A/N: Hello everybody, how've you been? ...Yeah, don't answer that. I was just making conversation. With a computer. Same old, same old.
Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own Iron Man, and I don't own anything else you recognise. And you'll recognise it. Jesus.
"Look, Peps...I haven't been entirely truthful with you..." Tony says, uncomfortably.
"What? What is it, Tony? What have you lied to me about?" Pepper is indignant. She'd thought nothing could go under her Stark-Is-Fibbing Radar. She'd been sure. What she wasn't sure of now was what she'd do if what he next said weren't pleas for mercy and apologies.
"Less...lied," he squirmed, "but more...withheld information..." His dark eyes rose to meet hers, before hurriedly flicking away again.
Pepper glared.
"...Oh, all right, I should've told. But we're here now, right?" A hopeful yet charming smile lights up his features. It's screaming of pleasepleasepleasedon'thurtmeeee.
"Fine, Mr. Stark," she says frostily. "But if you don't tell me in the next four seconds..." she trailed off, the unspoken threats quite clear.
"It's about my dad..." he falters.
Pepper instantly becomes soft and soothing, gently egging Tony on.
"What about your father, Tony? You can tell me." Her already huge blue eyes swell with innocence. She can't look any sweeter.
"He was very...aloof, you could say." He shifts awkwardly.
"Oh, Tony..." Pepper's heart is exploding with compassion.
"And he...he forsook me." Chocolate eyes again meet hers briefly. Tony looks away, biting his lip.
"Dear God..." she murmurs, looking at the carpet.
Tony looks up, startled. "Yes. Exactly."
Confusion saturates her expression. "What, Tony? You mean- what?"
"Well, look, you should have seen it coming. I mean, I was obviously first in line for the looks, and brains, talent, ingenuity, et cetera, et cetera when they were handed out. Plus, you can't argue against weapons being an updated form of smiting. You know, Peps, I can even fly, and Jarvis and I have a prototype that's damn near close to walking on water."
"But- But- you! Jesus- what? What?"
And with that, Jesus Christ, AKA Tony Stark, watched as His assistant babbled.
A/N2: Come on. You all knew it. It does answer some questions though, doesn't it? ...My face is split with this huge grin, bigger than you've ever seen before. Well, nearly. There's that creepy woman you saw the other day. You remember distinctly hoping she wasn't related.
R&R?