Voiceless

by Amarissia

A traumatic experience on the streets of Midgar leaves Zack unable to speak, and Angeal to pick up the pieces. One-shot, rated serious M.

Yes, Amarissia is posting yet again, I've really been on a roll.

A few entirely expected warnings, and one maybe not so. This story contains adult themes and language, as well as angst and non-con situations, also Angeal being his usual self.

Something new - this fic deals with a condition once known as hysterical aphonia, now usually grouped under the name of conversion disorder. What it is will be explained within the plot, but I felt I should say that this story contains an extreme psychological reaction to stress, in case any of you are triggered by such things. On a personal note, the impetus behind this short is that I have myself, several times in my past, dealt with this disorder. However, please keep in mind that everyone's experience is different. What was true for me is just that - true for ME.

The other inspiration behind this story was, as is often the case, something I heard from my muses, the Choir. Apparently, Zack's little problem of being constantly groped is not something I made up, but rather is a real issue in the Choir's version of Gaia. (Genesis blames the metaphorical Pedo Lure materia.) So, this is an exploration of that, not that Zack ever appreciates my attention and insight. :)

Okay, enough babble. You know what I own and what I don't. Either proceed onward or run screaming - you have my blessing whichever you choose.

VOICELESS

"So disappointing," Genesis sighed, squinting into the sunlight and wishing he had his sunglasses. "We didn't get to see any temples, and I didn't even get to buy any naughty woodcuttings."

Zack Fair, walking on the sidewalk beside him, stifled a giggle. Angeal Hewley, on Zack's other side, gave a long-suffering sound of amusement.

"We weren't in Wutai to sight-see, Gen."

"Missions always get in the way of my social life. Let's remedy that and stop for a drink."

"We've only just got back, Gen, let's get our gear home first. And not for another two years, in Zack's case."

"C'mon, Gealy, if sixteen is old enough for SOLDIER, and old enough for you to - OW! - seriously, I'm impressed you managed to wait as long as you did..."

Me too, Zack thought absently. He had only been fourteen when he met Angeal, when he'd been plucked out of his second year as a cadet and made apprentice to the famous 1st. He'd had a crush on the legend from the beginning, and was shocked when, just a few months ago on his birthday, Angeal confessed that he felt the same, had since before it was legal. So, they were together and happy, despite Angeal's overprotective nature, and everyone (for the most part) seemed happy for them. Genesis most of all, which was a surprise; Zack had heard rumors that Angeal and Genesis used to be an item. Who would be okay giving up Angeal?

An arm around hs waist shook Zack out of his thoughts, and he smiled. "Tired, Puppy?"

"Nah. A few soldiers isn't much of a mission. I was hoping for ninjas."

Genesis stopped them in front of a lurid red building, with neon signs on even in the afternoon and a window full of things that Zack blushed furiously to see.

"Genesis..."

"You lost the bet! Remember the terms. You have to ask for the biggest one they have in stock."

"Fine. Watch him." Clearly displeased, Angeal disappeared into the store, carrying his rucksack as well as his student's.

Genesis smiled at Zack in his usual, almost maternal way. "Sorry your first big mission was a bore, Puppy."

"That's okay. At least I got to go with you guys. None of the other 3rds do."

"How have they been treating you? Since your birthday."

"My friends are happy for me. The others...don't matter." They make puppy noises at me, and say Angeal's only favoring me so I'll let him...not that I can ever tell Angeal this.

Genesis seemed about to say something, but then his eye was caught and he was pressing himself against the display window. "Ooh, check out that corset! I bet it's all leather, and in my size."

"Go check it out. I'll be fine here." The 1st hesitated; Angeal didn't like his Puppy being alone anywhere outside the ShinRa Compound. "It's okay, you guys won't be long."

Persuaded, Genesis nodded and skipped inside. The moment he was out of sight, Zack heard a pained, animal sound coming from the dim alley only a few steps away. Without pausing to consider, Zack entered it and made his way out of the sunlight. Finally, he found a small gray dog laying on its side, bleeding from what looked like a knife wound.

"Shit! It's okay, you're gonna be okay." Zack knelt down, grabbed a Potion from his belt and carefully emptied the vial's contents into the bloody hole.

The effect was instantaneous. The creature rolled back onto its feet with a happy noise and licked Zack's hand, making the boy laugh. Completely healed, the dog then scampered off down the alley and out of sight. Zack grinned as he watched it go. He loved dogs and knew Angeal did too...if only they weren't always too busy to care for a pet.

What happened next came too quickly for Zack to make a sound. Suddenly, rough hands were on him, pulling him to his feet, slamming him against the brick wall. A tall body pressed against his, fingers gripped his wrist, and the blade of what felt like a very sharp dagger was touching the vein in his neck. From above the glint of the blade, a wild-looking face stared at him out of the dimness, smiling coldly.

"Looks like my trap worked. Don't move, don't make a single noise, or I'll leave you bleeding out here for your friends to find."

What the hell? Zack wanted to demand an explanation, but the threat and the feel of the knife assured nothing came out his parted lips.

"I've been watching you a long time, waiting to get you alone." The man touched Zack's cheek, and he turned away. "Hewley is always with his pet. But I have you now."

The body came even closer, making Zack feel it along the entire length of his own. A wet mouth nipped lightly at the boy's neck, laughing softly to feel him shake in response, and the hand not holding the knife got between Zack's legs and began to fondle through the uniform pants. Zack made a choking sound and shook his head, pale blue eyes wide with fear.

"I just want to see you come, angel, just want to taste it. Damn, you're so hot. Come on, get hard for - "

"HEY! What the fuck?" The welcome sound of Genesis's voice, Genesis approaching. "Get your hands off him, now."

He must have known the 1st by sight, but only smirked. "Fuck off, or he's - "

The stranger was off Zack before he had a chance to be relieved. Genesis grabbed him by the neck, there was a nausea-inducing crack, and once released, the man lay crumpled like old clothes on the dirty ground, staring with dull eyes up at the sky. Genesis looked up from his handiwork to find Zack sheet-white, with eyes bulging and lips that worked soundlessly. The poor boy was trembling violently. Genesis ran to him at once, but Zack only seemed to look fearfully through him.

"Puppy? It's all right, he's dead, you're safe now."

"Zack!"

Angeal's broad form crashed past Genesis's slighter one, and he gently took Zack's cold face in his hands. "Puppy? Baby, what happened? Are you hurt?"

He began to feel Zack's arms and legs for injuries, worried eyes never leaving the boy's face. The blue stare that had first mesmerized Angeal two years ago darted wildly around, then settled on Angeal, but seemed far more confused than relieved. Zack's soft lips continued to move, but only gasps of air escaped them.

"Gen!"

"I'm so sorry. It's my fault, I left him for a minute. When I got in here, that asshole had his hands all over him. I'm so sorry."

Angeal nodded. "Puppy, say something. Talk to me."

"Nnn...agh..."

"'Geal, what the hell's wrong with him?"

"I think he's in shock. Come on, we need to get him home."

Angeal gathered Zack protectively to his side, hiding him from view as much as possible, and gestured to the alley's end. Genesis walked closely beside them, as though daring anyone else to harm his friends.

azazazaz

"This is Angeal Hewley, get Dr. Hollister on the phone, now." Still clutching Zack to his side, Angeal frowned into his cell phone. "Doctor, are you available? I need you to see Zack, immediately. Right away? We'll come directly, thank you."

Angeal hung up and sighed, with relief this time. "He said he'll clear his afternoon."

Genesis wrinkled his nose. "Hollister? Isn't that the shrink that Human Resources sicced on you and Puppy right after you got together?"

"Yes. He's a nice man, Zack likes him. Seph had to see him a few times, too."

"Goddess, I wish I could've seen that."

They approached the secondary gate to the ShinRa Compound. The guard on duty immediately opened it, and frowned questioningly at the sight of Zack silent and not bouncing. Angeal merely shook his head in explanation. He was too worried about Zack to think up an explanation that wouldn't embarrass the boy, though he supposed they would need one soon.

Genesis walked with them to the front door of the Medical Building, where all the labs and ShinRa scientists were based, then excused himself. "Off to do some damage control, see you shortly," he said brightly, and gave Zack's shoulder a squeeze before dashing off, taking all their packs with him.

Mentally shrugging, Angeal steered them down two hallways to the correct office. A young secretary smiled by way of greeting, and said, "He's expecting you, Commander, please go right in."

"Thank you."

The office had been repainted since they were here last, beige walls exchanged for cerulean, but the waiting psychiatrist was the same as ever. Middle-aged, robust, with twinkling dark eyes and salt and pepper hair and beard. He stood as they entered, and frowned with concern.

"Thank you for making time, Doctor."

"My pleasure. How are you, Zack?"

Still enfolded by Angeal's arm, the teenager looked at him with a helpless frown. Hollister invited them to sit down, and nodded expectantly at Angeal. After a deep breath, the commander reluctantly explained the incident that took place outside the sex shop, constantly glancing at Zack during the more upsetting parts. He was not at all comforted to see Zack hardly reacting at all. The boy seemed dazed, almost absent. Angeal would have preferred crying and screaming to this uncharacteristic silence.

"He hasn't said a word. Please, help him." Fix him, I beg you.

"Of course, you know I'll do all I can. Zack, can you try to speak for me? Just try?"

"Nnn...ggh..." Zack seemed deflated by his failure and curled in on himself where he sat, sniffling. Angeal tighted the arm around him, the little he could that wouldn't cause pain.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, son. Here, let me try..." Hollister rummaged in his desk, removed a shard of green stone and held it out. "Cure1! Zack, try again."

