[A/N Since I've got a nasty case of the Writer's Block Rash for Silver Tears, Crimson Ribbon, I decided, what the heck. One more plot bunny will do me good. And since I'm in an angsty mood, this fanfic will be angsty. Originally it started out as strictly based on the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy, but it sort of...evolved.

I wrote this up with two different endings. The first chapter is the same. The angstier ending is chapters two and three, and the happier ending is chapters four and five. The reason I did this is because I don't want people to hate me for having a really depressing ending, so I wrote a happier ending, but I also liked the angsty ending. So, what the heck, I just decided to put up two endings. The angstier ending is more based on the song than the happier ending.

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors you may stumble upon. This is the kind of plot bunny that wouldn't let me sleep, so I finished this at about midnight.

Disclaimer: I am not Bruno Heller, and most definitely not A Fine Frenzy. Please. I'm not that talented.]

Hopeless Dream

"It's okay, Lisbon. You're going to be fine," Jane whispered, his lips brushing against her ear. A flash of red passed through his vision, his ears ringing, as he fell to the earth with her, holding her in his arms as he knelt.

She will be fine. She will be fine. I love her. She'll be fine. Jane told himself.

Lisbon let out a crooked smile, though Jane could see the pain contorting her expressions.

Jane could hear Cho speaking to into his cell phone, calling paramedics. None of the team attempted to join Jane as he held Lisbon. Soon, they all knew, though, he would simply be holding Lisbon's body if paramedics did not get there fast.

As Jane stared into Lisbon's eyes, he applied pressure to the deep wound in her side. He paid no attention to the blood on his hands. All he knew was that if Lisbon didn't get through this, he wouldn't either. Her blood was his, too, and her soul draining was Jane's.

The flashing ambulance lights practically blinded Jane, but the sirens were muffled. Jane never tore his gaze away from Lisbon's as the paramedics loaded Lisbon onto a stretcher, and he followed into the ambulance.

Before the back ambulance doors swung shot, Jane took one more glance at the crime scene outside. Red John lay on the ground, dead. Rigsby comforted a shocked Grace, who was shivering and crying and a complete mess. Cho was being stoic, but Jane could sense his composition wavering as he helped Grace into the CBI vehicle, climbing into the driver's seat to follow the ambulance.

Then the doors shut, and Jane's attention turned back to his best friend, his almost lover who was surrounded by doctors trying to stop the bleeding, trying to save a life. An amazing, extraordinary life. Jane, for not the first time in his life, felt helpless. THere was truly nothing he could do to help. So he simply clutched Lisbon's hand, trying to pretend that he could not feel it slowly falling slack.

The hospital was swiftly approaching, and Jane knew that this might be his last chance. So he leaned forward, pressing his lips swiftly and lightly to Lisbon's, before pulling away quickly as the ambulance came to a screeching stop.

Xxxx

Jane sat in the hospital waiting room, his head in his hands and the team around him, sitting close enough so that Jane could reach out and get comfort if he needed it, but far enough so as not to intrude. Grace had been treated for her shock, but was still a little shaky. But, then again, the whole tem was.

Jane knew the doctors were fighting for Lisbon's life in there. Everyone knew. Nobody dared to say it out loud, though. Not a soul.

As Jane stared into the distance, the memories came flooding back of the past few hours. Everything had a tinge of red.

"We're going to get him this time," Lisbon told Jane in the car. "We will. He can't get away." Jane turned to look at Lisbon as she drove and spoke at the same time. He could see the same hope in her eyes. The hope that everything would soon be over.

Had he known what was to come, he may have thought it better for things to be the same at the beginning than to have this ending.

Jane, unlike most raids, did not stay hidden under the cover of foliage. Instead, he was right there with Lisbon at the front, fully prepared to kill Red John on sight, Lisbon was right. There was no escape today.

A slamming of doors. A gasp of faux surprise. Gunshots. More gunshots. A scream. Lisbon's scream, short but in pain. A streak of red, and a single last gunshot, then silence.

This is all Jane remembers of the next moments. Suddenly, Red John is on the ground. There is fear in Van Pelt's eyes, a gun in her hands. In Jane's hands, there is nothing but blood. Whose blood it was, Jane did not yet know.

Grace, trembling, dropped the gun to the ground. Rigsby rushed to her side, and Cho pulled out his cell phone.

"Jane," The frailness of Lisbon's voice frightened Jane. He turned his head, seemingly in slow motion, though it passed by all too quickly, to where Lisbon was struggling to stand, her hands clutching her side, where her shirt was stained crimson. "He got me."

Jane was there to catch her when she fell.

Jane hadn't always been there to catch Lisbon when she needed him to, but he had been at the most important moments. And now, sitting in the waiting room, breathing in all the antiseptic, Jane half expected Lisbon to be there catching him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder to let him know he wasn't alone.

But she wasn't there, and she might never be there again.

Hours passed. Rigsby left to het food, which nobody ended up eating, and nobody included Rigsby. For though Red John was gone, nobody in the waiting room was thinking Lisbon's life was a fair trade, and food would not aid their stomachs in attempting to figure out what was going on.

Finally, after an eternity, a doctor emerged from the operation room.

the team immediately and simultaneously jumped up and rushed to the surgeon.

"How is she? Is she alive?" Please, please let her be alive. Jane prayed to the God he wasn't even sure was there.

The surgeon blinked, and then replied.

And the ringing in Jane's ears started up again.