The Princes Tale
Ch.1
The words are crowded on the page and they swim before my eyes as I try to focus on them. I've been experimenting and I know that some of the potions in this book can be made so much better and more easily if you add a few more ingredients. I spend the whole holidays making different combinations to make the potions cooler; I know magic outside of school is illegal but it's not exactly magic- it can't be because the ministry would send an owl to our house to warn me if it was. Besides, mum and dad don't care what I do with my time. If I work hard enough I can even make a fully functioning Felix Felicis- the draught of happiness, but I've only managed that once. Soon I'll be able to it all the time and then I won't care what mum and dad or James Potter and Sirius Black or anyone else does with their time either.
I feel a hand on the back of my robe and I can't pretend to be reading anymore. I'm about to close the book and put it in my pocket when another hand whips it away from me and throws it ten feet to the edge of the lake.
"Excuse me!" I shout, reaching inside my robe for my wand.
Before I can lay my hands on it I'm dragged to my feet and spun round so I'm staring into the proud face of James Potter. He's smiling such a huge arrogant smile it almost consumes his whole face. Good. It's easier if I can't see him.
The person who's holding my arms twists them painfully behind my back and forces me to my knees. I don't make a noise. They treat me worse if I show weakness. James pokes my forehead with his wand and twists it as if he's trying to bore into my brain. He flicks his hair out of his eyes as he feels the need to do every two seconds. Why doesn't he just cut it if it annoys him? The goof holding my arms laughs and tugs my arms harder. I can tell from his laugh it is Sirius Black.
A small crowd of onlookers have gathered to watch. They all like to see James and his loyal gang of followers hurt me. I don't think any of them actually appreciate the fact that I have feelings. I'm not just an object of sick entertainment. I'm a person. I think.
Then I'm suspended upside down by my ankles in the air, looking down at the crowd of giggling faces. This is one of James's favourite tricks; he thinks he's so clever just because he can use a Levicorpus charm, I mean, seriously, that weirdo knows how to add insult to injury. I invented that stupid charm in the first term of the first year. He gets the crowd going a bit until they're hollering the things they want him to do with me. After much staged discussion the most popular option seems to be to throw me in the lake.
My robes weigh me down and the world disappears as the black water closes in on me. My lungs hurt from not breathing and me skin hurts from cold. I rake the thick water with my fingers, desperately working to free myself from the hungry hands of death. I don't want to die. Do I? Am I even alive? I see the pale sun, teasing me from above the water, rippling and I make for it.
The wet mud which pulls at my body is welcome. I lie down in the mud and press my face into its stickiness. There is air out here and I swallow it like it's water until I can breathe again. I lie there in the mud for what seems like hours, treasuring life and at the same time hoping for death.
It's a shock when someone takes my hand tenderly and helps me to my feet. I can't remember the last time someone touched me without the intention of causing me pain. Once I'm steady on my feet I look up and see her. She's smiling at me with beautiful green eyes. It hurts me to look at her; she's so perfect and we could have been together if it weren't for other people poisoning her mind. I love her. I always have and I always will but nothing can happen between us because we're not children anymore and we know how we'll be judged. She's holding something out to me. It's my potions book. I take it and try to say thank you but it feels like there's a clog of frogspawn in my throat. She says, "You look a mess, you should get changed before dinner." And then she walks away.
At dinner I sit on my own and read up on defensive spells. I really need to get better at those if I'm going to survive until the end of sixth year. There are some pretty effective spells in here; how to disarm your opponent, how to knock out your opponent, how to keep your opponent from moving but there are no spells on how to hurt your opponent so much they beg for your mercy. I'll have to invent one then.
At least no one in Slytherin picks on me. They just pretend I don't exist. I'm not actually sure which is worse. In the common room that night I make notes in my potions book on how to improve some of the entries in there. My homework is boring herbology and care of magical creatures. I can't wait until we can pick our own subjects for OWL's next year. In the end I go to bed at 9.00 because there's nothing else to do.
I reflect in bed on the fallacy of my life. I pretend to have no personality because otherwise I'd die from prolonged exposure to bullying from the Gryffindors and from my parents. I pretend to love potion-making because it pleases Professor Slughorn and he's to only person who likes me in this damn school, I do like making potions but I like making spells better. I pretend not to care but really I do care. I care so much about Lily, about my family, about school, about being liked. But that's never going to happen at Hogwarts. I care so much there's not a second goes by when I don't feel that I must be damaged in some way, or smell or something because if I'm how I think I am, why does no one else see me?
