Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, or the Olympics, yeah, you get the picture.
Author's Note: This story was written in honor of the Olympics, and if ping pong can be an Olympic sport, well then pretty much anything can.
Any attempts to place this anywhere on the timeline will be laughed at. Reviews are greatly appreciated; flames will provide me with endless amusement. )
Ordinary Olympics
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN'T USE ANY JUTSU! ?" Naruto was yelling, again, his face a perfect picture of rage as he demanded answers, as if this time maybe they would decide that the whole idea was pretty lame anyways, and scrap it. The odds of that happening were fairly slim, mostly because Naruto was kind of amusing when he was angry like this.
"Well, it's simple, really." Kakashi explained, again. "If you use any jutsu at all, then you will be disqualified. No jutsu, no chakra, nothing, just yourself and your normal physical, and mental, abilities. No sharingan either, Sasuke." The dark haired uchiha made some kind of a noncommittal noise and returned to thinking dark thoughts about dark things about his brother.
Naruto was staring now, perhaps speechless, he just couldn't seem to get it into his head that he wouldn't be able to use any jutsu or chakra, or anything. "Well, that's, that's just, that's STUPID." He spat the word and sat down hard, arms folded.
Sakura was okay with it, really. She had no complaints, it would be interesting and probably educational, and besides, she wasn't about to pitch a fit like Naruto. "Naruto, you're so immature." She stated, rolling her eyes at him, and glancing quickly at Sasuke, to see his reaction. He didn't react, as usual, but that never seemed to stop her. Her attention then turned to Kakashi "What are the events going to be Kakashi-sensei?" She appealed, she might as well be prepared for whatever training exercise this was going to turn out to be.
"Okay, okay, I know we can't use any jutsu, but WHY are we going this?" Naruto butted in, still sitting, still folding his arms, still glaring.
That particular question put Kakashi in an interesting position, see it would be kind of awkward to explain that it all had to do with himself, Gai, Jiraiya, a couple of the elders, a few lost bets, and some sake. "Because it's good for you." He answered, Sakura's question was far more manageable anyways. "The Ordinary Olympics will include rock, paper, scissors, thumb wrestling, arm wrestling, a sack race, an egg and spoon race…that's all I know for now."
"THUMB WRESTLING!?" Naruto was angry again.
"Yes, Naruto, thumb wrestling." Underneath his mask, Kakashi was smiling, because this was, at the very least, going to be interesting.
The opening ceremony was quite a spectacle. The torch had been carried around the village, and only one shop had caught fire (Naruto was still mourning the fact that the ramen shop would be closed for rebuilding for a week). Now the flame was burning in a rather hastily erected firepit of sorts.
Someone had decided that a sing-along would be a good idea, it had been part of some drunken bet somewhere along the way. So, it was only fitting that the song leader be made just as thoroughly drunk as Konoha was capable of making him.
"IN THE NAVY!" Jiraiya hiccup-screamed in a key never heard before by human ears. No one was singing along, but that didn't seem to bother him much. After a third rousing rendition of YMCA, he was not so gently escorted off the stage.
The hokage took the stage to cheers and a rather resounding silence from the ninja who weren't quite certain if they were up the humiliation planned for them. " Welcome to the first ever Konoha edition of the Ordinary Olympics!" More not entirely coherent cheers and another blasted warble of how much fun it was to stay at the YMCA from the toad sage, and the crowd quieted again. "The rules are simple, no jutsu, no chakra. There will be two age categories, chunin and below, and jonin and above. " Now there was some rustle in the ninja crowd, seeing as how the jonin and above part was news to , well, pretty much everyone jonin and above. " We will start bright and early tomorrow with Rock, Paper, Scissors. Chunin and below will compete first, report at dawn for your opponent name draw. Each eventwill have a gold, silver, and bronze shuriken awarded for the winners. May the best ordinary Olympian win."