Disclaimer: Dr Who and its characters are owned by the BBC and sadly not by me.
Thank you to naughtybunny23 over at Live Journal and Teaspoon for being my beta.
The TARDIS echoed with Rose's brisk footsteps as she hurried along the corridor. Her one instinct was to get away - not from another day's adventuring gone wrong. That was easy to do. No, this time she was distancing herself from him.
"Help me," she pleaded to the sentient time ship.
The lights of the TARDIS flickered as she guided Rose to a small conservatory that hosted a pleasing array of intergalactic flowering plants. At one end of the room she found a comfortable daybed onto which she wearily and gratefully sank.
"Please don't let him find me," she begged.
The lights dimmed again but Rose was too tired, too lost in her thoughts to register the ship's response.
It had been four weeks since she and the Doctor had reunited. Only twenty-eight days since they had defeated Davros, left Rose's family in the parallel world and said goodbye to their friends including the half-human, half-Time Lord Doctor and Donna who had chosen to stay together.
After all they had been through Rose thought things might be different. The look she had seen on his face in that deserted London street had said it all, or so she thought. As the days passed it became more and more obvious that she might possibly have been mistaken.
It was weird. He seemed happy to have her back. The over-zealous hugs and constant hand-holding continued as did the look in his eyes that spoke of unfulfilled longing and hidden desires. Why then did he not let go? Why must he torture her like this?
Her thoughts turned to a conversation she had had with her mother, way, way back when the Ghosts had descended upon London.
"Do you think you'll ever settle down?"
"The Doctor never will, so I can't. I'll just keep on travelling."
"And he'll keep on changing. And in forty years time, fifty, there'll be this woman, this strange woman walking through the marketplace. On some planet a billion miles from Earth. But she's not Rose Tyler. Not anymore. She's not even human."
Rose shivered as each and every word came back to haunt her. What was she doing? Who was she now?
She was no stranger to sacrifice when it came to her relationship with the Doctor. She had dealt with all sorts of danger alongside her first Doctor - Slitheen, Zombies and Daleks and then had come the shock of his regeneration in which the man she had come to love disappeared in an explosion of golden light, leaving in his wake a stranger. Yet this, too, she had accepted.
Her nascent love for the old Doctor strengthened in depth and capacity for the new one and he appeared to reciprocate her feelings. Despite that fact Rose found that life with the new Doctor was not without its challenges and, as she learned on several occasions, came with quite a lot of heartache. The pain culminated on that awful day at Canary Wharf that left her in the parallel world separated from him forever – or so it had seemed at the time.
She endured it all - the bittersweet goodbye on that beach in Norway and the supreme sorrow of never hearing the Doctor's final words. At least she had been able to tell him that she loved him, a decision that she could not, would not regret despite everything that followed.
Then the stars were disappearing and the dimension cannon worked and once more she took the risk to be with him. Once more she thought with all her heart that it had been worth it. Now as the tears gathered in her eyes she wondered if her mother had been right all along. How much further could she bend? How long before she broke? A surge of anguish washed over her and she let the tempest swallow her whole. Long overdue tears of loss and grief fell from her eyes and she made no attempt to stop them.
Time passed and still she wept. She was so caught up in her grief that she barely registered the knock at the conservatory door until it sounded again. The noise checked her tears and she swiped ferociously at her eyes. There could be only one person outside the door and she did not want him to see her like this.
The Doctor had been searching for Rose for over two hours. He was extremely confused by her quick exit from the console room especially since she had left without giving him their celebratory 'yes we survived' hug. He was even more surprised that she could have hidden herself away so well until he realised that she probably had some help from a certain female ship.
He placed his hand on the TARDIS wall and communicated with her telepathically.
Where is she?
In reply to his silent query, he was greeted with a short, sharp raspberry that was her way of telling him that she too was not happy with him at the moment. Despite her obvious ire, he continued to press her for information as to Rose's whereabouts.
Please, I need to find her.
You are a fool, Time Lord, he heard her scold in his mind. You have been alive for centuries and yet you are sometimes less intelligent then your ten-year-old self. Why do you not claim what is yours? Why do you refuse the gift this human girl is offering you?
I … But the TARDIS had not had her say and continued before the Doctor could finish his thought.
Look at what she has done to be with you. Sacrifice, pain, enduring loneliness - all these she has suffered to both save and be with you …
You don't need to tell me that. Don't you think I am aware of it all? You know what I've suffered so of course I understand what she's been through.
Then why Time Lord, do you turn from her? This is your reward for all you have been through. What is stopping you?
The Doctor was hesitant in his reply. I'm afraid, so desperately afraid … of ruining this, mucking up this most perfect chance at happiness ...