People pretend to be my friends, of course. Bellatrix is nice to me because we're cousins and she lets me hang out with her friends sometimes; Wilkes and Rosier and Crabbe and Goyle. I suppose I'm grateful they put up with me but none of them actually like me. That Lucius Malfoy guy in sixth year offers me advice sometimes because he's a prefect. He tells me that his Dad is a Death Eater for Lord Voldemort, that it's like a big family up there, that he's going to be a Death Eater when he grows up and I should be too. He says the girls love Death Eaters. I wonder what Lily would think.
Lily. Lily is the only thing that makes life bearable. She's so wonderful, she sees me for who I am. She obviously can't be my friend openly because then everyone would hate her too. I love her. I do. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. The only reason I'm mean to her is because everyone in this school thinks I'm worthless and I don't want them to do that to her too.
The next day nothing very eventful happens. I go to bed with grazes on my hands and knees because so many of those 'Brave and Loyal' Gryffindors tripped me up in the corridors. All the time I'm thinking of how to make my ultimate self-defence spell. I've invented spells before, you know, relatively simple spells; it normally takes me a day or two at the most to think them up. I'm having problems with this one.
After two weeks I think I might actually be getting somewhere on the spell. I've decided to use the word 'Sectumsempra' because I'm sure there's not a spell already by that name and I think it sound sufficiently painful and cool. It's better than Crucio because it's legal and it inflicts wounds which could be life threatening or at least debilitating. And the best bit is that I'm the only one who knows the spell and the antidote.
It's not my fault I want to hurt people. They've made me like this. After school it will all be okay. I'm going to teach defence against the dark arts and help kids like me to beat those idiots who think it's cool to hurt people. Yes, when I'm grown up, people will like me.
James is smirking at me during break while he's trying to get me to react to his and Sirius's taunting. This is the perfect time to put Sectumsempra to the test. I get my wand out while James is turning to his adoring crowd of supporters for applause and aim at his back. Unfortunately Sirius notices me do this and throws himself at me, pinning me to the ground, but I've already said the incantation.
My spell goes haywire and catches Remus Lupin instead. He seems alright really, he just hangs out with James Potter because he wants to be liked. Now, Remus is scarred enough already and I don't hear him make a noise as he crumples to the ground, bleeding from several deep gashes all over his chest. The spell works, then. Sirius lets me go and runs over to Remus with James and that Peter Pettigrew boy.
My limbs feel heavy and slow moving as I push through the stunned cluster of people to Remus. Now only James, Peter and Sirius stand in my way.
"Get out of my way!" I shout.
James turns on me with his wand out.
"I know how to make him better!" I say.
James is silent as he glares at me and for a moment I almost feel ashamed, I don't know why, this is no worse than some of the things James does to me, and the spell was meant for him.
Then Sirius roughly pulls James aside so I can reach Remus. At least one of them has a brain in their heads.
Remus looks at me and his eyes widen in fear as he tries to scramble backwards into the tree trunk behind him.
"Shh, stay still, believe it or not I'm actually trying to help you. I didn't mean to hit you with that. It was meant for someone else." I turn around and hope James notices me staring and gets the message. And then I say the counter curse.
Remus has stopped bleeding but his shirt is soaked in blood already.
"I'm sorry," I say, not knowing why I'm showing such a sign of weakness "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Remus pushes me away and struggles to his feet. "I'm used to it."
"Get now, get away from him." Sirius says, shoving me in the chest so hard I fall over, "You'll pay for this tomorrow, Snivellus, won't we James?"
That stupid nickname was made for me before we'd even reached Hogwarts, almost two years ago now, I think it's a reference to my big nose and greasy hair; maybe those idiots would be more understanding if they knew I couldn't afford a shower. I'm called that name more than I'm called Severus, I should be used to it by now but it hurt me every time. It always hurts.
James nods his assent and spits in my face.
I don't hang around to see what he'll do next.
The next night I do indeed pay, almost with my life. Sirius knocks my books out of my arms on the way to Charms and tells me to poke a knot at the bottom of the whomping willow tree and go down the tunnel there; he tells me I'll find out Remus's secret that night.
As soon as it's dark I slip out of the castle. Nobody notices. I don't think they'd notice if I keeled over and died. There's a lovely silver full moon in the sky. The tree is having a good go at severing all my limbs but I speculatively take a long stick and prod at the said knot. The tree freezes. Sirius was right; I can see the dark mouth of a tunnel gaping in front of me.
