It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Annabelle Loveland, woke up in a bush. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling barely stunned, Annabelle Loveland poked a banana, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confusions, she realized that her beloved iPad was missing! Immediately she called her former lay, Cory Watson. Annabelle Loveland had known Cory Watson for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Cory Watson was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... pestering. Annabelle Loveland called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Cory Watson picked up to a very happy Annabelle Loveland. Cory Watson calmly assured her that most albino cats grimace before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually wildly turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Annabelle Loveland. Why was Cory Watson trying to distract Annabelle Loveland? Because he had snuck out from Annabelle Loveland's with the iPad only ten days prior. It was a saucy little iPad... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Annabelle Loveland got back to the subject at hand: her iPad. Cory Watson yawned. Reluctantly, Cory Watson invited her over; assuring her they'd find the iPad. Annabelle Loveland grabbed her hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Cory Watson realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the iPod and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Annabelle Loveland took the tricked out go kart, he had taken at least seven minutes before Annabelle Loveland would get there. But if she took the jeep? Then Cory Watson would be much screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Cory Watson was interrupted by nine abrasive panthers that were lured by his iPod. Cory Watson cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he deftly reached for his ripened avocado and carefully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the jeep rolling up. It was Annabelle Loveland.
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so she knew she was running late. With a hasty leap, annabell loveland was out of the jeep and went flamboyantly jaunting toward cory watson's front door. Meanwhile inside, cory watson was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the iPad into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his giraffe. cory watson was exasperated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' cory watson indiscriminately purred. With a deft push, annabell loveland opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid noble genius in a magic flying carpet,' she lied. 'It's fine,' cory watson assured her. annabell loveland took a seat exotically proximate to where cory watson had hidden the iPad. cory watson grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But annabell loveland was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, cory watson noticed a dimwitted look on annabell loveland's face. annabell loveland slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
cory watson felt a stabbing pain in his taint when annabell loveland asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the iPad right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on annabell loveland's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. annabell loveland nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before cory watson could react, annabell loveland aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.
annabell loveland stared at cory watson for what what must've been seven hours. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, cory watson groped scandalously in annabell loveland's direction, clearly desperate. annabell loveland grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. cory watson let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, annabell loveland,' he rebuked. cory watson always had been a little insensitive, so annabell loveland knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before cory watson did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, she gripped her iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
cory watson looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from annabell loveland. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for annabell loveland. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. cory watson walked over to the window and looked down. annabell loveland was gone.
-o0o-
Just yonder, annabell loveland was struggling to make her way through the lemur-infested moor behind cory watson's place. annabell loveland had severely hurt her prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral panthers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to annabell loveland. Already weakened from her injury, annabell loveland yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of panthers running off with her iPad.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored annabell loveland's iPad. Feeling exasperated, God smote the panthers for their injustice. Then He got in His tricycle and zipped away with the fortitude of half a million long-haired sea monkeys running from a enlarged pack of man-eating capybaras. annabell loveland vomited with joy when she saw this. Her iPad was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes her favorite TV show, harry potter, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet contraceptive'). annabell loveland was ecstatic. And so, everyone except cory watson and a few rusty razor blade-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.
A/N: okay so i know this was suckish and really random but i liked it.
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