ONE PIECE
TITLE: THE D.I.D USOPP.
AUTHOR: mrredrum.
PAIRING: A little bit of ZoroxSanji and UsoppxKaya.
WARNING: PG-14.
NOTES: None. Basically, it's about Soge-king's wrecking havoc. And many thanks for kakairupowns for the beta. Thanks a lot, dude. Thank you.
It was the sound of the breaking furniture that actually started to distract him.
They're doing it, again, he thought as his hand stopped working on his new invention to fuse his giant kabuto weapon with lachrymator. Why don't they just do it like every other normal couple when they want to make love? Why do they have to go through all of their usual bickering first, before getting down to the real business? He really doesn't understand those two. He used to think that now, after their relationship changed into a much more intimate one, they would at least calm down a little bit with the sounds they made during sex. Maybe because he knew how stubborn they could be when it came to admitting their love to each other. They always denied it and argued back and forth that they didn't have anything called love between them whatsoever. And yet, all this sound they made, all the moaning sounds the Cook made, shouting the Swordsman's name out loud, all the muttering sounds the Swordsman's made, which you really couldn't call "muttering" because you still can perfectly hear it through the walls; every sound of their love making that only can indicate their love. He doesn't have any problems with their love. Hell, he can even make it into a great tales for everyone who'd gladly listen to it. But speaking of tales, it really was his tales that were the ones and can only be voiced out loud through the wooden walls on board. Every passenger on this ship has their own right not to be bothered by the sounds of two superhuman people while they blow off some steam together. That's it.
A sound of breaking glass suddenly sounds in his ear. Then the sound of someone asking for lube.
My God, he sighed.
Yes, it's definitely the sounds that bother him. Oh how he really wants them to keep it down a little bit while doing it. Because that sound made him starting to worry even more, about another sound that also started to appear much more, lately.
They will break The Sunny, you know… a little voice in his head whispers again, just like he'd predicted.
You really have to do something about it, Usopp-kun… the voice in his head said again.
He tried to ignore it. Yes, of course he worried so much about The Sunny's conditions, just as he knew for a fact how badly their old ship's condition was, after one usual argument of their First Mate and Cook. But, as much as he loved the new ship, it's basically not his job anymore to over-react in his tantrums and to repair the ship. They have their own Shipbuilder now, who also practically the one who built the ship and will repair all the damage. He only needs to concentrate on his job as their Sharpshooter on this ship. Only, of course, if he could get away from the still lingering little voice in his head.
Don't ever try it, Usopp-kun…You know you can't get rid of me… that little voice clearly read his mind.
Read his mind? Wait, wait a minute, there's definitely something wrong here. Why is he starting to think that little voice in his head did not came from his own mind? Of course it's HIS mind!... But, why did he feel that it wasn't?
Again, a sudden loud voice came through the walls. It was followed by loud cries of pleasure from their Cook.
Okay, that's it. Either you do something with them, or I have to deal with this problem with my own hands…
He frowned at that.
…Who are you? Why are you always whispering things in my ear? He asked in his mind.
…Usopp-kun, I believe this is not the time to discuss that. We've got bigger problems here…You have to stop them doing anything that will damage The Sunny…Yes, of course you could ignore them, and that Cyborg will eventually repair the damage…But then, you'll still be left with your almost never-ending nightmares in your sleep, about them crashing your beloved Kaya-chan's ship…Me here, I only want to help you because you're the person that I care so much about in this world, you know…
…Really? I'm the person that you care the most about?
Yes, that's true… Now, be a good boy, stand on your feet, approach them and at least do something with them, Usopp-kun…
Usopp stay frozen on the wooden tile in his workshop rooms.
…Alright, what's going on?... Why haven't you started to move?
…Uhm, I don't think I can deal with them… I mean, they can be pretty scary when they're angry, you know. And what if Sanji doesn't feed me anymore, because he's mad at me?
Usopp-kun, you're just being cowardly, like always…
"I'M NOT A COWARD!" Usopp shouted back, before he realized that he shouted at no one except himself.
…Well, then why you have to be scared of them, anyway?... Look, we've been through this in our fiercest battle with the enemy, and you know that I always stand inside you, accompany you…So, you don't have to be scared like that when the only thing you need to do is approach your own Nakama, right?
…Right. But no, I'm not going to be the one to approach them and tell them to keep it down while they're having sex. I'm not that stupid; I still love my head, thank you… Usopp tried to reason.
…Well, if that the case…I think I have to take this into my own hands, then…
…What did you say? I couldn't hear it very clearly…
…Nothing, Usopp-kun…nothing at all. You may get back to your work, now…
And as the voice in his head started to leave after reassuring him again, the Sharpshooter already had his attention on his almost neglected works.