There's a terrible wailing which wrenches at my heart as I feel my way slowly down the rough dirt tunnel. It sounds like someone's being tortured at the end of it, dying in a miserable lonely place where no one ever comes. It seems ages before I can see a chink of light at the end of tunnel. As I edge my way towards that light I think of what Sirius said; "Remus's secret." Is the introverted member of the group some kind of secret mutilator?
I'm almost at the door now and all I can hear are the agonizing screams echoing all around me and filling my ears. There's something moving in the room up ahead. It's a werewolf. I mean, a real, live, werewolf several wounds bleeding profusely all over its body plus several old scars and partially healed bite and scratch marks. There's hardly an inch of its body that isn't covered in blood. Its mouth is wide in a never-ending howl. That's the noise then.
I stand, frozen to the spot in terror and perverse fascination. I've never seen a werewolf before. The werewolf turns to me and near demolishes the whole room, springing towards me and setting furniture flying. It's going to bite me and there's nothing I can do about it. Then the door is closed and the werewolf is gone and I'm on the ground looking the face of that arrogant arsehole, James Potter.
"Sorry, you had to see that. That was Sirius's fault." He says, pulling me roughly to my feet and dragging me back towards the whomping willow, "I'm taking you to Dumbledore so he can deal with you," For the first time in my memory, James Potter sounded panicky and flustered, "Look, you can't ever tell anyone what you just saw!" James insures I trip as we enter the castle.
"Remus Lupin has a pet werewolf?" I say stupidly.
"My God, and people say you're clever." James sighs as we near the entrance to Dumbledore's study. "Didn't you even look at him?"
"Who?"
"The werewolf." Before I can reply James continues, "He still has those cuts all over his chest from that stupid curse you put on him yesterday."
"That was meant for you," I reply automatically, and then it hits me like I've just run into a brick wall, "Oh, Remus Lupin, is a werewolf…"
"Well done." James says sarcastically, knocking me to the floor while he says the password to Dumbledore's office. Of course he knows it, he always was a favourite.
Dumbledore is sitting at his desk in a dressing gown. I can't believe some people think this hairy old wishy-washy is the most powerful wizard in the world. He's not powerful. He's weak. He apologises, he seems to enjoy admitting he's wrong, he sits up here on his own talking to a bird and eating sweets. Lord Voldemort is the most powerful wizard of all time. He'd kill you rather that admit he's wrong. You've got to admire that in a man.
"Thank you, James, you may leave us." Dumbledore speaking brings me back down to Earth.
James subtly kicks my shin as he exits the office.
"Severus," Dumbledore smiles, it's been a while since someone smiled at me, God, it's been a while since someone called me by my first name, "Sit down." He doesn't sound angry that I've disturbed him so late or that I'm out of bed or that I just found out a really big secret.
I find myself obeying meekly.
"I didn't mean to." I say.
"I know," Dumbledore replies, still smiling serenely, "I think one of those boys in Gryffindor told you to go, didn't they?"
I nod.
"Well, they're a pesky lot, it doesn't matter who asked you. All that matters is that you've discovered that Remus Lupin suffers from Lycanthropy. He has done since he was bitten by werewolf at the age of five. Have you heard of Fenrir Greyback?"
"He's a Death Eater, isn't he?"
"Yes. A horrible creature. He finds pleasure from turning small children into werewolves. Anyway, I'm sure you have enough respect for your peer, Remus, that you'll keep this to yourself. If you do tell anyone, however, I'll be forced to expel you from this Hogwarts."
"Yes, Sir," I mutter, I'm too scared to do anything else. If I were expelled from Hogwarts I'd have to live with my parents all the time and I can't face going back to that again.
For the whole of the next year nothing happens to me. Nobody trips me up on the way to lessons, nobody takes my possessions, nobody victimises me for fun at break time. People sometimes talk to me. I dare to think this might be the end of it and I might be able to be friends with Lily openly and people might actually begin to see me for who I am and like me.
In the Summer holidays I go home, choose my OWL options and listen to my parents shout at each other for six weeks. Then I go back to school and there's still no bullying. I am consumed with the thought of how happy Lily and I will be now the bullying has stopped. We'll have some classes together, I'll help her with potions and defence against the dark arts. She'll help me make friends with some of the people she likes in Gryffindor. Maybe I'll even be allowed to change houses. I used to hate the idea of being in Gryffindor but now I think it would be amazing to be Lily all the time. It's as if I'm floating above everyone else on a cloud of contentment. I haven't felt this happy in a long time.
