Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. If I did half of the things that happened in the last episode wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't have written this. I also do not own the song used in this story. Someday When I Stop Loving You, by Carrie Underwood. You all should check it out, it's an amazing song!
Enjoy the story!
"You said you'd never break up with me!"
The scene kept replaying in Rachel's mind like a bad movie, a movie that just wouldn't end. She lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling.
She glanced over to the clock. 2:35am it read. She rolled onto her side and the tears that she had been holding in had finally escaped.
Why had she made out with Puck? She knew she shouldn't have, she knew it was wrong, but she couldn't stop herself. It wasn't even exactly that she liked Puck. Sure he had nice arms and he was also Jewish, but he wasn't what she wanted. He wasn't Finn.
When she told Finn…the pure hurt in his eyes. It killed her. She had wanted him to feel as hurt as she had. She realized now that she was incredibly wrong in feeling that way. He didn't deserve that; she shouldn't have done that to him. Everyone was right. She was a horrible person.
She threw off her covers and sat up in her bed. She knew she would be getting no sleep tonight. She put on her robe and started to make her way downstairs as quietly as she could. (To not wake her dads of course. They would say to her "Rachel, go back to bed!")
She slowly opened the door, so that she would make as little noise as possible.
The cool night air hit her the second she opened the door. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She stared up at the sky; the stars shining brightly. It reminded her of when Kurt's dad was in the hospital and they all were so worried. She and Finn went to a near by park and sat under the stars, praying that Kurt's dad would be okay.
The tears fell harder and faster the more she thought about all the memories that she and Finn had together.
She really had royally fucked things up.
The next couple weeks at school were unbearable for her. She moped around and everyone had noticed a change. She stopped asking for solos, she never spoke to anyone (even when Artie tried to reach out to her), she just sat there during rehearsals barely saying or doing anything.
What hurt her the most was to see Finn with Santana. They weren't actually together but they were spending more time together, and it killed her. She knew she had no right to be upset with Finn for talking with Santana, even though she was part of the reason why this whole thing started. But Rachel knew that if she really loved Finn she had to sit back and let him be happy, even if it was slowly killing her.
The bell rang to signal the end of Glee Club, everyone shuffled out of the room quickly and she couldn't help but notice how happy everyone else was. Quinn and Sam walked out with their arms around each other and whispering into each others' ears. Brittany was pushing Artie's wheel chair and the two were talking about their plans for this weekend. Mike and Tina were holding hands and she heard them say something about watching Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or something later that evening.
She turned her attention towards the door right as Finn was leaving. He turned around and their eyes met. He quickly turned away and she felt her chest tighten. She quickly grabbed her stuff and headed toward the door.
"Hey Rachel? Can we talk for a second?" Mr. Schue said
"Sure Mr. Schue." She said turning around to face him.
"Rachel I've noticed that lately you've been…..well for lack of a better word depressed"
"Of course I am. My whole life has been turned upside down in one week. I found out that my boyfriend had sex with the biggest whore in the school, the whole Glee club knew and didn't tell me about it. I made the biggest mistake by making out with Puck, and then I told Finn and he broke up with me. Yes I've been a bit depressed lately"
Mr. Schue walked over to her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry Rachel, that's a lot to go through in a week. But maybe you should try to channel your feelings in a more productive way then sulking around the hallways."
"Like what?" "Sing about it. We've missed your voice around here; it's not the same without you. We all feel that way"
Rachel scoffed. "No one misses my voice. They're all happy I haven't had a solo"
"Just think about it. Please?" "Alright Mr. Schue. I will"
And with that Rachel walked out of the choir room.
The next day Rachel walked into Glee club feeling more confident than she had in the past few weeks.
"Oh Rachel, good to see you" Mr. Schue smiled. "Mr. Schue if it's alright I've prepared a piece for today"
"Oh great, little miss Diva is back" Mercedes rolled her eyes
"Listen Yentel, no one wants to hear you sing some balled from a stupid Broadway show" Santana spat at her.
The pain in Rachel's eyes was evident to everyone in the room.
