Deliciously perfect full pink lips tease me, stealing my mind away from the chaos that surrounds us. Cerulean pools of blue stare into me, digging deep into my soul. A shiver courses through me despite the melting heat in the air as I think of where those lips have been before, cascading across my tender, porcelain skin, leaving behind traces of kisses and warmth that please me like nothing else.
A voice to my left shocks me back into reality, and reluctantly I tear my eyes away from the blonde beauty standing mere feet away from me. I barely hear what Hotch tells me; my eyes keep darting back towards JJ. I can't seem to be able to look away for more than a moment at a time. I mumble a reply to Hotch and move away, going back to my desk and taking a seat; never once tearing my gaze from JJ.
It is now that I realize what she is doing to me, giving me her heart and her love only pieces at a time, and every time I fall harder and faster for her, desperately hungry for more of her. Ravenous cravings plunge through me as I return my line of sight to her, making me think about the addiction I have to her existence.
Every hour that passes moves through time treacherously slow, like a countdown telling me what will happen when the time is up. How JJ will curl into me, supplying me with what will seem to be an endless supply of indulgence and satisfaction. The time could not have moved on any more torturously.
JJ never appears at my front door. She hasn't in weeks, maybe even months now. Every evening I sit, two glasses sitting out next a tall bottle of dark wine on my coffee table. Only one glass is ever used.
I want JJ, but I have long since learned not to expect her.
The sharp knock on my door makes my heart rate increase to a tempo that I haven't felt in a while, and for a short moment I feel like I am back next to JJ and her soft, delicate hands are tracing paths across my skin. But a second knock makes me realize that was not the reality.
I open the door just a crack and all I see is a mess of honey-blonde hair pulled back into a loose ponytail at the top of her head. That is all I see at first, because she is staring at the ground.
Her head rises as I open the door.
Thin strands of her feathery golden hair have fallen out of her ponytail and they frame her face so perfectly that I have to look away to physically refrain from pulling her lean body against mine. However, she looks stressed out, like something is bothering her. I tell myself I don't care about her issues but at the same time, I know deep down that there is nothing I would rather do right now than fix her.
"Jennifer," I say to break the silence. "Um… hello," The coolness in my voice matched the way I'd felt towards JJ in the past weeks; cold and distant. "Do you need something?"
JJ did not answer the question but looked gently into my eyes, but her expression was far from gentle. She looked upset. "William has filed for divorce."
My eyes widen in surprise, but still excitement surges through me. "I'm sorry," I say with little sympathy.
"Come in," I say against my will. I do not want her to come in, to vent about her relationship to me while all I can do is suffer through hanging onto every word. I know that I will not be able to block out the words that will come out of her mouth.
She takes a step inside, and I shut the door gently behind her. She doesn't sit down on the couch like I thought she would, but instead remains standing. I stand opposite from her.
In a low voice she says, "He found out about us, Emily."
I take this almost like a punch in the chest. How could she have been so careless to leave the texts or notes I left her out in plain sight? Or not have a cover up for coming to see me? Unless Will delved into her own life to find it. I never trusted the man anyway, and not just because he took JJ away from me.
"What's there to know about us, Jennifer?" I reply almost angrily. She can't say this to me, as if she hadn't ignored me for the past weeks; pretending I was no more than a coworker, that I meant nothing more to her than a friendship.
"Em, what do you mean?"
"Don't call me Em and pretend like nothing ever happened between us." I snap.
"Emily, I'm sorry. I really am."
"I know." I answer, breaking my eyes away from hers.
"I don't know if this is too much to ask, but… could I stay here tonight? So I don't have to be near Will." She asks slowly.
"Yeah, sure. Whatever." I want JJ to leave. But at the same time the only thing I want is for her to be near, and as far away from William as possible. There is still an ounce of love left in me for JJ, and I suppose I have to act on it.
"Thank you."
I check the time and find that it is late, late enough to be sleeping. I disappear off to my bedroom and bring JJ clothes she can sleep in. I hand them to her, and her hand brushes against mine.
I have not touched JJ's skin in seven weeks.
I draw in a sharp breath as her hand retreats.
Suddenly, the clothes I am holding are on the ground as I pull her against me and push my lips desperately against hers. I can feel her hot breath in my mouth and her tongue tracing circles around my lips and teeth. Sparks of passion and immense feeling explode inside of me like fireworks. I bite down gently yet passionately on her bottom lip and a soft moan escapes her, a sound I haven't heard from her in months. And it is coming from her because of me.
I pull away even though I do not want to at all. I want to keep her lips on my mouth for as long possible, but I need to talk to her.
"I miss you." She says so quietly I only barely hear.
"I miss you too, Jayje." Escapes me.
Moments later, she is lying next to me in my bed. No touching, no kissing, no sex, just laying together with our fingers interlocked. No longer does my bed feel empty, JJ's presence next to me is filling me with content and endless happiness. All the anger towards her I once felt is finally gone.
We aren't yet on "I love you" terms again just yet, but I know that it will be what's soon to come.
I do love my JJ, and I'm glad to have her back.