That night, The Sunny was sailing on a very calm ocean, and it looked like this calmness had immediately contaminated the Mugiwara Pirates. After dinner was finished, everyone just walked out the kitchen, and walked to their rooms to go to sleep. That night was still peaceful, if not because a shadow, suddenly appearing from the boys' bunkroom, walked carefully across the grass deck of The Sunny towards the kitchen. Also carefully, he took a fast glimpse at the crow nest. Hmm, it's a good thing that the Little Doctor was the one that occupied the crow nest tonight. His night-watch job was always less than the other crew members, despite his hard work. Maybe because the reindeer was practically still a child in his own naïve ways. So, if the Little Doctor saw him, he'd only see him as his best friend who might want to take a pee in the middle of the night. The shadow smiled in self-confidence.
He quickly reached the kitchen door, which of course, just like he'd been predicted before, was locked. Their Cook always remembered to lock up the kitchen door because of the never-ending attempts to raid the food supply by their captain. Now he'd have to break the lock first.
But for him, it's a piece of cake. The body he hosted was practically the expert in this kind of thing, and after he worked on it in less than five seconds, the kitchen's door was successfully opened up for him to continue with his plan.
He walked towards one of the cabinets, pulling out a tiny bottle from it inside, opened it up, doing something with the contents of the bottle and then, after closing the bottle again, he put it back at where it belonged inside the cabinet.
Then, he carefully walked outside, locked the kitchen's door again, and went straight across the grass deck to go back to the boys' bunkroom, a slight smile on his face.
Tommorrow will be the day that can't be erased from the memories of the Swordsman and the Cook, his smile widened as he started to drift to sleep again.
"…Marimo…" the Cook hissed in passion as the green-headed Swordsman starting to suck the left nipple on his milky chest. His hand shifted in the other man's hair, while both of his long legs were already hooked behind the Swordsman's waist.
The green-headed man lowered his face from the Cook's chest, now beginning to lick the area between the blonde's thighs, making the man shake in pleasure.
It'd been one of their usual rough encounters that ended up with both of them almost naked in the kitchen floor, which seemed to happen more often lately. Not that the Cook would complain, though.
"…Cook, I think it's enough… I want to enter you, NOW…" the Swordsman said in a low baritone, trying to control his own desire. His mouth now breathed heavily on the blonde's pale neck.
Sanji chuckled at that. Oh, how much he enjoyed this mutual agreement with the Swordsman, enjoyed how much he didn't need to act suave and polite all the time, like with the ladies. Enjoyed how much he just needed to act basic with Zoro. Sometimes it even felt like he was home, on The Baratie again, with all those crude Cooks.
"…You're shitty-bastard with no patience at all…" Before adding, "…Fine, you could take the lube now… it's in the white cabinet drawer, Marimo…"
Zoro stopped his actions for a moment to reach inside the cabinet, and after his hand found the lube inside a tiny bottle, he quickly tried to open it up.
"I didn't think that you were going to give up so fast like this, Cook," he smirked.
"Shut up, Asshole. I only did so because I know how dangerous you become when you're in horny bastard mode. People always thought you were only dangerous to everyone around you when you're still in your battle mode, fighting with one of our fiercest enemies. But I know you much better than that… I just don't want you start aiming your desire at either Nami-swan or Robin-chwan. The ladies are too innocent to deal with it…"
The First Mate only frowned a little at that. The bastard Cook, how daring sometimes he is. The bastard Cook that mocked him with his words, yet at the same time is here with him, both naked long legs stretched out, laying on his back on the kitchen floor, waiting and taunting him to devour that usually hidden body.
"Che… I don't have any desire for your precious ladies, Cook. And you were right… I'm much more dangerous when I'm still horny, because I know for a fact that you're the same too, Cook… And also because you were my best rival among Luffy's crew. So, I'll give the best that I can… you should know that, before you say something that you'll regret with that filthy mouth of yours…"
Sanji still chuckled at the explanation, able to detect a tiny bit of appreciation from the bastard's words. So, the Cook only reached out for the Swordsman's head to bring his lips to his own.
They were kissing in mindless passion, while Zoro's hand was already trying to coat his member with the lube, that somehow felt much more sticky today. But under these kinds of circumstances, he really didn't want to stop what he was doing to think about it.
Sanji drew back from the kiss for a moment to take a long breath. Then he smiled.
"Of course, sure you do. And just so you know, I will not regret anything that comes out of my filthy mouth, Marimo… because I knew for a fact too, that I can get you horny with it…"
"Yeah, whatever Cook…" Zoro's hand now grabbed the Cook's perfect ass, and started to aim it at his already hard member. And then, without any preparation, he slid inside.
"Arch!! Damnit Marimo! Easy, will you?!" Sanji shouted at the sudden pain in his ass.
"Well, maybe you should blame it on your filthy mouth Cook. Besides, you just said that it's the reason I became a horny bastard… I mean, you still remember that, don't you?"
"Fuck you, Marimo!"
"No, you're wrong. Remember, I'm the one who's fucking you right now, Cook."
