ALRIGHT, so this is just a oneshot of how i wish this would have gone. (this is the episode 3 scene where Chloe tells max to get lost in front of blackwell essentially. see i love chloe. like. i love her to death. she is everything i'd want in a complex character. the only problem i have is that she doesn't open up very well. when she gets mad, she pushes people away. i understand what she's gone through, and have a pretty good idea how she feels. i just think max maybe doesn't say the right stuff to get through to her/max doesn't push back. annnnnnnnnnny who. read this. enjoy the angst.
"Chloe... I'm not leaving."
"Caulfield! If you don't get out of this car right the hell now-"
"You'll what?! You just said everybody leaves! And I'm not going to argue that, everybody, in some way, has left you. I understand that. And I understand that I left a pretty big damn hole in your heart! I didn't want to leave you Chloe, but I made NO effort! I really believed you hated me! Your best friend leaves right after your dad dies?! I still can't imagine what you must've thought of me!"
Chloe looked genuinely surprised, as Max almost never had outbursts like this. It was half self detrimental, and half angry with Chloe. She didn't want to hurt Max. Max was the only thing she had now. But she was just so angry that Max left and made no attempts at contact. She was angry that Rachel had been fucking FRANK, of all people. She was angry that her mom never held her when she cried about her dad. And she couldn't control her emotions. Damn her fucking brain, this whole BPD thing just made her angrier.
But Max was... Just tapping into her. She knew exactly what Chloe needed to hear from her.
"Chloe. I'm staying."
"I don't want you to! I'm mad at you! Besides, my car, my rules!" Chloe was just grasping at straws now. She wasn't going to win this one.
"Well I'm staying! I won't let you push me away, and then blame it on me, only to apologize later! Chloe, I'm a legal adult now. That means I don't have to go where my parents do. And that means I'm not. Ever. Leaving you again."
"But.. I don't mean to push you away.. I'm just so.."
"Chloe. I know about the bi-polar. I know about the depression. I know about the anxiety. I saw the pills in your bathroom, and Joyce doesn't fit the bill." Max magically, at least to Chloe, sensed that the bluenette was calming, and calmed back to normal herself. Chloe felt, because she couldn't look away from the brunette's eyes, that max had gripped Chloes hand with both of hers. Just by feel, it was obvious that Max was on fire. She was burning with an artist's passion, she was determined for Chloe to understand and accept that she would never leave again.
"I... I'm sorry." Chloe felt tears push out from under her eyes, and spill down her face. It was hard for her to speak.
"I'm sorry Max! I shouldn't treat you how I do! I...I just don't want.. You.. To leave!" the stinging knot in her throat caused pauses in her speech. She pulled her beanie over her face and just. Let go. All her pain was escaping in the form of saltwater. She hadn't cried in months. At least two years. It felt so good to get it out but, extremely bitter under these circumstances. She heard Max take off her bag and carefully place it in the back seat, and move to the middle space once it was safely on a soft seat. She turned Chloe to face her, and Chloe let her. She was too unfocused to care. Max rested her forehead against Chloe's still beanie covered one. Her hands were on both of the punks shoulders. Just leave me alone Max. I don't want you to help me, I don't want to bring you down. David was fucking right.
"If you're hiding in there, thinking you're worthless, or that I'm better than you.." Max whispered. How the shit do you always know.
Max flipped the front of Chloe's beanie up. Just enough.
It was a much better explanation than words could ever be. It was full of I'm sorry's and forgiving. It was soft and firm and just right. Chloe didn't back away this time because she needed this. Knowing them. Chloe wasn't even sure Max had a crush on her. But she was sure that it was a promise, to help. Whenever Chloe asked. It was a promise to help remind her to take her pills, and to hold her whenever she became a mess again. It was a promise never to leave. And it was obvious that she meant to keep it. That she'd fight the hurricane head on to keep it. And Chloe forgave her. For the first time in five years. She forgave someone.