Fraying Knot

Leo checked Raph's room for about the hundredth time in the last twelve hours. The hot head still wasn't home and Leo's dread began to grow.

He hadn't exchanged more than twenty words with his brother in the last three days. Leo felt as though he was slowly losing Raphael, and he knew he wasn't alone in those feelings. Their sensei had tried speaking to the hot head about his choices and his actions of late, but this time Raph had maintained his stubbornness even against his father.

As Leo descended into the main part of the lair, he heard the sound of the television and it wrung the first smile from him in over a week. There was no reception, no broadcasts of any kind other than the Shredders constant propaganda, but Mikey wasn't attempting to watch television, he was playing a video game.

Mikey hadn't been in the mood for video games since Don had disappeared. He had been too afraid of breaking something; afraid that his breaking things had driven Don away, and that when their brother came back he'd want to leave again if Mike broke anything else.

Leo had tried to tell Mikey that Don's disappearance had nothing to do with the amount of work in the lair. The eldest had finally come to understand that Mikey was clinging to that reasoning because then he could tell himself that Don had left on his own and would return. The other alternatives were too painful.

Just as he was about to turn from the bottom of the staircase and go into the kitchen, the sounds from Mike's game stopped him. With a frown, Leo made his way into the television room.

Mikey was on his feet, the controller gripped tightly in his hands, his concentration focused entirely on the television screen. The intensity in his blue eyes and the drawn look on his face made Leo wince; his baby brother had lost his bouncing good humor and effervescent personality.

The pain of that was overcome by first fear and then a sudden flash of anger as he saw what game Mikey was playing. Striding across the room purposefully, Leo quickly yanked the plug from the wall and killed the game.

"What the shell, Leo?" Mikey yelped, spinning to stare at his brother.

"You know the rule, Mikey. No guns," Leo told him from between clenched teeth.

"It's a damn game, Leo. The fucking guns aren't real," Mikey spit out at him.

Leo squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, Mikey's coarse language hitting him like shards of glass.

"That isn't the point Mike and you know it," Leo finally said when he was able to control his temper. "You aren't playing it for fun, you're playing it to train."

"And since when is training a bad thing around here?" Mikey argued vehemently.

"Training in ninjitsu and training to shoot a gun are two different things Michelangelo," Leo explained patiently. "We will not resort to guns."

"Well maybe I'm just using it to learn how to avoid being shot, Leo. You ever think about that?" Mikey asked.

Leo counted to ten before answering. "Of course I think about one of us being shot, Mike. Our martial art training is more than enough to teach us how to avoid being in front of a gun. You were not playing that game to learn to avoid gunfire, you were playing it to learn to track an adversary with a gun," Leo stated firmly.

"April shot one of Shredder's men yesterday," Mikey burst out, staring into Leo's eyes.

That got to Leo. He didn't know what to say for a moment, and then finally asked, "Tell me."

"She went back to the shop to collect some things; blankets, food, stuff like that. One of Shredder's soldiers saw her and chased her into a closed off alley. He took a shot at her as she ducked behind a dumpster, and she pulled that gun Casey made her carry and fired back."

"Did she . . . kill him?" Leo asked, trying to talk past the lump of cold dread in his throat.

April should not have gone out alone; they had all told her not to do that. She was angry and rebellious; upset at having to go into hiding because her name was on Shredder's list. April was also confused and hurt by Don's disappearance; and seriously worried over the chances Casey and Raph were taking to fight against Shredder's hold on the city.

Mikey's voice was quieter, more subdued when he answered, "Yeah Leo, she killed him. Then you wanna know what she did? She stripped him of every single one of his weapons and took them back to the refugee base. She told me she was sick of being hunted and sick of sitting around doing nothing."

"And now you're in here learning to target a moving object with a gun," Leo said. "I won't have it, Mike. Master Splinter said we can fight this takeover without guns and that is what we will do."

"Master Splinter isn't himself anymore, Leo, and he isn't thinking straight," Mike replied. "He's completely gone over Don's disappearance and we have to learn to depend on ourselves for the answers now, not him."

Leo started shaking his head. "No, Mike. We can't think that way or the rest of our family is going to fall apart."

"It's already falling apart!" Mikey suddenly shouted. "Damn it Leo, stop trying to hide from this. You spend all your time fighting with Raph; trying to control his actions and keep him locked up. Neither one of you has talked, I mean really talked, since Don disappeared. Raph doesn't want to feel helpless anymore bro', and neither do I."

Leo stopped breathing; his heart hammering in his chest as he stared at his youngest brother.

"No," Leo finally whispered, the only sound he could force out.

"No what?" Mike asked defiantly.

Closer to tears than he had been since they realized that Don was truly missing, Leo swallowed hard, trying to force down his panic.

"Mikey, I can't lose you," Leo whispered again, his voice gone as helplessness began to take over.

Mikey's lips tightened in determination. "I gotta do what I think is right, Leo. Master Splinter taught us that, and he taught us to trust our gut. Mine is telling me to join April and help her recruit other people into this fight. Shredder has to be destroyed."

"We can do it together, just us Mike. Like we did before," Leo insisted.

Mikey was completely still, his eyes fixed on Leo's. "Keep telling yourself that Leo, and keep hiding down here with Master Splinter. We can't do anything the way we used to, 'cause we haven't got Donny anymore."

That cold, hard fact coming from an emotionless Mike was what broke Leo. The tears started to flow, darkening his mask.

Mike made no attempt to move to him or to give him comfort. Instead, he set the game controller on the coffee table and walked towards the door.

"I'm sorry Leo, I really am. I don't know about the guns; I haven't ever touched one and I don't know if I can. What I do know is I'm going up top to see what I can do for April. Up top is where Raphael is, and he needs one of us to be with him."

"Please don't go, Mike," Leo whispered, feeling as though his heart would simply leap from his chest.

Mike paused for a moment, and then set his shoulders resolutely. "If you want me, I'll be with April at the current hideout. You'll probably find Raph there as well. I'll come home to look in on Father, and bring food and stuff."

"Mikey . . . ." Leo tried again.

Mike interrupted. "We sure would like for you to join us Leo. You're the best fighter I know. But if you don't want to, I'll understand."

Leo stood unmoving, his tears blurring his vision, until he heard the door to the lair close behind his baby brother.

Falling to his knees, Leo allowed his pain to consume him.