Sanji couldn't answer that, because suddenly Zoro sped up his movement, and then the Swordsman's cock was hitting the right spot inside the Cook. The blonde screamed helplessly at the sudden pleasure that ran through his body. His own cock was already dripping wet, trapped between his and the First Mate's bodies.
Their pace became much more frantic with the need to fulfill their lust.
Until, suddenly, Zoro's pace became much slower, and then stopped dead, while Sanji knew that the Swordsman hadn't reached his climax yet.
"What?... What's going on? Why did you stop? Move, Baka!"
"I TRIED, COOK!... But…" the Swordsman's face was lost in confusion.
Sanji became alert at that. There was definitely something wrong with the green-headed bastard, he noticed.
"What's wrong?... What you mean, "BUT", Marimo?" he asked, holding his body up with his elbows, while one of his deadly legs still rested on Zoro's shoulder.
The Marimo only looked back at him, his expression blank. Then the Cook could hear the man was also engulfed his own saliva. The hell, the bastard's face now was like he was facing his worst nightmares. Sanji began to feel the horror that made his rival freeze.
"Oi, Marimo… Answer me, Bastard!"
Zoro's face went white, before he at last answered the Cook's question.
"Ehm… Cook, I… I can't move… it's like my…my dick is… glued to your ass…"
WHAT?! Sanji was too shocked to say anything.
And after that, all the other crew members could hear from the kitchen was the hysteric panicky sound of their Cook's screams.
Usopp, waking up from his sleep in his bunk bed because of a loud shout coming from outside of the boys' bunkroom. He could slightly heard Nami's voice, trying to calm someone else down. And somehow, his sleepy eyes saw that their little Doctor was also not in the Reindeer's own bunk bed. Something must be happening outside, but he was really too tired today to completely wake up from his sleep. Besides, he'll know what happened tomorrow morning, anyway. So, he only rolled his body, and continued sleeping.
The cataclysm actually was ridiculously hilarious enough to humor the Mugiwara Pirates from their boring state of living a life only surrounded by the sea.
But, as true Nakama, they can't ignore the redness of shame on the Cook's face and how his eyes started to fill with tears. Well, maybe a little bit of chuckling when the Cook wasn't looking at them, anyway. Even now, after Chopper, with a slightly red tint himself, helped them by separating them with one of his medicines, Sanji was still in a miserable state these days. He thought he'd never feel embarrassed again after his stupid wanted poster. But this, this was definitely the most embarrassing moment in his entire life. Thank god, he's a long way from The Baratie, because Zeff and the other cooks would never let him forget about this. Sanji suddenly wanted to scream again. Especially after he remembered that his lovely goddesses Nami-swan and Robin-chwan never looked at him the same way again, because they saw him in his embarrassing pose with the Swordsman.
Thinking about the Swordsman, he also wanted to scream his curses right into the bastard's face, because after they were successfully separated, the bastard actually starting to chuckle with the others behind his back. That damned Swordsman; yeah he still could laughs after what happened, because everyone saw him as the dominating one, while Sanji, the skirt chaser, was the bottom. Asshole… He promised to have his private payback time with the Swordsman, later.
Meanwhile, it would took his best efforts to catch whoever who did this to him. And if he already figured out who the bastard was, he was going to make it his life's goal to use that bastard's body as his target to practice his new moves, a combination between his Diable Jamble and Mouton Shot.
Suddenly his wandering mind was cut off as he heard the kitchen's door open, then close again.
Without shifting his eyes from the still-cooking foods in his frying pan, he could tell that the Shitty-Swordsman was the one who'd just entered his kitchen. He ignored the bastard, though. He deserved it after laughing him behind his back with the others.
He heard the Swordsman sighed in defeat.
"Alright, Cook… I'm sorry that I laughed at you; I didn't mean it. I mean, I'm also a victim here, same as you… So, I'm sorry, okay…"
Sanji still didn't stir at that. Yeah, it's easy for the Swordsman to say that, he's not the one who's masculinity had been put at risk, here. Asshole… he muttered again.
"What, Cook? I can't hear you…"
A butter knife went flying right at the swordsman's forehead, but the man caught it easily with only two fingers.
"Oi, WATCH OUT, COOK! You almost cut me with this," Zoro barked.
Sanji only smirked, "Che, it's not that it can actually break through your moronic thick-skull, anyway…"
The Swordsman sighed again, realizing that the Cook was still sulking over what already happened. He himself wanted to strangle to death whoever did this, anyway.
"Look, enough with your sulk already, okay? Now, if you want my help to find out who's the one who did this, well, I'll help you… okay?" he offered his help.
The Cook still watched him intently, looking for deceit in his words, and after he believed that the Swordsman was actually being honest, he let down his guard.
"Alright, Marimo, I believe you, but remember this: I NEVER SULK, BASTARD! And next time if we're going to be caught up when we still in the middle of sex, I don't care how, but you have to be the bottom! ...Now, you can help me to find out who done this…"
There was a spark of hope in the Swordsman's eyes, which also joining with something different, after he heard what the Cook just said.
