A/N: This takes place in an AU setting wherein Sasuke never left the village. Let me know what you think? This is very much a rough draft of the beginning of a story which I haven't fleshed out beyond the Sasuke jokes. All reviews are appreciated (and encouraged)!

Sasuke awoke to the sound of a woman humming in the next room and the startling realisation that he didn't have an erection. The latter was usually unwelcome at six in the morning, but was something he'd come to expect lately upon waking up. So that was strange.

Much, much stranger was the sound of the woman's voice, which was carrying easily to his bed from another room. 'Strange' was sort of an understatement, actually. Because Sasuke lived alone. As in, he lived alone in the middle of an abandoned clan complex on the outskirts of a village full of paranoid bastards. He didn't get many visitors.

So, naturally, Sasuke snapped his eyes open and sprang out of bed, instinctively whipping out the kunai which he kept under his pillow.

His pillow... which wasn't usually pink. In the back of his mind, Sasuke noted that the kunai he was holding felt like one of the standard kunai, rather than his usual, customized Uchiha kunai. His bed wasn't meant to be a single bed, either, and what in the fuck was that ungodly clutter of textbooks and sealing scrolls on the desk? (The desk which, might he add, was not his.)

Unless he had slept through some major renovations on his usually spacious, minimalist room, Sasuke was forced to draw the logical but unwelcome conclusion that this wasn't, in fact, his own home.

Of course that was the less troubling realisation, because at that moment Sasuke caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror above the desk. Or, rather, he caught a glimpse of his small, pink-haired teammate staring wide eyed back at him.

Sasuke blinked. So did Sakura's reflection.

Well.

"What the fuck." Sasuke said flatly. The feminine voice which resonated from his throat probably shouldn't have surprised him by that point, but it still made him jump.

Later, Sasuke would claim that his next reaction was rather reasonable, all things considered. After all, he was currently in the process of firmly convincing himself that he was in a genjutsu. That was the best explanation for this... this. So, naturally, Sasuke used the kunai to stab himself in the thigh.

Without the rush of adrenaline which usually accompanied him being stabbed, it sort of hurt. A tiny hiss of pain was the only indication that it was a less than pleasant sensation. Other than that, Sasuke ignored the dull throb in his leg and waited for the moment when his surroundings would surely change, and his body morph back into his own.

Instead, he just started bleeding on the carpet.

"Dammit!" he huffed, more annoyed this time.

"Morning, Saku... ah?"

Aaand that was the point where it went from bad to worse. Sasuke had completely forgotten about the woman humming nearby. That had kind of been eclipsed by the fact that he had suddenly woken up with breasts. So when Shizune entered the room without knocking, holding a cup of tea in either hand, Sasuke reacted instinctively and yanked the bloody kunai out of his leg before hurling it at the woman in one fluid motion. He may have let out a shrill battle cry, but would later deny that completely.

Shizune dodged, thankfully. She didn't even spill the tea.

Sakura awoke to the sound of loud banging on her front door, and the feeling of something hard, warm, and insistent between her legs. Groggily, Sakura pushed herself out of bed, eyes pressed tightly closed against the intrusive light of the morning. She felt strange; her whole body felt hot and somehow too big, as if her muscles were working harder than usual. And that was completely ignoring the feeling between her legs. Also, since when had she started sleeping naked?

With a sleepy groan, Sakura forced her eyes open and glanced down to ascertain what the problem was.

Her gaze landed on what could only be described as a penis. Specifically, an erect penis.

Sakura had an erection.

She let out a small scream, and cut off immediately at the sound of a hoarse bellow in place of her usual voice. A decidedly male sounding bellow. Sakura glanced around wildly, taking in her surroundings in one rush. She was in an apartment, brand new by the looks of it. Straight away, she knew she'd never been there before, and if the packing boxes were anything to go by, no one else had properly moved into this apartment yet either. It didn't feel hostile, though. Just strange, and quite bare. Save for the bed which she'd woken up on, there was no other furniture.

At that point, the banging on the door grew louder still, and Sakura's mind switched into medic mode. Only years of careful training stopped her from tearing her hair out in confusion and directed her mind to what was happening around her. Clearly, whoever this was really needed her, right that second. The sudden presence of a penis on her body (though a quick glance had proved that it really didn't look like her body) was still a priority, obviously, but first she had to open the damn door, even if just so the pounding would stop. She crossed the unfamiliar room (seriously, where was she?) in record time and yanked open the front door.

"What?" she demanded.

On the other side of the threshold, Yamato blinked twice at her in annoyance. Then his eyes widened.

"Uh." he cleared his throat and cast his eyes away. "Naruto, you're naked. And late for training. But mostly, er, you're naked."

