Author's note: all usual disclaimers apply. Sorry it has been a while. I had a few major projects, now mostly completed. Hopefully time for a few stories, if you want them

Sergeant Barbara Havers searched her jacket pockets then her bag. She found an old dry-cleaning ticket for a pair of slacks she had forgotten about, and about ten pounds of loose coins, but her notebook was missing. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Barbara tried to focus on when she last had it. When they interviewed witnesses she had scribbled hurried notes. She had definitely used it during the interview with the Jewish butcher at his shop. It had been a struggle guessing how to spell oy vey iz mir. Her DI, Tommy Lynley, had later debated possible escape routes for the killer and she had referred to it as he outlined his ideas. Then he asked her to look up the streets on the mobile. She squeezed her hands into fists and tried to remember. "On the console! I put it down to look up the map then we went back and arrested the butcher's assistant."

Relieved that she had remembered and had not lost it, she now had another problem - how to get it back. It was Monday night and they were not rostered on until Thursday. She had hoped to write up her report while everything was fresh in her mind. She reached for her phone and typed a careful text.

Left notebook in your car. Okay to collect soon? Can't keep my boss waiting for his report ;)

Barbara watched her screen for a few minutes but there was no reply. Tommy had seemed a bit anxious when he had dropped her home so she presumed he had another date with whatever-her-name-is. Barbara had lost count. He had dated at least seven women in the last three months but none of them lasted long. She was not sure whether he left them or vice versa but it was probably a combination. He never seemed too concerned.

She had just sat down to eat her two boiled eggs when the doorbell rang. She took a quick bite of the toasted soldiers then headed for the door. She pulled it open and gasped. "Sir! I wasn't expecting you."

Tommy held up her notebook. "Can't have you relax on your time off when there's paperwork. I hear your boss is quite the slavedriver."

Barbara opened the door further and took the notebook. "Oh he's the worst in the Met. No one can work with him, he's so moody." His smile faded and she thought she had gone too far. "Sorry, it was joke."

"I know. It's not that."

She sensed something was wrong. He was immaculately dressed in a soft grey suit with an expensive, pleasantly tight blue shirt that was open at the neck. "Do you want to come in? Or are you heading somewhere? I'm just having my dinner."

Tommy checked his watch then smiled tightly. He glanced at the toast in her hand and arched his eyebrow. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's okay." Barbara felt awkward. He was not giving her any clues about what he wanted to do. "Come in."

Barbara caught a flicker of a smile. She hurriedly led him past the piles of fresh and dirty laundry hoping that he would not comment. "Do you want a drink?"

"What goes best with what you're eating?"

"Boiled eggs? Um, water maybe?"

She was relieved to see him laugh as he pulled up a chair next to her. "Don't let me keep you," he said, gesturing at her eggs.

Luke warm boiled egg and cold toast is not the most appetising meal. She took a bite and tried not to pull a face. She did not want him to feel bad for interrupting her.

"What about I take you to dinner where we can have a proper meal and a drink?"

Barbara looked him up and down. "Don't you have a date?"

"No, Belinda cancelled. She would prefer not to see me anymore."

"Ah. I'm sorry Sir. And yes, the pub sounds like it's exactly what we both need." Barbara looked down at her daggy t-shirt and track pantss. "Can I just change into some jeans?"

"Of course."

Barbara debated whether to wear her new jeans or not. Tommy had seen her in jeans before but these had been a spur of the moment purchase suggested by a sales assistant who thought Barbara needed jeans that 'did not look like you're going on shift down a mine.' She had bought them mainly to shut the girl up, but if she was going to the pub with Tommy they might be perfect. She would never wear them if she was unescorted, in case men got the wrong idea.

She quickly checked the mirror. They pulled tightly in all the right places, accentuating her curves. Barbara knew she had a reasonable figure lurking under her layers of drab bagginess and lately she had started to wear clothes with a better cut and more style. She hoped it might give her more confidence.

She searched for a top. Most of her clean ones were out in the basket with Tommy. She chose a loose top from her cupboard. She might have been slightly risqué with the jeans but she did not want Tommy getting the wrong idea. She knew he just needed a friend.

"Nice jeans!" He gave her a generous smile. She noticed him still watching her as she bent over to pick up her bag. She thought there was a slightly lecherous twinkle in his eye but decided she was imagining it.

They walked to her local and staggered home four hours later. She had not intended to have as many pints as they had, but there had been a band playing which had been surprisingly good with a mix of music they both of them enjoyed. They had eaten their bangers and mash, a dish Tommy no longer seemed embarrassed to eat, then found a small table closer to the band. One pint as they joked about the colourful witnesses they had encountered during the case led to another, and another, until finally at midnight the band had stopped and the crowd dispersed. The line for the cab was too long and Tommy had insisted on making sure Barbara found her way home. He declared he would call a cab from her flat then draped his arm around her shoulder as they pushed through the crowd on the footpath.

"Thanks Barbara," he said as she carefully tried to put the key in her lock.

"Got it!" Barbara opened the door and Tommy followed her inside. "Fancy a nightcap?"

Tommy nodded. "I had fun tonight," he said as they settled next to each other on her small sofa.

"Me too."

"We should do it more often." He extended his arm around her shoulder and snuggled her against his chest.