"… And NO SEX for a month, Marimo. My ass still hurts because of that stupid glue, you know," Sanji continued, detecting that the something different in Zoro's eyes was obviously lust.
And just like he predicted, Zoro's eyes went gloomy.
"…Well, I guess it's okay for me, then…" the Swordsman said in defeat.
"Good. Now, first we have to…"
Suddenly, there was a very loud scream coming from outside of the kitchen, cutting off Sanji's words.
"What the hell?"
"That's NAMI-SAN'S VOICE, MARIMO!..." after saying that, the Cook went flying fast to save the Navigator. Nami-swan is in danger! Maybe if I can save her, she'll forget what she already saw!… are the only thoughts in his blonde head.
"NAMI-SWAAANNN, HERE I COMEEE!!..."
"…Idiot…" the Swordsman muttered, being left alone.
But, like always, the Cook was disappointed. His lovely Nami-swan was, in fact, not in danger at all. The Navigator was standing near her mikan trees, both her hands placed on her waist, and her face, (judging by how frightened the Little Doctor, while hiding behind The Sunny's pillar, and their Captain, his rubber hand tangled in the railing, with his face already swollen, were indeed) in a deep rage.
"Nami-san, what's happened? Is there anything that I can help you with?" the Cook's voice went calm, something that he suavely mastered by facing numerous chaotic situations.
His Nami-swan though, was not calming at all. Her face became much more red with anger.
"Sanji-kun… If there's a moment in your life that you wanted to dedicate to giving your best service to me, THIS is the time…" Nami's hand pulled Sanji's closer by his tie. Her voice was dangerously gravelly.
"Ha…hai, Nami-san…" was all the Cook could answer. Torn between his happiness at being so close to his Nami-swan, but also starting to worry about having to deal with whatever filled their lovely Navigator full of rage.
"So, Sanji-kun… I want you to start investigating who's the one who'd do this to my mikan trees…" Nami pointed at the mikan trees behind her.
The Cook's face went still with shock. THERE'S A BASTARD WHO'S EITHER BRAVE OR JUST STUPID ENOUGH, and STOLE ALL THE MIKAN FROM THE TREES!... And now what's left in the trees was just the green of the leaves. No orange color of mikan like it used to be. Who the hell was daring enough to do this?! the blonde couldn't stop thinking. Has the one who did this never experienced Nami's wrath before? Well, even if his Nami-swan somehow forgave the shitty-bastard, Sanji wouldn't. Because he knew how important all those trees were to their Navigator. They're her precious remnants from her adopted mother, damnit! Sanji could understand that because it's basically the same with him and Zeff.
"Oi, Namiii… Can I taste the mikan yet?" his Captain's voice stopped his wandering mind.
"… Luffy, if you mention that you want to taste my mikan again, I swear I'm going to punch you again, not in your face, but in your HEAD!!... SO, YOU KNOW THAT YOU SHOULD THINK THAT YOU CAN'T TASTE MY MIKAN, BECAUSE PRACTICALLY ALL MY MIKAN ARE GONE!!" their Navigator's voice raised in her outburst at their Captain.
Their Captain was too surprised at that and fell straight into the sea, and the Cook had to take the responsibility to jump after the Rubberman to save him, just like always.
After everything calmed for a moment, Nami focused her attention on their Cook again.
"Well, Sanji-kun… after you find out who's the one who did this, just report to me, soon, okay?... I want to deal with the person privately…" Nami's voice went cold. Then without another word, she walked through the grass deck towards the girls' bunkroom, and after she went inside, shutting the door with a slam, her anger still lingered on.
Everyone on the grass deck jumped a little at the noise.
Sanji's sighed, Well I guess I can ask the Marimo's help for this one, too… he thought after a while.
...What? Someone really did steal Nami's mikan?... How brave… the Sharpshooter snorted, while piling his hand through his stuffs at his workshop, looking his hammer.
…Yes, indeed. It's brave and it's about time that someone did it… those mikan grow to be eaten, not only for display…
Usopp ignored the voice. He really couldn't agree with the voice's statement, because he knew well, when the mikan were ripe, Nami always ordered their Cook to harvest the mikan, so Sanji could made great dishes for all of them from it. Although, sometimes he just wanted to try to taste the mikan when it was still fresh from the trees.
His hand suddenly landed on something that felt weird in his hand, in the middle of his carpenter's tools pile. So he dragged it out, and went into shock suddenly, when something that was very familiar rolled to a stop near his feet.
A MIKAN. Nami's mikan.
Then he realized that one of his big sack bags underneath all of his tools was actually full with Nami's mikan. He panicked.
…HOW ON EARTH DID ALL OF THIS MIKAN MOVE FROM NAMI'S TREE TO MY WORKSHOP?!... he screaming in his mind.
