SINS OF THE PAST

A LoVe fanfiction by Gabster Amy

Author's Note: This is my first Veronica Mars fanfiction...so be nice. Must say English isn't my first language so please excuse any horrible gramatical errors. Also, I wrote this way before season 2 started, way before I had even seen all of season 1 (don't ask...I don't have UPN!) so I haven't decided if the events of season 2 will be included. Read. Enjoy. And pleas REVIEW!

This was inspired by another fic...but I can't remember the name.

Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars or it's characters. UPN and Rob Thomas own them...

LOGAN'S POV

"I want a divorce" Veronica whispered in an almost inaudible voice. She keeps looking at the floor, anywhere except at me, her husband.

Those four words destroy me. I thought losing Lilly was the most painful experience of my life, I was wrong. Hearing Veronica say those dreadful words to me was like having my heart ripped into a million pieces. The pain was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, so intense I just wanted to throw up. A pain I knew only alcohol could make me forget, if only for a little while. But right now alcohol was not an option. Right now I had to deal with the tiny blonde woman in front of me. But I couldn't. I just couldn't deal so without saying a word I just left her alone and walked towards our son's room.

Joshua Logan Echolls is 5 years old. He has Veronica's eyes and my smile. As I stood beside his bed and watched him sleep I remembered when Veronica told me she was pregnant. We had only been married for a year and since we had married young weren't planning for children, yet. So, yeah, Joshua was a surprise but not a bad one.

I got home from work to find Veronica waiting for me in the kitchen. At first I panicked thinking something was wrong. But she smiled at me, her sweet carefree smile, and reassured me everything was great. I could tell she was nervous but I couldn't figure out why and it was driving me insane. She held my hands and looked into my eyes. I could see a mixture of excitement and anxiety in her eyes.

"I'm pregnant" she finally said.

The moment she spoke those words the image of my father flashed through my mind, but I quickly dismissed it. I was not my father, I couldn't be. I could tell Veronica was anxiously waiting for my reaction. I was happy, more than happy I was ecstatic. I, Logan Echolls was going to be a father. I was having a baby with Ronnie. This baby was made from the best of both of us and I would raise it to have all the happiness I was denied as a child, we would raise our child together.

So I smiled and kissed her. At first my reaction surprised her but she quickly recovered and I could tell she was as happy as I was.

"We're going to have a baby!" Veronica said as if she was still unable to believe it.

"I know"

"Can you believe it Logan? We're going to be parents!"

"Yeah, and what a good looking baby it will be…"

"Logan!"

And with that I kissed her. It was my favorite way to shut her up, with a kiss.

I don't know how long I stood there just watching Joshua sleep. I don't know exactly when Veronica entered the room but suddenly her voice interrupted my thoughts.

"He won't break if you touch him." She said from behind me. I could sense resentment and sadness in her voice and it pained me.

"I know" And I did know. But I was still afraid. It was the same fear that consumed me from the moment they gave me my son. A fear I would become HIM, my father, Aaron Echolls movie star, millionaire, murderer and child abuser. A fear I would be like Aaron the man who had tried in every way possible to destroy me. Lilly and mom were dead because of him, the evil man had even tried to kill Veronica. And ever since he could remember Aaron had tried to destroy him both physically and mentally. He did not want his son to grow up like him.

He wasn't his father, he knew that. But Aaron was his father, they shared the same blood, didn't that mean he could turn out like him? He didn't trust himself and he loved Joshua too much to risk it.

Veronica held my hand but I pulled away. I did not want her pity even if I yearned for her touch.

"We should go to bed." She said to no one in particular and once more left me alone with my son.

Eventually I had to go into our room. When I entered the room was empty. Veronica was in the bathroom probably taking one of her hour long bubble baths. Six years ago I would have joined her, now I entered the bathroom without even glancing her way or acknowledging her presence. I just brushed my teeth and went to bed. I couldn't go to sleep, I just laid there thinking about my life with Ronnie and wondering what I did wrong. Remembering our history together from the first time I saw her in her soccer uniform, to the happy days with Lilly, to our first kiss at the Camelot, to our beautiful beach wedding.

At some point Veronica got into bed. It felt so strange sharing a bed with the woman who just a few hours ago had asked me for a divorce. The woman I loved beyond reason. Somehow I would get her back, make her remember the way we were, remember the love we shared.

I heard as Veronica cried herself to sleep and damned myself for doing this to her, for making her doubt my love for her. And in the back on my mind I always blamed Aaron because somehow, for me at least, it always came back to the memories of a ten year old boy whose father always found a reason to beat him while his mother drank herself into oblivion in the next room.

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