The soft light absorbed into him was pleasant, but Zack felt no change. "Aaagh...nngh..."

"Okay, it was worth a try." The doctor pressed a button on his phone. "Lindsey, tell Dr. Worthy I need him for an emergency consult."

Angeal recognized the name - one of ShinRa's general practitioners. Worthy had set Zack's wrist when he broke it the previous year.

"Doctor, should the materia have made a difference?"

"Honestly, I didn't expect it to, no, though that would have been nice. But it's standard procedure for any patient who comes in with a physical complaint. Can I offer either of you some tea?"

Both SOLDIERs declined. A soft knock was heard at the door, and a dark-skinned, well-built man in a lab coat entered, carrying a black bag.

"Thanks for coming, Mark. Lieutenant Fair here is having some trouble speaking. I suspect it's psychosomatic, but I thought I'd better have you look."

"Sure thing. Hi, Zack. Your wrist been okay?"

With a tiny smile, the boy nodded. Worthy took out a piece of yellow materia and held it up.

"Okay, just relax for me. Medical Sense!"

A transluscent chart of complicated information appeared in the air between them. Worthy studied it, occasionally muttering aloud.

"Good, good...temp normal, mako level fine...heart rate's a little low but that's fine...blood pressure perfect, blood clean. Everything looks okay." Worthy took a small light from his bag. "Commander, if you'll just let me get a bit closer...thank you. Zack, open your mouth as wide as you can and stick out your tongue."

Zack obeyed, while Angeal contented himself with limited physical contact, his hand resting on the younger's nape.

"No redness, no edema. Look up, please." Worthy gently touched Zack's bared neck and began to probe and squeeze. "Does this hurt? No? What about now?"

Zack shook his head.

"Does your throat feel sore?"

Another shake.

"Okay. Physically, everything seems normal."

"Thank you, Mark."

"Sure. Feel better, Zack. Commander."

Angeal nodded as he left. "What does this mean, Doctor?"

"As I thought, the condition is purely psychological. My diagnosis is hysterical aphonia."

"And that is...?"

"Plainly speaking, Zack's voice has been frightened away. Hysterical aphonia is the loss of the ability to speak brought on by acute psychological stress. It's not very common, but has been known to affect military personnel following intense battle situations."

Angeal put his arm around Zack again, and looked intently at him. He still seemed so far away...

"I don't understand. Zack has faced stress in combat situations before."

"Has he ever killed?"

Angeal frowned, hating the memory. "Once, yes."

"How did he handle that?"

"He cried, for a long time, but he knew that it had been necessary. He was depressed for a few days, then normal again. So why is this happening now?"

Hollister smiled knowingly. "It's one thing to experience death on duty, in a military situation. SOLDIERs have to be prepared for such things. Today, Zack was acting as a civilian, in a situation that didn't have him prepared for violence. It must have been very jarring."

"I see...that makes sense."

"Then there is the sexual abuse component."

Angeal briefly closed his eyes.

"Forgive me, Commander, but has Zack experienced such a thing before?"

Angeal drew Zack's head to rest aganst his chest, and put both arms around him. At least Zack was reacting now, a little, hiding his face in Angeal's sweater from such an embarrassing question.

"Not to this extent, in terms of violence. There have been a few close calls that I have witnessed and stopped, and others that SOLDIERs and Zack's friends have reported to me. Most of these involved some kind of touching, but never before was a weapon involved."

"I see. Could there possibly be any incidents Zack has kept from you?"

"Puppy. I won't make you explain right now, just nod or shake your head."

A negative gesture answered, and Angeal began to breathe again.

"All right. I'm assuming there were no incidents of abuse in childhood."

"No. Everyone in Gongaga knew and loved Zack. It didn't start until he came here, at age thirteen."

Hollister nodded. "Forgive me, Commander, but I need to inquire a little about your and Zack's sex life."

Angeal could feel his Puppy's face turning red, even pressed against his sweater. "Very well. Whatever is necessary."

"What is the extent of your intimate relations?"

What do you think? "We have sex. I penetrate him, if that's what you mean."

"About how often?"

"Most nights."

"Are the positions ever reversed?"

"No, Zack has shown no interest in that." Angeal ran his fingers through Zack's hair. The boy was trembling again. "If and when he does, I would have no objection."

"Who usually initiates your intimate contact?"

"I'd say it's about half and half, maybe a little more me."

Hollister continued, making notes into a computer file. "Does he have any problems reaching climax?"

Is this really necessary? "None."

"Has Zack shown any unusual behavior following sex? Nervousness, unwillingness to be touched, trembling, crying, hyperventilation, dissociative behavior?" Angeal hesitated, and Hollister saw it. "This is important, Commander."

Fine. I'm sorry, Puppy. "He did cry a little, the first time we had sex, but he said it was because he was happy."

"Okay. Was that his first time with anyone?"

"Yes."

"Understandable, then. Well, I would concur that there have been few or no incidents that you're unaware of, Commander. With that said, is it very possible that those traumas contributed to Zack's condition. The memory of them, on top of what happened today, proved to be too much for Zack's psyche. Hysterical aphonia is a form of dissociation, you see. Reality becomes too upsetting to bear, and the mind and voice retreat."

"Is that why he seems so...distant?"

"Indeed, yes. He hasn't dissociated completely. As you've seen, he's lucid and responds to our questions. But yes, there's a sort of distance that's part of the disorder, a numbness. The part of Zack that was hurt by what happened to him is in hiding."

Puppy, I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you safe.

Angeal didn't realize he had spoken his sad thought aloud until Zack pulled back and began to insistently shake his head.

"Nnngh! Nnngh nngh!"

Angeal understood the impulse if not the words. Zack was, in his own way, just as protective of his lover.

"Okay, Puppy, I won't blame myself. Just calm down."

Zack continued to shake his head, and his breathing became loud and erratic. Hollister was approaching with a syringe.

"With your permission, Commander."

"What is it?"

"A mild sedative."

Taking only a second to think, Angeal nodded. Zack didn't seem keen on the idea, so he held the boy's arm still while Hollister sterilized the skin and injected the needle. The faint fight seemed to go out of Zack when it withdrew, and he allowed himself to be held against Angeal's chest again, where he curled his fingers into the thin sweater.

"It will do him good," Hollister said, returning to his chair. "The apparent calm you're seeing in Zack isn't a real calm, merely a manifestation of the condition. He's actually very anxious, just not allowing himself to feel that. Before you leave today, I'll give you a prescription for the same drug in pill form. I want Zack to take it three times a day until his voice returns."

"Will it help?"

"It won't make his voice come back, though it may speed up the process. But it will help him sleep, which is difficult for patients with this disorder, and it will make it easier for Zack to deal with his emotions. It's a lower dose than what I just administered, but he will be a little drowsy, so I want him off active duty for the time being."

"I'll limit his activity to light training and half his classes."

"Nnngh!" Zack lifted his head again, pouting. "Nnngh ffh!"

Not fair, I know. "I'm sorry, Puppy, but you're in no condition for missions or patrol. I won't take any without you, though, I'll be right by your side." Every second, forever.

Zack blinked tiredly, and his face fell heavily against Angeal's shoulder. His breathing had returned to normal, and he seemed to be feeling the medication's effects.

"It's made him sleepy," Hollister observed. "Rest is the best thing right now. Also, you need to minimize his exposure to all kinds of stress as much as you can. It's like being quiet to lure out a scared animal. Here, I'll write you that prescription...and I'd like to see Zack back the day after tomorrow."

Angeal tucked the paper in his pocket, shifted Zack into his arms, and stood up. "Understood. Thank you."

"One more thing, Commander. Please don't take offense, but it concerns intimacy."

What now? "Yes?"

"If Zack initiates sexual contact, that's fine, go as far as he's comfortable. But let him be the one to start it, not you."

Do you really think I'd pounce on him in this state? "Of course. Thank you, Doctor."

Zack felt lighter than usual as he carried him away, a contrast to Angeal's heavy heart.

azazazaz

Luckily, Angeal didn't encounter many other SOLDIERs on his way back to the apartment, and those few he did saw in his face not to ask what had happened. Zack slept the whole way (would not have allowed himself to be carried otherwise), and once Angeal got inside, he made his way to their room and carefully set the boy down on the bed. With a soft, drowsy noise, Zack rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around a pillow. Just as he had felt so light, he looked so small and young on this big bed. What had once made Angeal feel perverted and guilty now made him feel a simple but terrible sadness.

Don't be away from me too long, Puppy. Angeal threaded his fingers into the black spikes. I don't remember how to get by without you.

"'Gealy?"

He hadn't sensed Genesis come in, but wasn't surprised to see him in the doorway. "Gen."

"How is he?"

"Hysterical aphonia. Loss of voice due to psychological trauma. The doctor gave him some medication and wants to keep seeing him."

"Poor baby." Genesis sauntered closer and, at a nod from Angeal, sat down on the mattress. "Well, I covered for you."

"Hmm?"

"I've spread it around that Zack took an injury during the mission, a blow to his throat that damaged his vocal cords. So, you can put that in your report, Lazard is expecting it."

"Good thinking, Gen. Thank you."

"I did tell Seph the truth, though. I ran into him on the way here, and figured you wouldn't mind."

"I don't. I don't think Zack will, either." Sephiroth, if anyone, understands this sort of trauma, though he doesn't show it himself. Maybe I should ask how he deals with harassment so calmly.

"'Geal...I really am so sorry."

It wasn't like fiery Genesis to sound so dejected. Angeal hooked a hand around his neck, pulled him closer, and pressed a friendly kiss to his lips. He brushed his nose against Genesis's before letting him go.