"Hey, I don't want to hear any of that. Rachel has something that she wants to sing for us, and we're going to let her. Go a head Rachel" Mr. Schue smiled at her and then took an empty seat next Artie.
"Thank you Mr. Schue" Rachel took a deep breath. "I think the song says it all"
She nodded to Brad and the rest of the bad so that they knew to start playing.
A slow balled started playing throughout the room. All eyes were on Rachel; this was her moment. She had to get it all out now.
One foot on the bus 'bout half past nine. I knew that you were leaving this time
I thought about laying down in it's path, hoping that you might get off for that
Santana let out a light chuckle and Brittany nudged her
"Ssssh" Santana shot her a look of disgust
I remember that night we laid in bed. Naming all our kids that we hadn't had yet
One for your grandma and one for mine. Said we'd draw straws when it came time
Rachel glanced at Finn quickly as she sang those lines. Remembering a time when they discussed their future and future children.
I'll move on baby just like you (she glanced at Santana)
When the desert floods and the grass turns blue. When a sailing ship don't need her moon
It'll break my heart but I'll get through. Someday when I stop loving you
The tears that Rachel had been holding in feel freely from her eyes as she sang the next line.
I bet all I had on a thing called love. I guess in the end it wasn't enough
And it's hard to watch you leave right now. I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow
Somehow…..
Her voice started to soar as she hit the second chorus. She poured everything she had into this song, this one performance. She needed Finn to know, she was sorry, she regretted it, and if he wanted her to let him go. She would. Because she loved him; Because she always would.
Someday when I stop loving you…..
She sang the final notes and more tears feel freely. The song ended, she stopped singing and the band stopped playing. The entire room was silent for a moment before someone spoke.
"I don't know about you all, but I thought that was an incredibly wonderful and moving performance. Great job Rachel"
"Thank you Mr. Schue" Rachel said as she rubbed her eyes.
"Can't you see what she's doing? She's just dying for more attention" Santana spat out.
"Santana, can't you see that Rachel is really hurt? Can't you cut her some slack?" Sam said coming to Rachel defense.
"Thank you Sam, I appreciate it, but if that's what she wants to believe she can believe it. All I wanted to do was sing so that everyone knew how I felt" Rachel then turned to Mr. Schue "Mr. Schue, I'm not feeling so well, is it alright if I go home early?"
"Of course Rachel, feel better" he said putting his hand on her shoulder.
Rachel quickly gathered her things and left the choir room.
"See ya, Man Hands" Santana called out
"Santana!" Mr. Schue yelled.
Rachel heard faint speaking coming from the choir room but she didn't want to listen to it. Instead she headed to her locker to collect her stuff and go home.
She closed her locker and saw someone standing by her locker.
"What are you doing here? Want to insult me and laugh at me?"
"No, I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry"
A puzzled look crossed Rachel's features.
"Quinn? Are you feeling alright? You want to apologize to me? For what?"
"For Santana. You may not be my favorite person in the world, and I pay get annoyed almost every time you open your mouth and often want to punch you in the face-"
"Where are you going with this?" Rachel crossed her arms
"I'm sorry, I got off track. What I meant to say was that no one deserves to be treated the way you're being treated. You made a mistake, everyone does. That doesn't mean you have to be treated like the plague"
More tears started to well up in Rachel's eyes. "Why are you being nice to me?"
"Because I know how it feels to hurt something that loves you, and I know how it feels to loose Finn. Everything will be alright Rachel" Quinn said leaning over and giving the brunette a quick hug.
Thank you Quinn"
"You're welcome Rachel" Quinn said as she started walking back toward the choir room.
Rachel stood by her locker for a few minutes trying to regain her composure. The final bell would be ringing soon and she didn't want anyone to see her crying. When the final bell rang she glanced to the choir room and saw everyone walking out. The last two people she saw walk out were Finn and Santana: Hand-in-hand.
That's all she needed to see. She turned on her heel and headed toward the door.
She knew one thing for sure, no matter what happened, no matter where she ended up, she knew one thing. She would always be madly in love with one Finn Hudson.