Title Sins of the Mother

Summary In anger he killed her. In love she died again. But this time, she would not be alone. AU story, don't like, don't read.

Rating T for Strong emotional situations, drama, some violence and brief sexual reference. You saw the movie, you'll be fine.

Comments This is AU, but I tried not to mess up Episodes 4-6. Basically it's an alternate ending to Episode 3 because I got pissed off when they turned a fighter like Padmé into some helpless damsel in distress. Because this story is to give her a voice, I'm writing it in first person. One more warning, there's almost maybe a slight hint of a smidgen of a suggestion of ObiMé (think about it...) No one is forcing you to read it.

Lucas Approval Scale of one to ten: 4

Sins of the Mother

Prologue

My name is Padmé Amidala. In a perfect life it would be Skywalker and Anakin and I would never have had to hide our union. We could have lived on Naboo and raised our children in a place with no danger. Maybe Tatooine would have been part of the republic and we could have visited Shmi and Owen on birthdays and holidays.

Would have been. Could have been. I realize now that life is too short to dwell on those. Now at the end I see my life for what it really was: a lie.

A lie that killed us.

It was unavoidable. My fate was sealed the moment I set foot in that junk shop. If I would have known all those years ago that it would end like this, I never would have gotten off the ship. I would have stayed behind like a good little queen and let Qui Gon Jin do his job. Or would I? Is it really better to have loved and loosed that to never have loved at all? Would it have been better or worse if I had never met that "funny little boy?" I'll never know. All I know is that I fought, even when I knew that death was a full gone conclusion. Obi Wan tried to stop me, but he of all people should know that death is always a full gone conclusion.

But Anakin didn't die; he only dissipated and now all that is left is a black suit and a shell of a man that I gave up everything to love. I remember when I told him that I wasn't afraid to die. I'm not. What I am afraid of is what my husband has become, and the fact that he did all off this because he thought it would save me. Well, he's caused more destruction in his attempt to prevent it.

He did this because of me. That, in my mind, means I am to blame for Darth Vader. Obi Wan said it's not my fault; that it had nothing to do with me but rather a lust for power and a manifestation of rage built up inside of him. He said that Anakin had always had the dark side with him but even Obi Wan himself had failed to realize it- or maybe just refused to. Obi Wan said Anakin is evil. Obi Wan said this. Obi Wan said that. Now I see why Anakin got so frustrated and impatient with his master.

I don't believe him. Anakin isn't evil; he can't be. He's a good person. I know. I may not be a Jedi, I may not use the force, but I can feel it. It was in the way he looked at me, the way he smiled, the way he held me as if the force itself could never separate us. It was in the way he kissed me, the way he made love to me. It was in the way he spoke my name in moments of joy, pain, and passion. It is in his heart, shattered by loss. It is in his soul, poisoned by anger.

Someday he will think of me with love again. Anakin will come back. It won't be in time to save me, but maybe it will be in time for Luke and Leah. I told him that one day he would find his compassion again; that he would see someone dying and save them. He doesn't believe me. He's lost sight of why he's doing this. He probably doesn't love me anymore. But it's alright.

I died for him.

Yes, I'm dead.

My name is Padmé Amidala. I am a senator from the sovereign system of Naboo. I am a wife and the mother of twins. This is not the story of my life. This is the story of how I died.