At that point, Sakura let go of any scraps of calm which she'd been holding onto. Great. Fucking brilliant. Of course if anyone other than Naruto could manage to wake up looking like Naruto, it would be her. Bloody hell. This was probably the brand new apartment he'd just moved into, too. It figured. What was this, some kind of joke? If so, it really wasn't funny.

"I'm not Naruto." she voiced through gritted teeth, glaring defiantly at the thing making itself known between her legs. "And I shouldn't have a penis!"

Yamato stared.

Naruto awoke to silence and the realisation that he must have slept over at Sasuke's place the previous night. Not that he remembered going back to Sasuke's, exactly, but he had been getting pretty drunk with the guys. And he had just moved into a new apartment, so no one would have been able to take him home if he was out of it. Had he told anyone where he was moving to? He couldn't really remember.

Oh well. Naruto shrugged, and climbed out of bed.

Where was Teme, anyway? A quick search around the house yielded no results. Naruto figured that he'd probably gone out for a run or something.

Speaking of running, didn't he have a training session with Yamato? According to the clock, it was already gone six. Shit. The Uchiha compound was on the opposite side of Konoha to the training grounds, too, so it was going to take forever to get there.

Naruto sighed and went to find his clothes.

...He couldn't find his clothes.

Which was annoying, but he really didn't have time to be fussy, or he was going to miss training altogether. Naruto figured that Sasuke probably wouldn't mind if he borrowed some of his clothes, so he pulled on a loose training shirt and pants without really looking.

It was as he was pulling on his shoes at the front door that he realised he was looking paler than usual, and that his forearms weren't as muscular as he was used to.

Damn, thought Naruto, I really need to train in the sun more often. Pretty soon I'll be as pale as Teme!

By the time Naruto made it to the training ground, he was an hour late. Yamato was nowhere to be found, but he figured that now was right around the time that Kakashi would be arriving, so he began to warm up with some pushups while he waited.

True to form, Kakashi arrived only a couple of minutes later. Naruto waved and grinned.

"Morning, Kakashi-sensei!" he called cheerfully. Then he froze. That was... not his voice. Was he sick? He didn't feel sick. Huh. It was probably all the alcohol last night. He was fairly sure Sakura had said it dehydrated you or... something. Maybe that affected your vocal chords?

Kakashi looked frankly horrified.

"What?" his sensei replied hesitantly. Naruto frowned a little. Maybe his voice sounded weird, but that was no reason to begin edging away.

"What's wrong, Kakashi-sensei?" he called, springing to his feet. "I know my voice sounds a little weird, but you don't have to look so scared." He smiled again, hoping that would put his sensei at ease.

Apparently that was the wrong move, because Kakashi took that opportunity to flicker around Naruto and press a kunai to his neck. Whelp, Kakashi's cracked it, Naruto thought.

"What have you done with Sasuke?" Kakashi growled in his ear. That was creepy. "The real Sasuke."

Naruto wracked his brains. Had he had a fight with Sasuke last night? He really couldn't remember much at all. Unless-

"Uh... Oh. You mean like, sexually? Because we're actually not-"

"What?" Kakashi interrupted again.

"I mean, I know everyone thinks we are, but-"

"Who are you?" Kakashi demanded. Finally. A question Naruto could answer.

"I'm... Naruto?" he replied. "What, who did you think I was?"

There was a moment's hesitation and then Kakashi removed the kunai from his neck.

"Are you al-" was all Naruto managed to get out before Kakashi hit him in the head, and he lost consciousness.

Tsunade took one look at the group of six that barged into her office and held up her hand for silence before they could get a word in. Her gaze flickered from Sakura, who was bleeding from a stab wound in her leg and sporting the most sullen expression she'd ever seen on the girl, to Naruto, who kept stealing furtive glances at his own crotch before looking away with an expression of distaste, to finally land on Sasuke, who was grinning like an idiot.

"Right." muttered Tsunade. "I need coffee."

And she left the room.

One scuffle, four new holes in the wall, and several cups of coffee later, Tsunade finally felt as if she was getting an idea as to what was going on. She steepled her fingers and leaned forward, fighting the urge to just leave and go back to bed.

"So what you're saying is, and I'm just trying to clarify here," she began, "is that the three of you managed to switch bodies overnight?"

"Uh... yeah. Yeah, that's about right." Naruto grinned from Sasuke's body.

Tsunade could understand without a hint of doubt exactly why Kakashi had incapacitated the boy that morning. Seeing the Uchiha boy smile like that was fucking creepy. Frankly, she hadn't realised he had the required muscle formation to do anything other than sulk.

"Wonderful." she replied drily. "And I suppose you want me to deal with this." She held up a hand before any of them could object, raising an elegant brow at Sakura's- Sasuke's thunderous expression. "Yes, yes, I'll get to it." she assured them. "Though Kami knows I don't get paid enough."