"I'm not mad at you, Gen. Gaia knows none of us sensed any danger. Besides, Zack is my responsibility to protect, not yours."

"Of course he is. You're my family, and that means he is too."

Angeal smiled. "I was so relieved that you like him. Normally you throw a fit if anyone gets too close to me or Seph."

"Well, most people who have tried aren't as charming as Puppy. Besides, I was tired of seeing you alone all the time. I worried that after you had me, no one else would ever measure up."

Angeal rolled his eyes, but laughed. "One summer, when we were fifteen."

"You were magnificent. But I guess we just make better brothers."

"Are you still holding out hopes for Sephiroth?"

"Mmm," Genesis answered, vaguely affirmatively. "I know he says he doesn't need that sort of thing and doesn't understand it anyway, but I do wish he was willing to try. He's alone enough as it is. And Goddess, if it ever gets out that the famous SOLDIER general is a 23-year-old virgin..."

Angeal held one hand of Zack's and one of Genesis's, thinking of Sephiroth's perpetually neutral expression, his dislike of being touched. "Do you ever wonder why he's like that? Do you think it's just from all the attention he's always gotten?"

"Yes, or growing up in the lab, with the madman always hovering. If my main human contact was Hojo, I wouldn't like people either."

"Did you ever worry..." Angeal forced past the lump in his throat.

"More than that. I asked him once if Hojo ever touched him like that, and he stared at me like I was crazy."

"Thank Gaia. I was always too afraid to ask."

Genesis pouted. "Then Seph told me I have a dirty mind. Well, he says that all the time, but he really meant it. Do you think he'd have any advice for Puppy?"

Angeal was used to Genesis echoing his thoughts. "About anything other than fighting? That would be unlike Seph."

A short silence. "That's part of the problem, that Puppy doesn't fight back."

"The asshole had a knife to his throat, Gen."

"And Puppy even holds his own against 1sts, 'Geal. The knife wasn't what scared him, it's his own strength. He's terrified of hurting someone."

That brought back a memory, one of the first things Angeal had heard about Zack Fair shortly before deciding to mentor him. Zack had been sparring with a fellow cadet, one a head taller and forty pounds heavier, and broke the older boy's arm even though neither were armed. Maybe that was why Zack would now only spar with 1sts, and why he never fought to kill unless he was specifically ordered to.

"If he wasn't such a naturally gifted fighter," Genesis was musing, "I would say SOLDIER isn't the right path for Zack."

"Sometimes I wish he would quit. But I have no right to ask that of him. He wants to be a hero so badly."

"He'll be a good one, if he manages to toughen up a bit."

"Little chance of that with me around."

Genesis smirked. "Perhaps. But I think he secretly likes your obsessive hovering. I always did, and look how strong I turned out."

Angeal smiled sadly. "You I had to eventually let go. I can't do that with Zack."

"He'll continue to grow stronger, even with you protecting him. Hell, Seph would promote him to 2nd right now if you'd let him."

"I - "

"I know, you don't want the young ones any more jealous of Puppy than they already are. Remember, we had to put up with envy too, and we handled it."

"Zack is more sensitive. Just look at what he's going through now."

"Just wait and see. He'll be bouncing and chattering again in a few days."

Angeal rubbed circles into Zack's back, and said nothing. The old friends sat in a comfortable silence for a long time.

azazazaz

Angeal, though he knew it was unlikely, had held a faint hope that when Zack woke up, he would be back to his cheery, talkative self. The elder was finishing emptying the dishwasher, when he turned around to find Zack standing in the doorway, and wondered how long he'd been there. Normally, he'd be proud - a 3rd sneaking up on a 1st was unheard of - but Zack already seemed so far away...

"Hey, Puppy. How do you feel?"

A shrug answered him.

"You should eat something. I had some Wutainese delivered, let me heat it up."

A few minutes later, the table was littered with bowls of steaming rice, vegetables and fish. Zack normally loved Wutainese food (so much so that he almost regretted missing out on the war there), but today he only picked at what was on his plate. He swallowed a spoonful every time he felt eyes staring at him, because he didn't want Angeal to worry, but clearly his heart wasn't in it.

"Oh, I nearly forgot. Genesis got this out of a storage room for you."

Zack frowned with thought, then brightened slightly as he unfolded the square object and realized what it was. A small marker-board, with an eraser and a marker attached to it with string. He looked at Angeal, and the commander understood.

"I did thank him for you. Now, can you write to me how you're feeling?"

Zack looked reluctant, but dutifully scrawled something and held the board out. The sentence fragment struck Angeal's heart.

Like I'm not all here.

"It's okay, Puppy. The doctor said that's normal."

I'm sorry for worrying you.

Angeal grabbed one of Zack's hands and pressed it to his lips. "I'm fine, Puppy. Worried, yes, but as long as you're with me, I'm happy."

I'm not, though.

"What? With me?"

Zack nodded miserably.

"You're still you, Zack, and always will be. You're just a little ill right now. Soon this will be over."

What if it never is?

"I promise it will be."

The boy gave him a look that was easy enough to read.

"Zack, the chance of you not regaining your voice is very tiny, but if that turns out to be the case, we'll deal with it. I'll make sign language classes a requirement for every SOLDIER."

He expected Zack to smile at this, but was disappointed.

"Zack, you can still be a hero."

What about us?

"Us? Zack, nothing will ever change my feelings for you. Certainly not a little thing like you being unable to talk. I'd still love you even if you became a serial killer."

At last, a tiny smile. You would, too.

"Of course. Puppy...I can get you some time off, if you'd like to go see your parents. You wouldn't have to tell them what caused this."

Zack grabbed his hand and vehemently shook his head. No need to explain, Angeal understood. Zack didn't want to go anywhere without him, and his parents didn't know about their relationship. Couldn't know, not yet, because Gongaga's age of consent was seventeen, compared to Midgar's sixteen, and anyway, Zack maintained that his father would drag him home and keep him there if he found out his son was having sex with his teacher.

"I'm a little relieved," Angeal admitted. "I don't do well without you. Especially when I know you're hurting."

A reassuring smile. Will Gen get in trouble?

"For what?"

Killing that guy.

I wish it had been me who snapped his neck. "No, Puppy. He's probably making his report to Lazard now. It was defense, he won't be reprimanded."

Do you think he had a family?

"Puppy..." How can you pity him? "Don't be concerned about that. If he did, he may have been no kinder to them than he was to you."

Can you find out?

"All right," Angeal sighed, unable to say no to Zack in general, and especially now.

And tell me?

"Yes. But I don't want you to feel bad. He got a more merciful punishment than he deserved."

Zack's shoulders slumped. I hate it.

"Death? I know, Puppy, so do I. But it's part of what we do. More than that, it's part of everything." Angeal took a sip of his tea, and found it hard to swallow. "You were telling the truth, right? In the doctor's office?"

About what?

"That there are no incidents I'm unaware of."

Zack pouted. I always tell you the truth.

"Among those I do know about, many were reported to me by other SOLDIERs, not you."

Angeal immediately regretted his words when he saw how still Zack went. After a few agonizing moments, the boy scribbled again.

I'm just sick of it.

"I know, baby," Angeal said softly, running his fingers up and down Zack's arm. "I wish I could make it stop. The only solution I can think of is to keep you close to me. I know it's not an answer, but..."

I like being close to you.

Angeal smiled.

But I want to be a hero.

"You will be. You have a lot of time for that."

Gen's right, in order to let you be a hero, I have to toughen you up. I have to do something to make you less of a target. You getting older and bigger will help, I'm sure, but you'll always look innocent, always be beautiful. Those are parts of you I have no right to wish away, but sometimes...

"It may...stop happening so much once you're a little older, Zack."

It's my fault, isn't it?

"What?" Angeal could hardly believe what he read, and the question he hissed actually made the teenager flinch. "Where on Gaia would you get that idea?"

It keeps happening.

"Because there are bad people in the world, Puppy, that's all." Angeal slid his chair next to Zack's. "This is not something you have any control over. I am ordering you to believe that."

Zack nodded, but didn't look particularly convinced. He did rest his head on Angeal's shoulder, though.

"It will pass, Zack. And if it doesn't, I will always be with you."

Heroes together?

"Heroes together," Angeal laughed, gently rubbing Zack's hip with his palm. "Now, want to open our fortune cookies?"

The boy nodded eagerly; he always loved this part. Angeal managed to neatly crack hs shell in half, never mangling it to crumbs as Zack usually did. He smirked at what the tiny slip of paper said, and showed it to his student.

To love is a greater gift than being loved.

"In my experience, very true. Let's see yours, Puppy."

Zack held it out. You're on the right path. Continue your course, and all will be well.

"See, a cookie wouldn't lie to you."

azazazaz

Regretfully, after dinner, Angeal had some paperwork that required his attention. Not wanting to leave Zack even to run to his office, he had a 2nd named Lieutenant Haskell deliver it, who anxiously inquired about Zack, having heard the boy'd been injured. Angeal thanked him, promised that Zack would be fine, and returned to the living room to work. His student was already there, curled up in a plush armchair with his Tactics textbook.

They wrote and studied for a while, and while silence between them tended to be comfortable, Angeal missed Zack's occasional giggles and demands to know what his lover was doing. And the constant fidgeting, he never thought he'd miss that. Zack was much more still than Angeal had ever seen him, and he wondered if that, too, was part of the dissociation. When he looked up around ten to find Zack had fallen asleep, he had no way of knowing how long ago he'd dropped off.