He can hear Nami shouting at Luffy, now. He knew that sometimes Nami could get really scary when she was in a rage. His legs began to tremble.
It's really not the perfect time to think about how all of this mikan suddenly showed up in his workshop. He had to get rid the evidence, now, so he wouldn't be the one suspected from stealing it. Let's see, what could he can do with all of this mikan…
Three days after that, everything was peacefully calm. Well, at least as calm as the Mugiwara Pirates can be. There was a group of marines that was stupid enough to attack them during breakfast time, but that could be categorized as commonplace for them. Besides, their Captain was already taking care of that by giving the marines a definition of new nightmares because one of them coincidentally stepped in Luffy's meat that morning. Poor marines; if only they came in peace and acted nice, their Captain might have already asked them to be their new Nakama.
But on the fourth day, something was really starting to bother the rest of the crew. The man who was causing the disturbance didn't even bother to do something about it, and the Cook was starting to lose his patience. There were Ladies around, damnit!
"…Franky, I don't care how, but tomorrow you really have to wear pants! Or I'll never serve you a cola again," the Cook threatened their Shipbuilder. Rather relieved that he didn't have to threaten the Cyborg by not feeding him, because he knows that he's never have the heart to do it, with his basic principle to always feed anyone who was hungry.
"…But Cook-bro, someone ripped off all of my speedo, you know that. And I really don't have any that are still in good condition..." the Cyborg answered.
"Yes, of course I know that! But you could at least borrow someone's pants, you bastard, instead of walking around naked like that… There are delicate Ladies around, and after what happened in your hometown, we've really had enough with the sight of your dick, Franky. So, for the sake of All Blue, JUST PUT SOME GODDAMNED PANTS ON TO COVER IT!"…the Cook almost went hysterical.
"… But no one in this ship wears the same size as me, dude."
Sanji thought about that a moment, and realized that the Shipbuilder was right. But then an idea popped into his head.
"Look Franky, maybe you could borrow some of Chopper's pants for a while, at least until we dock at an island. Then we can buy you a new speedo, how about that? I believe Chopper's size when he's in his heavy point is about the same size as you" the Cook suggested.
"Well, okay then… Maybe I should go to borrow Reindeer-bro's pants…" the Cyborg stood up from his seat, carrying along his little guitar with him.
Then, while walking towards the infirmary, the Cyborg suddenly started to play his guitar, singing…
"O, I'm a poor Cyborg indeed
While I already didn't have a heart, I thought at least I still have my speedo
But someone made a wrecking havoc with it, and now I'm all naked, you know
O, I'm a poor Cyborg indeed
Cook-bro said he doesn't want to see my sword, so I have to borrow pants from the
deer
But hey, I guess he's just already satisfied enough with Swordsman-bro's sword
here…"
A wave of homicidal aura suddenly emitted from the Cook's body…
...Hahaha, that will teach him a lesson for being around in only his speedo… the voice in his mind said.
Usopp frowned at that, but then smiled because sometimes he actually thought that the Shipbuilder should give wearing normal pants a chance, instead of walking around like some pervert. What if some Wanted poster of him and all of his Nakama were to somehow arrive at his hometown? At Kaya's house? She'd think that The Great Captain Usopp-sama filled his most time by hanging around in The Grand Line with some old perverted Cyborg.
But then, he suddenly felt sorry for the Cyborg. All of his speedos were actually the Shipbuilder's trademark, something to identify the Cyborg. Just like himself with his slingshot and his goggles. What was left to identify you from the others if something that did was taken by force from you, anyway?
So, Usopp was silent, praying that whoever did this to their Shipbuilder could be caught real soon, and just walked away from the rather funny sight of their Cook kicking up the Cyborg.
Sanji's eyes drifted after a while from the beaten Cyborg, still stubbornly singing his stupid song, towards their Sharpshooter.
Somehow, he just felt that Usopp's mood was weird lately. Like something was really bothering the Long-Nose, and yet it looked like even Usopp himself wasn't so sure what it was that was bothering him.
And Sanji's instinct was suddenly aware that the Sharpshooter went weird after all of these incidents started happening.
…Maybe because he knows who the real culprit is, and that's why he's acting weird…
Well, at least now the Cook had a starting point with his investigation.
Everything was somehow going weird, lately, Usopp noticed. First, the tragic accident that happened to Zoro and Sanji. Second, someone stole every mikan in Nami's trees. And last, someone wrecked every single one of Franky's speedos. And every time it happened, the voice in his head was actually commenting that it glad all those weird incidents happened.
So, Usopp was beginning to feel afraid. He was afraid that the voice was the one who had done it all. But that couldn't be! That voice was HIM, right? If that voice was the one who did it, how come he didn't remember at all when he was doing it, anyway?
Usopp-kun, you should not think about it too hard. It's bad for your health, you know…
That voice, again!
…Who are you, anyway? he asked his own mind.