Then the day comes when life turns into Hell. The day when I lose my only friend. We've had our Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL, a few months early because apparently our class is exceptionally bright. I think I've done ok; I might have lost a mark on the question about Boggarts but apart from that I've breezed through the paper. I don't do mistakes because I'm going to teach this subject at Hogwarts as soon as I can.
I sting inside as the old taunts come back. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus are behind me and they're shouting names at me. I try to ignore them and go to sit outside but they follow me and then I find myself a victim of Levicorpus once again. I'm back in 1st and 2nd year and I'm nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
James shows the ever-present crowd my underwear and they laugh because they're grey and baggy. I haven't had a new pair for at least four years. I hang there for I don't know how long before Lily comes to my rescue.
"Stop it!" She yells.
"What is it, Evans?" James smirks, "Do you want me to take off his pants?"
"No! Just leave him alone!"
I'm on the floor again but James hasn't finished with me yet, "Ah, Snivellus, Evans is helping you."
And then I say the thing that ends everything. I don't know why, I'm just so angry; I thought it was all over, "I don't need help from mudbloods like her!"
Lily never speaks to me again. It's like the world has ended; the world has ended. I sit all my OWL's and NEWT'S. I get Os in all of them. For the rest of my school life the bullying gradually stops I become invisible to everyone around me and Lily Evans and James Potter start dating. It feels like my heart is bleeding.
Ch.2
I don't want to teach anymore. Girls don't like teachers. Girls such as Lily like powerful men with charisma and popularity. As soon as I leave school I join Voldemort's ranks of Death Eaters.
You soon get used to inflicting pain, actually, and it can sometimes be quite enjoyable. For a year or so I am only assigned menial duties like scaremongering supporters of Dumbledore; Blood Traitors and muggle-borns and half-bloods. None of the other Death Eaters actually know I'm half-blood myself. Good.
The Dark Lord soon realises my potential for gathering information from James and Lily, who are now married, when I mention we used to be friends. The Wizarding War is in full swing now and the world is splitting into supporters of the Dark Lord and the cleansing of humanity or the mud bloods and freaks who think everyone is equal. I've chosen a side. Now I just have to fight for it.
Lily and James are both in the Order of the Phoenix, who we're fighting against. Well, I say fighting; it's more like we send out secret night patrols of muscular Death Eaters with superior wand and man power to some of the Order's safe houses and kill everyone inside them and the Order do absolutely nothing to us, they just try to rally the public in their favour. You can't win a war by handing out fliers in the street; you can win a war by force. That is exactly what we are going to do.
I have to join the Order of the Phoenix; pretend I'm a reformed character. It's funny how those powerless people who have done absolutely nothing to make me like them or even, in James Potter's, Sirius Black's, Remus Lupin's and Peter Pettigrew's cases, made my life a living Hell for so many years, think I'm going to actually want to be in their stupid, disillusioned company if I'm not inflicting pain upon them makes me almost laugh out loud. Anyway, they have their base in 12 Grimmauld Place, the family home of the blood traitor Sirius, and Dumbledore and the others welcome me with open arms. Idiots.
After a few weeks I'm used to moving to and from Grimmauld Place and Malfoy Manor. It's strange, because, I almost get the sense I'm more accepted in the Order than I am as a Death Eater. There's no truth in these feelings, though, I'm sure it's just an ounce of guilt about transferring information from Lily to Voldemort. I wouldn't care if it was just James but it's the way she smiles at me, like she thinks we can still contemplate being friends after what I've done to her and she's done to me. That's not possible. We're not children anymore.
These feelings go away as quickly as they came when I realise that Lily is pregnant with James's child. It feels as if I no longer have a heart. From that moment on there is no hope for Lily and I. There is no hope for me.
Then I hear the prophecy. I'm at the Hog's Head, where Dumbledore is interviewing people up for the post of Divination Teacher at Hogwarts for the next year. It's quite entertaining to see the colourful frauds who are interested in the job. I doubt any of them have ever made a remotely genuine prediction of any kind in their lives. The majority are draped in necklaces and all kinds of occult jewellery and look like they haven't brushed their hair since they were born. After a butter beer I make my way up the oppressive staircase to the landing outside the room where the interviews are being held.
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches … Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…"
Ch.3
I have to tell Voldemort what I've heard. I don't want to because as far as I know there are only two couples from the Order who've been attacked by Voldemort three times and survived. They're both expecting babies at the end of July. Frank and Alice Longbottom and James and Lily Potter.
