Yeah, They Were Friends

By Keo Siph

All Naruto characters © Masahi Kishimoto, Shounen Jump

AN: You have to have read past Orochimaru's entrance to understand this completely. Minor spoilers. There's a fanart for it here:

                Tsunade stared down at the duo. Jiraiya's smile covered his eyes, keeping him from seeing at all. Orochimaru watched Jiraiya. It wasn't until the boys could hear Tsunade's killing intent crisp upon the air that they looked back at her and her raging black-and-blue fury.

                "How DARE you bring Orochimaru into you PERVERSE acts, you FREAK!" There was a large crater where Jiraiya once stood, and he held his hands out before him.

                "Woah, woah. Tsu-chan, calm down. I mean, we were just taking on an investigation…"

                "By the BATHING POOLS?!?"

                "Why, yes. Orochimaru hasn't been here before."

                "Shows class YOU don't have, JIRAIYA!"

                "Oh yeah? At least I have a life beyond following around other people's SENSEIS!"

                "Is that SO, freakish pariah?"

                "Hey, quit reading the dictionary. You sound like a nerd. And, YOU still talk to me."

                "Only until your quickly on-coming demise, freak."

                "Try me, chubby."

                "Interesting." Both Jiraiya and Tsunade turned from their current engagement to see Orochimaru with his eye to Jiraiya's famous Peep Hole.
                "NO! Jiraiya, you succeeded in tainting him."

                "Actually, I can't see anything."

                "What'dya mean, taint-!… Can't see anything? Orochimaru, move." Jiraiya pressed his head into the newly vacated spot. "Aw! Someone put their rock here! We can't see a… You tipped them off, didn't you, Tsunade?"

                "And if I-"

                "No matter. There's a smaller one over here. Follow me, Snake-Hair."

                "…" Orochimaru wordlessly trailed Jiraiya in curiosity, right up to the point where the latter went airborne.

                "What was THAT FOR?!?" The toad-summoner asked upon his crash.

                "Give it a rest, Frog-head!"

                "Toads! They're frickin' TOADS!"

                "Even worse! Frogs have a SEMBLANCE of CLASS!"

                "And SLUGS have NOTHING!"

                "And snakes have everything. Since this has obviously failed, can we move on?" Orochimaru asked from his place leaning against the wall. The other two just stared at him.

                "I cannot believe you would try to turn Orochimaru into… er… someone like you." The Sandaime looked at Jiraiya out of the corner of his eye. They were seated comfortably around a wooden table, Orochimaru, then Tsunade, then Jiraiya, then Sandaime. They were all focused on the center of the circular piece of furniture, even as the waitress set food before them.

                "He should be a real man!" Jiraiya snapped irratably, pumping a fist. This earned stares from his table-mates, and many of the other customers. "Peeping is a natural instinct for a man, and he should somethimes give into his desires, for they are what makes men MAN!" He pounded the table and glared at Tsunade. "Tsu-chan the GIRL could never understand this. Please, as one-" Jiraiya paused at his sensei's suddenly forebodding look, and begun self-censoring, "-man to another, pass a kind judgement upon myself and Orochi-kun."

                "Yes, I do believe Orochimaru will get off easily. You, however, were the 'snake in the grass'." Sandaime firmly met Jiraiya's eye. "Do you really believe that to be the right thing?"

                "…" Orochimaru looked on without commenting.

                "Not usually, no. BUT! Today was special! Orochi must be awakened as a man! I believed this was the fastest, effectivest, bestest way!"

                "So. I am not a man?" The cold voice shot across the table.

                "Yet? No. Of course not."

                "And you are."

                "Yes! You see!"

                "You truly are deluded."

                "I what?"

                "Tsunade, please explain. I wish to eat."

                "As usual, I have to take up Jiraiya's slack…" Tsunade shook her head.

                "Eat, you filthy backstabbing snake?"

                "You see, Jiraiya, Orochi-chan meant that you have your own little world that you have created that contradicts with ours."

                "I can understand ignoring me. You do THAT all the time. But choosing EATING over ME? I'm hurt! Devasted! Thrilled beyond shock!"

                "Okay, we all know that wasn't right…" Tsunade noted with reluctance. "Yet… YOU'RE IGNORING ME, JIRAIYA!"

                "Not that it's easy, Tsu-chan!"

                "'-chan'? Where does THAT come from?"

                "The fact that you're still a girl."

                "Girl, as in you'll-get-beat-up-if-you-peep girl. Not unworthy-of-peeping, right?"

                "Both, actually."

                "Die, cowardly TOAD!"

                "Freakish SLUG!" The blond chased the pale-haired summoner out of the ramen shop. They rounded the corner as the future Third Hokage shook his head, noticing the silent humor emminating from his other student.