I am you, Usopp-kun. You know that. You created me…
What? Created you?... Wait, wait a minute, are you… Soge-King?
Yes, I'm Soge-king…I'm here to help you…
Help me what? I'm already the Brave Warrior Of The Sea… I have 800,000 followers…
…Yes, of course you do. I'm just helping you when you need me the most. When you can't handle things with your original personality…
…My original personality? What do you mean –
"Oi, Long-Nose, why you whispering alone?" the Cook's words cutt him off.
Usopp shifted his eyes to the blonde man that was somehow already at his side, smoking his cigarette with his calm act like usual, but somehow the Sharpshooter could feel that the man's eyes were keep a close watch on him.
"Oh, nothing Sanji-kun… I'm just trying to remember one of my new stories here. Would you like to hear it?" he quickly regained his composure, trying to avert the Cook's attention at something else.
"No, thank you. I have dinner to prepare. Though I do have something to ask to you."
Usopp somehow didn't like where this conversation was going.
The blonde stubbed his cigarette out over the railing, and then went face to face with his nakama.
"Tell me, do you by any chance, know who the one who did all the incidents that have been happening lately is?" Sanji shot his question.
The Sharpshooter chuckled a bit, trying to hide his nervousness.
"…Hahaha, that's funny Sanji-kun. Why would I have to be the one who knows about the culprit, anyway?"
The Cook stayed silent, very deep blue eyes still glowering at him.
"Well, I don't know. Maybe because despite that you just said you were practicing your new story, you've somehow become too quiet, lately?... I mean, I almost never see you being rounded up by Luffy and Chopper when to tell them one of your stories, anymore." Sanji said at last.
He tried to chuckle again.
"…But of course! Like I said before, I've been spending my time preparing my new story…It's going to be a good one, you'll see. Uhm… well, I also have something to finish with one of my experiments… I mean, I have to finish it before dinner. Besides, you have to prepare dinner too, right? So, if you'll excuse me, Sanji-kun…" His words trailed off, his eyes trying to elude the Cook's own, while he walked away from the man. That was not a good lie, apparently.
He can feel that the Cook was still observing him from behind, and he didn't like that. Aside from the way he's always mocking in his stories about the Cook's infamous personality as a womanizer, he really actually likes the man. He's just like the big brother that Usopp never had before, the one who was always taking care of you (by feeding the sharpshooter) and guarding you (he remember when the Cook got so angry at the Cyborg, the first time they'd met on the Puffing Tom train, said that he still didn't forgive Franky for what he did to the Long-nose) and sometimes as a big brother, the blonde would have to punish him (that usually happened if he, along with Luffy, was trying to raid the man's kitchen). Well yes, the Cook is one of his most important people, along with all of his Nakama. And he didn't like that someone was starting to hurt his Nakama like this, especially if the one who hurt them is the Sharpshooter himself, even though he hadn't had any memory of it. After this realization hit him, he immediately decided that he would have to solve this problem soon, because deep down, he was just starting to believe that somehow all of these sensational accidents that happened lately might have something to do with the voice inside his head. Okay, now all he needed to do was talk to someone that might know about these kind of problems, and maybe even cure it, if he lucky enough.
…I really need to talk to Chopper, he decided.
The little Doctor laid down a huge book with the title "DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS Third Edition" displayed on it's cover, on the infirmary table in front of him, then turned around the chair where he sat, to face his patient.
"So, Usopp… You said that you didn't have the memories of what you did, right? And sometimes you lost track of time and woke up in a place and didn't remember how you got there, am I right?" Chopper asked carefully, remembering that he just listened to a few very surprising stories about the real culprit of every incident that happened lately, from their Sharpshooter's mouth.
Usopp nodded his head quickly.
"Well, according to one of my medical books here, you have the same symptom as Disassociative Identity Disorder sufferer."
"What does that mean?"
"It means, that every time you can't track your activity, when you're in an unconscious state, another personality of yours is taking over your body, and did everything that actually the original personality of yours wanted to do, but because it was being repressed by something, your original personality doesn't have the courage to do it. You understand what I mean, right? If Doctorine were here, she could have explained it much better than I can, you know…" the little Doctor sighed, suddenly missing his mentor.
The sharpshooter went silent at that. His forehead twitched like he was forced to think very hard over something. Then he shook his head.
"No…no, Chopper. I do understand what you mean. Now, the problem is, if I'm really suffering from this disease…"
"This is not a disease, Usopp. It's more a very chronic mental condition…" the little Doctor tried to explain again.
"Yes, yes of course. What I want to know is, how can I cure this thing…"
Chopper went silent for a moment.
"You know Usopp, I would like to help you. But Psychology is really not my main area here. But, I guess this something that you have to face it by yourself. I can give you some advice though. Maybe you can start by getting to you're your other personality well, and somehow try to blend it into your main one."
"…I see. So, how am I supposed to know which one my main personality is?"