With a loving smile, Angeal put his papers into a neat pile, set the textbook beside it, and carefully lifted Zack up, trying not to disturb him. Once Zack was settled on the bed, Angeal turned on a dim bedside lamp, stripped down to his underwear, then started to remove Zack's uniform. The boy stirred as he did so, and awoke fully once down to only his boxers.

"It's okay, Puppy, go back to sleep."

Pushing up to lean on his elbows, Zack shook his head and smiled coyly. He grabbed the hand petting his hair and used it to pull Angeal on top of him, so their groins were pressed together.

"Pup, you really need to rest..."

Another negative gesture. Zack pushed Angeal's head down and caught his lips sweetly, emitting a soft moan that the commander was both relieved and worried to hear. Angeal kissed him back, would never be able to resist, but lifted back up when he felt a hand between his legs.

"Baby, I don't think the doctor would like us doing this yet."

Zack shrugged, and left his hand right where it was. He was hard, he couldn't deny Zack that, they both were.

Resist, resist! "You've had a bad day. I'm not sure this is what you need right now."

The boy looked at him with confusion. It took all Angeal had not to get lost in those remarkable pale eyes.

"Zack, I know you want to feel safe, but I don't want to risk - "

The eyes filled instantly with tears, and Zack curled up on his side with a soft sob. Berating himself mentally, Angeal pulled him close. At times like this, the boy was easy enough to read - he thought Angeal didn't want him.

"I want you, I want you," Angeal murmured into his ear. "I wanted you before it was appropriate, I want you every moment, so much I sometimes think I'll go mad from it. It's just, right now you're...I'm so afraid of hurting you more."

Zack shook his head against Angeal's chest. Again, easy enough to read. You won't hurt me. You never hurt me. Zack's mouth latched onto a nipple and began to suck with a touch of desperation. His arms locked around the broad body, but he need not have feared, Angeal had no wish to move. Inhaling sharply, Angeal slid his fingers into Zack's hair, cradled his head in place. The boy tended to do this when he was feeling upset, taking comfort from it, like a baby with its mother, not that Angeal particularly wanted to make that comparison.

After a few minutes, Zack began to make his teeth be felt, and Angeal patiently detached him and guided him to lay back down on the bed. Zack's expression was what his own must have been - aroused, hungry, full of breathless need. Angeal slid the boxers off him in one fluid motion, and bent to take Zack into his mouth. The resulting cry was much softer than usual, but encouraging nonetheless. He knew what the boy liked - slow, deliberate licks, increasing pressure, the tip of the organ probing the slit until it was sore and red.

He grabbed the lubricant from under the mattress, and even while occupied it was so easy for Angeal to slick a few fingers and insert one into Zack. He took it well, humming a sound of approval and impaling himself further down on it. Angeal slowly worked in two more, spreading the silky walls, jabbing the prostate to elicit further groans of pleasure. Zack was soon pushed over the edge and came in a spasm that Angeal's hands massaged out of him while he drank it all down.

He had just licked off the last of the fluid when Zack started to grab at his arms, pulling him back up until they were face to face. The boy locked his lovely eyes on Angeal's, smiled again, and wrapped his legs around the bigger body. What he needed was obvious from the way he lifted his hips, and Angeal so wanted to give it to him.

"Okay, Puppy, if you're sure."

He must have been, because it was actually easier than usual for Angeal to enter him. Between Zack's slender size and the tendency of mako to preserve bodies as they are, it usually required a few minutes to get all the way into him. This time, Zack took it all at once, moving up to help it ease its way inside, and he groaned with pleasure at the same time his lover did. Angeal went slow as he always did, and though he also always watched Zack's face as he thrust, both for its beauty and for signs of pain, he did so more intently now.

As much as they were both enjoying this, Angeal was pained to look into Zack's eyes and find them distant, duller than usual. It was almost like he was only fucking part of Zack while the rest was hiding away in fear. He wished he could reach inside the boy, hug that little scared piece and coax it out. He wanted to hear Zack'a laughter again, his cheerful chatter, the way the boy moaned his name at times like these.

Zack's lips were moving now, without sound, but Angeal had seen him say the word so many times that he understood. Angeal. Angeal. Angeal.

"Oh, Zack."

The 1st pressed his forehead to the boy's and continued to thrust, watching the pretty eyes shift and flutter and roll. Zack was clinging to his bare shoulders tightly, as if fearing Angeal would be ripped away. I'll never go away, Puppy.

"Ah...ahn...ahn..."

"I'm right here, baby." Zack, come back to me. Be fully with me again.

The teenager was coming again, before Angeal had even realized he'd re-hardened. The erotic sight and the spasm of Zack's clenching cost Angeal all his remaining control, and he filled the tight body with ropes of wet heat. Fighting the urge to collapse, Angeal sat back and pulled Zack to his chest, slowly rocking him back and forth until he went completely quiet. Only then did Angeal gently settle him back down, and clean them off with washcloths from the bathroom.

Laying beside Zack, holding the spiky head against his own heartbeat, Angeal allowed himself to drift off. Maybe the morning would bring his young lover back to him.

azazazaz

No such luck. A week passed, two, three, and Zack remained silent, his bouncy manner subdued and his eyes far away. Angeal hesitantly let Zack attend two of his four classes and take part in light training, with his friends ordered to watch him closely during lessons and Angeal himself present in the gym. Kunsel and Luxiere read aloud Zack's written responses to the instructors' questions, and the 1sts who regularly sparred with Zack tried to express no more than their usual concern.

Zack himself continued to be a model student and a dangerous opponent, but his normal problem focusing was worse than ever. When unoccupied, instead of wiggling or doing squats, he stared blankly at walls or the floor. He responded when spoken to, via gestures or his small marker-board, but with a dullness in his eyes that made it seem like he was gazing through, not at, the speaker. Nothing seemed to delight, excite or much upset him anymore; he reacted only with tiny smiles and occasional tears.

In desperation, Angeal consulted six prominent psychiatrists in Midgar, though doing so was against ShinRa policy. Each doctor said the same thing - that Evan Hollister was one of their best, and they could do no more than what he was doing. Angeal had even asked Hollister if there was a surgery that could do anything, only to be politely reminded that the problem was not physical. So he accompanied Zack to his thrice-weekly appointments, permitted to do so because the one time he'd waited outside, Zack had gone into a panic attack when reminded of the incident that day outside the sex shop.

Sitting beside the boy now, stroking his back, Angeal could feel frustration coming off him like heat from the sun. Bad enough to be mute and dealing with endless looks of pity...now Zack was being asked to draw the attack that had begun this nightmare. And Zack, as he had once complained, could not draw to save his life.

Having stared at the sketchpad for a full two minutes, the teenager looked back up at his doctor as if to say, 'Are you really gonna make me do this?'

"I'm not looking for a work of art, Zack. Whatever you can manage will be helpful to me."

Scowling, the boy gripped his pencil and scribbled wildly for a short time. As he roughly handed the finished picture across the desk, Angeal got a look at it. An undetailed stick figure seemed to be laying down, surrounded by a pool of gray.

"Hmm, interesting."

"Doctor, does this tell you something?"

But Hollister addressed Zack. "Why did you not draw yourself?"

Nothing for a few seconds, then a shrug.

"What does that signify?" Angeal tried again, but the doctor just passed the pad back.

"Can you put yourself in the drawing?"

Sighing, Zack scribbled again. Now another tiny stick figure appeared in the corner of the page.

"Hmm."

"Doctor," Angeal nearly growled.

"Yes, sorry. Zack's initial refusal to include himself in this scene relates to his current coping mechanism. He's trying to deny he was ever a part of the trauma, so he didn't think to draw himself here...I'm afraid it's not a particularly good sign."

Angeal sighed, and pressed his hand a little deeper into the boy's back. Unconsciously, Zack leaned into the touch, and Hollister smiled.

"That, however, is. At least he's accepting physical contact. Does he allow anyone but you close to him?"

"His friends, Genesis, they've been hugging him. I've taken him out of unarmed fighting classes, though. I don't want him having any flashbacks, and anyway, if a partner hurt him, Zack wouldn't be able to protest."

"Flashbacks can move along the process of dealing. Consider putting him back into class."

Angeal frowned. "Is there anything meaningful in the way Zack did draw himself?"

"Quite so. You see how small the figure representing him is? That indicates Zack's opinion of himself. Small, helpless against a large attacker, too insignificant to matter."

Angeal sighed heavily. Zack tugged his arm and mouthed 'I'm sorry.'

"You have nothing to apologize for, baby."

"Also, he drew himself without hands."

"And that means..."

"It's common for abuse victims. It means he feels ashamed."

"Puppy?"

Zack shook his head angrily, scrawled on the sketchpad and nearly threw it at the doctor. I do not! Stop making Angeal feel bad!

"I apologize, Zack. But what you're feeling is very normal."

"Puppy, I'm fine, don't worry about me. Try to stay calm, okay?" Angeal pulled Zack close to him, and the pouting face disappeared into his sweater.

"It's no reflection on him, or you, Commander. Every victim of sexual abuse feels some culpability for it. It's how they make sense of what happened to them, when it seems to be happening to no one else. Zack, would it surprise you to know that there were over 400 reported sexual assaults on males in Midgar over the last year? And those were just the ones that were reported. Most aren't."

Zack looked up timidly for a moment, seemingly interested, but not for long. The softness and scent of Angeal's uniform were too comforting to leave.

"There is actually a weekly support group just for male victims in Sector 7, but I'm guessing it would be difficult to let Zack attend."

"I'm afraid so. He's become too recognizable. It would crush him if news of this incident hit the tabloids."

"Perfectly understandable. I'll be glad to work with Zack as long as he likes. Now, returning to the picture here..."

"Yes?"

