could make all this go away. It was just going to take me some time to do it. It was just one word and it would all stop all this pain. All the pain would be over until I died and could be with Freddie again.

Obliviate...one word and all this pain could stop.