Autophagia

Roxas was many things. He was cute, he was charming, he was funny, he was smart. He was fast, he was kind, he was observant, he was helpful. He was gay, he was blunt, he was depressed, he was clumsy, he was shy, he was quiet. He was also sick.

He had Schizophrenia, AvPD, Conversion Disorder, Depressive Disorder, Nightmare Disorder, Sadism, Masochism, and OCD.

He also had Autophagia.

He wasn't in therapy, he wasn't in medical care, he wasn't on pills, though he did take random ones that he found in little bottles scattered throughout the house. He acted normal, he hid his mood swings well, acted sunshiny and happy, acted like he was perfectly fine. But inside, his emotions were going wild, day after day; it was a constant battle to keep control. His doctors knew about him, about his problem, but never said a word about it to his parents. Mostly because they didn't believe it. How could a boy so happy, so carefree, have mental problems such as these? They didn't know everything of course, just some of his problems. The rest, Roxas just knew he had, from all the research online he had done.

His friends had asked before about the bite marks on his skin, but he had laughed, saying his cat liked to bite him. Sora, his twin, had found this odd as their cat loved everyone, especially Roxas, but never said anything about his brother's words.

Sora was the first to see his brother breakdown.

--

[Roxas- First Person]

How could they laugh with me, talk to me so easily? I was so unimportant, just a waste of space… I didn't relate to them at all, I was just an empty shell of lies and hatred… Of fear, and anger…

"DAMMIT ALL!" I screamed, no one was home anyway, as I threw my clock across the room. I'd make an excuse for how it broke later. I just grabbed some random objects, throwing them across the room. My eyes widened as a frame broke, glass shattering. I ran over to the picture, tripping over broken objects as I crossed the room. I grabbed the photograph, holding it tightly to my chest.

"Axel…" I whispered, "I'm so sorry, I wasn't good enough…" I missed him so much; it hurt to think of who he was spending his nights with now, who was making him smile and laugh… It wasn't me, I never actually made him happy, he was just making me think I was, trying to make me happy I guess.

But he got tired of it, he left me alone. Then everything crashed, I broke down, the nightmares just kept coming, the pain wouldn't stop, nothing made sense anymore…

I gave him my heart

He smashed it

"Axel… Axel…" I murmured his name, the sounds rolling off my tongue with ease, tasting sweet, addicting even. "Axel…" I looked down at the picture, of me and him. At the man who broke me, who turned my into someone who no longer had his sanity. "You deceived me… You lied to me…" Tears filled my ugly blue eyes, hands shaking. "You… Bastard!" I tore the photo into a million pieces, knocking the shattered remains of the frame that had held it away from me, managing to nicely cut into a few areas of my palm.

Blood was soon flowing from my wrists as sharp white dug into them, tearing into the pale flesh over and over, warm, clear liquid mixing with tainted crimson, spilling over a pale canvas, a broken canvas…

"ROXAS!" I immediately stopped biting into my wrist, snapping my head up to look at my twin, who stood at my doorway, tears spilling from his sapphire blue eyes as he stared at me. Numb shot through my body, I couldn't feel anything. Not even the sweet pain that came from ripping my flesh open. I became dizzy, and I could hear my brother's voice saying… Something, as everything faded to black, and my consciousness slipped away…

--

I could hear a steady beeping coming from somewhere. My first thought was my alarm clock, but no I smashed that a moment ago. Or… Had it been a moment ago? I couldn't remember, mostly because at that point a sharp pain shot through my head, pushing away any though other than 'pain'. I enjoyed pain, other's pain and my pain. Honestly, I could be sadistically raped by some psycho on the way home from school, and when he was done, give him a fifty dollar tip, and a 'thanks for the fun'. Though that would never happen, who would waste their time with me?

The pain in my head was quite welcome, but the voices around me were not. They sounded too familiar, to close. My eyelids snapped open as I jumped up into a sitting position, throwing a punch at the person nearest to me. Or at least, I tried to. But unfortunately, I found my wrists were strapped down, along with my legs and waist.

"What the hell-?!"

"Roxas, please, don't…" I looked up at a pair of sad ocean eyes, fear showing somewhere in the depths of the hurt that filled them. "Sora…" I said his name slowly, as if speaking for the first time, unsure of the sounds, the way my lips were suppose to move. "Sora," I repeated, more clearly, "where am I?" He looked unsure, almost scared, of answering my question. I wondered why; then I remembered him, watching me, screaming my name… He had seen my breakdown, I remember now. "Just tell me, I won't be mad or try to hurt you." He stared at me for a second, before taking a deep breath. "You're at the hospital. Right now, you're in the suicide ward, but you're to be moved to the 'Mental Restoration'-" "Crazy house." I corrected and he sighed, "No, it's not a house, it's a floor. And you're not crazy. Just… Um…" "Crazy." I finished, raising an eyebrow. He simply shook his head, but I knew he was agreeing with me, somewhere in his pure, innocent little mind. "Anyway, you're being moved there in a few hours…" He bit his lip, as if wanting to continue, bit knowing he shouldn't. "Tell me." He looked at the floor, before saying one simple sentence that was enough to make me want to rip apart everything and everyone in this room, including myself and whoever the hell was on the other side of the curtain next to me.

"Your caretaker is going to be Axel Flurry."

----

A/N- Yes, I should be updating my other stories, but I just REALLY wanna write this!!! Hahaha Mental!Roxasx****!Axel there are * because you don't know what Axel is like yet. Other than he's a caretaker. And works at the hospital. Oh, and any questions about the fifty million illnesses that Roxas' has, just ask, I'll be more than happy to explain what they are. But this is in fact, rated M for a REASON, Tha reason being-

Blood, Gore, Self-Inflicted Harm, Possible Rape (haven't decided yet), Sex, Drug Abuse, Cussing, Suicide/Suicide Attempts, Murder Attempts, Death, Trauma, Etc... Can't handle Angst/Depressing things? Then I suggest you go read some happy story about elves and fairies, because this is blood and drama, with a doses of explicit Yaoi.

But for those of you who can in fact, handle stories filled with pain and suffering (and LOOOOOVE~!), please enjoy! Comments, Critiques, Suggestions, Encouragement, etc. Are all welcomed! Please TRY to refrain from flaming, as it crushes my poor little heart.