"This is very interesting. If I'm recalling correctly, Commander Rhapsodos took care of the assailant by breaking his neck."

Angeal understood at once. "There wasn't any blood. So why did Zack draw it?"

"He's merged two separate stressful events in his mind. Can you guess what the other is? Does this remind you of anything?"

Angeal studied the crude drawing for a moment before it hit him. The warehouse in Sector 3, the clash with a band of armed drug smugglers. One had pulled a gun on Lieutenant Maffey, but Zack been right behind the shooter. One swift thrust of his sword through the heart and he dropped, dead weight, dead forever, unchanging. Zack had saved a colleague and won a commendation for it, but that night...Angeal would never forget his trembling, his sobs, his pleas to take it back. He'd gotten the boy out of there as quickly as possible, but they'd both glanced back at the body, laying in a pool of -

"The criminal Zack had to kill."

"Precisely. The guilt of that incident has bled into the recent one. In Zack's mind, they are the same. Both deaths were his fault."

"Puppy, tell me that's not true."

The boy looked at him with helpless sorrow, and picked up his marker-board. But they were.

"Puppy, no. That dealer chose to attack us, when he knew we would have preferred to arrest them all. Maffey would be dead if you hadn't intervened. He has a five-year-old son, you saved that boy from being fatherless."

Zack closed his eyes, but a tear slipped out from each anyway.

"And you didn't kill the man in the alley. Genesis did, and if he hadn't I would have. He signed his own death warrant the moment he touched you."

Because of me, the teenager mouthed. Because of me.

"Puppy, if he was alive right now, he'd be out there attacking other people. I looked into him, like you asked. He'd been arrested for assault twice before - the victims were young like you, so scared that they refused to testify."

Tell me what you know.

Angeal glanced at Hollister, who nodded. "Michael Chavin, thirty-four, resident of the Sector 5 slums. He worked in an Item shop, was unmarried, seemed to have no friends or family, and a record of battery and theft as well as the assaults. He served five years in the Midgar Penitentiary, and many of the guards opposed his release. You see, Puppy? The planet is better off without him."

Angeal hoped he would agree, but Zack closed his eyes, and not, it seemed, with relief.

"Let me ask, son," Hollister broke in, "are you angry at Commander Rhapsodos for what he did?"

Zack looked shocked. No! He saved my life!

"Yes, Zack. Your life was worth saving. Worth more than Chavin's."

The boy shook his head. No life is worth more than another.

A gaze of sympathy. "You are a good SOLDIER, Zack, but you might be happier being something else."

Say yes. Say you want to, Angeal thought desperately. But Zack shook his head violently and clung to his lover. The gesture was clear enough to understand.

"Puppy, I would leave SOLDIER in a heartbeat for you."

"Nnn! Sss! Gnn! Hrr!" Zack began to shake with sobs, and Angeal's hands rushed to soothe him. "Nnn!"

"I can get him an injection - "

"No!" Angeal said harshly. "I refuse to drug him every time he has an emotion."

"Of course, you're right."

"Forgive me, Doctor. Puppy, here, write it down, okay?"

Zack was still shaking, and of what he scribbled, Angeal could only make out No, Genesis, Seph and hero. The message came through loud and clear. I won't let you leave your friends, and I have to be a hero.

"Anh, pll..."

"Okay, Puppy, okay. I'd never make you leave ShinRa. I just wanted you to know that if you did, I'd follow you and never regret it."

An almost-smile turned into a sniffle, and Zack threw his arms around Angeal, fisting his hair in one hand. Angeal lifted the boy into his lap and let his hands wander, chastely but intimately, trying to chase the quaking out of every muscle. They had left their swords at home, so there was nothing between the 1st and Zack's skin but a layer of fabric. Hollister gave them a minute before talking again.

"I'm sorry for suggesting that, Zack. The path you've chosen won't be easy for you, but I know you will excel at it."

Zack nodded against Angeal's neck, and the commander looked gratefully at the doctor.

"Zack, as I'm sure your teachers have told you, death is an unfortunate part of life in the military, but an inescapable one. You will have to kill again. I can't tell you it will get easier over time, but it will help you to consider the greater good. Each time you kill a criminal, you save all their future victims. The man who would have raped you would have gone on to destroy other spirits. It is heroic to rid the world of those who harm its people. It's kind to return them to the Lifestream, where they can be cleansed of their evil."

Zack shifted to look at him. Hopefully, wanting to believe it.

"When you do have to kill, remember this, and come see me. A lot of SOLDIERs visit me after creating fatalities. I even have Turk patients, not that I can tell you which ones."

Zack snorted a very soft laugh. The sound cleared away some of the stone weighing down Angeal's heart.

"I'll let you go for now, and see you back in two days at the same time. In the meantime, only do what you feel up to doing, no stress, and keep taking your medication. How's his sleep, Angeal?"

"It seems fine...he's just so much more still than he used to be. Almost - "

"Frozen? He is, in a way, stuck in the moment that caused the aphonia, trapped in that anxiety and forcing calm to keep from feeling it. It's like the princess in the old folk tale, who lost her voice after her father's death and was trapped in that grief until she was able to scream. When Zack can speak again, he will start to deal with what was done to him. There's no telling what will trigger it, or when. Unpleasant as it would be for him, a strong enough flashback might do the trick."

"Thank you, Doctor," Angeal said, while resolving never to seek out such a thing. He tried to take Zack's hand, but the boy was writing, and held up his marker-board.

400? Really?

"Yes, indeed, Zack. You are far from alone, though you feel otherwise."

After a moment of thought, Zack nodded. His acceptance was a small step, but it was in the right direction.

azazazaz

Zack's mood seemed to be slightly lighter as they left the office. At least he wasn't staring determinedly at the floor anymore, and when Reno of the Turks passed them and offered a cheerful greeting, Zack managed to smile in reply. Angeal kept a light grip on his hand as they walked, a very normal gesture for him, but now more than ever, he needed the reassurance that the boy was right next to him and always would be.

"I'm proud of you, Puppy."

Zack looked at him curiously.

"I'm always proud of you, but you're handling this whole situation very maturely."

That got him a smile almost as bright as the ones he remembered. Angeal was about to thank him for it when his phone rang, and he answered it with a frown. He sounded grumpy by the time he hung up.

"That was Lieutenant Maxwell. Apparently a lot of important paperwork needs my signature immediately. I really wanted to get you home so you can rest."

Go. I'll go home.

"By yourself?"

Zack rolled his eyes. He'd been with SOLDIER since he was thirteen, and he knew the entire ShinRa Compound like the back of his hand. Before he'd lost his voice, Angeal had permitted him to walk alone, as long as he stayed inside the grounds.

"Okay, Puppy. I'll be back as soon as I can, and I'll keep my phone out. Go straight home, and text me if you need me."

I promise. I'll be fine.

"Don't forget your medicine."

With a kiss and a last ruffling of Zack's hair, Angeal headed off. Zack went in the opposite direction, silently scolding himself for the apprehension that was creeping up. He felt nervous now without Angeal, which he supposed was just part of his condition, but it still bothered him. Exiting the building out into the sunlight of a clear autumn day helped a little, being outdoors always did, but it was only a short walk to Building 1, and he had promised Angeal.

It was gloomier inside under artificial lights, though this residence for 1sts and 2nds was actually quite nice, and it was quiet and empty at this time of day, when most were training or patrolling. Zack registered the sound of footsteps behind him but thought nothing of it, until he felt himself grabbed and yanked into a dim, rarely-used corridor.

Once pushed roughly against the wall, Zack saw through his panic that there were three of them, an unfriendly 2nd named Tucker and two whose names he didn't know. As most SOLDIERs were, they were taller and broader than Zack, and were wearing expressions that Zack recognized and had learned to fear. Tucker, who was holding the boy's arms, smirked and spoke first.

"Look what we have here. The puppy prodigy without his daddy to protect him."

Kick them! Fight! Do something! Zack's distant mind was screaming at him, but he couldn't move, except to shake his head and mouth 'Please.'

"I guess it's true he can't talk," laughed one of the others. "What do you think, guys? We can't let this chance to go to waste."

"Yeah, let's see if he can at least moan."

Hard enough to bruise, Zack's wrists were pinned to the wall, and hands reached under his uniform shirt to touch his sides. Tucker tried to kiss him, and when the 3rd turned away in disgust, he went after the bared neck instead. His mouth was gentle on the skin, determined to leave no evidence, but Zack gasped like he had been slugged in the stomach. He could only whimper sounds of protest, but these seemed to excite the assailants further.

"Yeah, you're hot, Fair. I've been wanting your tight ass since you got here, and you can't do a thing to stop me. Everyone knows you only fight 1sts."

Zack's eyes overflowed, and he recoiled when Tucker brushed the tears away. That gesture made his anger rise up over the fear, and he struggled, but ever since the aphonia had started, Zack's strength was nothing like it used to be.

"You'll like it. Guys, hold him."

The other 2nds each took hold of an arm, pressing in so close that the boy could hardly breathe. Tucker touched his waist, stroked it a moment before drawing down the zipper and reaching inside. No hand but Angeal's and Zack's had ever touched there, rubbed it in an effort to get a reaction.

"Nnn! Anh!"

"I'm not hearing a no," Tucker taunted, beginning to pump him roughly. "That means you want it, you little slut. Isn't this how you got Hewley to train you?"

"Nnn! Pll!"

"Get hard, bitch, or I'll fuck you without stretching you first. No? Fine, turn him around."