"I guess." She hoped he did not notice the colour creeping up her neck. "Yeah," she said, cautiously looking up at him, "I'd like that."

"May I stay?"

"Stay?" Barbara's heart leapt and she gave him a slight frown. "Yeah, if you want to. I'll find you a blanket."

She went to stand but Tommy put his other arm around her and held her in place. He leant forward over her shoulder so that his face was only inches from hers. "I want to stay with you."

"You're drunk!"

"So are you," he replied with a laugh. "And we're not too drunk."

"Why spoil a nice night?"

"I think it would enhance the evening." He gave her a soft kiss just below her ear.

Barbara wanted to lean back against him and let the night flow but she knew he was just lonely. "No wonder all your girlfriends leave you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tommy sat more upright and let his arms loosen around her.

Barbara pushed free of him and sat beside him, her elbows on her knees and her head resting on her hands. She did not know whether she wanted to stab him or cry. "Listen to yourself, Sir. You were going out on a date and got dumped. You were lonely and ended up here, now you think bedding the next warm body will stave off your demons. Did it work with any of the other women? No, because if it had you'd still be with them and not here. I won't be used like that!"

"Barbara!"

"Don't sound offended. I'm right and you know it."

"I'm sorry if I upset you. I'm not using you and it wasn't about staving off demons or you being the next woman in the chain. I don't care about Belinda. I didn't even like her. I thought... It doesn't matter. And for the record, I hadn't thought about sex."

"How can you ask to stay the night with someone, kiss them on the neck and not think about sex?" Barbara stood and moved towards her kitchen.

Tommy followed her. "Because it wasn't about that. You didn't object when I had my arm around your chair most of the night, or when we leaned in close to talk over the sound of the band."

"Why are you smiling?"

"I was remembering the fresh citrusy scent of your hair." The way Tommy was looking at her made Barbara uncomfortable.

"Stop it."

"What?"

"That confused puppydog look of yours."

"I can't help it. I realised tonight you're the only person I ever truly relax around. We have something special Barbara."

"That doesn't mean..." Barbara rested her hands on her bench as if needing it to steady her.

"Yes, I think it does. When we were sitting listening to the band it occurred to me that we have a relationship others spent a lifetime trying to find. Why am I looking for something I already have? I think we are good for each other and I'd like to explore that more because I believe we could have a future together." He put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her towards him, encouraging her to turn and face him.

"But..."

"No buts Barbara. Let me stay." Tommy gave her a broad grin then embraced her slowly. This time she did not try to push him away

Until he wrapped his arms around her and held her like he had that time when she had needed his strength and protection, Barbara had not believed her ears. For so long she had dreamt of him making a speech like that but now he had said it, she was petrified. She stood stiffly in his embrace trying to decide what to do or say. His hands were gently caressing her back and his cheek was resting on her head. He was warm and safe and strong. She start to relax into his embrace.

"We should go to bed," he whispered softly into her hair.

"I don't think it'd be a good idea."

"Why not?"

She straighted up and used both her hands on the centre of his chest to shove him forcefully away. "Because tomorrow you'll sober up and remember all the reasons we've never stepped over that line. You'll leave, and I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing what it was like to have you in my bed and how empty it is without you."

"I won't."

"What?"

"Leave. I won't leave."

"You say that now but you will. It's inevitable."

"Why?"

"It just is."

"Because you think I'm just lonely? Well, I am lonely when I'm not with you. I'm almost unbearably lonely at times and the thought of seeing you, talking to you is the only thing that gets me through, but I don't want to stay because of that. I want to stay because... I love you."

The axis of Barbara's world shifted. His words were devastating. They were words she had longed to hear but she could not trust them. Tommy could not love her. It was a horrible, cruel joke, even if right now he thought it was true. "Oh for the love of... just go! Now!"

"Barbara!"

"You're making it all worse. Just go home Sir. Maybe we can pretend we were much drunker than we are and laugh about it later, but right now I want to kill you."

"Is that what you really want or does part of you wonder if it's true?"

The remark stung because she did wonder. The way he sometimes looked at her, the way they understood things about each other that no one else would ever know, it was possible. She wanted it to be true, but if he was in love with her he would not be out sleeping around so much. "I believe that tonight you think you are," she replied sadly.

"That's a start." Tommy stepped closer. "And I think you feel the same way."

"You think too much." She wanted to object when he put his arms around her again but his chest was warm and inviting. His hands roved her back with long soothing strokes. She was losing the battle, if she even wanted to win. One night might be better than nothing after all.

"I know I rushed you but let me stay with you Barbara. Don't send me away."

"Most men would give someone a hint. Kiss them or something rather than ask to go straight to bed."

"As I said, I didn't even think about sex. I just thought about curling up together. I wanted to feel that connection we have and just fall asleep in each other's arms."

"Oh." Barbara's head spun. He was confusing her. "So you don't want to kiss me?"

"Yes, I do, very much, but if I do, that might lead to more than either of us are ready for. We shouldn't rush this. I know you don't believe me but I just want to lie with you and feel you close to me. We can stay fully clothed. Actually we should stay fully clothed." Tommy gently kissed the top of her head. Shivers ran down to her toes. How could she lie with him and just cuddle?