Alright, here's a one shot that I HAD to write. I'm almost done with Crisis Core, even though I know what happens, but I HAD to write this. . . It's been like less than a week since I started the game too. Wow, I'm really obsessed with this and Zack. He IS Prince Fair the Puppy. That was very corny. Eh, I don't give a crap. Hope you enjoy!
Zack: Rayne. . . Where's Cloud?
Me: Sh! You're supposed to be a surprise for him later! Now say the Disclaimer quietly, and I'm gonna hide you.
Zack: Okay. . .? BlindYaoiAlchemist does NOT own Final Fantasy or any of the characters in it.
Me: Cause if I did, Zack and Cloud would be loving on each other CONSTANTLY! Yay! *pushes Zack behind the curtains, waiting for Cloud to come back*
Cloud Strife lay on his bed listening to the same song over and over again. This song always helped calm him, but it always made him remember him. Cloud hated remembering him because when he did, he wouldn't leave his head alone. He would keep bothering him until Cloud just couldn't take it anymore. It was so bad Cloud couldn't even say his name. That's how bad it had gotten.
Ever since that day, he just couldn't forget. He had cried himself to sleep many times thinking about that day. And Cloud hated crying with a passion. It showed everyone how weak he was, and with weakness came sympathy. Cloud hated sympathy as much, maybe even more, than crying. He had gotten quite enough of that, during that day.
When Cloud had brought his body back Tifa had told him how sorry she was, since she still had a grudge against SOLDIER then, Aerith had cried and clung onto him at the time, the small boy who had stolen his wallet had just bowed his head in sadness. That tiny bow of the young boy's head just made Cloud sob even harder. He couldn't take the maddening pain anymore.
The blond knew it only to be a short time that they knew eachother, but he just couldn't help himself, but apparently neither could he. They had been lovers, for a very short time, but still, they had been lovers. Having lost the man he had loved affected him greatly. Cloud knew just seeing his lover hurt was enough to set him off, but watching him die? That just made everything more painful.
Cloud pushed the depressing thoughts out of his head as the blond tried to pay attention to the same song that he had replayed hundreds of time.
Just say, say it ain't so.
This is not the home that I know. (That I know)
I never thought I'd let you down
Never thought I'd let you down
You promised, promised not to let me drown.
The boy, who's hair some how defied gravity, knew that Tifa's bar/house would never be his home. His home was where he was, but he would never be back to stay with his Chocobo again. Cloud knew he wouldn't ever be able to cuddle with him, he wouldn't ever feel the pleasure of his heat sliding in and out of him, wouldn't feel the bliss that he brought them to again. It haunted the blond, making him whimper at the small flashbacks that his mind always shoved upon him. It always broke a part of Cloud's heart, every time he thought about the young ex-SOLDIER.
In my daydreams, you take over me.
In these daydreams, you take over me.
Can I make it on my own?
Cloud hated sleeping, or daydreaming for that matter, because when he slept he thought of his deceased lover. He thought of all the fun they used to have. The fun they had had with Aerith and all the young children in the Slums. When he slept he would dream of the future, a future they could have had, if Cloud hadn't succumbed to the Mako poisoning.
Will I ever feel my limbs again?
Is this all in my mind?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel that way again?
Am I losing my mind?
Cloud just kept listening to the lyrics of the oh-so depressing song. He didn't know if he could make it on his own. Scratch that, Cloud knew he couldn't and still can't make it on his own. He missed his energetic puppy more than anyone could ever imagine. Well his energetic puppy on steroids. He was losing his mind, he would never get it back. Actually the blond had lost his mind when he watched his lover risk his life to save the his own. Cloud felt another piece of his heart break from the rest of it. How much more would his slow-beating heart be able to take?
'I already feel hollow inside, so why can I still feel bits and pieces of my heart break off?' Cloud thought as he tried to keep his tears from slipping down his cheeks. Oh, he tried so hard, his effort was in vain though as the salty liquid slid down his porcelain face.
No way, it's not the same.
This place has had it's way.
I swore to never let you down
I never thought I'd let you down.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I let you drown.
It most definitely wasn't the same without him. Cloud had sworn to his puppy that he would always follow his dreams, that he would do as he said and keep his legacy living strong. Too bad Cloud had drowned in trying to do that, trying to fulfill his lover's dying wish. The blond had tried his hardest, tried his hardest indeed, and had successfully made his legacy live, but he couldn't keep it living forever. Only Cloud and his friends really remembered the man that was in SOLDIER, but people still told their children stories about him. Only Cloud remembered, cherished, what he had told his cadet's that day.