Zack was slapped back against the wall, facing it this time, and it was cool against the embarrassed flush in his cheeks. Fingers slipped into his waistband, about to yank the pants down...and suddenly, with noises of shock and pain all around, the hands restraining and undressing him were gone. It seemed too good to be true, and it was a few seconds before Zack could make himself turn and look.

His attackers littered the carpeted floor, alive but obviously injured, groaning and begging for mercy. In the middle of them stood Sephiroth, easily the most welcome sight Zack had ever seen, except Angeal.

"G-General, we - "

"Shut up," the legend said coldly. "Zack, are you injured?"

Refastening his pants with jerking fingers, the boy shook his head.

"General, h-he didn't tell us to stop - "

"Because he cannot speak!"

The 2nd who'd offered the excuse was thrown against the opposite wall and slumped down against it, blood trickling down both sides of his head. Zack shrank back; he had never heard Sephiroth raise his voice before.

"Listen very carefully. You will all go to the executive director, now, and tell him you are dishonorably discharged from SOLDIER. You will be out of Midgar by tonight. Fail to comply, and I will kill you, very...slowly. Another word out of any of you, and I will let Commander Hewley determine your punishment, and I am sure you know he will not be as lenient as I. Go. Now."

They scrambled out of sight as quickly as they could, even the most hurt one. Only when they were gone did Sephiroth take a deep breath, relax the green out of his silver eyes, and turn back to Zack.

"Do you wish to go to the medical lab? Very well. Follow me, then."

Dazed, the boy obeyed, too shell-shocked to wonder where they were going, until he found himself in Building 3, being gestured to a chair facing the desk in Sephiroth's office. Zack impulsively grabbed the famous leather coat and mouthed 'Thank you' to the puzzled face that regarded him.

"You need not thank me. As a SOLDIER, you are my responsibility. I should be asking your pardon for permitting such cretins to advance to 2nd Class." Sephiroth took a small vial from a locked drawer and put it into the teenager's hand. "Drink."

A Potion? Zack frowned, and silently spoke again. 'But I'm fine.'

"Zack, look at your arms. I don't wish Angeal to see you like this."

With trepidation, the boy glanced down. Purple, hand-shaped bruises stood out plainly on his skin. Immediately he drained the contents of the bottle, and as the marks faded away, he fumbled his marker-board out of his pocket.

Please don't tell Angeal.

Sephiroth sighed at what he read. "Forgive me, Zack, but I must. I will give you a few minutes to calm down before I let him storm in here, but were Angeal to learn of this from any other source, he would not be pleased with either of us."

Zack slumped down in his seat, but nodded with understanding.

"I realize he must be behaving even more protectively than usual, considering recent events, and I am sorry my explanation will exacerbate that. But perhaps he is right to not let you be alone. Why did you not fight them? Even without your sword, you stood a chance of escaping."

Zack stared at him helplessly, and Sephiroth sighed again.

"Genesis thinks I can help you, but I am uncertain. We are very different, you and I. Killing those who deserve death has never been difficult for me, while you would rather allow yourself to be damaged than inflict pain. Even on those who take advantage of you."

Zack wanted to protest, even mutely, but he felt too sad, and besides, it was true. Slowly, reluctantly, he wrote down a question and held the marker-board up.

How do you do it?

"I was bred for killing. I was taught to never hesitate, but to eliminate a threat without pity. This included threats to myself. I do not have the conscience you do, Zack."

The boy nodded his head insistently, and Sephiroth allowed a faint smile.

"If you insist. I have learned to switch it off, then, when necessary. You should do the same. You must protect yourself. You must fight back."

You were never too scared to?

Sephiroth leaned back in his chair, hesitating before he spoke. "I was five the first time it happened. The lab assistant who walked me back from my sword lesson followed me into the bathroom and ordered me to take my clothes off. Dr. Gast had told me not to do such a thing for anyone but himself or Dr. Hojo, so I refused. He became angry and tried to undress me by force, and I did not want him to. So I strangled him to death."

Zack shivered, though he clearly didn't disapprove. Did you tell anyone?

"Of course. I was not taught to feel embarrassed about such things, and I could hardly just leave a corpse in my bathroom. I later wished I had not informed Dr. Gast, because he kept hugging me, but Dr. Hojo was merely pleased, and told me I had behaved correctly."

So Hojo never?

Zack was instantly sorry he'd asked, and not only because the general looked faintly annoyed.

"Why does everyone assume that? You are the sixth person to ask me."

I'm sorry, sir.

"Do not worry about it. I have no fondness for Dr. Hojo, but he is not a pedophile."

How many more times?

"How many more times was I touched?" Sephiroth looked at the ceiling for a moment, calculating. "One hundred and sixty-two."

Zack's mouth fell open. The general smirked.

"I did not kill all of them. Some of those were just Genesis being overly friendly, after all. And I am not asking you to kill all your assailants. Kill a few, injure the rest, and then in time, no one else will dare. It will be over."

I hate killing. I hate hurting.

"Yes. I know. You are a human, after all."

So are you.

"Sometimes I wonder."

Zack didn't like the sound of that. Genesis loves you.

"I am aware of that."

Zack made an expression and gesture that said, 'And...?'

"I do not have those kind of feelings."

I used to think I didn't. I didn't like anyone till Angeal.

Sephiroth looked surprised. "Really? I suppose you think I should give Genesis a chance."

Smiling, the 3rd nodded eagerly.

"I will consider it. I need to call Angeal now." Sephiroth shook his head at the stricken expression. "I must. I will explain everything, so you need not."

The general faced the wall while he did this and spoke softly, but Zack heard every word. In an even tone, Sephiroth described the attack (what he'd seen of it), the intervention, the aftermath, all in detail, leaving out only the story he'd just told Zack. Angeal's voice was also audible, yelling with outrage, cursing himself for letting this happen, and thanking his friend for handling things. Sephiroth hung up the phone and sat back down with his usual neutral expression.

"He is on his way."

He's mad.

"Of course."

I don't want him to feel bad.

"Angeal has more than once told me that he will be well as long as you are. When he sees you are unhurt, he will begin to calm."

I hate worrying him.

"It is a part of love, I am told."

I wish I was like you.

Sephiroth smiled gently. "No, you don't."

The door flew open so hard that it crashed into the wall. Before Zack could even wince, he had been hauled into a protective embrace, and hands were carefully feeling him for injuries and also, unbeknownst to Zack, checking to see if his tolerance for being touched had changed. It hadn't, the boy hugged and snuggled back immedately.

"Are you okay, Puppy?"

Zack nodded against his chest. Angeal looked at his calm friend with controlled fury, though not toward him.

"Names, Seph."

"Lieutenants Aulnay, Tucker and Otsuri. As I said, they have been dealt with."

"Not harshly enough."

"I agree. But Fair has seen enough death for now."

At least some of Angeal's anger seemed to dissipate at that. "Thank you, Seph."

"It is my job."

"No, really, thank you."

Angeal gently let go of Zack, went to Sephiroth, and put his arms loosely around the general. Zack nearly giggled at the sight. Sephiroth looked wildly uncomfortable, like he had no idea what to do, and awkwardly patted the commander's back a few times. He was visibly relieved when Angeal pulled away.

"I owe you, Seph."

"If you insist."

"C'mon, Puppy. Let's go home, I'll order pizza."

Zack scanned Sephiroth's desk, grabbed a memo pad and a pen, and quickly scrawled something. He passed it to the general, mouthed 'Thank you' again, and allowed Angeal to lead him out. Sephiroth studied the note, and shook his head, lips curving upward.

It wouldn't be bad to be like you.

azazazaz

Angeal agreed to let Zack eat his dinner in front of the TV, as much because he felt like indulging him as because he wanted to watch the boy without being noticed. A cartoon about a fox and a chicken becoming best friends was on, a more childish program than the 3rd usually liked to watch, and Zack was nearly unblinking as he munched his ham and pineapple-topped pizza. He was only on his second slice, and that too was worrisome. Usually he could polish off six or seven within ten minutes.

Angeal was considering supplementing Zack's diet wth protein shakes when the boy looked up, sighed, and waved him over. He settled onto the couch, next to the shorter body that snuggled into him, and set his chin on the spiky head.

You were staring.

"Just worried, Puppy."

You haven't touched me since we got back.

"I'm touching you now. I wasn't sure you'd want me to."

Idiot.

"I was just worried," Angeal softly repeated. "Afraid that this might have made you worse, or set you back. Puppy, I'm sorry."

Zack shook his head.

"The 2nds are under my command. To think three of my own men tried to - "

Zack nearly hit him in the face with the marker-board. STOP. Not your fault.

"I shouldn't have left you alone, not for a minute."

We're at HOME.

Angeal knew what he meant. He had always assumed, they both had, that no matter what danger the outside world held, Zack was at least perfectly safe inside the Compound. The fact that he clearly wasn't made Angeal feel more paranoid than ever.

"That's what scares me, Puppy. From now on, until your voice comes back, every second you're not with me I'm going to have one of the 1sts watching you."

Zack scowled. It was only three of them!

"We don't know how many more there are."

The boy petulantly edged away until their bodies were no longer touching. Angeal was hurt by this, but resisted the impulse to pull him back.

"Zack, you're just not strong enough to fight back right now."

I don't anyway.

"Puppy, why?"

The teenager shook his head and shrugged.

"Think about it. Where does this terror of hurting someone come from? Was it breaking Jervis's arm when you were cadets?"

Zack stared silently at the cartoon for a moment, then held up his finger and left the room. He returned with his laptop under one arm, and set it on the coffee table before switching it on. He called up a blank document over the wallpaper (a collage of Angeal photographs), and began to type.

When I was seven, the most popular thing for us kids to do in Gongaga was use the vines on the liwata trees to swing out over the cliff overlooking the village. I was always too scared to.