So you will let it pass you by because of your fear. We have been together so very long Time Lord. I have never thought of you as a coward -
"COWARD?" He shouted his anger to the arched ceilings. "You may be sentient, old girl but you cannot understand the workings of the heart. I'm no coward but there are so many reasons why this should not happen." His voice became calmer and he sighed as he continued. "Yet to be honest I'm tired of trying to think of what they should be. Perhaps you're right. Why should I deny myself this anymore? I love Rose … there I said it, happy now?" He threw his arms to the ceiling as he said these last words.
Of course, but it is not me you need to be telling is it?
"I don't know what to say to her."
The TARDIS gave a high-pitched chime that sounded very much like a laugh.
Oh my dearest and oldest friend. With the gift that you have for talking in this regeneration, I am sure you will think of something.
The conversation between them stopped as she withdrew her presence and reverted back to her usual soft hum. She did however reveal the outlines of a hidden door and the Doctor mouthed a silent thank you to his beautiful ship for her loving interference.
He pressed his ear to the door and was saddened to hear the choking sobs from within. He knew beyond any doubt that he was the cause of those tears and just as certain that he now held within him the willing acceptance and power to take them away.
Without further hesitation he knocked softly on the door.
Immediately the sobbing within stopped but when there came no answer he turned the door handle only to find it locked. He knocked again and called to her through the closed door. "Rose I know you're in there. Let me in. We … we need to talk."
When no reply was forthcoming he did not knock again. He simply rested his hands and his face against the door and sighed. Perhaps it was too late for him to tell her of his affections but even if it was, the lack of her presence near him, around him, was unsettling. He tried once more to get through to her and in a voice full of longing he spoke through the door. "Please, Rose … I miss you."
At these words Rose's heart melted. No matter how much she was hurting, she had no wish to cause him grief. With a shaking voice she requested the TARDIS to unlock the door and immediately after heard the snick of the lock being retracted, allowing him entry. As he approached her she could see the pain in his eyes. She quickly stood up and met him half way, enfolding him in a familiar embrace.
Eventually and with much regret they released each other and walked back over to the daybed. Rose sat back down but the Doctor remained standing, facing her, his hands in his pockets and his back rigid.
"Rose, he said softly, "in all the time that we've known each other, you've never run away from me before. What's wrong?" In his hearts he knew full well what the problem was but he needed to hear it from her.
Rose's heart twisted painfully. She tried to meet the Doctor's eyes but failed and any courage she might have had died on the vine right then. She wanted to tell him everything, about the love she felt, the adoration, the constant feelings of arousal whenever he was near her. She wanted to tell him all this but couldn't, knowing that he would not want to hear it. If he had, then surely he would have made a move on her a long time ago.
Keeping her head bent, her hair hiding her face, she mumbled back to him. "I don't want to talk about it, Doctor."
He was not going to take no for an answer. Bending down to one knee he gently swept back her hair and tried to meet her eyes. "I know you've been crying Rose and it pains me greatly to see you so sad. Please, won't you tell me what's wrong?"
His soft brown eyes met hers and she suddenly felt lost in them, ready to spill the secrets of her soul but her pride saved her at the last moment.
"It's nothing. I'm just being sentimental and missing Mum. A memory of a conversation, that's all."
She dropped her eyes again and as she did she felt his hand take hers. Her eyes rose again to his and she could see that he was not convinced. She sighed and relented, telling him about the last part of her conversation with Jackie, although each word felt like it was being dragged from her mouth. Finally she finished with the question she had asked herself earlier but this time it was put to him to answer.
"I've changed so much that I have lost track of the person I used to be," she whispered sadly. "Who am I Doctor?"
His breath hitched at her question. Five million languages ran through his head as he sought to give her an answer and he realised that there were not enough adjectives in both the English and intergalactic dictionaries to say what he wanted. 'You are Rose Marion Tyler, the woman I love' did cross his mind but old habits die hard and it remained unsaid as had so many similar phrases for so long.
His delay in answering her question caused Rose to pull her hands from his. He knew she was planning on leaving the room and this chance for them both would never come again. It was surprising then as he was about to panic that the right words came to him and he blurted them out in a mad rush.
"You are a banana milkshake!"
His words had the desired effect. Rose stopped trying to escape and gave him her full attention.
"I'm wh …what?" she stammered back in confusion.
"You heard me. You, Rose Marion Tyler, are a banana milkshake."
Her look of confusion turned to one of hurt and the emotion reflected in her voice when she next spoke. "I don't know why I even bothered to ask. I should have known you wouldn't give me a straight answer. Much too personal and domestic for you, isn't it, Doctor?"
The Doctor's free hand moved to her chin as he lifted her head to meet his warm gaze. "Rose," he murmured softly. " I'm not avoiding your question. Will you give me a chance to explain?"