In my deep dreams, you take over me
In these deep dreams, you take over me
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel my limbs again?
Is this all in my mind?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel that way again?
Am I losing my mind?
Cloud instantly thought back to some of his previous thoughts, about how he was always in his dreams and daydreams. They stuck to the unruly haired man's mind like a cold. They would go away and then come back to make him sick a second and third, than a fourth time. That cold always screwed him over.
Something's always pulling me underground
Is there something staring back at me?
Is there something waiting there for me?
But there never really was,
No, there never really was,
(Something's always pulling me under ground)
And there never really was,
(Something's always pulling me under)
That portion of the song was very much true in the blond's eyes. He always felt like something would pull him under, drag him into the pain he felt daily, but never be there to actually confront him, it never showed it's face to him. Cloud wished something was waiting for him, anything really, not just the pain and emptiness he didn't want anymore. His wishes had never been made true because nothing would ever be there to face him, nothing would ever be there just sitting, patiently waiting, while it slowly dragged him under the surface of the planet.
Will my daydreams take over me?
Will these daydreams take over me?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel my limbs again?
Is this all in my mind?
Can I make it on my own?
Will I ever feel that way again?
Am I losing my mind?
The chorus played once more, making the same painful wishes and dreams flash before Cloud's eyes. Gods, those memories and dreams drove him absolutely insane! He knew they would never happen, he knew his puppy was never coming back, so why did these stupid dreams always plague his mind? Why did they like to bother him so much? He would never have the answer to the questions he so desired to be answered.
Something's always pulling me under. . .
Yes something would always pull the young blond under, pain would always harbor it's own house in his heart and soul. It would always be with him for as long as he lived, no matter what Cloud wished for, it would always be there. It would always be in the recesses of his mind, torturing, tempting the poor young man. . .
Open your eyes, tell me why.
Open your eyes, you shall see it.
Open your eyes, tell me why.
Open your eyes, you still sleep with it.
Open your eyes.
His eyes would never truly be opened again. He would never be able to open his eyes to the world again. Why should he anyways? All he would ever see would be pain, so why add more pain to the agony he already went through? That just wouldn't make sense at all, the blond would always tell himself.
''Just try and keep the pain as minimum as you can, Cloud. It will get better, I promise." Tifa had told him at one time(obviously a lie), right after Aerith died, which he realized, or at least, thought was also his fault. Cloud knew that the death of him had been his fault. He knew if he wasn't so weak he could have gotten right back on his feet and helped him fight off the army that Shin-Ra had sent after them.
But Cloud always knew, thought, that he had been much too weak and still was now. He wished he hadn't been. He really wished he could have made a difference in everyone's lives. . .
The spiky haired man opened his eyes, just realizing that the song had started playing itself over again, making him listen to the lyrics he didn't know how many times he'd listened to, once more.
He wiped the wetness from his face, and curled inward on himself, trying his hardest to make himself feel better, which would never happen, ever again in his life. Only he, only Zack, could ever help him feel better. That's what his puppy had been there for. To comfort and love him as much as he needed to be comforted and loved.
Oh Gods, he missed him. But of course, as love and memories would always have it, he would always miss him.
Cloud remembered his dearly departed lover well, he had loved him with all the heart in his dead beat body, but wasn't it true?
A Chocobo Always Remembers Well.
I hope you liked that depressingly wonderful story. The song was On My Own by Saosin, one of my personal favorites actually. I sorta thought, while I was half drugged on sleep, that it would make an amazing song for these two. Yea I'm incredibly insane, didn't you already figure that out? Alright I hope you liked this here, as I have said before!
Cloud: Why did you make me a wimp?
Me: Because I did. Get over it. You're not really a wimp, you just sorta think you are in this, because you couldn't save your lover.
Zack: *coughs* Uh. . . Can I come out now?
Me: O.O Uh. . .
Cloud: Zack!*rushes him*
Me: That was supposed to be a surprise Zack!
Zack: My bad. . . Sorry Rayne. *holding his Chocobo*
Criticism that helps me is VERY MUCH WELCOME! Reviews give you chocolate cake and Earl Grey Tea so you should review! Any reviews that are cruel and mean in nature WILL BE IGNORED! I do not take kindly to sleaze bags that are jealous of someone else. Thank you very much~!