No case. Cuddy hadn't yet marched in yet, with one… So naturally the team was doing boring and barely productive work.
Chase was solving a medical crossword puzzle – with pen in his mouth. Foreman was making a weird face at this month's medical journal. And Cameron was on the computer, doing God knows what.
It was completely silent in the conference room. Some idiot might think it's because the trio were busy doing their respective activities. But people with an IQ of more than -1, would know it's because House was nowhere to be found.
After several more minutes of this, Chase asked to now one in particular, "10 letters; what disease infected Anastasia's brother?"
Foreman looked up from the medical journal, "Hemophilia."
Chase nodded and wrote in the answer.
Over from the computer, Cameron asked, "Hey Foreman? When's your birthday?"
"August 3rd. Why?" He asked, perplexed.
"Oh nothing…" She replied.
A few seconds later Cameron bursted out laughing. Chase and Foreman's heads popped up.
"Seriously, what are you doing?" Foreman questioned annoyance in his voice.
"Horoscopes," She answered.
"Do you actually believe in that stuff?" Foreman fired back.
"Not really, but its fun to see what they say." Cameron stated, without breaking her gaze at the computer screen.
"What does it say about me?" Foreman was intrigued.
"Me too!" Chase said, out of nowhere.
"Ok," Cameron scrolled down to where it said Leo, the Lion, and July 23 to August 22. "It says:
Generous and warm-hearted
Creative and enthusiastic
Broad-minded and expansive
Faithful and Loving
…On the Dark Side…
Pompous and Patronizing
Bossy and interfering
Dogmatic and intolerant"
Cameron finished reading aloud.
"I can see a little bit of everything of that in you." Chase stated. "Now can you see mine?" He asked.
"Sure. When's your birthday?" She asked.
"September 25th."
"Ok," She scrolled down to Libra, the Scales, September 24th to October 23rd. "It says"
Diplomatic and urbane
Romantic and charming
Easy-Going and sociable
Idealistic and Peaceful
…On the Dark Side…
Indecisive and changeable
Gullible and easily influenced
Flirtatious and self-indulgent."
"Wow, that's head on – romantic, charming, and flirtatious…" Foreman noted.
"Yea, he's real charming…" Cameron sarcastically said. Not really sure if she meant it or not. "Now let's see what it says about me."
"When's your birthday?" Chase asked.
"July 9th."
"I didn't know that." Foreman and Chase said simultaneously.
Cameron rolled her eyes. "Found it…"
Emotional and Loving
Intuitive and Imaginative
Shrewd and Cautious
Protective and Sympathetic
…On the Dark Side…
Changeable and Moody
Overemotional and Touchy
Clinging and Unable to Let Go."
"I am not overemotional!" Cameron exclaimed.
Chase and Foreman looked at each other. "Yea, you are!" They again spoke at the same time.
Cameron scowled at them, very angrily. She sent daggers via her eyes.
"Ok. What did you guy do to piss of our princess?" House walked in, Wilson in tow.
"Don't call me princess." She muttered.
"We were reading horoscopes…" Foreman began.
"You believe that stuff?" He interjected.
"Whatever… And Cam's called her overemotional. She is, isn't she?" Chase provided.
"Yeah, more than the normal person."
"That's it! I'm going to the clinic!" Cameron yelled and walked out of the room.
Chase took Cameron's seat at the computer. "House, Wilson. – When's you birthdays?"
"September 1st." Wilson stated.
"January 27th." House said, immediately after Wilson
"Ok, September 1st… Virgo, August 23rd to September 23rd. The Virgin…"
"Well, with three wives, and endless number of girlfriends and/or sex partners… We all know that's not true." House interrupted.
"Anyway it says:
Modest and Shy
Meticulous and Reliable
Practical and Diligent
Intelligent and Analytical
… On the Dark Side…
Fussy and a Worrier
Overcritical and Harsh
Perfectionist and Conservative."
"I agree with that... You have got to stop overanalyzing shit. Some smart doctors might think that you belong in the psyche ward." House explained.
"Shut up, House. Let's see yours." Wilson reasoned.
Chase read off: "Aquarian, the Water Carrier, January blah blah blah… Here we go,
Friendly and Humanitarian
Honest and Loyal
Original and Inventive
Independent and Intellectual
…On the Dark Side…
Intractable and contrary
Perverse and Unpredictable
Unemotional and Detached
"Just like Cameron's head-on. Except for the whole 'friendly' thing." Foreman concluded.
"You are perverse…"
"Only when talking of Cuddy's fun-bags and ass." House retaliated.
"What about my fun-bags and ass?" Cuddy asked, walking into the conference room, case file in hand.
"Oh I was just saying how big your ass has gotten and how firm your titties are. Hey any by any chance are you prego? If so, I hope I'm not the daddy from that night…"
"Shut up, House. One, eating out a lot does that to a woman's ass. Two, it's called an under-wire. Three, no I'm not pregnant. You're not a dad; I'd feel bad for the kid. And we haven't had 'a night' since college." Cuddy finished, leaving everyone's jaws at the ground.
She continued, "You have a case. Thirty-seven year old male-"
"When's your birthday?" House probed.
"March 19th, why do you care?"
Chase scrolled all the way down. Cuddy, you're Pisces, February 20th to March 20th, the Fishes."
"Fish…Sperm…Same difference." House mumbled, receiving glares from Cuddy, Wilson and Foreman.
Chase continued, "It says,
Imaginative and Sensitive
Compassionate and Kind
Selfless and Unworthy
Intuitive and Sympathetic
…On the Dark Side…
Escapist and Idealistic
Secretive and Vague
Weak-Willed and Easily Led."
"I disagree!" House exclaimed. "Cuddy is so not weak-willed, you should've seen her last night. Meow!"
"House! For that, clinic, NOW!" She bellowed.
"She's just waiting, for me to go into an empty exam room…!" House stated, confidently.
"Guys, the case, you think you can handle it?" Cuddy asked, leaving the files on the conference room table.
Chase and Foreman nodded their heads.
"Well, so we don't have what happened before," She quickly recalled what happened while House was in Baltimore. "Wilson's in charge while House does many, many hours of clinic for sexual harassment." She stated, as she glared at House. Cuddy left, basically forcing House to walk down the hall.
Wilson began, "Thirty-seven year old male, presents with…"
R&R!