Angeal nodded. Zack's fear of heights was one of the first things they had worked on together.

My best friend Den loved it, though. Both our parents forbid us, so we used to sneak up there after school, or even at night. As long as you didn't enter the woods, Gongaga was safe even at our age, even after dark. We were never scared. Den would hold onto a vine with his arms and legs, and I would push him out over the ledge, back and forth. He said it was like flying, that it was the closest you could get to it in a place like Gongaga.

We must have gone up there twenty times or more, and nothing ever happened. Nobody locks their doors at home, so we had no trouble sneaking back into our beds, and even though it was a 200-foot drop, we never even worried, not once. One night we took a bunch of candy with us, and you wouldn't believe the sugar rush we were on.

Angeal smiled faintly. Zack in such a condition was impossible to calm down, but also very horny, so he rarely minded.

Den kept laughing at me to push harder, farther. He was being so loud, I thought we would get caught. Zack's fingers clenched into fists before continuing, in a rush. I must have pushed too fast, surprised him. His hands slipped and he was just gone. When I could move, I ran down to the path, but he didn't even look like a person anymore.

"Oh, Puppy."

I had to wake everyone up. His parents were so mad they didn't even let me go to the funeral.

Zack seemed to be done typing, so Angeal quickly shut the laptop and pulled the boy close enough to slip an arm around.

"It was not your fault. You were far too young to have been held responsible for your actions." Angeal kissed the top of his head. "Did your parents blame you?"

The teenager went back to using his marker-board. No, were just scared.

"Zack, the result of an innocent child's disobedience is not the same thing as defending yourself when you're in danger. Or...are you punishing yourself?"

Maybe. I see his face sometimes, when I fight.

"Puppy, if you want to be a hero, it should be because it's what you want, not because you feel guilty."

Den had the same dream.

"So, you want to achieve it for the both of you." Angeal curled his fingers around Zack's hand. "That's very noble of you."

Zack pressed his mouth against a broad shoulder and smiled. That was one of the highest compliments his lover gave.

"You should tell Dr. Hollister about Den," the commander said, and felt the boy nod. "He will probably have advice about how to deal with this. But I don't want you to walk around feeling guilty. It was just an accident, Puppy, just bad luck."

Another nod, less certain this time.

"And I won't make it an order, not yet, but I'm asking you to please try to fight back when someone threatens you in any way. I'll try to always be there, or have someone else with you, but just in case. Will you try, for me?"

Zack looked up, offered a sad smile, and mouthed 'Of course. Anything for you.'

"Thank you, Puppy."

Angeal captured his lips, taking his time to slowly coax them open. Zack willingly pushed his tongue against the invading one, but left his hand on the 1st's shoulder, and showed no sign of wanting more than this. Mindful of the psychiatrist's order, Angeal eventually let Zack's mouth go, planting one more chaste kiss on it before drawing back.

"So, mind if we change the channel now? Animated animals creep me out."

Zack laughed soundlessly, and handed him the remote.

"Thank you. I'll find something we both like."

Angeal clicked around, giving each station a few seconds before moving on to the next. A kids' show about fighting robots. A panel of scholars discussing Loveless. (He turned that off with a shiver.) A gardening program that Angeal had already seen twice. A low-budget action movie clearly based on Sephiroth. A commercial for a video game about a flying Moogle. A true-crime drama in which a young woman was being held down by a man, screaming as her clothes were ripped off.

"Nnn!" Zack was on his lap and trembling before Angeal could shut off the TV, though he hastily did before wrapping his arms around the boy. "Nnn, nnn, anh..."

"Ssh, it's okay. I've got you, you're okay."

Puppy, how can I convince you that you're safe, when the planet keeps reminding you you're not?

azazazaz

"So, did you have any insight for the Puppy?"

"I don't believe so. I did tell him the story about Connor, that lab assistant I killed."

"Oh, yes. I visited his grave once."

"Why?"

"To piss on it."

Sephiroth stared, unsure whether or not Genesis was joking. He wasn't good at guessing that sort of thing, and the enigmatic smile that faced him gave little away.

"I don't believe I was as helpful to Zack as you hoped I might be, though he did seem to be in a better mood when he left. His reaction to unsolicited touching is much stronger than mine."

"Oh? I don't know if that's true."

Sephiroth tried to repress a glare as his old friend shoved a pile of documents aside and sat on the desk. "I have only killed seven of them."

"That's not what I meant, angel. I mean, don't you think not allowing anyone to touch you is a pretty extreme reaction?"

"I let Angeal hug me earlier."

"Very good. But you know that's not the kind of touching I mean." Genesis wafted his fingers through the general's luminescent hair.

"That is not the reason."

"Then what is?"

"I have told you. I have no need for intimacy, physical or otherwise."

Genesis looked hurt, and Sephiroth felt a sharp twinge of something unpleasant. He hadn't intended this.

"Can you really tell me you weren't lonely, growing up the only kid in the lab? You weren't happy when Angeal and I came?"

"Of course I was. I was not referring to friendship."

"You know I want more than friendship from you," Genesis whispered in a sultry tone.

Sephiroth sighed, and looked down at his lap. Why did Genesis have to be so persistent, to make simple things complicated? A finger lifted his chin back up, and the redhead was smiling.

"How can you know you don't like it, if you never try? C'mon, Seph, where's that prized logic of yours? Every hypothesis needs to be tested. Oh, dear, do I sound like Dr. Asshole?"

"Making me think of Hojo only causes me to be less interested in sex," the general said flatly.

"Sorry, baby. But c'mon, it's just me. Better me than some pervert executive who would take candid photos and sell them to the Midgar Tattler."

"You would not take photographs?"

"Well, only with your permission, and I'd keep them to myself."

"Genesis," Sephiroth said quietly, "you should not be wasting your efforts on someone who likely cannot even satisfy you."

The sadness on the other's face quickly turned to anger, and he grabbed Sephiroth's arm, such an unexpected gesture that he didn't even pull away.

"Satisfy me? You think this is about sexual gratification, about getting my rocks off? How can you be so brilliant and yet so stupid? I love you, you idiot genius! I love you and I want you and I'm sick to death of seeing you isolate yourself because one hundred and sixty-three bad experiences have made you give up on all of humanity! What about the good things in your life? What about me? Or am I not good for you?"

"Of course you are," Sephiroth quickly assured him. "I care for you too."

"But not more than Angeal."

"Perhaps. I don't know."

"Seph." Genesis bent further down, cupping a pale-marble cheek with his hand. "Let me try. Let me show you how you can feel. Trust me."

Silver eyes stared into his, a little wider than usual. He said nothing and didn't move, and with Sephiroth, sometimes a lack of no indicated assent. Genesis leaned in and pressed his lips to the frowning mouth, willing his fire to melt his friend's coldness away. Slight tension at first, then the lips parted, and Genesis eagerly pushed his tongue inside. Sephiroth's met it awkwardly, clearly having no clue what to do, but it followed Genesis's lead with minimal hesitation. For the first time since childhood, the famous Sephiroth was allowing himself to be taught.

Genesis pulled him to his feet by his leather coat's collar, and tenderly put his arms around him. Sephiroth didn't hug back, but touched Genesis's shoulders with a faint, questioning noise. He let the elder push him against an office wall, hold him there, passionately tongue-fuck his mouth. Surprisingly, it didn't feel bad, not an intrusion, not a violation. His ever-questioning mind actually wanted to explore more.

So he didn't object when his zipper was undone and Genesis's hand inside his pants, doing what a few had done before, or tried to, but gentler than most. The kiss continued for some minutes, and the manipulating hand, before Genesis drew back, gasping a little and pouting a lot.

"The hell? Don't you think I'm hot?"

"I find you attractive, yes. As I thought, I am just not capable of this."

"Don't give up, baby. You've got a sex drive in there, I just need to excavate it."

"In my pants?" Sephiroth questioned as they were tugged down.

"Goddess, you're perfect."

"Genesis?"

"This will seem very weird to you, Seph, but just trust me."

As the general watched, apparently willing, Genesis wet his fingers in his mouth, getting them well-coated with saliva. Then they disappeared behind the other's body, and Sephiroth had very little time to wonder before he felt one probing him, in a place no other admirer had gotten to.

"Genesis..."

It pushed inside, slowly, moving around in the restricted space. The general forced himself to relax, to avoid the discomfort it was causing.

"You look as though you're expecting something to happen."

"Sometimes it takes two. Don't worry, I'll find it."

"Find what?"

A second digit joined the first. Sephiroth wondered if this was supposed to feel anything but disturbing. They were jabbing at his insides now, while Genesis frowned with concentration, shifting his hand with increasing annoyance.

"Goddess, if Hojo removed it or something, I swear..."

"What are you looking for?"

Sephiroth barely got the query out before a bolt of something alarming and unfamiliar and ecstatically good struck his entire body. With a gasp, he jerked up onto his toes and squeezed Genesis's shoulders hard enough to bruise the bones. Once his eyes stopped rolling upward, he fixed a nearly frightened look on Genesis and found the man smirking triumphantly.

"That."

With renewed vigor, the fingers targeted the same spot, pushing against it so roughly that any other man would be crying from the pressure. Sephiroth heard himself moan, a very odd sound, but couldn't stop. His knees felt embarrassingly weak, and an arm snaked around his waist to keep him up. Just enough of his brain was still functioning to observe that he was rapidly hardening, for the very first time.

"Stop..."

"Does 'stop' mean 'more'?"

"Yes!"