When he looked at her like that she knew she could refuse him nothing. "Okay," she replied with a sigh. "So, banana milkshake then. Why did that big Time Lord brain come up with that analogy?"
"Weeell," spoke the Doctor slowly. Now he had started with this he was not quite sure where he was going to take it but he soldiered on regardless. "Banana milkshakes are fantastic and brilliant and you, Rose, are both as I think I have so often told you."
The small ghost of a smile he saw playing at her lips gave him the courage to continue.
"Did you know, Rose, that a banana milkshake once saved my life? Came across this Teravordian one night who was a bit down on his luck and was threatening some locals. All I did was ask him to stop but he seemed to take offence at that and attacked me. He made me spill my banana milkshake that I had just bought all over us both which I was plenty upset about. Mind you, it was just as well because it turns out that Teravordians are allergic to bananas and he came up with this severe rash all over his -"
"Doctor," broke in Rose softly.
"Oh, sorry, I went a little off track there didn't I? What I was trying to say was that you saved my life too, remember? 'Jericho Junior Under Sevens gymnastics bronze' bring back memories?"
Rose did indeed remember that moment with great fondness. The encounter with the Nestene Consciousness had been the start of their adventures together.
"But there's more," remarked the Doctor as he interrupted her trip down Memory Lane. "Banana milkshakes are sweet and you, Rose, are sweet but not in a saccharine kind of way. No, your sweetness is more natural – well like fruit – um, like bananas. Oh, and then there are the bubbles in milkshakes, all frothy and airy."
Rose could not help but let out a small giggle. "You're not calling me an air head by any chance are you, Doctor?"
"What? … No." He laughed too, grateful that Rose was feeling better enough to make such joking remarks. "No, I was talking about your personality. It's all bubbly and effervescent."
"Makes me sound like a soda now."
"Rose," whined the Doctor, pretending to be mortified. "I'm doing my best here to answer your question and you're poking fun at me."
"I'm sorry, Doctor," replied Rose as she caressed the back of his hand. All frivolity left her eyes and she regarded him seriously. "I really do appreciate what you're doing, so please, go on. Why else am I like a banana milkshake?"
The Doctor's hearts sped up as he revelled in the gentle stroking of her fingers against his hand. In the back of his mind he could hear the TARDIS reassuring him that he could have so much more. Suddenly he knew where this conversation was going and strangely was only too willing to accept the consequences to come.
"Bananas, as you know, are full of potassium and other vitamins and minerals so therefore very good for one's health." As he talked he disengaged his hand from Rose's and raised it to join his other hand, cupping her face. In a quiet but firm voice he spoke again. "You, Rose, are very good for me."
Rose held her breath as she met the Doctor's eyes and was startled to see the battle raging within them. Just as suddenly it stopped, replaced with a warm serene look of satisfaction, as if he had just made a life changing decision. His next words and actions were proof of that.
"Banana milkshakes have a texture like soft silk and a pure creamy appearance. It reminds me very much of your skin, Rose." His hands on her face slowly brushed her cheekbones before they moved downwards, sensually gliding against her throat, over her shoulder blades and coming to rest on her arms where he continued to slide them up and down, caressing and teasing her soft skin.
Rose struggled to remember to breathe as tingles of pleasure swept through her body at his touch. As she continued to meet his gaze she prayed that this was not some cruel joke. The Doctor often flirted with her but never before had he allowed himself to tease her like this. His fingers continued their soft caresses on her arms until finally one hand found its way back upwards, tracing the slopes of her lips.
In a voice seductive and sure he spoke again. "My closing argument as to why you, Rose Marion Tyler, are like a banana milkshake is this. Banana milkshakes taste incredible, like a little piece of heaven and you … well … I think it's time I found out-"
He had kissed her before, twice in fact but neither of those times had it been fully Rose. He leaned forward and captured her mouth with his, tasting her lips, the sweetness of her skin and the explosion of flavours as her arousal hit him with full force.
In sudden shock he pulled back from her mouth, rendered speechless by the passion and emotion his superior Time Lord senses could taste on her skin.
"Doctor?" whispered Rose, uncertainty clearly showing on her face. Inside she prayed that he was not going to back away now.
He did not. His surprised expression softened into a happy one as a slow sure smile lit up his whole countenance. He swooped in and kissed her again, firmly, deeply, his lips forcing hers apart so that he could pillage her mouth. His tongue moved with hers in an ever-increasing urgent dance.
"Rose, Rose, my sweet Rose," he murmured against her lips before breaking the kiss once more.
"Oh Rose," he breathed. "You taste like … like musk, yes … that's it and tea and honey. I … I want to submerge myself in your flavour. Will you let me do that? Let me savour each and every piece of you?
