Please enjoy! This is so random, but it was something to write and post. I just kinda went with it so…yeah! Katniss's POV!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games story lines or characters
Waking Up
He's gone. He's gone, he's gone, he's gone. He will never come back, not to me, not to anyone. I have to except it. Except it…..except it. But just because I have to does not mean that I will. Not ever. Why should I? Watching him die was like watching myself die. Of everyone who has been so unfairly ripped from my presence and into the world of death before their time, he has been the only one who took my very soul with him. Losing the others made me cry, made me hate myself and all others that played a part in their death, made me depressed, made me feel. But now that he's dead, they may as well bury me too because I'm just as dead as he is, only my heart still chooses to pump blood throughout my body. I sit alone in the dark, a with a look of pure nothingness pasted on my face. I tilt my head down, only to find that I have a knife clamped in my hand. I'm griping it so hard that my knuckles are white. I know why I have it although I don't remember when or where I got it from. I try so hard to move my arm. I want this all to end. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die! Why can't I move my arm? Why? Why, why, why! I can hear myself screaming but it's coming from far off. Then, the sound of my horrid screech begins moving closer, ever so closer to me. It fills the room I'm in until it becomes too high pitch, then it stops completely, leaving an all too familiar ringing in my ears. I try to scream for real, out of my own mouth, but as hard as I try, nothing comes out. I suddenly feel suffocated so I try something else. I yell out for him, for Peeta. Somehow, even though he's dead I want him to save me, to get me out of here. I close my eyes as tight as I can, only to find that the immobility in my arm has now spread in my entire body. Death can't possibly be too far from here…right? So why won't it just come damn it?! Why?
My eyes snap open. I don't know what the main cause of my waking up was. It could have been the deafening screams coming from my mouth, or the wild flailing of my head and limbs, but it was most likely Peeta, trying to bring out of my hysteric state. Well, at least I'm awake now. However, the mindset of my dream continues on. I know this because I'm still screaming. Some words start to form. They are mostly made up of some craziness about me telling Peeta I want to die, and why did he die, and why didn't he take me with him. I can see him trying to talk to me and hold me and calm me down through the darkness of the room. It's only now that I realize how loud my cries are, because I can't hear a word he is saying. Usually the sight of him, unharmed and alive, would calm me down tremendously. Only, for some reason right now, I can't seem to believe that he is really here. I want so badly for him to be though. And even though the logical part of me knows that I was only having another nightmare, and Peeta is really okay and trying to help me, I can't help but become overtaken by the fearful, hurt side of me. (Which is far more prominent than the logical side anyway. You can thank my past for that. ) I'm suddenly angry with him. No, maybe with myself more than him…ughhh! I don't know, but I'm crying now, and so I start choking between my yelling. However, even through soaked eyes and a darkened view, I can see Peeta's worry. He desperately tries to embrace me, but I spring backward and stumble out of the bed, now I'm yelling clearly, directly at him.
"NO! Don't touch me! Don't TOUCH ME! I know you'll just leave! I'll wake up again and you'll be gone just like everyone else! "UGHHH, I HATE YOU!" I'm practically losing my voice now, so I just give up and melt down onto the floor. I'm on my knees with my elbows resting on my thighs, hands covering my face. Sobs begin to wrack my body. I stay like this for a few minutes not feeling the need to ever move again when a hand on my back causes my head to look up. I see Peeta looking down at me with a look that I presumed would be confusion and possibly even betrayal or anger considering that even I know he has done nothing to deserve what I just said to him. But, he instead looks into my red and puffy gray eyes with his calm angel blue ones, and slowly, he sits down beside me. I place my face back into my hands and begin to speak with a shaky voice. I don't feel worthy enough to look at his face. "I'm sorry Peeta. God I'm sorry." I want to say more, I want to let him know how stupid I feel, but those six words took everything out of me. So I just wait, expecting to be yelled at, disowned, something of that nature. My scolding never comes. I instead am pulled into Peeta's lap by his strong arms. He gently but effectively presses my head to his chest, and I can hear his steady heartbeat. His hand begins to play with my hair, which gives me a relaxed, pleasurable feeling. I stare blankly in front of me, and as I do, a scary question comes to my mind; I decide I want it answered anyway though. "Peeta," my voice is almost non-auditable, "will we ever wake up for real?" I feel like my question needs further explanation. "I mean, will we never be able to live happily again, and stop letting the past haunt us?" He ponders this for a minute, and he says his words carefully.
"Katniss, our past will always be there, and we are smart enough to know that it will never fully leave our minds, but we are also smart enough to realize that waking up is something we choose for our minds to do. " He pauses and looks me right in the eye. "So yes, we will wake up Katniss, we will find one day that we are able to wake up from our past, and when we do, all that we have lost will come back in a new light that helps us to open our eyes," I love him.
"Thank you, Peeta." That's all I can say before my voice cracks. I'm so tired. Peeta just gives me a half grin, and leans down to kiss me. It's a sweet kiss, filled with honesty and understanding. I close my eyes as Peeta stands with me in his arms, and lays me down in bed. He seems to be being extra careful with me as he tucks me in, and I appreciate his gestures. He walks around the bed and takes his place beside me. I scoot closer to him and he automatically wraps himself around me in a comforting embrace. At first I don't want to go back to sleep, afraid of what tricks my mind will play on me, but a weight falls over my eyes and soon I'm drifted off, the beat of Peeta's heart adding rhythm to my sleep. No more dreams that night, only a light in the far off distance, showing me the way to a better day, a day to wake up in, and finally be okay.
Soooo, I really hope that was worth reading. Haha! Please review! Reviews mean the world to me :D Oh, and I really need Hunger Games story ideas! (Peeta and Kaatniss recommended, but not required at all!) I will take ANY requests and mention that it was your idea too! Thanks a bunch!