"Well, that's easy! The one that's talking to me right now must be the one your main personality is." the Reindeer smileed at the still confused Sharpshooter.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because this personality is the one that's asking for my help, and I know you're asking my help because you didn't want to cause any more trouble for your Nakama. You sure are a good Nakama, Usopp…" Chopper's smile widened.
"…"
"And for my last piece of advice, I really think that you should ask for forgiveness from Nami and the others."
"You think, so?"
Chopper nodded his head.
"Do I have to? Because suddenly I got caught up by an I-can't-confess-my-crimes-because-I-know-somehow-my-own-Nakama-will-kill-me disease…"
The little Doctor chuckled to hear that.
"I'm sorry Usopp, but I can't cure that either. But I think everything will be okay. We're all your Nakama. I'm sure that everyone will understand your situation, and accept you for whoever you are… I mean, Luffy and everyone still accepted me, even though they know that I can change myself into a real monster…" the Reindeer's face went sad, remembering his Monster point.
The Sharpshooter patted Chopper's hat, try to reassuring him.
"You're not a monster, Chopper. That one time, you had to do what a real warrior has to do, you know."
"Is that true, Usopp?... I'm a real warrior already?" the little Doctor's eyes sparkled with joy.
"Yes, Chopper-kun. Captain Usopp-sama here never lies…."
Then, Usopp got up from his seat, and making a warrior pose.
"Now, Chopper-kun, would you like to hear my newest adventure at the Land Of The Brave Warrior Of the Sea?" he asked, both hands now on his chest.
The little Doctor's eyes sparkled again.
"YES!... Wow, the Land Of The Brave Warrior Of The Sea… It sounds great!" now he's doing the usual happy dance.
"Well, thank you Chopper-kun!... Now, here's where the story begins…"
"So, once upon a time in the middle of East Blue at Syrup Village
There's a hero born. His adventure began even when he was still at a young age
He only had one princess to protect, and three little companions to fight with
Until he found another eight companions that he felt somehow just perfectly fit…"
Meanwhile, behind the infirmary's wall outside of the room, a shadow clicked his igniter, and lit up his cigarette, taking a deep inhale then puffed it on in the air. He'd been listening to the conversation inside the infirmary between the little Doctor and the Sharpshooter, and was trying to think deeply about it.
The Cook actually already wanted to settle with dragging the Long-Nose outside the infirmary, away from the innocent little Doctor's eyes, and give him his best lessons on why not to mess with the cook.
But then, he didn't have the heart to do it, not after he heard the Reindeer's last piece of advice to the Sharpshooter. Did he want to disappointed Chopper's hope that every of his Nakama would accept Usopp's other personality? The answer was NO.
He doesn't want to destroy the little Reindeer's hope. So, he's going to settle with actually forgiving the Sharpshooter. Well, maybe he'll only do a little bit revenge, like putting something in the bastard's food that he didn't like. A huge cup of mushroom soup, maybe.
As for Nami-san's orders to report to her after he found out who the culprit really was, he'd find a good time to talk to her, and he better find a good reason for his lovely Navigator as to why he was unable to catch the real culprit here, when that time came.
The Cook's grin widened, then he walked his long legs back to his kitchen, ready to prepare dinner. And maybe a little bit of payback time for the Sharpshooter.
After dinner was done with, a little bit of bickering between the Cook and the Sharpshooter, who refused to eat his mushroom soup, but ate it anyway after the Cook threatened him by whispering to his ear that he would tell everyone in the dining room that the Sharpshooter was the one who caused the incidents lately, the Cook went to the girls' bunkroom, knowing that their Navigator would likely be there with their Historian.
He knocked the girls' bunkroom's door politely. Not long after that, he was face to face with both of his precious ladies.
"Uhm…Nami-san?…Uhm…" he was nervous. He didn't really know how he was going to tell his Nami-san, that he failed to investigate the real culprit who stole her all mikan.
"If this about me ordering you to investigate the one who stole my mikan, well you can drop off the investigation, Sanji-kun." Nami's words surprised him so.
"What? Oh… but why, Nami-san?"
"Because, I already knw who the culprit is… it's Usopp"
The Cook went stiff with shock. How did his Nami-san know that?
"Well, I see… so it's Usopp. Nami-san, may I ask how you knew that it was Usopp?" he asked, being so curious.
"Yes sure. It was Robin that told me, right after I lost all of my mikan. Apparently, Robin here always uses her power to inspect The Sunny at night before she goes to sleep, only to double check the ships for our safety. She saw Usopp steal all of my mikan that night. Right? ne Robin…" the Navigator shifted her eyes to their Historian, who was also listening to the whole conversation, while reading one of her books.
"That's true, Cook-san…" she smiled her beautiful mysterious smile.
"… AWWW! ROBIN-CHWAN IS ALWAYS SO GORGEOUS WHEN SHE'S AMUSED WITH HER BRILLIANT IDEA TO MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE ALL SAFE AT NIGHT!" the Cook cooed, practically dancing on his feet.
