TIES AND A BOOK
By Caia
Josh saw for the Nth time how Helen took care of Matt Santo's tie. That scene reminded him of the thousand times Donna had done that for him. He smiled sadly and turned away.
Santo's saw out of the corner of his eye how Josh watched how his wife arranged his tie. He saw Josh smile sadly and leave.
Minutes later he saw Josh having trouble with his own tie. Ronna went up to him and tried to help him, but he just pushed her away, told her he didn't need any help, that he was fine on his own – he knew he was only trying to convince himself.
"Do you want to come inside for a beer?" she asked casually.
He stared for a second and then agreed gratefully. The truth was he did want a beer; he was just shocked she would ask him inside, not that he was reading into what she was asking.
Her question had been simple, and she hadn't intended it to be one of those questions with hidden meaning of anything: she wanted a beer, and he looked like he could use a beer, so she asked him if he wanted a beer. Simple. Plain. Nothing to read into.
She opened the door and as they stepped in, asked to take his coat. He gave it to her and headed to the living room, where he found shelves and shelves of books, most not older than 20 years or so. The one that caught his attention was probably the oldest one on the shelf: moulted calf cover and original drab boards. He tried to read the title without actually taking it out, but couldn't concentrate enough to read out what it could say.
He took it and read "Heimlich Beckengruber on The Art and Artistry of Alpine Skiing." That was the moment Donna chose to make her appearance, with two blue bottles of beer in hand.
She went to where he was standing and took the book from his hands, carefully so as not to ruin it. She didn't say anything; just put her beer down and disappeared down the hallway.
When she came back, having left the book somewhere, he was sitting on the couch, his feet on the small table.
"What was that?" he asked, a little too loudly for her taste.
"A book, maybe?" she replied sarcastically.
"Yeah, sure, a book, but about art and skiing and a man no-one knows about?"
He couldn't be already drunk, could he?
"Never mind Will".
"Sure".
After Will left her apartment, she buried herself in the depths and darkness of her bedroom, hugging the book tightly, and tears streaming down her red cheeks.
After he was done, Matt Santos went searching for his Campaign Manager. He found Josh in his hotel room, lying on bed in the dark, 'Ave Maria' playing in the background. For some reason, or maybe no reason at all, he'd left the door slightly opened, and Matt took advantage of that and went in, and sat on the edge of Josh's bed silently, but not going unnoticed by the other man.
"What's going on?" he asked in a low voice.
"Nothin', I'm tired that's all".
"Josh..."
"Really, it's nothing".
"You're lying in the dark, listening to 'Ave Maria'... I didn't even know you liked it... seriously, you expect me to believe that?"
"Joanie..." Josh barely whispered.
"Who's Joanie?"
"My sister".
"Huh..."
"This song, she just".
Matt got really quiet. He didn't know Josh had a sister. There was so much he didn't know about Josh. Now that he thought about it, he barely knew anything about Josh's personal life.
"I saw you just before you left..."
"Yeah..."
"You looked... sad, like you missed something".
"Maybe I did".
"What?"
"Nothing, just... nothing".
"Josh..."
"What?"
"Just out of curiosity, why didn't you allow Ronna to help with your tie?"
"I don't know what you're talking about".
"I saw you Josh, and I heard you, telling her you didn't need her help!"
"I didn't need her help".
"You could have used..."
"I can't let her do it!"
"Why the hell not Josh?"
'Ave Maria' had finished, their voices had risen. Josh had stood up and they were both shouting.
"Because Donna does that for me, every time!"
"Donna?" Santos asked quietly. "Donna Moss? Russell's Spo..."
"Yeah", Josh whispered, flopping back on the bed.
"She ties your ties?" he asked in disbelief
"She used to". There was a pause, then he continued: "She was my assistant at the White House".
"She tied you ties?"
"Yes, Donna".
"Why would she do that, I mean, I never thought that was in an assistant's job description".
"It isn't... I just asked, and she did it, every time... I never liked the fake ones".
"Oh".
"It was just a moment that we shared, just us."
Matt looked at Josh and saw a man he'd never even seen before. Not even when he told him that he wasn't going to run again for Congress, not ever. That Josh Lyman in front of him was a man who loved, a man who cared for someone else, it wasn't his Campaign Manager.
"Helen – Helen did it for you a million times, she did that for you today and I can't stop thinking that Donna... I just wish she could still do that for me, that's all".
"You miss her that much, huh?"
"I guess".
"You love the girl Josh, you should tell her".
"Ha!"
"I'm serious. Forget for a minute that she's working with Russell, forget that you're working with me, call her, no, go see her, tell her what you've told me".
Josh didn't believe he'd told Santos all that. He couldn't believe Santos was serious about telling her.
He stayed there, still, for about an hour after Matt left, thinking deeply, about everything. He missed her, he couldn't deny that. He couldn't deny that every day he wished she would go into his office and banter with him, refuse to bring him coffee and whine about how he made her stay up late.
After Will left her apartment, she buried herself in the depths and darkness of her bedroom, hugging the book tightly, and tears streaming down her red cheeks.
Donna's phone rang: once, twice, three times, four... the machine picked up. She was surprised when he started talking, that voice she knew so well.
"Hi. It's me. (pause) You know I'd much rather talk to you than leave a message, but this might be easier. (pause) This morning I saw Helen Santos do the Congressman's tie for the millionth time since we met. (pause) Every time – every time I see that I can't stop thinking about the thousands of times you did the tie thing for me, always checking it was perfect and neat, and that the tie combined with the suit and the shirt and... (pause) I don't know why I'm telling you this, I just – I miss you, that's all. (pause) Bye Donnatella".
She tightened her grip on the book. Her cheeks got redder and more tears fell. She didn't even try to control them this time.