The autumn leaves chase each other across the flagstones leading up to Malfoy Manor, sounding like whispers in the twilight. It's unnerving knowing what the news I'm going to deliver could mean for Lily, I pull my cloak tighter around me and shiver in the dark.
Bellatrix greets me with a mocking smile at the wrought iron gates; I don't know what it is about Bellatrix, but I always get the feeling she's laughing behind my back.
"What do you want, Severus?" She grins, "The Malfoys and I are having dinner with the Dark Lord. Poor Cissy's so tired what with little Draco keeping her awake all night, you wouldn't think it to look at him; he's such a dear little thing. Anyway, we don't want distractions."
"I need to speak to the Dark Lord. It's important. I was thinking of using the Mark."
Bellatrix instinctively rubbed her left sleeve and looked at me uneasily.
"And that's all she said, Severus?" Voldemort's white face loomed hugely and terrifyingly close to mine in the pale candlelight.
"That's all I heard, my lord." I replied.
"There're two children this prophecy could refer to, yes?"
"Y-yes, my lord, the Longbottoms are expecting a boy at the end of July and so are," my throat seemed to stick together, "So are the Potters."
Ch.4
Voldemort choses to kill Lily and James Potter and their baby, Harry, because he's born before Frank and Alice's baby. I love Lily more than anything else. She's the air I breathe, the food I eat and the water I drink. If she dies I will too. I know I have to turn to someone else for help.
To my surprise I find myself crying as I grovel in the dirt at Dumbledore's feet, clutching at the hem of his robe.
"Please, please, he's going to kill her, you've got to keep her safe. He's going to kill her; please you've got to keep them all safe! Hide her! Hide him too, hide them all, please!"
"And what will you do in return, Severus?"
"Anything, Anything at all, I'll do anything. I promise."
I've now joined the Order of the Phoenix, for real, this time. I've switched roles, now I transfer information from the Death Eaters to the Order. That blockhead Sirius Black has been assigned secret keeper for Lily and James. They're moving to Godric's Hollow where nobody can find them. Part of that is a lie actually. Sirius isn't the real secret keeper, I haven't been told who the real one is in case Voldemort tries to torture it out of me.
Dumbledore promises me this 'secret keeper' thing will keep her safe. I hope he's sure. I don't know what I'll do if he's not. Lily and James have disappeared off the radar and don't attend our meetings anymore. It hurts not to see her but I'm happy because at least Voldemort doesn't know where they are. Sirius did receive an owl from James on Harrys first birthday telling him about how Harry loves his new little toy broomstick. How sickening. It's been a year since the Potters went into hiding, this must mean they're all going to be alright.
Voldemort is really getting aggravated now. He's methodically visiting all the members of the Order and torturing them for information. It's quite sad actually, what he had Bellatrix do to Frank and Alice Longbottom, what with their new baby Neville and everything; she tortured them under the Cruciatus Curse for hours and hours. Now they're both in 's, completely mad, they'll never recover. I think it would be better for them if they were dead.
Ch.5
It was Peter Pettigrew. That useless arse Peter Pettigrew was their secret keeper. He told Voldemort who went to Godric's Hollow and murdered the both of them. He can't even kill the baby. Harry just won't die and the Dark Lord his severely weakened. Good.
As soon as I hear I apperate to Godric's Hollow. Their gate is hanging off by one hinge; I have to hold onto it because I'm shaking so much I can barely stand. My insides are on fire and I feel like I'm going to be sick. The door is standing wide open with black scorch marks around the keyhole. The air still reeks of fear and death. As I walk up the stairs I see James lying dead at the top of them. I am empty; I don't feel happiness or satisfaction as I expected I might on seeing him dead.
I feel my way along the dark landing to baby Harry's room. I can hear him crying. I don't know how I manage to reach the room because I'm in so much pain. I can hardly see through my tears, I can hardly breathe through my dread because I know what's coming. I edge into the room and then I see her.
Lily. My beautiful Lily is dead. Then I'm on the floor next to her because Dumbledore promised, he promised me she'd be ok. That stupid baby won't shut up and my blood is drumming loudly in my ears and Lily is dead and I just want out. I want it all to stop. I take her body in my arms and try to breathe her in.