"Sanji-kun, if that's all, you can go now," Nami-san's voice brought him back to reality.
"Ah, of course Nami-san…" the blonde started to walk towards outside the girls bunkroom. But then something caught in his mind, and he stopped, facing the Navigator again.
"Uhm, Nami-san? One more thing… where did Usopp hide all of those mikan of yours?"
The Navigator grinned.
"Ah yes, that…Well, actually after he gave in and admitted his crimes to me, I asked the same question you just did. And I just want to forgive him, because he actually wasn't hiding all of those mikan, but sending it through Bird Post to his princess in his hometown, Kaya… How sweet, ne?" the Navigator started to chuckle.
"Oh…" the Cook really didn't have anything to say to that. That bastard knows something about being romantic, all right. Unlike a certain green-headed Swordsman. And the Cook was surprised at the fact that the Sharpshooter would also actually surrender to their Navigator, asked for her forgiveness. That indeed was something brave to do. Well, I guess he's changed a lot and now getting near with his dream, that Long-Nose… the blonde thought, his mind wandering for a while.
And it looked like his Nami-san was able to read his mind, because she suddenly said:
"And yes, I might forgive him… But, I'm also punishing him. I'm charging him with a new debt… I really hope he pay it, soon." the Navigator sighed.
The Cook smiled. That was just like his Nami-san to do.
"Well, if that's the case, I'll make sure that Usopp pays his debt to you, Nami-san. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for tomorrow's breakfast. Good night Nami-san, Robin-chan…" the Cook excused himself from the Navigator and the Historian, and left the girls' bunkroom.
…Alright, now that all the problems were solved, maybe it's about time to give a late night visit to the Swordsman. It's almost one month after that stupid accident. And his ass was also feeling much better, anyway… the Cook's grin widened, his cigarette smoke trailing after him.
"…So, even Nami was okay with Usopp stealing all her Mikan, eh? Well, that's new…" Zoro snorted, his bare chest glowing in the darkness of the night, only lit by the moon from outside the kitchen window.
The Cook's eyes narrowed at the Swordsman's comment.
"You know what, Marimo? Sometimes you really have to give a second thought when you think that Nami-san is an evil person. Because she's NOT, asshole…" he gave a light kick to the green-haired head. He wanted to give a more solid kick, but he just felt too exhausted after the third round of being ravished by the Swordsman. The bastard sure doesn't want to waste his time after settling for no sex all month…
"Damnit, I really need a cigarette…" the Cook muttered, trying to reach his suit that was scattered across the floor, looking for his pack of cigarettes in it's pocket, before he realized that he'd already smoked his last stick right after the conversation with his Nami-san.
So, he just rolled his body, not being bothered to stand up from the floor, and reached out his hand towards one of the cabinets near him, trying to take out his cigarette supply.
And was shocked that, instead of a bundle of cigarette packs, his hand landed on a sheet of white paper with something written on it. Curious, he tried to read it under the light of the moon. Then his face suddenly went red with rage.
"Okay, what's going on now, Cook?" Zoro asked, catching the sudden change at the blonde's face.
Sanji only pressed the paper with his fist, making it into a ball shape, then threw it at the Swordsman's face, before he suddenly stood up and broke through the Kitchen's door, ignoring the fact that he was still naked, and just went outside.
Confused, Zoro tried to smooth the paper again, and force his already sleepy eyes to read what it said:
Sanji-kun, it's about time you're ended your addiction to cigarettes. It's really not good for your health, you know. And now, after you found a new addiction to Zoro, maybe you really can give it a chance to stop your old addiction. Just remember that someday you'll want to live a good long life with Zoro, and I'm sure you can free yourself from the cigarettes.
With his best regards,
Captain Usopp-sama, The Brave Warrior Of The Sea.
a.k.a
Soge-King-sama, The King of All Snipers.
"USOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!..." was the scream from the Cook that woke up almost everyone on board that night.
Usopp tried not to laugh out loud from his hiding place. But it was so difficult not to laugh when he was feeling so happy, because this time he remembered all of his actions towards his Nakama. God, how he loved them. Even though now, one of them really looks like he's going to kill him this time.
It's a good job that you just did, Usopp-kun… the voice in his head gave it's compliments to the Sharpshooter.
His smiled widened. "…You think so?" he whispered in his mind, asking the voice.
Yes, I do…Now, do you have another plan, here?
…Well, I might, actually…
This was getting fun, indeed. It turned out to not be a bad idea to try his best to blend with his other personality. When there was no enemy around, THIS activity can help him practice to reach his dream to become the Bravest Warrior Of The Sea. What he means is, what else can really practice your courage besides having to deal with his own Nakama after you've done something stupid towards them, anyway?
...Yes, I sure do have my next plan… How about we give all of Luffy's meat supply to the fish?