The assault was relentless inside, a sore pain mixing with the pleasure. Sephiroth wasn't sure what was happening, but he felt like a balloon being filled with too much air. All this, whatever it was, desperately needed to come out, and he didn't know how to let it or make it. But Genesis apparently did. He put his hand between Sephiroth's thighs, pressing their bodies together, and began to hurriedly stroke the erection.

The pressure eased, then built, eased, built, climbed like a wave trying to drown him. Then something joyfully broke, and he was spurting hard into Genesis's palm. When it finally ceased, the general's legs failed him, and he slid down the wall into a confused, oddly satisfied heap. Dazed, he looked up at Genesis, who was happier than he'd ever seen him.

"Just wait till it's my cock inside you, angel."

azazazazaz

Almost a month now, and very little had changed. Zack wondered if he was starting to get used to being voiceless, if he would have to, if this was just his life now. Therapy gained him insight into his feelings and behavior, but had brought him no closer to a resolution. Everyone Zack interacted with was patient enough to read his expressions and marker-board for replies to their questions. Angeal continued to hover and have other SOLDIERs do the same. Genesis had been unusually cheerful and giddy recently, but he hadn't explained why yet.

Walking down the busy street, Zack tried to be aware of his surroundings without looking like a terrified tourist. Kunsel was on his left side, an arm protectively around his shoulders, and on his right, a very tall 1st Class named Lieutenant Cowan. Dr. Hollister had suggested Zack revisit the scene of his trauma, on the chance it might scare his voice out, and had specifically instructed that Angeal not go along. Kunsel seemed a natural choice, as he was protective and had been Zack's first friend in ShinRa, and Zack suspected Cowan had been told to accompany them because he was one of the most intimidating men in SOLDIER. Most residents of the Sector 3 slum nervously crossed the street as they approached.

"Doing okay, kid?" the 1st asked gently, in his low voice.

Zack nodded.

"It's on the next block, right?"

Another nod.

"Let's get Wutainese afterward," Kunsel suggested. "I heard a new place opened up somewhere around here. You can have my fortune cookie."

Zack smiled weakly. He appreciated his friend's presence and his effort to keep things cheerful, but he really didn't want to be here. Crowds hadn't bothered him for years, but now they did again, masses of strangers, any of whom could be a threat. As they approached Choke, the sex shop where all this started, he felt his stomach curling into knots.

Kunsel seemed to sense this, and squeezed him. "It's okay, Zacky. So, that's the alley where...ew, someone should really clean this place up. Maybe we could make the cadets come pick up litter or something. Good training, you know?"

Zack stepped, timidly, a bit closer to the narrow, dim side street. No injured dogs to be saved, no men with knives in the shadows. The knots started to untangle a little, but the boy jumped when Lieutenant Cowan touched his shoulder.

"Sorry, kid. Do you want to go in? I can go first, show you it's safe."

Nowhere's safe, 'cause I'm not. Zack shook his head. He wanted to get out of here, to bury his face in the comfort of Angeal's sweater...but he wanted his old self back, too.

The radio on Cowan's belt began to buzz with static, then words. "Attention, SOLDIER operative closest to 93 Heck Street in Sector 3 slums. Bar fight in progress at Alcane's Tavern, four reported injured. Please assess and inform local authorities."

"Fuck," Cowan swore. They were less than two blocks away.

"Go," Kunsel insisted. "It won't take long, and I've got him."

"Neither of you move, that's an order."

After Cowan had sprinted off, Kunsel grinned at Zack. "No chaperone for a few minutes. You need lube or anything? My treat."

Zack laughed soundlessly and rolled his eyes.

"I've missed you, you know. Not just with the no-talking thing, but for a while. The dorms aren't the same without you doing your squats and giving me homework answers, and helping me tease Yuta about his latest haircut."

The younger boy smiled sadly and nudged Kunsel's arm. I miss you too.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you, though. I knew from the start about your Dual Horn-sized crush on Commander Hewley, and when you two got together, man, that was awesome. You should know, too, that the guys don't whisper about it like they used to, everyone's kinda used to it now. And most of them didn't mean to be jerks. They were just jealous, and some of them liked you. Tom - you remember, the one who kept giving you flowers - he even said the other day that he believes in soul mates now, 'cause of how you and the commander found each other."

Zack wiped his eyes under the guise of brushing his bangs back. They don't all hate me?

"You should come around more often. I know you don't want to spar any of us, but we can at least hang out, right?"

Smiling with nearly his old intensity, the younger boy nodded.

"In fact, we should totally - "

Zack paled suddenly and pointed across the street. On the opposite sidewalk, an old woman was struggling with a young man who was yanking her purse out of her hands. He got it free, and instead of running off, pushed her down and began to beat her with the bag.

"Shit," Kunsel muttered, and felt himself being shoved toward the road. "Zack, I can't."

The boy kept pushing, and the look in his eyes was clear - you have to go help, or I will.

"Damn it. Stand against that wall and stay there!"

Zack obeyed, and tried to look unconcerned and natural. He kept his eyes on Kunsel, who was having a hell of a time subduing a mere civilian - Maybe he's on drugs? - and instructing a concerned passerby to call the Midgar Police Department. Despite his hypervigilance of late, a man got within a few feet of him before he noticed enough to tense.

"Hey, hot stuff. Looking for some fun?"

Scowling, Zack shook his head.

"I like your uniform. It looks almost real. How about you let me dress you up?"

Annoyance was shifting into panic. He was getting closer, too close, curling his rough fingers around Zack's arm.

"I'm gonna take you back to my place and fuck you till you - "

"Don't touch me," Zack heard himself gasp.

"Feisty, huh? I like little boys who - "

"I SAID NO!" Zack easily shoved the larger man away, knocking him onto the pavement where he looked up, scraped and stunned, and cried out when the kick of a boot was aimed into his stomach. "Keep your fucking hands off me, and off everyone else who doesn't want them! Now get out of here before I arrest you for assault!"

Wide-eyed, the assailant half-crawled, half-limped away, in a hurry. A well-dressed woman passed them by just then, and nodded approvingly.

"Nice one, SOLDIER."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Zack! Shit!" Kunsel grabbed him from behind and turned him around. "I'm so sorry, I knew I shouldn't have, but that was bad-ass and wait a second, did you just talk?"

"I think I did," Zack said with an amazed grin.

"WOO!" Kunsel shouted, and glomped him. "How'd you do it?"

"I don't know, it just happened. I didn't feel frozen like I always did before."

"This rocks! The Zack-man's back, and I might even not get killed for leaving you alone. Oh hell, here comes Cowan. Think you can use your influence to save me?"

"I guess I can try."

azazazaz

"Genesis, I'm not going to guess anymore."

"Aw, but this is fun. And I can't leave you alone, you'll just go back to pacing and worrying about Puppy."

A long-suffering sigh. "Did that company start making Banora White-scented lubricant again?"

"Better!"

"You finally sold that smut manga based on your life?"

"Even better!"

"I have no idea, Gen. You fucked Sephiroth?"

"Yes!" the redhead squealed.

"You what? He let you?"

"Let me? He loved it, you jerk! He said we can do it again, and he might even let me take him out on a date. I can't wait till pictures of us end up in the Tattler!"

Angeal shook his head. "Slow down, back up. How did you convince him? You weren't pushy, were you?"

"Goddess, stop acting like anyone can resist me! It's not like I tied him up or anything, though if he'll let me, I'd be - "

"Angeal! ANGEAL!"

The commander's heart stopped. He knew that cheerful voice, never wanted to live without it, but it had been missing for so long. Zack was racing toward him, his old irrepressible energy flowing off of him like light, and the pale blue eyes alive and glowing and unmistakably here. Angeal put out his arms to catch and hold and spin the boy around, letting a tear fall into the spiky hair as Zack laughed and hugged him back.

"Puppy, is this real? Your voice has really returned?"

"Yeah! Can you believe it?" The 3rd fished his marker-board out of his pocket and tossed it away for a surprised Genesis to catch. "I was getting so sick of that thing."

Angeal squeezed Zack tightly and reassured himself by letting his hands wander a little. The boy was pressing against him in such a delightful way, it was all he could do to look stern as a very anxious Cowan and Kunsel approached.

"Report."

"Commander, I stepped away, and there was an incident. I have no excuse for my reprehensible actions."

"Please don't be mad at them, Angeal, I handled it. I fought back, like I promised you I would."

"He did, sir," Kunsel volunteered. "I've never seen Zack like that, he scared the hell out of the guy."

"Is that so? Thank you, Puppy, I knew you could do it. I'm so, so proud of you." Angeal indulged himself with a slow, intimate kiss, not giving a damn about their audience, and waved Cowan and Kunsel away. "No reprimand. You both have my thanks, go write up your reports and take the rest of the day off."

As the relieved SOLDIERs departed, Zack smiled coyly and tugged his lover's head down to his own height. "I've been wanting to tell you something."

"Yes, Puppy?"

"I love you so much."

"That's hardly a secret," Angeal teased, "no more than how I love you more than the planet and everything on it."

Hand in hand, they began to walk back to their apartment, and they might as well have been the only two people on Gaia, from the way they gazed at each other and nothing else. A relieved and bemused Genesis was left to his thoughts, holding the discarded marker-board and looking down at it.

Might as well keep it. If Seph lets me gag him, he might need it to beg for more.

THE END

Angst followed by cheesy ending, another day in the life of Amarissia and her extremely gay and/or pissed off muses. Reviews will be converted to Gil and contributed to the fund that pays for Zack's therapy. (Just kidding, SOLDIERs apparently have an excellent health plan. But they do make me happy.)

Keep fighting back, Zack. Gaia knows I'll always give you reasons to. Sorry, honey.