As he spoke he felt Rose's pulse quicken and her breathing became even more erratic then before. Yet he was somewhat shocked when she replied, "No."
The sorrow and rejection must have been evident in his eyes because she immediately grasped his face, catching his disappointed gaze.
"Doctor, I'm sorry. I didn't mean 'no' in that I don't want you, too. God, if you only knew how such a fantasy has tormented me … oh so many times since we first met and during those lonely years apart. I do want you to taste me like that and just for the record I intend to do the same to you but right here, right now, there is only one thing I want."
"What's that?" he gasped as his own respiratory system momentarily failed.
"You, my Doctor!" she answered in a husky, wanton voice. "You, deep inside me, you and me so close that we can't tell where each of us begins and finishes. I want us to move together as one as you fill me and I feel myself stretched around you. I want you to make me come and I want to hear you yell my name as you do, too. I've waited so long for this, so please Doctor, can we do that?"
At her words he swiftly rose to his feet and pulled her up with him. "Oh, yes, Rose," he breathed in her ear before taking her mouth again in a searing kiss. No more words were needed. The next few minutes were spent in a flurry of passionate kisses and removal of clothing until finally they stood facing each other, bared completely and silently rejoicing in the pleasure to come.
Rose moved back to the daybed and lay down on it. The Doctor stood back watching her; hesitant as he waited for her to make the next move.
"Doctor," she said in a voice full of earnest longing and need, "please come to me."
He could not refuse her and as he reached her he covered her body with his own, settling himself between her open thighs. He had not done this in such a long time and the intimate contact was almost enough to make him come then and there.
"Rose, love, are you sure?" he asked nervously. "You want this? You want me?"
"Oh yes, Doctor," she said as she arched up into him, gasping as she felt his rather impressive erection rubbing against her.
His face still bore a look of concern. "Rose," he pleaded. "I'm afraid of hurting you."
Rose's answer was to guide his hand to her wet centre, letting him feel just how aroused she was. "I've been ready for you forever, Doctor," she whispered seductively, "but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't want to waste one minute more. You could tear me apart and I wouldn't care because I want you in me so much. Please Doctor, now." She bucked her hips up into him once again, her impatience and her need for him to fill her evident in the moisture with which she marked him.
He needed no more words. With a growl he grasped her hips and aligned himself with her body. Shouting out a word in some lyrical language unknown to her, he entered her in one single commanding thrust that forced the air from her lungs in a long throaty moan.
This first time was fast and furious and just perfect. Both had the need to claim each other and finally have their "happily ever after" too long denied them. Flesh met flesh, lips meshed together and words of encouragement filled the small conservatory as its two occupants rejoiced in their union. The sounds and endearments increased in volume until almost as one a soft cry and guttural groan filled the air signalling their blissful climax.
Their second time was slower, revelling in every precious moment as they explored each other's bodies in new and intimate ways, their senses stimulated in the most pleasurable of ways before finally reaching overload.
Eventually sated they lay together on the daybed, the Doctor wrapped behind Rose, gently sliding his hand up and down her arms. She silently thanked the powers that be for finally allowing her dream come true.
"So," came the Doctor's warm voice from behind her. "You still doubting who you are?"
His breath against her neck tickled and Rose giggled, remembering their earlier conversation that started all this. "Yeah, I'm a milkshake you said." She turned in his arms to face him.
The Doctor laughed. "So I did but you, Rose Tyler, are also the bravest, most loyal, sexiest woman that I've ever met. You impressed me when we met and that never changed the whole time we were together. Even when we were parted …" He paused briefly, tears forming in his eyes. "When we parted, it was you who was brave enough to tell me you loved me. You never gave up on us, Rose, despite some silly remarks of mine to the contrary. You always believed in us and that's why, my beautiful Rose, I will always believe in you. I want to take this chance we've been given to live, laugh and love together … if you'll have me," he finished softly, reaching up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
Rose tightened her arms around him and swooped in for a full-on, heart-felt, toe-curling kiss. "Oh you daft man, of course I'll have you." She grinned wickedly at him as she caressed his cock, watching it swell and twitch under her confident touch. "I intend to have every piece of you as often as I can."
"Hmm," he replied sighing in great pleasure under her ministrations. "I think I am quite agreeable to that." He withstood her sweet torture for a few moments more before rolling her onto her back and once again covering her body with his. He kissed her gently, savouring the taste that was purely Rose.
"What are you thinking about, Doctor?"
"Oh, just wondering. Was thinking if you're a banana milkshake, what does that make me? An excellent aged single malt whiskey? A dazzling bottle of Dom Perignon perhaps?" he asked, obviously fishing for compliments.
"Nah," laughed Rose with a naughty expression on her face. "With the moves you just showed me Doctor; you're definitely a real smoothie."