"It's okay, Lily," I'm sobbing as I rock her back and forth, "It's okay now." I let my tears give way to a wordless cry of outrage, passion and anguish. I scream into the back of Lily's neck. I don't know how long I sit there, cradling her and weeping silently after that, it might be seconds, it might be years
"James! Oh, God, no!" A voice sounding like I feel reaches my ears from the landing and for a while, as I hold Lily to me and cry, I hear someone doing the same to James. After another long time someone seizes me by the shoulders and leans against me, shuddering with sobs. For just a minute, Sirius Black embraces me, our grief is one thing and I feel a miniscule amount better.
Sirius must suddenly notice who I am because he stops sniffling into my shoulder and grabs the back of my robes, pulling me across the room; Lily slips from my grasp and lands on the floor with a loud thud.
"What are you doing here?" Sirius hisses in my ear, his body wracked with mourning, "Get out of here!" He spins around and throws me into the landing.
"No, no, no, no," I say, grabbing the front of Sirius's robes, "Lily," I can't say anything else.
"Just leave, Snivellus! Leave!" Sirius shoves me in the chest so I stumble backwards, almost onto James's body. For a while I sit there, trembling. I hear Sirius say "It's okay, Harry." The baby stops crying.
Ch.6
I apperate straight to Hogwarts and Dumbledore. The old man is
Sitting, hunched behind his desk with his head in his withered
hands. He's smiling serenely at me. I want to make him cry. I want
to make him feel how I do.
"What have you done to her?" I yell, picking up a random spindly
instrument off a shelf near me and throwing it at Dumbledore's
placid face. He continues to smile at me.
"Do something!" I chuck another gold thing at Dumbledore.
"Severus, please, sit down."
"No!" I want to hurt Dumbledore so I throw myself across his desk
and punch at his old face again and again. He holds my wrists firmly
in his.
"Severus, listen, it's going to be okay. Severus, stop!"
I'm burying my head in the folds of Dumbledore's robes and screaming
to try and let the pain go. As I scream, I tear bloody lumps of
flesh out of my hands with my teeth and spit them out onto the
floor. It helps a little; outer pain is better than inner pain.
Dumbledore grabs my wrists again and lets me cry onto him.
Ch.7
"You promised me you'd keep her safe." I say exhaustedly, I feel
as if I've been running for hours. All I want to do is sleep. I run
I tired hand across my eyes, inadvertently smearing blood over my
forehead.
"They put their faith in the wrong person," Dumbledore says softly
and gently, "rather like you, Severus. You thought Voldemort might
spare her, didn't you?"
I don't answer that. I know Dumbledore is right.
Ch.8
It's funny how quickly time passes. It's seventeen years since Lily
died and I stopped following Voldemort. The pain hasn't subsided at
all. It's fifteen years since I started teaching Potions at
Hogwarts. It's six years since Harry Potter began attending this
Godforsaken school. It's two years since Dumbledore asked me to kill
him and I did. It's one year since I became Headmaster of Hogwarts.
There's no time left now. It's my time to die.
I haven't really been living for a long time now. I was born 38 years ago and I'd say I've been truly happy for maybe, 3 years of that time, when Lily and I were best friends. Now I'm standing in the shrieking shack with Voldemort and Nagini.
It doesn't matter though. Voldemort is saying something about power and the elder wand and me being the true owner and all that. I find myself trying to pacify him; attempting to change his mind like I've been doing almost all my life. Then I realise that there's no point in struggling. I don't even want to. Anyway, it would be futile even to try.
"Nagini, kill."
Despite the calm I felt before the actual moment, when Nagini's three inch fangs, each stacked with enough poison to kill a whole army in minutes plunge into my neck and shoulders I do feel fear. After a short time Voldemort and Nagini have gone; I take it they've disapperated to the Forbidden Forest to end the life of Lily Potter's son. The thought of Harry dying makes me almost sorry.
When the Potter boy, so like his father in his looks and arrogance steps into my field of vision I think I'm hallucinating. But then he presses his hand into my neck and the peak in the pain I feel is real. The blood traitor and the mudblood are holding hands and standing behind Potter. I was meant to save his life but I know there's nothing I can do now. Lily died for nothing, James died for nothing, Sirius died for nothing. And I'm about to die for Voldemort, which is even worse.
I let my memories out then. I pump them out of my brain and my heart and soul as quickly as the blood is pumping out of my body. Harry collects them; I hope he has time to look at them before the end, I hope he understands. It's becoming more and more difficult to breathe and the agony I was feeling has ebbed into a hazy ache all over. I know it's almost over and all I can think of is Lily. I use my last ounce of energy to grab onto the front if Harry's robes and say, "Look at me." As Lily's eyes turn and bore into mine I feel a last pang of loss and give up on it all.