Sam scrolled through the dozens of songs on his laptop playlist marked 'Songs for Dean.' It was the sole reason he didn't want Dean on his computer, for fear he would discover the playlist.
One song caught his eye. It was 'Song For You' by Carlos Pena, a member of Big Time Rush. Dean loved to tease him about his love for the boyband, but even he had to admit that they had some pretty good ones.
Sam started the song and let it play through, trying to ignore the memories of the man he loved that were shoving their way through his mind. He managed to get through the song once before the screen saver started. And so did the memories.
The first picture was of their first hunt together after Stanford. Sam remembered that day very well, like it was yesterday. When Dean fell into the river, Sam thought his life was over. Not only had he lost a friend, but he had lost his brother and the man he (secretly) loved. Then, Dean crawled out of the river and he was so happy he almost cried.
The second photo was when Dad died. It was the day before, and Sam took a photo of Dean's limp body lying in the hospital bed. For some reason, it was good for Sam to see Dean at peace for once. The next photo was from the hunt with the killer clown. Dean had held him tight that night as he shivered in fear because of the stupid clown. Dean's arms and warm chest made everything better, and Dean's soft lips blowing hot air into Sam's scalp as he whispered words of comfort just put him right to sleep.
After that was a photo of them in front of their old house. That was a horrible day for Sammy, other than Dean crying because he almost lost his brother.
The most recent was them in front of the Mystery Spot. Sam hated that place, hell, he hated the stupid Trickster for taking Dean from him. It was his fault.
Sam felt a tear slide down his cheek as he remembered Dean's lifeless body on the floor. Why did he have to think of that? He quickly shook it out of his head and the memories of Dean broke through.
The time that they built a snow fort at Bobby's right before their Dad died. They had stayed out all day until they got colds, throwing snowballs at each other and trying to shove snow down each other's shirts. Bobby forced them to come in and made them huddle together to warm up. Sam had protested, but he actually enjoyed every moment of it.
When Dean cried as he held Sam's dying body in his arms. Sam had felt truly at peace, other than the fact that the demon wasn't dead. But he could live with that, as long as he could die in Dean's arms. He had lied and pretended that he didn't know that he had died, but it was obvious.
When the Impala broke down and they were forced to share the backseat to sleep without being seen. Sam had kissed his sleeping lips that night, just to see what it would feel like. It was amazing.
But Dean wasn't his. Dean didn't belong to any one, and he would never belong to Sam. Sam was his brother, and that was wrong.
It shattered Sam's heart every time Dean protested to people assuming they were a couple. The one time that Dean went along with it of his own accord made every part of that weekend feel like paradise. He finally had a chance to tell Dean he loved him without having to deal with the consequences, lest it be negative.
Sam had tried countless times to tell Dean how he felt in a letter, but he always burned it before Dean got it. He was too scared.
It had been four months and two days since Dean died. Four months and two days alone. Four months and two days of watching the man he loved die in his mind. He died not knowing how Sam felt.
Better late than never, right?